The Bad Boy Lives Next Door
by jigsaws
Summary: It's a (not so) simple story about a secluded, angry, and cold boy and his quirky, loud, and clumsy, yet determined, neighbor who drives him crazy.
1. one

**DO _NOT_ PLAGIARIZE. DO _NOT_ PUBLISH ON ANOTHER SITE.**

* * *

"Alison, it's time to wake up," my mother's voice drifted from down the hallway and into my room. I didn't have to open my eyes. I knew she was leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed. "Your father had to go down to the office and I need to go grocery shopping. Now, get up and get dressed."

"Today's a Sunday and tomorrow's the first day of school," I groaned, rolling over to look at her. "Can't I just enjoy my last day of freedom?"

"No."

"Talking to you always makes my day," I shot her a sarcastic smile and she raised an eyebrow, amused.

"I told you not to stay up all night watching Modern Family, but you did, and I will not let you sleep through the whole day. You won't be able to sleep tonight and you'll feel tired tomorrow. You're going to have to get up anyway."

"And why is that?"

"Charlie got out again."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding!" I cried, pulling the covers away. Mom smirked and left downstairs. Charlie was my dog. He's a lot of work, too. Whatever the case may be, he always found a way to escape the house and roam around the neighborhood. Now, I never really worried when he did escape. Everybody was pretty friendly in our neighborhood, with Mrs. Walker as an exception, but still.

It's just that I always had to go look for him. I remember that I had to consistently whine and beg my parents to get me a dog. Having pets was a piece of work, but they eventually gave in. I've had Charlie for such a long time, now.

I got out of bed and stretched. Then, it was the same routine all over again. I took a quick bath, brushed my teeth, and then slipped into some comfortable clothes. I was not a fan of dressing up, to be honest. My wardrobe consisted of the same black pants with a different band t-shirt now and then. I tied my hair up into a messy bun then drew the curtains open. My room had a balcony and I liked opening the doors while it was still day out. I stepped onto the balcony and observed the neighborhood. A moving truck caught my attention. It was parked in front of the house right next to us.

My eyebrows knit together in both confusion and curiosity.

(I was a very curious person and it was going to get me killed one day.)

(Trust me.)

Mr. and Mrs. Roberts occupied that house and they were such a kind-hearted couple. I didn't know they had moved out.

(Probably because, you know, I spent the entire summer locked in my room.)

Shrugging, I headed downstairs and into the kitchen. My mom was skimming through a cookbook and drinking coffee. I grabbed a bowl from a cabinet and poured some cereal.

"Mom, I have a question," I said, proceeding to pour milk into the bowl.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"There's a moving truck outside. What ever happened to the Roberts?" I asked, shoving cereal into my mouth. Mom closed the cookbook and set it aside.

"It's pretty obvious," she said. "They moved out. They were tired of Florida. I think they moved to Massachusetts. They were such nice neighbors. Evening talks with Melissa were always pleasant."

"Next question," I said. "Since when do you read cookbooks?"

She took a sip from her coffee. "I want to make a casserole."

"You'll end up burning the house down."

Mom set her cup down and glared at me. "Alison, I can disown you. Don't test me."

I sheepishly smiled. "Sorry."

Mom smiled and rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm just trying to be a good neighbor. Since the Roberts moved out, another family moved in. To welcome them to the neighborhood, I'm going to try to cook a casserole."

"Key word: try."

She glared at me again and I laughed. "Okay, I'm done. So, did you get acquainted with the family?"

"I did...with the mother, at least," she replied. "Such a nice woman. We had coffee and I helped with a few boxes. She has two sons, except one's away at college. The other moved in with her."

"And the father?"

"She's divorced."

"Good grief, woman, you got all that from your first meet?" I exclaimed, placing the bowl in the sink.

"Oh, shush you," she sternly said, although I could see she was trying to hide a smile. "_Anyway_, she was such a nice and kind lady. I say her kids are probably just like that. They're probably respectful gentlemen." She looked at her watch. "Oh, shoot. I better head to the grocery store now. You need to go find Charlie."

After mom pulled out of the driveway, I decided that, yes, I needed to go find my dog. I left the house and was instantly content. One of the things that made me happy was good weather. My personal favorite was not too hot and not too cold; sort of in between. I liked a cool breeze and I liked it when the sky was a clear blue and the sun not too bright.

I began walking, in hopes that Charlie was near. I didn't get far, though. I saw a tall, blonde woman struggling with a box and I figured that that was the lady my mother had coffee with in the morning. I smiled and made my way over. "Excuse me, do you need any help with that?"

The woman turned around. Her eyes scanned my face for a brief second and then she smiled widely. "If it's not too much of a trouble, dear. Thank you." I grabbed the box and she held other small ones. I followed her inside the house and set them down on the couch.

"That was the last of them," she smiled. "Thank God. I'm Mimi Moon. We just moved here."

"I'm Alison," I smiled back. "My mother, Penny, was the one who talked to you in the morning."

"Oh, she's your mother? Now I know where you get your kindness from," Mimi exclaimed. "How can I repay you? Can I offer you something to drink?"

"No need to repay me," I said. "But thank you. I need to go find my dog."

"I hope you find your dog, and thank you again!"

I waved goodbye and left. My mother was right; she really was a nice and kind lady. Smiling, I continued walking forward, turning my head left and right, trying to find the little rascal.

"Let me guess," a voice sneered. "You lost that dog of yours again, didn't you?"

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Mrs. Walker. As I had said before, she was my elderly (and grouchy) neighbor. Personally, I think Mrs. Walker hated everybody, so I didn't take personal offense to it. She hated my guts. All I knew about Mrs. Walker was that she was a heavy drinker and smoker. Sometimes, I didn't hesitate to pitch in and tell her that smoking was very bad for her health. In response, she'd take a drag and insult me. Believe me, Mrs. Walker was a pain (a huge one), but it still didn't stop me from pointing out what smoking could do.

(And I did not want to see that.)

I sighed and smiled at Mrs. Walker. "How are you today?"

"You've lost your dog so many times, kid, you'll end up losing your future kid as well and I feel sorry for that child," she replied.

_Ouch_.

(I didn't blame her.)

"It's always nice talking to you, Mrs. Walker," I said. "I hope you have a wonderful day."

Before she could insult me even more, I proceeded to walk further. It took some time to find Charlie, but I eventually did. He was sniffing around, his tail wagging. When I stopped in front of him, he looked up and barked. "It's time to go home, you nasty." He barked again and ran ahead of me.

Charlie liked to race me home.

* * *

"I'm going to cry!" Trish yelled once I had answered the phone.

My eyes went wide. "What? Are you okay?"

"No, I am most definitely not okay! Do I sound okay? Because I am not!" she cried.

"Trish, just tell me what's going on!"

(Trish was my best friend.)

She stayed silent for a brief second. "We have school tomorrow, I am _sobbing_."

My shoulders sagged and I rolled my eyes, putting on a straight face even if she couldn't see me. "I thought something happened."

She groaned. "Ugh, I'm stuck at home doing the summer work. I really do regret not doing this before...but, the good news is, everything I need is on the Internet. That is why I'm glad I was born in this generation."

"Hallelujah!"

I could feel her rolling her eyes. "Anyway, what are you doing? Did Charlie get out again?"

I frowned. "Does everybody expect me to always lose my dog?"

"Well, we got used to it, so yes," she casually said. "You're a horrible owner."

"Trish!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," she laughed. "But you didn't answer my question. What are you doing?"

I sighed and stretched. "I'm at home. Dad's at work and Mom's out shopping. I think I'll just read a book or something." I wasn't kidding, either. I bought a book last week and I was very eager to get my hands on it.

"Oh, wow! Fun!" she cheered.

"Sarcastic ass," I muttered.

She laughed. "Have fun with that, Ally. I need to go continue copying answers from online. See ya."

"Yeah, you do that."

Then we hung up. I grabbed an apple and headed upstairs to my room. Charlie was seated on my bed. I closed the door and picked up the new book. Before I sat down to read, I decided it would be nice to play a record, specifically a Beatles record. So I did. Making myself comfortable on the bed, I then began reading, feeling very content.

If I weren't watching another episode of a TV show I liked, I would be reading, and I loved that.

I also loved The Beatles.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for my peaceful afternoon to be ruined. The Beatles were no longer what I heard. Some unidentified metalcore song blasted from the house next to mine. I cleared my throat and focused on my book again. But I _couldn't_. My mind was only focused on the noise next door, and because of that, I wouldn't be able to peacefully read.

Groaning, I got out of bed and set my book down. I stopped playing The Beatles, seeing as I wouldn't even be able to listen to them. I slipped on my shoes and stepped onto my balcony. The noise seemed to be coming from the balcony doors adjacent to mine. The doors were open and the curtains as well.

"Excuse me?" I yelled out. I couldn't really see what was going on in there. The lights were off. "Hello? Excuse me?"

No answer.

"Dammit," I muttered. The noise was too loud, in my opinion. I was pretty sure Texas could hear the music playing. I walked downstairs and left the house. Now, I knew that Mimi Moon wouldn't be playing that.

(Who knows, though? The world was full of surprises.)

Yeah, I was pretty sure it wasn't Mimi. I saw her driving away when Charlie and I returned home. Sighing, I stepped onto their porch and knocked on the door.

The thing is, whoever was in there wouldn't be able to hear the door knocking with that loud music playing. I wrinkled my nose and banged on the door but to no avail. So, I ended up banging on the door some more while ringing the doorbell in between. It was a mixture of pure annoyance.

"Are you honestly kidding me right now—" I was stopped midway when the door swung open. The music had stopped as well. In front of me stood a boy around my age and he was _not_ happy.

Now, the first thing people do when they see a stranger is stare.

So I stared.

The boy in front of me had long (ish) blonde hair. His hair stuck out in all sorts of places, as if he didn't bother fixing it. (Or maybe it was like that.) He wore a faded t-shirt of a band I did not recognize with black pants that folded at the cuffs. He smelt of smoke. I noticed the tattoos on his arm and was instantly intrigued by his sleeve. I knew that whatever school he was going to, girls would be drooling all over him. And guys, too.

And then I realized I had spent a good three minutes staring at the guy. The guy was staring at me with a straight face, and then he frowned once I was brought back to Earth. "Can I help you?"

His tone was nowhere near nice. If I were at his doorstep asking for help, he wouldn't be willing to help. In fact, he looked like he already wanted to end the conversation.

(The one where, you know, I spent staring at him.)

(So, it wouldn't really count as a conversation.)

(And he already wanted to end it.)

(I was _that_ good with boys.)

"Can I _help_ you?" he asked again, clearly annoyed. I was not surprised. I tend to freeze in the midst of conversations with people I wouldn't be good at talking to. Except this time, there was no conversation and I was simply standing there like an idiot. "Listen, would you tell me what you want already?"

A charmer, indeed.

I shook my head. "Oh, crap. Um. I'm sorry. I just—your music. It's, uh, pretty loud. I mean I'm not saying you have bad taste in music but, uh, it's very loud. I don't listen to that kind of music but I'm sure it's rad. I tend to listen to old bands, but, uh, yeah. Can you please turn it down?" The guy examined my face.

"No."

And then he slammed the door in my face.

I blinked.

I stood at their door for what seemed like a very long time, _blinking_. Then, I heard his loud music playing and I realized he was actually being serious. Who wouldn't be? He slammed the door in my face!

I frowned.

He actually had the nerve to _slam_ the door in _my_ face.

"Why you—" I exclaimed, banging the door again and ringing the doorbell. I figured he was ignoring me but I wasn't going to stop right there. I continued banging and ringing until the music stopped and the door was forcefully swung open.

"What the hell do you want?"

Let us recap, shall we? I did not recall being rude to the stranger but he had already accomplished three things: (a). He talked to me in a rude manner (b). He slammed the door in my face and (c). He talked to me in a rude manner.

"Listen, here. I came knocking on your door to nicely ask you to turn down the music because you are so close to waking up the dead. So I did. But you slammed the door in my face and you have the decency to act annoyed when I knock on the door again? You slammed the door in my face, you turd! You know, my mother was wrong. Your mother is actually very nice, but you're far from it! Is that how you normally greet people? Yeah, well, you need to work on that. Now, turn down your music or I'll end up doing it myself!"

When I finished, I realized I had done a very big mistake. The guy ended up glaring at me, harder than Mrs. Walker when I lose my dog. This was all asking for my death wish.

I pursed my lips. "Please and thank you?" He continued to silently stare at me. I crossed my arms. "You know you're not very good at first impressions."

"And you are?" he calmly asked, leaning against the doorway, crossing his arms as well.

(I could sense it was a rhetorical question.)

"I'm not the one who slammed a door in someone's face. Unlike you, I had the decency to politely ask you to turn down that music," I retorted.

"And then you ended up insulting the fuck out of me," he sneered.

Oops.

I felt heat rush to my cheeks. "Um, well..."

"Is that all you wanted?" he asked, pushing himself off and gently placing his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah."

He closed the door.

But he didn't slam it.

When I got to my room, the music had been turned down, enough that it wouldn't annoy anyone but not enough that I wouldn't hear it. He had changed the song and I ended up taking a like to it. It was different than the first one and very catchy.

I sat down on the rolling chair I had in my room and continued reading my book. Somehow in the middle, I ended up lifting my head a little to look at the guy. He was now visible, at least a little. He was seated on his bed, strumming a guitar. Almost feeling as if he were being watched, he looked up, too, and stared at me.

I looked away.

(He was probably plotting my demise.)

At night, he had already closed his balcony doors and drew the curtains along with it. I did, too. I had spent the rest of the day reading and I went to bed pretty late. But, I couldn't sleep. I could picture my mother scolding me with her hands on her hips.

"_You shouldn't have stayed up late watching a TV show and you shouldn't have slept in,"_ she would have said. _"I told you so." _

I chuckled and got out of bed. The clock read _12:23 am_. Groaning, I rubbed my eyes, knowing I would be tired tomorrow. I drew my curtains open and opened the balcony doors. Immediately, a cool breeze hit me and I felt good.

My hands gripped the railing and I hummed to a mellow song.

I stopped humming when I heard a door close. I saw a figure emerge. I squinted my eyes. It was, well, _the_ guy. Honestly, I did not know what to call him. For me, I'd probably label him as the dude who slammed the door in my face. But, it was pretty long.

Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around me. I watched the guy as he walked until he disappeared, and I wondered what guys like him did at midnight.


	2. two

First days of school were practically always the same. You reach school and you immediately find friends hugging, guys clapping each other's shoulders, and some tears were usually shed.

(Don't forget the squealing.)

But for the _superb_ trio, it was quite the opposite. _Okay_, I may have exaggerated when I said the 'superb trio'. Honestly. It just consisted of Trish, Dez, and myself. When I reached school, I found Trish and Dez arguing for the sake of arguing, and I was not the least bit surprised. I was used to it; we all were. But for some reason, it was always the same on the first days of school.

Come to think of it, it was _always_ the same. Trish and Dez never agreed on anything and it was usually I who broke up the (quite consistent) arguments. It was very amusing, really. And for us, we never hugged and squealed and cried and held on one another for dear life.

I would greet them. They would ignore me and continue bickering.

That was it.

"Trish, Dez! Hey!" I beamed, waving at them.

"Listen here, you little bastard," Trish growled. "I don't care about your stupid pet Lenny and I sure as hell don't care about that stupid video game of yours! Stop annoying me!"

"You know," Dez started, rocking back and forth. He clutched his bag with both hands and looked far from angry. "You are very hard-headed. You need to cool down. I promise you'd feel much better."

Trish's nostrils flared and her eye twitched. She then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to me. "Hi, Ally."

"I'm glad you finally decided to acknowledge me," I smiled, raising an eyebrow. "How are you on this lovely day?"

"Don't provoke me, Ally. I _will_ kill you."

I laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "That's the Trish I know and love."

The bell then rang. Trish didn't have first period with me, but Dez did. After parting our ways (and a few curses thrown at Dez), we made our to our first class – English. When we got there, a few people had settled in – people I did not associate with.

To be quite frank, the only two people I actually talked to were Trish and Dez. I was very much okay with that. I was comfortable with them, so that meant I didn't have to make a complete fool of myself in front of them. But even if I did, it wouldn't matter. On the other hand, if I were uncomfortable with a person or so, I would basically be everything _but_ normal.

(Like my encounter with _the dude who slammed the door in my face_ yesterday.)

It wasn't them, really – it was myself. I simply didn't know how to properly communicate with people.

(Again, _the dude who slammed the door in my face_.)

(In my defense, he didn't know how to properly communicate, either.)

I sighed and settled on a desk at the far end of the classroom. I did not like being in the front – I never did. I would feel very much exposed. I aimlessly drummed my fingers against the desk and waited for the teacher to come in. As if on cue, the year's English teacher walked in with some students behind. When the class was settled, the teacher placed his hands on his hips and heaved a sigh. "Good morning, class. I'm Professor Clark. I'm going to be your English teacher for this year. I hope you all enjoyed your summer," he said. "I also hope you won't take my class lightly and slack off. It's a very crucial subject and far from simple. This year, we're going to be going over—"

Professor Clark was cut off midway through his sentence when the classroom door opened. It was funny. All of us students were very curious, in a way. If something small happened, such as a door opening, everyone would turn his or her heads to see. It was as if we expected the president to walk in.

Unfortunately, the president didn't walk in.

A blonde-haired stranger did.

A very familiar-looking stranger he was indeed.

My eye twitched. _It can't be_, I thought. Oh, but it was. You know, fate had a strange way of doing things. I was never expecting myself to be looking at the dude who slammed the door in my face. I didn't think he did, either. His eyes caught mine and even while sitting at the back of the classroom, I could see that he wanted to run the hell out of there. He raised an eyebrow. _Did his jaw clench?_

I clenched my fists.

If anything, _I_ wanted to run away from there. It felt strange knowing a complete stranger wanted to leave the classroom because of me. Now, I might have been jumping to conclusions but the look on his face had said otherwise. I unclenched my fists and remained calm. I tried to look as normal as possible. The blonde-haired stranger looked away.

"Oh, good morning," Professor Clark said, eyeing the guy carefully. "And your name is?"

His hands stayed in his jacket's pockets. "Austin. Austin Moon."

Austin.

His name was Austin.

"I presume you're new here," the teacher said, checking his clipboard. "Well, welcome to Marino High, Austin. I'm Professor Clark, your English teacher. Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"

Austin stayed silent for just a brief second before replying with a simple, "No." Then, he sat at the only free desk there was, and I was glad it wasn't near me.

Professor Clark cleared his throat. "Well, then. I suppose that's fine. At least tell us where you were before Marino High."

"New York."

The teacher nodded. "Interesting. Well, Austin, I was just telling the class that English is not simple at all. In fact, it's a lot of work. This year, we're going to be exploring various themes in Literature. We're also going to be reading and analyzing The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, published in 1951. It is a fascinating novel. Has anyone read it before? Have you, Austin?"

"Yes."

I realized Austin wasn't much of a talker. He didn't seem to appreciate Professor Clark asking him questions.

"Good, good," he smiled. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair, cleared his throat and continued to lecture the class about English as a whole subject and what we should be looking forward to this year. Austin remained silent throughout the whole period. I observed the class and I wasn't surprised to find half of the girls staring at him. It was quite cliché, really.

The bell then rang and students began filing out as Professor Clark yelled out, "Please have your novels with you for next time!"

I had already read The Catcher in the Rye before and I have to say, it was such a fascinating novel indeed. I made my way over to my assigned locker and found Trish leaning against the one near it. "How was math class?" I grinned, dialing in my locker combination and opening it.

Trish groaned. "Painful. It was painful. It was painfully boring. Ally, this is insane. It's not even nine o'clock in the morning and I already want to murder half our class." She thought for a moment. "And set the school on fire."

"You've always wanted to set the school on fire," I commented, shoving the next two periods' books in my bag.

She nodded in agreement and then sighed. "How was English? Anything new?"

"It was pretty good," I said. "And not really."

My mind flashed to Austin. I pictured him sitting at a table in the cafeteria, being surrounded by the whole population of jocks and cheerleaders. I had accomplished embarrassing myself in front of half of these popular teenagers.

"You haven't heard?" she asked. "There's this new kid, apparently. Very hot kid they keep saying. I forgot his name, though."

"Austin is so damn attractive, man," a passing girl squealed.

"Kate, you have a boyfriend," the girl next to her retorted. "But I can't argue."

"Oh, that's right," Trish exclaimed. "Austin. That's his name. Austin Sun or something like that."

"Yeah," I nodded. "I heard about him. He was in my English class."

She slapped my arm. "And you tell me there was nothing new! Anyway, I need to get to Chemistry. Why do I have the shittiest schedule? It's the first day of school, for God sake. Spare me!" She shook her head. "See you at lunch, Alls."

I exhaled half a laugh and walked to my next class. We had Drama.

I _hated_ Drama.

Well, I only hated it when we had to act out our feelings and 'express our inner emotions'. I absolutely detested that. I figured since it was the first day of school, we wouldn't do any of that. I was relieved and quite content about that.

When I got to class, the door was closed and I worried about being late. I peered in and found that half of the class was empty. I wet my lips and entered the classroom and soon, students began to pile in.

"Good morning!" our teacher beamed. She taught us last year and she was always smiling and sending out compliments. I liked her. "I hope you're all doing fine! It's a beautiful day – no one should be upset! Before we have some nice discussions, just let me take attendance. When you hear your name, notify me!"

The teacher scanned her clipboard and began calling out names. "Jake Abernathy, Veronica Clare, Alison Dawson..."

A series of "Here!" erupted from students as she called on them. I shifted in my seat and crossed my arms, sinking in my seat a little. "Austin Moon – Sarah L–Austin Moon?" she called out again, regarding the fact he hadn't notified her. I looked around the tiny classroom.

He wasn't there.

"Not present? All right, then," she scribbled something down and continued taking attendance.

"Where do you suppose he is?" I heard whispers.

"Who? Austin? Probably making out with some cheerleader or something."

"He's so hot, don't you think so?"

I resisted the urge not to groan and hoped the period would speed up a bit. It wasn't any different when it did, though. Austin was what most girls were gossiping about and I wasn't surprised in any way. I wasn't kidding when I said girls would be drooling all over him. Third period ended quicker than Drama had and I was thankful. After getting the books for the following periods, I walked to the cafeteria. It wasn't that hard spotting Trish and Dez and when I did find them, I plopped down from across them and pulled out a chocolate bar.

"I already have a headache, Dez," Trish spoke as calmly as she could. "Please do not annoy me. Please do not talk to me. Don't even breathe next to me."

I laughed.

"Yo! Austin! Come sit with us!" one of the jocks yelled. I craned my neck and saw Austin handing money to the lunch lady.

"Austin! Over here!" a cheerleader squealed.

Austin was popular and lunch hadn't even finished yet. He was already the talk of the school. I was tremendously amazed.

But I wondered.

I wondered why he didn't seem to care. I wondered why he didn't bother to glance at any of the people that called him over to their tables. I wondered why he kept to himself and I wondered where he left off to when he exited the cafeteria. In our school, getting called to sit with popular kids was a privilege. I found it quite odd, actually.

I frowned and spent the rest of the break pondering.

* * *

"I'll catch up with you guys later!" I waved goodbye to Trish and Dez and began walking home. The school wasn't far from the neighborhood I lived in which was quite an advantage. I turned my attention to The Catcher in the Rye. I decided to skip ahead and start reading the book. It was then that I heard footsteps behind me. Almost nobody from my school lived in my neighborhood. Trish and Dez's houses were not in the least bit near mine. I craned my neck to see who was behind me.

_Of course he'd be behind me_, I thought once I got a good look at the person. Austin continued tapping on his phone, not bothering to look up. I whirled around, only to suddenly trip over absolutely _nothing_ and _fall_.

And right into a trashcan.

"Are you honestly kidding me right now?" I exclaimed. I felt my cheeks redden and I was very much glad that the trashcan was completely empty.

I felt the footsteps come closer and for a brief second, they came to a halt. Was he actually going to help me up? He seemed very secluded back at school and I wondered if our last encounter was just a one-time thing. Maybe he was just in a bad mood? He didn't look happy when he had opened the door.

"You should watch where you're going," he patronized in a low and taunting voice and I _almost_ wished I had the courage to slap him right across the face. The hell with that.

"Says the guy who was tapping away on his phone without even bothering to pay attention to where he's going!" I fought back.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who fell in a trashcan," he exhaled half a sarcastic laugh and tapped the side of the trashcan twice.

And then he kept walking.

He was not going to help me up and he most definitely wasn't in a bad mood yesterday.

He was just obnoxious and aggravating.

* * *

"Mom! Dad! I'm home!" I said, closing the door behind me. I shrugged off my bag and jacket and entered the kitchen, smiling.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Mom asked, pulling out plates from the cabinet.

"It was fine."

"Anything new?" Dad asked, warmly smiling at me.

_I insulted our new neighbor's son yesterday, he goes to the same school, and I fell into a trashcan. _

"Not at all."

"Alison, could you please go over to our new neighbors and hand them this pan of casserole?" Mom asked.

I froze. "Why?"

Mom furrowed her eyebrows. "Well, I did tell you I wanted to welcome them to the neighborhood. Don't you remember? Anyway, Mimi is still trying to settle in – unpacking and all. I figured she wouldn't have time to cook, so this casserole is here to help. She's quite tired, too. She's still out grocery shopping. Boy, it's hard settling in. Now, take it."

"Do I have to?"

She raised an eyebrow and gave me the _look_. All mothers had that _look_.

"Fine," I groaned, taking the pan from her. "Are you sure you want me to sacrifice this pan of heaven? Of utter bliss? Are you sure you want to take that risk, Mother?"

"You're very dramatic, Alison. Now go. I made two pans of heaven," she winked.

I gritted my teeth once I stepped outside of the house. Insulting him and arguing was not necessary right now. I plastered on a fake smile and rang the doorbell once I had reached the porch.

_Be nice, Ally,_ I thought to myself. _Stay calm, cool, and collected. _

The door opened.

Austin raised an eyebrow. He glanced at the tin-foiled pan I held in my hands and then back at me. "Yes?" He had taken off his jacket, exposing his tattoos. Wait till you see how the girls would react to that. I heard him heave a sigh, which shook me out of my trance. "You zone out a lot."

"Sorry!" I squealed, blushing. Shaking my head, I gestured for him to take the casserole. "Here. My mother cooked this as a welcome gift to the neighborhood. So, welcome to the neighborhood."

Austin took the casserole and gave me a curt nod.

I ran my tongue over my teeth. "Yeah, well, you're welcome!"

My sarcasm didn't faze him. "Goodbye," he exhaled half a sarcastic laugh and looked down at my Beatles shirt before turning to look at me again. "Beatles girl."

He closed the door.

_Beatles girl. _

I blinked.

"Did you deliver the casserole, Alison?" Mom asked once I got back home.

I grabbed an apple. "No, Mom. I ate it on the way."

She shook her head and approached me, brushing a few strands of hair away from my face. "Your food's upstairs."

I nodded and thanked her.

"Oh, Alison! One more thing; we're having dinner with Mimi and her son tomorrow!"

_Oooooof_ course we were.


	3. three

For school, I usually woke up when my alarm clock said so. However, this morning, I had woken up extra early and couldn't go back to bed. Let's be honest here. Any person would feel very ecstatic and content if they realized they had extra time to sleep. That feeling was probably the same as winning the lottery. My dad had already gone to work and I figured my mother was having coffee downstairs.

I rubbed my eyes and opened the balcony doors. A cool breeze drifted through, causing me to shiver. Unfortunately, I knew the persistent heat would come back. After all, it was September in Florida. Personally, I hated the heat. Sure, summers were fun, but I was more of a fan of cold, rather cool, climates. I did indeed love cloudy days and cool breezes.

The neighborhood was pretty quiet and peaceful.

Smiling to myself, I did the usual routine I did every single morning and halfway through, I ended up singing along to one of my favorite bands. I did _not_ have the best of voices but it made me feel better. I slipped on another band t-shirt of mine and wore a sweater over it. I blared out the lyrics, twirling around for dramatic effect. My hand gripped my hairbrush and I spun around a bit more and sang even higher but when I faced my balcony doors, I saw something I did not want to see.

Ever.

In my entire existence.

I never expected to see it, but I did.

I froze in my position; one leg raised and my hands in the air. Standing there, basically across from me, was _Austin_. He was leaning against his balcony's doorway, his arms crossed and a smirk plastered right across his face that held an amused expression I was not _happy_ to see.

"No, please," he said, giving me a hand gesture. "Go on."

I stood there, wide-eyed and hot-faced, staring at the blonde neighbor. I opened my mouth to say something but I was only able to sputter out incoherent stammers that even _I_ couldn't decipher. I clenched one of my fists and raised it to my mouth.

"Shoot!" I yelled, racing towards the balcony doors.

(Not before tripping, that is.)

I could feel my body radiate more heat than expected. The breeze outside wasn't helping. I got up from the floor and grabbed the doorknobs and with on swift motion, I slammed the doors shut and drew the curtains straight after that. I swallowed hard and leaned against the doors.

"Did that just happen?" I muttered to myself. When I felt the humiliation slowly fade away, I turned back to the doors and peered from behind the curtains.

He was gone.

I realized that all what I had accomplished around Austin were completely ridiculous and humiliating. I wondered what more there was to come during tonight's dinner.

I groaned.

To me, he was a stranger. Maybe not completely. I mean, I did know him as a person, but that was it. He was very strange, indeed. To him, I probably was (a). The girl who screamed in his face (b). The girl who fell in a trashcan and (c). The girl who liked to put on an embarrassing show in the morning.

None that made me feel better about myself but I was pretty much used to it.

Before I left my house, I did check if Austin was anywhere near. When I didn't see him, I basically made a beeline towards school. When I got to school, I decided to tell Trish about the whole thing.

"So what you're telling me here is the school's most-talked-about badass guy lives right next door?" she asked. When I nodded, she smacked my arm. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"Trish, it has only been two days," I deadpanned. "Besides, I didn't think it was important."

She shook her head. "Tell me. What happened between you two?"

"Well," I began. "We were acquainted when I decided to consistently bang on his door whilst ringing the doorbell. He had loud music playing and it was annoying me. In my defense, I asked him politely. But he was so rude when he answered the door that I didn't hesitate to, you know, insult and scold him."

"Idiot," she said. "You always act impulsively, you know that?"

"How am I an idiot? I know I should have been more rational but he slammed the door in my face!"

"Don't listen to Trish, Ally," Dez said, squinting at me. "You were very brave. Do continue."

I grinned at Dez. "Okay, our next encounter was when I fell into a trashcan."

Trish pursed her lips and rubbed her temples, her eyes closing for a brief second. "You...You fell into a trashcan?"

"Precisely."

"Who the hell falls into a trashcan?" she exclaimed, giving me an incredulous look. I scratched the back of my neck. "Continue. What'd he do? Did he help you?"

"Well, that's what I _thought_ he'd do, but he didn't," I replied. "Instead, he patronized me and proceeded to leave."

"Wonderful," Dez said. "How'd you feel, Ally?"

"What are you? Her therapist?" Trish retorted.

I laughed. "It's okay. I was pretty annoyed, to be honest. But, I don't care. Anyway, our last encounter was..." I stopped and blushed. "This morning."

"You're blushing," Trish eyed me carefully and then grinned widely. "Did you guys make out or something?"

"W-what? No! Of course not!" I exclaimed, feeling my checks redden. "Jesus, Trish. That's preposterous."

She shrugged. "Would've been interesting." Her hands wrapped around the sides of her face and she thought for a moment. "Say, do you think he's a good kisser?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Stop blushing already," Trish laughed. "You get so flustered around boys and these topics, you realize that?"

I rolled my eyes.

(It was true, sadly.)

"I wonder if he has made out with someone from our school."

"Why are you thinking of that? Does it really matter?"

She shrugged again. "I'm curious. An attractive badass like him? You can't cross out such a suggestion."

"I bet he has made out with half of the female population in our school," Dez commented.

"I agree," Trish nodded. "All right, Alison. Since you guys didn't make out this morning, what exactly happened?"

"I was singing and dancing to Swim Deep. The balcony doors were opened."

Trish and Dez stared at me for a brief moment, expressionless. Then, they proceeded to bark out with laughter.

"Typical Ally."

"Oh, shut up," I muttered. "Here's another thing. He and his mom are having dinner with us tonight."

"Let me guess," Dez piped in. "Your mother's work?"

"Exactly."

* * *

Time had passed quickly and before I knew it, I was on my way home. Trish and Dez kept pestering me all day about tonight's dinner, which I did _not_ want to attend. But, I never really had a choice when it came to my mother's _shenanigans_. When I got home, I found her prepping up the place. She was cleaning the house from head to toe. She liked everything to be organized and neat and I inherited that from her.

(If I were in a hurry, though, things would get pretty messy.)

"Are you feeling okay, Mom?" I asked, watching her profoundly scrub a spot that had already been scrubbed.

"What a silly question, Ally!" Dad exclaimed. "I mean, the Queen of England is visiting, after all."

Mom glared at him and snatched the chocolate bar from his hands.

"Oh, come on," he muttered.

I laughed and headed upstairs. Teachers haven't started giving out complicated assignments. I filled out a sheet for Calculus and ended up reading The Catcher in the Rye. I must have spent the entire afternoon reading because when my mother knocked on the door, it was then that I knew they had arrived.

"Have you been sitting in that spot for hours?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I lost tract of time," I fumbled around in my room. "I'll be down in a minute."

She closed the door behind her. I slipped out of my sweater and stayed in my band tee. I sprayed some perfume and then headed downstairs, dreading each second. I had to sit at a table with my _parents_ and _guests_ and I had to _socialize_. It was hell itself.

The thing I was dreading the most was my mother bringing out our family album. She always did that. Given my mother liked to be kind to neighbors and all, we frequently had visitors over. After dinner, they'd have coffee or so like the usual adults they were and then my mom would smile and ask them if they'd like to see pictures of our family. There was an entire album (possibly longer than my own will) that was filled with a handful of pictures. Since I was their own child, my parents really loved taking pictures and putting me in situations I actually liked as a kid. Some pictures were _very_ humiliating and as far as I was concerned, I had already embarrassed myself enough in front of Austin.

I was too lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize I had been standing there like an idiot all the while staring at none other than Austin himself. When I was shaken out of my trance, I blushed.

"Hi."

He sent me a swift and short nod and then proceeded to enter the dining room.

I raised an eyebrow.

This was going to be a long night indeed.

"Hello," I said, entering the dining room. I smiled at Mimi and she smiled back.

"Hello, dear," she said. "How are you?"

"I'm great! I hope you are, too."

She turned to her son as I sat down from across them. "Well? Be nice!" Austin stared at her and she gave him that _look_.

(I told you, it wasn't a myth.)

He sighed and ran a hand through his already-tousled hair. "You have a nice house."

I resisted the urge not to laugh, although a few low snickers had erupted from my mouth, unintentionally. I covered my mouth and couldn't help but grin. He really didn't want to be here. I could tell as he sent me a cold stare. He leaned back against his seat and clenched his jaw. Even a tough guy like him had to follow orders from his mother.

"Thank you."

The table was set and the food was ready. My dad and mom sat down and eagerly began chatting with Mimi, who looked equally content. I pursed my lips and began piling food onto my plate.

(Surprisingly, my mother didn't burn the house down.)

I chewed on an asparagus.

"So, Alison," Mimi spoke up. "Do you know where you want to study?"

"Well, I do have a couple of universities in mind," I replied. Somehow, talking about universities always upset me. High school was one thing and college was definitely another thing. A whole new different thing, actually.

"I think you should study in New York," Mimi said. "It's a beautiful state, I think you'd like it very much. I definitely see you walking the busy streets of New York."

"You know, I haven't thought of that."

Mom smiled. "Ally's a good girl—" Oh boy, here we go. I blushed. "—I have never seen her do one bad thing throughout her whole high school experience. She's going to graduate soon, too. Say, Ally, haven't you thought of getting a boyfriend? Wait, don't you have a crush on that kid—what was his name again?"

"Mom!" I exclaimed. "They—They don't have to know."

"I'm very fine with Alison not having a boyfriend," Dad said, nodding.

"Oh, shut up, Lester," Mom smacked his arm. "Your daughter's almost eighteen."

I rubbed my temples in humiliation.

Mimi laughed. "When did you two meet?"

"Oh, it's such a funny story..." Mom began.

I tuned them out and sighed, glancing at Austin. He was picking at his food with the fork, _expressionless_.

Although you could see his eyes said so much more than that.

* * *

"That was a terrific dinner, Penny," Mimi said, dabbing her mouth with a napkin. "Thank you for having us."

"Oh, it was nothing!" Mom exclaimed. "Please make yourself comfortable while I get the coffee and dessert. Alison, could you please take the dishes to the kitchen?"

"Austin will help," Mimi said.

I began to gather as many plates I could actually handle and left for the kitchen. Mom arranged the coffee and dessert on a tray and walked back to the living room. I began to clear the plates of their remains and Austin walked in carrying the rest. "Here," he said, placing them near me.

"Thank you."

He sighed. "What else do you need me to do?"

"Nothing," I grinned.

"Well, if I walk into the living room, my mother will make sure to disown me," he retorted, crossing his arms.

"Fine," I said, resisting laughter. I threw him a towel. "You can dry the plates."

He caught the towel and stood beside me, not saying a word. I washed the first dish and handed it over to him. He took it and began to wipe it and I noticed that he seemed so...so _far_ away.

"Are you okay?" I blurted out.

He stopped wiping and raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm sorry," I stammered, blushing. "It's just that—you seemed so upset back at the table, and I assumed—never mind, I'll stop talking. So, how do you like Florida so far?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and exhaled half a sarcastic laugh. "What? You're playing the friend card now?"

I glared at him. "Geez, I'm sorry for being polite. You don't need to be rude about everything."

"Will you just hand me the plate already? You've been scrubbing the same one for the last five minutes."

I rolled my eyes and without looking at him, I handed him the plate. Somehow, I felt his fingers brush against mine and I instantly jumped, letting go of the plate.

"What the—"

Before the plate could fall even further, Austin managed to catch it. He glared at me.

"I'm sorry," I squealed, turning back to the dishes.

We then continued our work in silence. When we finished, we joined everyone in the living room and sat down.

That's when I saw it.

The family album.

My eyes widened in horror, although I did know that that was coming.

"Oh my, Alison," Mimi gushed. "You were so cute when you were little."

Oh boy.

"Austin, would you like to see pictures of Alison as a baby?" Mom asked.

No.

_No_.

"I'd love to, actually."

He sat down near my parents and I could see the evil glint in his eye.

"Here's one of Ally on her first birthday, and here's one of Ally in her swimming suit, and..."

* * *

The night seemed to go on forever and when my mother decided to finally close the family album so that they could go chat outside in the backyard, I was happy. She set it aside and I breathed in relief. Mom, dad, and Mimi walked out to the backyard but Austin stayed in his seat.

Then, he reached over and took the family album. He flipped through the pages and I froze. "Wh—What are you doing?"

Austin pulled out one of the pictures and examined it. "You know, these pictures are very memorable. Especially this one." He showed it to me and I blushed. It was, you know, a picture of a happy three-year-old Alison. Except she was butt-naked.

"It's almost souvenir-worthy."

He was patronizing me again and I didn't like it. "I think we've had enough of _this_ for one night." I gestured to the family album. He closed it and stood up and we joined the others outside.

* * *

"Thank you so much for having us," Mimi beamed. "We appreciate it a lot. It was such a terrific night."

"Oh, it was nothing!" Mom gushed.

"We hope we can do this again!" Dad piped in.

"Thank you again," Mimi smiled. "Goodnight!"

We all exchanged goodbyes and then my mom and dad went upstairs to bed. I stretched and sat down on the couch. I picked up the family album and smiled at it. My parents took pictures of me a lot. As I grew up, though, I told them that that wasn't necessary. I hated having my picture taken now. It was nice, though, in a way. Having a family album. It meant that I could look at these pictures and somehow relive those moments.

I flipped through the album, laughing now and then at my appearance as a child. I did go _all_ out. However, halfway through, I noticed one of the picture slots was empty. I didn't think there were no more pictures left since the following pages were filled with countless of other pictures. Frowning, I checked the album for loose ones and ended up searching underneath the couches.

"Where is it?" I muttered to myself.

"_You know, these pictures are very memorable. Especially this one. It's almost souvenir-worthy."_

I froze.

Austin's words rang in my ears. I remember seeing the evil glint in his eye and the amusement on his face. But, he _couldn't_. It seemed almost impossible. Austin _couldn't_ have stolen that picture from the album book.

My phone buzzed. I snatched it from my back pocket and checked. I had received a message.

"Unknown number?"

_**Unknown Number  
**__maybe u shouldn't have laughed at me._

_Oh_, but he did.


	4. four

I was fuming.

Actually, I was feeling a lot of things, but one of them was definitely anger. The reason why was quite simple, really. I mean it had seemed absolutely impossible to me and it came as quite a shock when I realized that, well, it actually _was_ possible.

Because it had happened.

"Ally, sooner or later, fumes will be escaping from your ears," Trish remarked, crossing her arms.

I pursed my lips and pressed the books tighter against my chest. "Sorry. I'm just angry."

"Are you still thinking about that picture? Oh, come on. It's just a picture of when you were young."

I glared at her. "Are you serious? He was invited to dinner and he ended up stealing. He actually had the nerve to steal! You know that's illegal, right?"

"Maybe he has a fetish," Trish commented, nodding.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "A fetish?"

"Maybe he's a pervert," Dez suggested.

That made me uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. But even that seemed impossible. The text he had sent me reeked of revenge.

Because I laughed at him.

"No, no," I shook my head in disagreement. "It was all revenge. His mother forced him to say something during dinner and the way he said it—he was just so awkward and he definitely did not want to be there. I couldn't help but laugh. I bet that ticked him off."

"You bet? He stole a picture," Trish said. "So it most definitely ticked him off."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now? It just really puts me one edge knowing he has something that belongs to me."

"There's only _one_ thing you _can_ do."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What's that?"

"You get revenge."

I eyed her carefully. I had never been in such a situation before. I've never even thought of getting back at someone. Trish had a mischievous glint in her eyes that I was scared for a second. She was the queen of revenge. After all, she was friends with Dez. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, he stole something from you, right?" she started. I nodded. "So, you steal something of his. That way, you're even."

My eyes widened. "What? No way! I could never—I would never steal something. That's...that's way out of line, Trish."

"Well, do you have something else in mind, Alison?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed and began walking away. I turned my head towards them. "Come on, let's just get to class n—what the—"

Not a second later, I felt my face come in contact with the dirty, linoleum floor. I fell with a grunt. Groaning, I opened my eyes and was immediately met with a pair of worn out Vans and a hand dangling in front of my face.

I blinked.

Basically, I had fallen in front of everybody in the hallway. I felt my cheeks redden, but I took the person's hand anyway. Once I was on my feet, I immediately frowned.

"You!" I exclaimed, pointing a finger at him.

Austin raised an eyebrow. "_Me_."

I gritted my teeth.

He gave me a lopsided smirk. "You should really pay attention nowadays." He leaned in closer and spoke in a low voice. "You wouldn't want to make the wrong move. Usually comes with bad consequences." He then leaned back. "Also, you should tie your shoes."

Then, he left.

_You wouldn't want to make the wrong move. Usually comes with bad consequences._

His words floated around my head. He was patronizing me again. I felt even more uncomfortable now. Was he going to use the picture of me to his advantage? Was he going to print copies of it and paste them all around the school? For the whole student population to see? Was his reputation his sole purpose and reason?

I whirled around.

"I'll do it, Trish," I said.

* * *

"This is insane, Trish," I exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. "Come on, Ally. You agreed to it, so you're going to do it."

"But, but—this is illegal!"

"Yeah, well, he committed an illegal act first," she said. "Anyway, let's go over the plan again."

I wanted to get even with Austin and Trish had just the plan. Even if I did agree to it, I was starting to regret it. I mean it was the heat-of-the-moment sort of thing. I was not very content with the fact that I was about to do something my parents would disown me over. But, I knew there was no backing out.

After school had ended, Dez, Trish, and I went back to my house. Trish said that doing the deed at night was much better. I just went along with whatever she said, occasionally reminding her that this was over-the-top bad. My parents were out for dinner and the Moon's car was not in their driveway.

I noticed that Austin occasionally liked to open his balcony doors when he was at home but tonight, they were closed. We did not see him after school, seeing as him and I take the same route. So, we concluded that neither he nor his mom were there.

That still didn't ease my nerves, though.

"Earth to Ally," Trish snapped her fingers in front of my face. I shook out of my trance and gave her an uneasy smile. "The plan. The front and back door are locked. So, you're going to have to climb up this vine. Hopefully, the balcony doors aren't locked. Once you have access, you grab the first thing you see, but make sure it's something he'd notice is gone. Then, you climb back down and all is well."

"Unless, you know, I go to jail."

"Shut up and start climbing. We have your back. If something bad happens, we'll notify you. Now go."

Sighing, I carefully began climbing up the vine, silently praying I wouldn't fall and die. The houses in this neighborhood were very old. I wouldn't be surprised if the vines would snap because of the weight I was putting onto them.

"You're almost there," Trish whisper-shouted.

Once I was equally on the level the balcony was, I shut my eyes tight and extended a hand, flailing it around until I found myself grasping the cold railing. Exhaling a breath, I got closer to the balcony and placed my foot on the edge. I inhaled again and quickly held onto the railing with my other hand, and then swung my legs over until I was finally standing on my two feet.

"Are the balcony doors locked?" Dez asked.

"Not so loud, you idiot!"

I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. The door opened. Smiling, I gave Trish and Dez thumbs up and proceeded to walk in. His room smelt of smoke and perfume. It was surprisingly neat. The walls were already covered with band posters. I also noticed there was a stack of books on his desk.

_Focus, Ally. _

I opened a drawer, only to find some packs of cigarettes, a lighter, and some receipts. I closed it and examined his desk. It was practically empty. Apart from the novels, Austin had school books scattered across with some crumped papers and...

A photo frame.

Grinning, I grabbed it. It was a picture of Austin. He was very young, though. I could see there was a huge difference between that Austin and the Austin people know now. In the photo, Austin was actually _smiling_. He was grinning, actually, with teeth and all. His cheeks were red and strands of his hair were put up and tied with colorful rubber bands.

Before I could take the picture out of the frame, I heard a voice outside the room.

I froze.

To my horror, I realized that someone had returned. Either Mimi or Austin. Or both. The footsteps were getting closer and it sounded as if they were approaching the room. Panic overtook every fiber of my being and I quickly snatched the picture out of the frame.

I turned my head left and right. I wouldn't have time to climb down the vine without someone noticing the balcony doors were actually open. I raced towards the bathroom, flinging the door open and closing it as gently as possible behind me. Just then, the door to the room opened. I tiptoed towards the bathtub and climbed in, drawing the curtains close as quietly as I could muster. Why didn't Trish warn me? I stuffed the photo of Austin in my back pocket and silently prayed whoever was out there wouldn't enter the bathroom.

I was shivering with fear.

When I heard the bathroom door open, though, I knew I was toast. I held my breath and listened closely. The footsteps approached the tub and I was contemplating whether to cry or run out of there. A tattooed arm popped through the curtain and I knew that that was Austin.

(Which didn't make the situation any better.)

It seemed as though things never worked out the way I wanted them to. I just wanted to steal something from Austin so that we could be even. But, here I was, standing in a stranger's tub that wanted to take a shower, with no clue as to what to do. Austin pulled the faucet upwards and cold water came rushing out. I slapped a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming. If it had been hot water, I didn't think I would be able to suppress one, though.

And then he drew the curtains open. When his eyes finally met mine and realization took over his features, he did the only thing a normal person would do when they see a stranger in their house.

"What the _fuck_?" he yelled.

My hand dropped and I gave him an uneasy smile. "Hi there."

He stared at me and I had never felt scared in my entire life.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

He opened his mouth to say something but panic overtook his features. He hastily climbed into the tub and drew the curtains close again.

"What are you doi—" I exclaimed but he slapped his hand across my mouth. My eyes widened and I stared at him. His eyes were focused on the curtains and it was then that I was able to take a good look at him. His eyes were of a rich brown with a golden mix to it. They held far too many emotions.

He averted his eyes back to me and he looked startled for a second.

I froze as realization took over me.

(Again.)

I was standing in a stranger's tub with the stranger himself. He had a hand over my mouth and we were standing very close to each other, almost to the point where I wanted to cover my face because the proximity made me very, very uncomfortable. I shivered.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Oh crap.

"Yeah, I am," he replied coolly. "I just thought I saw...a spider. I'm okay. Please close the door behind you."

"Okay, sweetie."

When the door closed, Austin removed his hand and his face definitely demanded an explanation. He removed wet strands of his hair away from his face.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed. "Why the fuck are you in my house?"

"H-hanging out?"

"Play date's over," he spat. "Get out."

_No need to tell me twice._ I climbed out of the tub and raced out of the bathroom. Climbing back down didn't take as much time and effort but I was happy to be out of there. I realized that Trish and Dez were nowhere to be seen so I knew who I was going to kill tomorrow.

(If, you know, I wasn't killed before that.)

When I was safe back in my bedroom, I checked if the photo was still in my back pocket.

It was. I grinned mischievously.

Mission accomplished.


	5. five

"I'm going to kill you!" I seethed.

Ignoring the stares I was receiving from some of my fellow classmates, I marched my way up to Trish's desk and slammed both of my hands on her table.

(Well, to be quite honest, I just gently placed them there.)

(I just wanted to add some sort of dramatic effect.)

Trish bit her lip nervously. "Yeah, about that..."

I raised an eyebrow and sat down next to her. "Where were you? You said you'd notify me if someone had returned! Where'd you two go?"

"Well, we sort of ran away," she sheepishly smiled. "What happened anyway?"

"Well, I didn't have time to climb back down so I had to hide in Austin's bathroom! In his tub! And guess who decided it would be best if he took a shower? _He_ did!" I glared at Trish as she forcefully tried to hide her snickers.

"Your life is just a bunch of misfortunes, you know that?" she laughed. I couldn't disagree. "Anyway, what went down between you two?" She smirked at me. "Ally, did you two have an intimate moment?"

The frown I was wearing hastily diminished and I was left sputtering out incoherent stammers, my face glowing red. Honestly, with how warm my face was, the heat I was radiating could have heated the classroom.

"That's insane! How could you possibly—Trish, that's just—it's just absurd to think that could have—why did you—" Trish's laugher cut me off.

"Chill, Ally. I'm only joking."

I took a deep breath and averted my attention to the board. The anger I was feeling slowly deteriorated and I was left with a minor feeling of embarrassment. However, I then felt pretty confident. I mean, yes, Trish and Dez abandoned me during the mission, and, well, Austin did catch me which ended with both of us in his bathtub, but something good did come out of the situation. God knows where he had my picture hidden but I did manage to get back at him.

I grinned mischievously.

"Why are you grinning?" Trish asked. The teacher assigned us our task for the period and I took out my book.

"Well," I smiled, flipping through the pages. "I did manage to get my revenge in the end."

"How so? He caught you, didn't he?"

"True," I replied, gesturing with my finger. "_But_, I managed to steal something – a picture. It's quite rare, too. So, he has a picture of me and I of him. We are square – _even_."

Trish looked impressed. "Woah, now that I think about it, you actually went along with the plan. And you succeeded. Props to you, Ally."

I grinned, yet again, in victory. I had never felt that excited in my entire life. I scribbled the answer to one of the questions in my textbook and then averted my attention to the class. Some were quietly working; others, not so much. A mane of blonde hair caught my attention and I couldn't help but smirk.

Austin seemed as if he hadn't noticed it yet. But, I knew he would. I observed him. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was biting down on his lip in frustration.

He was quite weird, to tell you that.

Not in the _I-embarrass-myself-constantly_ weird. He was very strange and mysterious and to be quite honest, I have never seen him smile. I presume he had smirked at me or something and he did like to patronize me now and then...but the only genuine smile I have ever seen on his face was that of his adolescence years – and it was just one picture.

(Which was hiding in my bedroom.)

He wasn't the type of boy I had expected him to be. I could tell many in this school directly admired him but what was a shock to me was that he didn't seem to care. Like at all. And that's what was weird about him.

* * *

"All right, kids," the couch yelled, blowing his whistle after to get our attention. "Boys versus boys. Girls versus girls. Half-court for each. Go and ahead and pick your teams."

I was never really good at gym. I actually sucked at it. I never really did anything during the games and I was always surprised at how I would actually pass the class. I mean, I did pitch in the effort and I guess that's how I passed. They were satisfactory results that I was actually happy with.

The team captains were Abby and Lena. Now, Abby was popular. But, she wasn't a cliché popular girl. She had short, red hair and it fell in waves. She had a petite face and figure and freckles were scattered across her face. Her body was covered in tattoos. To be straightforward, she was this...well, she was this rebellious teenager.

And she didn't like me.

Moving on to Lena...Lena was this very sweet girl that I had Biology class with. We never really spoke that much but she was a very nice girl.

"Earth to Dawson! Fucking hell, c'mon," Abby sneered and a few snickers erupted from some of her friends, including the boys.

_Oh_.

(I guess you could call it a little cliché.)

"S-sorry!" I exclaimed, passing the ball to her. Coach blew his whistle and the game commenced. Once Abby had caught the ball, she ignored everyone and took a shot.

The ball went through the net in one swift movement. The boys cheered, hardly paying attention to their own game. I crossed my arms and wrinkled my nose. _The gym uniform is horrible_, I thought, completely lost in my own thoughts. Trish stood near me, unfazed by what was going on around her. She didn't enjoy sports, either.

I looked around. Abby was in the middle of blocking one of our teammates – her name was Carly. Carly tried to shoot but Abby stole the ball and made the shot herself, earning her team another point. She highfived her friends and ran a hand through her hair, a grin plastered across her face.

I sighed, hoping the time would pass quickly.

"Ugh," Trish groaned. "I just want this period to be over. I absolutely _hate_ this class."

I laughed.

Abby made yet another shot.

I looked over to the boys. They abandoned their game and sat next to our half of the court. They were cheering on Abby's team and I have to admit, I felt pretty awkward standing there doing absolutely nothing. I scanned the huddle of boys and found that one stood out. Austin was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. The gym uniform consisted of a t-shirt, thus exposing his tattoos.

(Abby made another shot.)

I squinted my eyes.

He was watching her. His face was expressionless but he did seem sort of _engulfed_, I guess you could say.

The score was even between the two teams and I didn't really care. However, as I was absorbed in my own thoughts, I didn't notice the ball being passed to one of our team members and I most definitely did not notice that certain teammate calling out my name. Well, it was bad timing.

I whipped my head towards her. "Wait, what? No! Don't–"

She threw the ball over to me.

I caught it.

"Fifteen seconds left!" the coach yelled.

"Shoot it, Alison! You can do it!" Lena said, struggling to block Abby. Abby managed to escape and raced towards me.

"Ten seconds left!" the coach yelled. My heart hammered in my chest. I averted my gaze onto the net and panicking, I took one last and deep breath and threw the ball. It was then that Abby had reached me. But, it was too late.

The gym fell silent.

The ball rolled around the net in three circular motions as the coach counted down the remainder of the time. Before he could reach _one_, the ball slipped through the net.

I had made the shot.

The coach blew the whistle three times, signaling the end of the game. "Team Lena wins! Team Abby, hit the showers!"

Abby's face contorted in annoyance and she muttered obscene words.

"Fuck yes!" Lena screamed, grinning and pumping her hands in the air. Surprised cheers erupted from around the gym. Lena highfived me. "Good work, Alison! We wouldn't have done it without you!"

"I-it was only one shot," I stammered, blushing. "You guys did great."

"You helped us win, man," Lena smiled. "That counts."

Other team members grinned at me and I smiled, especially at the fact that Trish had to use the school's showers. They were quite filthy showers, too. I smirked at her as she trudged towards the bathroom. It could count as a punishment for abandoning me last night.

Smiling, I turned my head away.

And that's when he and I locked gazes and I basically felt my insides basically melt. He flashed me a small smile and waved and I was shocked. I literally was. I didn't think he even knew my name. I swallowed hard and awkwardly lifted my hand up, waving back at him. His name was _Dallas_ and he was basically all a girl could ever ask for. He was intelligent and charming and sweet and good-looking. Now, I never really talked to him much, which was why his waving at me surprised me.

When I did get back to Earth, everyone was gone and I was standing there like an idiot. I ran to the bathrooms and cleaned up a little, changing into more comfortable clothes. I tied my hair back into a messy bun and left for class.

* * *

"This is great," Trish beamed, flipping open a magazine. "The teacher is absent and we have a free period."

After gym, one of our teachers for our following class was absent and so we were given permission to leave class and just lounge around. All of the class decided to spend the free period outside on the grass. Trish, Dez, and I were seated on a bench.

I smirked. "How was that school shower?"

She groaned and let go of her magazine. "Horrible. The showers are just so disgusting. It's inhumane, it really is. Stop smirking at me!"

I shrugged. "Consider it as a punishment for abandoning me last night. I still have to think of a punishment for Dez, though."

Dez's eyes widened.

Lena approached us and plopped down on the bench. She flashed us a smile.

"Hey, Lena," I smiled at her. "How are you?"

"I do feel pretty amazing," she beamed. "Man, Alison. Abby is always picked as team captain and I was never picked to be on her team – thank God – and this was the first time we beat her at something. By the way, how was the shower, Trish?"

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Trish yelled.

Lena and I barked in laughter. Lena smirked as Abby and her friends passed us. "Hey, Abby? How does it feel to be a loser?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't know, Lena. Isn't that line quite a bit too old to use now?"

Then, it was time for Lena to roll her eyes. "I was just stating the obvious. I mean, you did seem pretty angry at the end. I do recall thinking the veins on your forehead were about to pop."

"Oh, yeah? Well, fuck _you_, Simmons. You're acting as if you won the fucking lottery."

Lena opened her mouth to bark back but closed it and confusion swept across her face. It was then that I realized a hand wrap around my forearm and not a second later, I was being dragged away. The last thing I saw were the puzzled faces of the group and all I knew was that I was going to die.

"Wait, what – what is going –" I stuttered, one of my arms extending towards the bench. "Help!"

I felt my back press up against one of the cool walls but my forearm wasn't let go of and I came face-to-face with an angry-looking Austin.

"What are you doing? Let me go!" I exclaimed, shaking my arm, trying to be released from his grip.

His eyes briefly scanned the crowd of students before darting them back towards me. He leaned in closer. "You have something of mine," he murmured menacingly. "And I want it back."

I swallowed my fear away and smirked. "Do I? I don't believe so."

"Don't play fucking games with me," he growled. "I know you fucking have it. Give _it_ to me."

"Is that how you usually solve things?" I asked. "It's not going to work."

"I'm not joking," he spat. His gaze didn't say otherwise. "I know you weren't exactly _hanging out_ in my bathtub last night. Give it to me." He released his grip on my arm. His breath smelt of cigarettes.

"Neither am I," I flashed him an innocent smile. "I'd very much appreciate it if you'd let me go now." I pushed past him.

He let out a bitter and sarcastic laugh and I felt his hand curl around my wrist, pulling me back. I found myself back in the same situation. His hands rested against the wall, blocking my path. He was dangerously close and I felt a bead of sweat form on the back of my neck.

I wasn't going to show any fear, though. I was stronger than that.

"Where is it? Is it in one of your fucking pockets? Do you honestly want me to shove my hand down all your pockets?" he asked.

_No, I wasn't. _

"What?" I squealed, growing red. "What? No! Of course not! It is – you're so – that's just wrong! It's wrong! Don't – don't do that!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Then give it to me."

I crossed my arms. "I don't have it with me. I sure as hell won't hand it to you, though."

I expected him to patronize me while growling and glaring. But, all he did was move back and stare at me. "Okay."

My hands dropped and I blinked. "O-okay?" I put on a firm face, though, masking my confusion. "Okay."

Without any word, he left. That's when the bell rang and without bothering to give Trish and Dez an explanation, I raced to class.

* * *

"Do you need me to get anything for you from the market?" Mom asked, shrugging on her coat. It was quite windy tonight.

"Nope," I replied. "But thanks."

"Did you do your homework?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, standing up to stretch. "I can watch my show in peace now."

She laughed. "Okay. I won't be long."

Mom grabbed her purse and left the house. I pushed a few strands of my loose hair out of my face and grabbed an apple. I raced up the stairs, taking two at a time, until I reached my room. Dad was still at work. I closed the door behind me, sat at the edge of my bed and grabbed my laptop. However, I wasn't even able to click the episode I wanted to watch and before I knew it, the bedroom door was flung open and the door slammed shut behind the intruder.

I shrieked and fell off the bed, bumping my head along the way. I knew, though, that it wasn't some random intruder.

I poked my head from behind the side of the bed and glared at Austin. "What – what do you think you're doing? The least you could have done is knocked! What if I were changing? Have you no manners?"

"Are you shitting me right now? You're talking to me about manners when you deliberately snuck into my bedroom to steal something?"

_Oops_.

I crossed my arms. "Well, you're the one that stole something from me first! And how is it that we're always arguing? What are you even doing here?"

I knew why.

"Give back what you stole," he squinted his eyes at me. "Now."

"It doesn't work that way, buddy," I said, leaning against my desk. "If you want me to return your picture, you need to give back what _you_ stole, too."

He clenched his jaw and reached into his pocket, taking out a crumpled paper. He held the picture in between his index and middle and gave me a look that gestured me to do the same.

I opened the drawer and took out his own picture.

"Looks like we're square," I said. I walked over to him and held out the picture, grinning. "Nice hairstyle."

Austin shoved my picture into my hands – reluctantly – and stuffed his own into his pocket. He gave me a look.

I raised my hands up in my defense and smiled. "I'm not judging." I crossed my arms and looked at him. Everything was different about him. Silently, he turned around and headed downstairs, with me trailing behind. He opened the door and stepped outside.

"Just a little heads up," I said and he stopped. He craned his neck. "I think – I think you should smile more – like in your picture. I think you should genuinely smile and grin...You have a nice smile."

He stayed silent for second before heaving out a sigh. "Goodbye, Beatles girl."

"It's _Ally_," I corrected him. "Ally; not Beatles girl."

"I think I'll just stick to Beatles girl," he said. "Goodnight."

Austin continued forward and disappeared. I sighed and closed the door. "Goodnight."


	6. six

"Good morning!"

Mom set her coffee mug down. "Somebody's in a good mood today." She smiled and gestured to the bowl of cereal. "Eat up, kiddo."

I thanked her and highfived my dad. Sniffing, I sat on the counter, much to my mother's dismay. Before I could devour my breakfast, though, I sneezed and grabbed a tissue, frowning.

"Are you feeling okay, sweetie?" Mom asked, pressing the back of her hand against my forehead. She frowned. "Hm, you have a slight fever. It looks like you've caught a cold."

I groaned and found myself sneezing again.

"Do you want to take the day off?" she asked, folding her arms over her chest, an inquisitive look on her face. This was a definite surprise to me. Mom was very serious when it came to her only child's education. She was also very serious about maintaining a healthy life. She has never really asked me if I wanted to skip school; until now, that is.

I thought about it for a moment, but decided against it.

"Nah, I feel okay," I said, hopping off the counter. "Besides, it's Friday. Anyway, it might just be allergies. It'll go away."

Mom looked unconvinced but shrugged. "Okay, then. Have fun at school."

I smiled, grabbed my bag, and sneezed again. I rushed out of the house, my breakfast long forgotten. I wiped at my nose, completely annoyed. I didn't think I was allergic to anything. How did I manage to catch a cold? _The weather wasn't exactly the warmest_, I thought. I shrugged away my thoughts and found myself nearing school. Surprisingly, when I walked through the gates, I spotted a huddle of students, all pressed up in a circle. Some were trying to push their way through. A lot of commotion was going on and I wondered why. Alarmingly, I heard a lot of screams and incoherent sentences being shouted and when I got closer, I was able to decipher what people were yelling about.

"Fight!" was being repeatedly chanted. The majority of the crowd looked amused and excited.

"What's going on?" I asked the nearest student, but she ignored me. I had two options: 1) Go to class or 2) Check out what the commotion was all about. Unfortunately, my curiosity got the best of me and I began pushing my way through sweaty students. _Their screaming is going to damage my hearing_, I bitterly thought.

When I got to the front of the circle, I was horrified. I did hear the students chanting 'fight', but I didn't think it was that serious. Swallowing hard, I watched in horror as the scene in front of me unfolded. Austin was on top of Dallas, repeatedly taking swings at him. My chest tightened. Austin looked furious and it was evident as he continued to throw horrible punches at Dallas. Blood trailed down Austin's neck from his lip. I wasn't able to see clearly with all of what was going on. I could see Dallas was fighting as hard as Austin was.

Dallas managed to escape but did not waste any time. He grabbed Austin by the collar of his shirt and took a swing at him in the stomach. Austin groaned and I flinched. Dallas averted his punches to Austin's face and I began to feel dizzy. All I heard was the chants and cheers of my peers and I felt disgusted.

Austin was able to dodge Dallas' incoming fist and began beating at his face. Bile rose in my throat. They looked weary and completely tired but neither wanted to give up. Austin retracted for a bit and I noticed his legs just wanted to drop. Dallas wiped the blood off his face and lunged towards him and I realized that this wouldn't ever end if someone didn't stop it. Where were the teachers? The principle? Why were the students cheering for more? They were going to kill each other. It seemed as if that was their motive. I felt afraid, angry, and sick.

One of Dallas' friends seemed to think the same and with a worried expression, he approached them and grabbed Dallas by the shoulders, trying to drag him away, but Dallas wouldn't budge. Austin wouldn't, either. He was already on top of Dallas and all they were doing was throwing punches at one another. They wanted to stop but they also wanted to continue. Exhaling deeply, I followed Dallas' friend's steps and grabbed Austin's shoulder.

"S-stop!" I yelled. The chants and cheers continued. I was appalled. "Please stop!"

I felt Austin's shoulders tense up and he craned his neck, his eyes widening when they caught mine. He stilled and his tired eyes roamed my face. However, Dallas was able to hinder Austin speechless when he grabbed his collar and collided their foreheads together. Austin hissed and harshly retreated back and suddenly, I found myself tumbling backwards from the strong force. I tried to regain my balance but my feet tangled up and I fell face-first to the ground and I immediately let out a whimper when I felt pain overtake my face.

"Shit!" was the last thing I heard from Austin before black spots dotted my vision and I fell unconscious.

* * *

"Alison, dear. Are you awake?"

The repetitive shaking and prodding finally awoke me. My eyes flew open and I groaned, my head pounding and nose throbbing. I sat up and the school nurse helped me. I pressed my hand against my head. "What's going on?" I felt weak and drained, almost as if I had been chased. It took a while for my eyes to readjust themselves and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. What happened?

"You fell, sweetie," she sighed and handed me an ice pack, gesturing to my nose. I thanked her and pressed the cold bag against my nose. "Do you remember anything? You were in the middle of a fight."

And the memories quickly resurfaced and they played like scenes from a movie. They were so vivid and clear and I hated it. I felt sick again as images of a bloodied Austin fought an even more bloodied Dallas.

"Yeah," I meekly said. "Unfortunately, I do remember. How did I get here?"

"Your red-headed friend carried you here," she smiled. "Dez. Such an eccentric guy but he and your curly-haired friend looked very worried."

I couldn't help but give a small smile in response.

"Are they outside?" I asked.

She shook her head no. "They've already gone home."

I frowned. "Wait, what? But's it's only seven o'clock!"

The nurse gave me a sympathatic smile. "It's almost four, sweetie."

"What?" I sputtered. "I—I slept for that long?"

She nodded. "It's okay, Ally. You fell and you needed the rest. You friends have all what you have missed, although I do think it's not that much. It's only the first week of school, remember? Everything's fine. Besides, your health comes first; education, second."

One thing I liked about the school nurse is that she acted as if all the sick students that came to her were like her own very children. She was always understanding and caring.

"You're right," I murmured, sighing. I set the ice pack down and wiped my nose with a wet tissue. There was some dry blood. Grimacing, I threw away the tissue and stood up, trying to steady myself. My legs felt weak – my whole body did. I couldn't wait to get home and sleep. Maybe if I woke up tomorrow, I'd feel much better. "Thank you."

The nurse – her name was Esther – smiled at me. "My pleasure, dear. Also, you had a slight fever. I think you should tend to that. It's Friday, so I advise you to get some rest and distract yourself. Don't pressure yourself, okay?"

"Got it."

"Have a nice weekend."

I thanked her again, slung my bag over my shoulder, and exited the infirmary. I found myself sighing and sneezing, which added more redundant weight on my irritability. I kept my gaze fixed on the ground and walked down the hallway, eager to get home and forget all about this day. But, when I saw worn-out combat boots, I stopped and reluctantly looked up.

My breath hitched at the sight of Austin. His forehead was pressed against the locker, his eyes tightly shut. However, he sensed that he wasn't the only one in the hallway. His weary eyes opened and he tilted his head, looking startled for a second. I looked away at the sight of his bruised and bloodied face. He pushed himself off the locker and I felt him look at me. I forced myself to look back at him and it seemed like he wanted to say something, and God, it was always his eyes that held the strongest emotions; emotions he would never display. His jaw clenched and he looked angry.

And then the images of the fight returned and played out in my head and I flinched when Austin opened his mouth to say something. I couldn't handle having a conversation with him – with _anyone_. I was tired and angry and I found myself running down the hallway. The last thing I heard was a locker being kicked but I was finally outside and I didn't stop running.

When I was finally home, I was able to properly breathe. I wiped the sweat that matted my face with my sleeve and quickly greeted my mother. I decided against telling her what had happened in the morning and I knew that the school didn't call her. I only got a slight nosebleed. If I were in Austin or Dallas' place, the school wouldn't have hesitated to consult my parents. Before I left to my room, I grabbed a water bottle and drank the whole thing in one swift chug. My mouth had been completely dry.

By the time I was in the safe confinement of my room, I threw my bag and decided to change into more comfortable clothes. I peeled the clothes that hung on to my sweaty body. _I better take a shower soon_, I thought. Groaning in relief, I buried myself deep in my bed sheets and checked my phone.

I had over a hundred messages from Trish and Dez.

_**Trish  
**__r u okay ?_

I reassured her that I was fine and not a second later I had another new message.

_**Trish  
**__good bc we're outside ur house _

A minute passed and Trish and Dez came in barging through the door. I grinned when I saw that they had my favorite junk food and movie with them. "Behold! Our courageous and wonderful best friend; Ally Dawson!" Trish yelled, shoving what she was holding in Dez's hands and coming to hug me.

"You okay?" she asked, smiling.

"We were worried about you," Dez asked. "Fret not! We have a cure! The Breakfast Club and a crap-load of food that I had to pay for!"

And that was how we spent the rest of the day: eating and laughing. I really did like how Trish and Dez didn't pressure me to say anything about what had happened. They knew that I wasn't a fan of such fights and disputes. I didn't really enjoy seeing blood. The remainder of the day, though, helped me cheer up a bit. Actually, it cheered me up completely and I was thankful.

* * *

Trish and Dez left around ten o'clock at night and I decided to take a shower and sleep after that. However, I woke up around twelve midnight and was unable to go back to bed, seeing as I had slept through the day during school. I swung my legs over the bed and hopped off. Rubbing my eyes, I opened the balcony doors to let the cool air drift through. Before I could return to bed, a loud noise from outside alarmed me and I decided to check it out.

I gripped the railings and strained to see through the darkness. However, the streetlights provided enough light for me to get a clue as to what was going on. A trashcan had fallen and a mop of blonde hair stood over it. After fighting with myself as to whether or not to go, I found myself pulling on my shoes and racing outside. When I got closer, the person – and I did have a feeling that it was in fact him – had let go of the trashcan he was trying to pick and it ended up falling, creating an even louder sound.

Austin cursed and raised a finger to his lips, shushing the trashcan and I couldn't help but warmly smile. I was confused, though. When Austin looked at me, however, my smile diminished and I stared at his bruised face. I was standing close so I got a good look of the marks Dallas left. Austin had a bruised eye and cheek. His lip was split and there was a long gash on the side of his head. He didn't have a jacket on and I noticed the dark bruises that decorated his neck in random patterns.

I shut my eyes. The fact that both of them tried to strangle one another to the point of death made me uneasy. When I opened them again, Austin was still staring at me. "Wh-what are you doing here?" he slurred. He lost his balance and stumbled forward and I quickly retaliated and grabbed his arm with one hand and his shoulder in the other. His breath smelt of strong liquor and I sighed.

"How drunk are you?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied.

I couldn't help but laugh at his response. He definitely had a lot to drink for the day.

He kept stumbling so we sat down, our backs against the brick wall. Sighing again, I let him go and watched him. I was getting used to the sight of his face. He tilted his head backward and closed his eyes and since he was drunk, I did not want him to fall asleep outside. I lifted a finger and lightly poked his neck. His eyes flew open and he stared at me, his hand rubbing his neck. "What the fuck did you do that for?" Even when drunk, he could still be an ass. A part of me was very upset, seeing as how much damage was inflicted on him – both on him and Dallas. His bruises hurt _that_ much.

I sent him a small smile. "I'm sorry."

"Where are my cigarettes?" he frowned, patting his torso. He then looked at me. "Where is my jacket?"

"It's not on you."

"For fuck sake," he spat. "Where the fuck am I? Why does my face hurt that fucking much?"

"Y-you were in a fight," I whispered, looking at my hands. His hands also displayed bloody wounds.

Austin stilled for a moment and closed his eyes. His hand rested on his forehead and he shook his head. "I fucking promised her. I fucking promised her that this wouldn't happen again. Why did I fucking do it? I fucked up. Jesus Christ, I fucked up again. This was not – this was not supposed to happen. That _bastard _– that fucking bastard. I'm going to kill him. I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill him –" I grabbed his shoulder and he stopped, his face matted with sweat.

"It's okay, Austin."

"What do you know?" he bitterly laughed. "You don't know anything. You fucking don't know anything. Why are you even here? Stop _acting_ like you fucking know everything. Because you don't. Why are you even always around me, for fuck sake? Just – just go. At least you have everything figured out. At least you have your fucking life planned out. You're not fucked up. Just fucking leave."

By the time he was finished, he was breathing heavily and I felt hurt. I was that much of an annoyance to him. I looked down at my lap and thought for a moment. What he said to me – it didn't drive me away for some reason. But what he said to me – it left me pondering. Austin was troubled. It was quite obvious. I wondered about what happened to him. Why did he move here? Why was he secluded? What was the reason for his constant anger and sadness? Why did he and Dallas even fight? I found myself asking so many questions about the drunken and wounded boy next to me.

"I feel sick," he groaned, stumbling to get up. I got up myself and helped him get to his feet. I wrapped one arm around his waist and the other gripped his forearm. Ignoring his protests, I began to lead him in his house's direction. We stumbled up the steps and I let him go for a brief second. I tried opening the door but it wouldn't budge; it was locked.

"Do you have a key on you?" I asked, turning around.

Austin lost his balance again and his hands ended up lying on the wall, his head bent down in pain and his breath coming out ragged. When he looked up, I pursed my lips and ignored the close proximity between us. His confused eyes scanned mine. "Why are you – you're so – why are you so – oh, _fuck_."

"Do you have the key?" I asked again.

"B-back pocket."

I blushed. "Could you – could you get that for me?"

"Why?" he sarcastically asked. "And miss the intimate moment we're going to have?"

"Shut up and give me the key!"

He threw the key at me and I stuck my tongue at him as he continued to groan in pain. When I had the front door unlocked, I grabbed Austin again, quietly closed the door behind us, and we slowly headed up the stairs. He was heavy and I found myself breathing heavily from the weight, although my inner feminism encouraged me.

"With my groaning and your panting, we sound like we're having—"

"Don't continue that sentence!" I cut him off, my face glowing red.

I could feel him rolling his eyes. "Why is it dark in here?"

Ignoring him, I lead him down the hall and into his room, whose door was thankfully opened ajar. I let go of Austin and he fell down on his bed and I knew he wouldn't be waking up. The lamp was on but I didn't make a move to turn it off. The light it was illuminating, though, helped me search his closet for an extra blanket. When I did find one, I covered Austin and smiled.

He was a strange puzzle that I couldn't solve and as I walked back home, I remembered the only goofy moments he had while being drunk and I found myself wishing he were like that in his sober state. I really did.


	7. seven

"I'm dying, mom!" I groaned, rolling around in pain. "I'm dying. Before you leave, do say what you loved about your daughter. I think my time has come to leave this planet—"

"Oh, shut up, Alison," Mom rolled her eyes and placed another tissue box next to me.

I pursed my lips. "Is that you how you treat your only child? Right before they're going to die? I am ashamed to call you my mother."

"You have a fever and a runny nose, you swine," she scolded. "You really are dramatic, you know that?"

I grinned. "Thank you, thank you." My grin then diminished and I harshly coughed. "But it feels like I'm dying. I can only breath through one nostril and my head is spinning. It's death, I tell you; _death_."

Mom gave me a look.

"Okay, it's _close_ to death," I mumbled, wiping my nose. "Does dad have work today?"

"Yes," she replied. "I'm going to Jessica's house for coffee and then on my way back, I'm stopping at the market." She sighed. "I've been going to the market way too many times. You need anything? Oh! We need toilet paper and..."

I zoned out and felt my eyelids slowly drip as my mom fumbled around the room, ranting to herself. "Alison, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? Yeah!"

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Are you sure you don't need me to call Mrs. Walker? What if you fell really sick and none of us were home? What if you need anything?"

"Mom, I'll be okay," I said. "I mean, come on, you did say it's just a fever and a runny nose. Besides, I'm going to get some rest and then do some homework." I grabbed another tissue and coughed to the point where I felt my lungs were going to fall out of my chest. She opened her mouth to retort but I gave her a stern look. "I'm fine!"

She sighed, unconvinced. "Okay. Well, I'm off. I'll see you later, sweetie."

Once the door closed, I breathed a sigh of relief and buried myself deep in my covers, smiling in content. I was enjoying my Saturday so far. When I had woken up, I decided that I needed the day to relax after yesterday's events. I took Esther's advice and did everything that could distract me. The rest of my Saturday was planned out: I would nap, wake up and do some homework, and then take Charlie out for a walk. That was all what I wanted to do and I hoped the day wouldn't be ruined.

I then shut my eyes and as soon as I did so, I fell asleep.

* * *

When one wakes up, they expect themselves to have no problems. I had expected myself to wake up and find no trouble by my side. What no one expects to find when they wake up is a stranger right next to you.

And that was what I found when I first opened my eyes.

"What the—" I shrieked, rolling to the side. I ended up falling off of the bed, landing on the carpeted floor with a thud. I groaned and sat on my knees. Austin was seated on a chair with a book in his hands, completely unfazed. "Are you seriously kidding me?"

I stood up and crossed my arms, looking at him. Eventually, he set the book down and sighed, standing up. He shoved his hands into his pants' pockets and we spent at least a minute staring at each other.

"You look like Rudolf."

_Boy, he sure knows how to sweep a girl off her feet_, I thought.

"Gee, thanks," I retorted, but nonetheless blushing. "Wh-what are you doing here? How long have you been sitting there? Why are you here?"

He heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "Your mother told me that you were sick."

I squinted my eyes at him, still confused.

Austin rolled his eyes. "She wanted me to look after you."

"I bet you're happy being here with a task," I teased, folding my arms.

"Oh, definitely," he sneered. "Now, come on. I need to get some stuff for my mother from the grocery."

"I don't really need to go," I said, shrugging. "I'm fine, really."

"And then I end up receiving shit from my mom," he glowered at me. "It's enough that yesterday—" He stopped and stared at me for a brief moment, various emotions dancing across his features. He sighed and rubbed his temples and I gave him a sympathetic look. "I don't want to argue. So don't fucking argue."

I wet my lips. "How are your bruises?" He looked at me and I gestured to his neck. When he didn't reply, I sighed and made my way over to the closet, mumbling to myself, until I felt his cold hand curl around my elbow to turn me around.

I stared at him.

He kept his gaze fixed on anything _but_ me.

"What?" I softly asked.

"Did I say something last night?" he muttered.

My eyes widened. "I didn't think you'd remember _anything_ from last night."

He finally looked at me, a scowl painting his face. "Are you fucking kidding me? Even I know that my drunken ass couldn't have just ended up on my bed with a blanket over me. So just fucking tell me if I said something or not."

"Well, yeah, you did say something, but you're going to have to specify more," I said, and he looked like he wanted to obliterate me. "What are we talking about here?" He groaned in frustration and I sighed again. "Okay, you...you didn't say anything." He raised an eyebrow at me. "I promise."

He let go of me and retreated backwards, sitting down on the bed. I flung open my closet and began rummaging for some comfortable clothes. "You know, you also still manage to be a massive ass as well when drunk. And you also don't smile. I don't think you ever smile. It's a sad thing, though. Smiling is good. I swear you should smile more. How come you don't smile? I'm very curious. Also—" I stopped and laughed. "—you're very goofy when you're drunk. I think you display various emotions when you're not sober. Ah, I found you shushing a trashcan that you were unable to put back in its place. You failed twice. It was pretty funny."

I turned around with the clothes in my hands. Austin was frowning but his cheeks were tinted red and I laughed again.

"You talk way too much," he said, rubbing his forehead again.

I shrugged and smiled. "Could you – could you leave so I could change?"

Silently, he stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. I quickly changed into my clothes and combed my tangled hair with my fingers, tying it into a messy bun. Then, I headed downstairs and found Austin stroking Charlie's fur. _He sure needed a haircut_, I thought.

"I'm ready."

We got into their car and without a word, Austin started up the engine and began driving. I put on my seatbelt and sighed, aimlessly playing with my fingers. The car ride was awfully awkward. I realized both Austin and I didn't have the urge to choke one another. Our first encounter pretty much stopped bothering me.

To decrease the amount of tension between us, I turned on the radio and smiled as one of my favorite songs began playing. I hummed to it and watched as the scenery outside zoomed past us in a blur. When the song suddenly changed midway, I whipped my head around.

"What'd you do that for?" I asked.

"I felt like listening to this song," he flatly said.

I glared at him and changed the station. "Yeah, well, I want to listen to this song."

He glowered at me. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Indeed."

His jaw clenched and he proceeded to change the song. Thus continued our fight over which song had to be played. In the end, a frustrated and furious Austin turned off the radio and I decided against turning it back on.

"You are fucking unbelievable," he hissed.

Ignoring him, I thought for a brief moment. I drummed my nails against the doorframe. "So," I began. "You wanna play _twenty questions_?"

Austin's face told me otherwise.

"Oh, come on," I complained. "I'm trying to break the ice here. The least you could do is help. I mean, we started off on the wrong foot and I'm just trying to be friendly. I'm going to start, okay? Don't give me that look, you absolute turd!" I wrinkled my nose and thought of a question while Austin spat out crude obscenities. "Alright! I have a question! I heard you have a sibling. What's his name?"

Austin gripped the steering wheel with both hands, his face looking for an escape. He heaved a sigh and looked at me. "You're never going to shut the fuck up, are you?"

"No."

"Alex," he replied. "His name is Alex."

I smiled. "That wasn't bad, now was it? Now it's your turn!"

Austin stayed silent and I decided to give him some time to think. I stared at him with an eager look, patiently waiting. He tilted his head, stared right ahead, and muttered some other obscene words.

"I swear I'll never stop annoying you."

"Alright!" he said, aggravated. "What's your favorite color?"

I gave him a flat look. "You suck at this game. Anyway, it's either blue or black. I'm quite indecisive. I do like them both. Like a lot. My turn! What's your biggest fear? Or one of your biggest fears?"

"I'm not afraid of anything," he spoke in a low voice, a scowl on his face.

"That's a lie."

"Don't fucking argue with me, okay? I'm not afraid of anything. You asked me a question and I gave you an answer. Now quit it."

"Assface."

"I will fucking kick you out of this car."

"How charming."

* * *

We were on our way back home. Austin had gathered some of the things his mother asked him to get and I ended up buying a bunch of chocolate bars that I most definitely did _not_ devour on the way back.

(That was a lie.)

Once Austin parked the car in his driveway, I decided to help with the groceries. For once, Austin didn't protest. I grabbed some of the brown paper bags and began trotting my way up to his door. When we were inside, I began to put away the products, and that awkward tension was back again.

"So, have you made any new friends?" He stayed silent. I cleared my throat. "I'm just curious."

"You're curious about a lot of things."

"Yeah, well, you're pretty interesting."

He didn't say a word after that.

I licked my teeth. "I was asking because I don't see you around anyone at school. Sometimes, I don't even see _you_. It's very confusing. Everybody likes you, you know. Seriously. On the first day of school, practically every girl I passed was talking about you. See? You haven't smiled once and girls are already drawn to you. Imagine their reactions when they see your smile. I think the boys want you to be on the football team because you look like a good athlete." I stopped and took a breath, putting away the cereal. He still didn't say anything and I took it upon my will to continue. "Say, have you got your eye on someone? I think Abby's attracted to you. I saw her grinning at you."

"Please stop talking."

"Well, why not?" I hopped onto the counter. "I think you guys would make a good couple. Believe me, I'm good at this matchmaking thing. Abby has tattoos and she listens to what you listen to! Isn't that enough? I think you should go for it."

"I fucking said _please_."

I wrinkled my nose and stayed quiet for a second. "Hey...why did you...why did you and Dallas fight?"

"Stop asking goddamn questions!" he whirled around and glared at me. "You're making my head fucking spin."

I stuck out my tongue at him and grabbed a tissue to wipe my nose. Unfortunately, I could still only breathe through one nostril.

"Well, I'm sorry, but you don't cooperate!" I exclaimed. "I'm trying to be friendly here."

"Don't."

"Asswipe."

Furious, he opened his mouth to say something but closed it when his mother walked into the kitchen. I grinned at him in victory and hopped off the counter.

"Hi, Mimi," I greeted.

"Oh, Alison," she smiled brightly. Her eyes looked tired. "It's so nice to see you. How are you, dear? You sound sick."

"Yeah, I caught a cold. It's nothing."

"Chicken noodle soup will help," she warmly said. She looked at Austin and her face softened up. "Are you feeling okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah."

Mimi sighed. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Alison?"

"Thank you for the offer, but I can't," I replied. "I have to take my dog out for a walk. He hasn't gone out in almost a week."

"But you should stay for dinner soon!"

Austin looked like he would prefer drinking acid instead and I resisted the urge not to kick his ass. I smiled at Mimi. "Will do."

"Go with her, Austin."

"What?" he dryly asked.

"Help her walk the dog. Get some fresh air. You need it."

"You can't be—"

"I am," Mimi interrupted.

Pursing his lips, Austin silently left the house. Mimi shook her head and gave me a sympathetic look. "I don't know how you handle him."

"It's kind of the other way around," I sheepishly said, rubbing the back of my neck. "He's quite annoyed by me."

She sighed. "He's like that with everybody."

"I guess I should be going—"

"Thank you, Alison."

I sent her a puzzled look. "For what?"

"For yesterday," she softly smiled. "I know that it was you who helped Austin when he was drunk – when you helped him into the house. Thank you for _everything_. Austin, he's – he's just troubled. But, he's a good person. He just doesn't show it."

I was quite surprised. Even after Mimi left the room, I stood there and analyzed what she had told me.

Austin.

He was troubled.

He was a troubled and confused soul.

For reasons I wanted to find out about. For reasons I was _going_ to find out about.

Sighing, I left their house and found Austin smoking a cigarette. I fetched Charlie and began walking, Austin silently beside me.

"So," I grinned. "Do you want to continue that _twenty questions _game?"

"Don't fucking push it, Beatles girl."

"Turd."


	8. eight

"How's your cold, Alison?" Mom asked, walking into the kitchen. "Do you feel much better?"

I looked up from my math sheet and gave her a brief smile. "Yeah, I feel much better. I just don't appreciate the fact that I can only breathe through one nostril." I wrinkled my nose. "It's annoying."

"How on Earth did you manage to catch a cold anyway?" she asked, leaning against the granite counter.

Pursing my lips, I shrugged and played with my pen. Now, I had been thinking about that and speculating about the reason as to why I was sick. The weather was quite cold but I knew that it wasn't just _that_. What seemed more logical to me was the fact I had ended up in Austin's bathtub with freezing water soaking my body. Then, I left Austin's house and the not-so-warm weather might have played its toll.

Well, I didn't tell my mother that.

(She'd probably disown me.)

"Well, it's nothing serious," she shrugged and smiled. "Do you have a lot of homework for Monday?"

"Nope," I replied, jotting down an equation. "I'm almost done and then I'm going to meet Trish and Dez. Why?"

"Don't be late," she said. "We're having lunch at Mimi's."

"Okay."

Mom left the kitchen and I continued the set of equations I had to do. When I was done, I was more than content. Shoving my books away, I stood up and stretched, satisfied. It was a good Sunday morning. I was supposed to meet Trish and Dez at some coffee shop downtown. Trudging up the stairs, I made my way into my bedroom and changed into my usual attire. I put my hair up in a lazy bun, said goodbye to my mother, and exited the house. The moment I passed the Moon residence, Austin had made his way outside. His eyes were covered with black sunglasses, his hands shoved into his pockets. Smiling, I walked up to his car, where he was standing, ready to leave.

"What do you want?" he flatly asked.

I gave him a sour look. "Good morning, sunshine."

"Good morning," he said, void of emotion. "Now, what do you want?"

"Mind if you give me a lift?" I asked. "My dad took the car and my destination is not really around here."

"No."

"Oh, come on!" I cried. "Why do you always insist on being an ass? I just want a lift; I'm not going to do anything!"

Austin's jaw clenched and he flung his car door open, heaving a sigh. "Get in."

Victoriously grinning, I walked to the other side of the car and entered. Austin, on the other hand, looked far from happy and I was not in the least bit surprised. "Where do you want to go?" he asked, starting up the engine. I gave him the name of the coffee shop and its exact location. He nodded and drove in silence.

Though, I was never really good with silence.

"So," I began.

He groaned. "No. Whatever you're going ask me—it's a no from now. I do not want to play any games and I'm not going to answer any questions. I just want to drop you off so that I can go on with my day. It's enough I'm seeing you for lunch."

I gaped at him. "You little—why you little—you grouch!"

"I am appalled by your choice of words," he sarcastically retorted.

Fuming, I folded my arms and muttered to myself. "You know, I wasn't going to ask any of what you mentioned. I was only going to ask about _you_. I mean I just wanted to know how you were doing seeing as you got into a bloody fight just two days ago! But pardon me, next time, I'll make sure to sack you in the face."

Austin stayed silent, his eyes focused ahead and his eyebrows furrowed. I decided to remain quiet for the rest of the drive, although I was itching to say something. I really didn't do well when it came to complete and utter silence. I acknowledged the fact that whenever Austin and I were around one another, it always ended with us two bickering for the sake of bickering. I'd say I was the decent one here when it came to socializing, and that said a lot since I was quite horrible at conversing.

Minutes passed and soon, Austin had the car parked near the coffee shop. I looked out the window and spotted a bunch of my classmates lounging outside and my heart stopped when I saw Dallas. Exhaling a breath, I removed the seatbelt and glanced at Austin. "Thanks."

He looked at me. "You can get out now."

I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes. "A decent _'you're welcome'_ would have been sufficient. What is your problem, for God sake? Why are you such a grouchy, stubborn, and snobby guy? I'd say I'm doing well when it comes to us. Again, we started off on the wrong foot and I'm trying to fix that but you're not cooperating—"

"Will you shut up already?" he asked. "I drove you here so get out."

"I am so close to kicking your ass!" I cried, flailing my arms around. "You're so void of emotion! You didn't even thank me for saving your drunken ass! I could have left you slumped down against the wall in the middle of the night! You—you could have been hurt! You were too drunk that you tried to shush a trashcan! Now, I demand a _'thank you'_."

"You _demand_? Are you fucking with me right now? I'm not saying a goddamn word. Now will you please get out already?" he snapped.

"No."

Austin's head fell down and rested against the steering wheel, his hands gripping it as tightly as ever.

"You're impulsive and rude and I'm not leaving this car until you're at least decent enough to say thank you or something. It might be a long day."

His head snapped up and he sent me an icy glare. I was scared for a minute.

"Fuck this," he spat, flinging the car door open. He got out and walked to my side, opening the door with force. He leaned against the door and gave me a straight face. "I opened the door for you. You may leave now."

Sighing, I got out of the car. I pointed an accusatory finger at him. "That was most definitely not a _nice_ move."

"Don't expect a lot of things from me," he said in a calm yet cold manner. Austin shut the door.

"I don't expect you to be some gentlemen, you know," I said, swinging on the heels of shoes. "I just expect you to be a decent human. Well, I'm not trying to accuse you. I do know you're decent. You just don't show it."

He stared at me, his eyes roaming mine. I wet my lips and sighed. "We're always arguing, you know. It'd be quite a change if we had a normal conversation. How are your bruises by the way? They still look fresh."

"They're fine," he replied. His eyes wandered and I followed his gaze. Austin was coldly staring at Dallas' group. Dallas seemed to be mirroring his stare. "I should go."

I nodded. Austin walked back to his side and I grinned. "I'll see you at lunch!"

Before Austin took off, I heard him mutter obscenities and I couldn't help but smile. He probably detested my guts but it was quite amusing, in a way. When his car disappeared, I turned to enter the coffee shop. I noticed Dallas' group had gone in.

Well, except for Dallas.

My heart thudded as I made my way to the door. Before I could enter, though, Dallas' deep and sweet voice stopped me.

"Alison?"

_He knows my name_, I thought.

I gulped and looked at him, aware of the assembly of bruises and scars that painted his features. "Y-yeah?"

"How are you?" he softly asked. "I-I'm really sorry about what happened. You-you shouldn't have been hurt. I hope you're okay."

My stomach proceeded to do flips. "I-It's okay. I'm fine, actually." I exhaled half a laugh. "Though I do believe I should be asking about you. Are you okay?"

I was surprised at my cool manner. However, my insides were far from calm. I felt I was about to explode any minute.

"I guess," he smiled.

I smiled back.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Yeah." I mentally kicked myself for how overly excited that had sounded. He didn't seem to care, though. With a wave, he departed and took off, much to my dismay. Dallas and I never really had a proper conversation. It was a smile here and there and a wave or two. We've been together for as long as I could remember, dating back to kindergarten where I also met the two goofs. I entered the coffee shop and found an aggravated Trish seated next to a vulnerable and innocent-looking Dez. "Where the hell have you been? He's driving me crazy!"

"Just some minor setbacks," I smiled, sitting down.

* * *

Trish drove me home after that. When I did arrive, my mother was already getting ready for lunch at Mimi's while my dad was trying to watch the game.

"Lester!" she cried. "Come on! Get up and put on your clothes, you lug!"

"But-but the game!" he whined, pointing at the TV. Cursing, Mom grabbed the remote and turned the television off. "Up!"

"Okay, okay," Dad muttered.

I laughed. "Mom, I'm going to take a quick shower."

She let out a frustrated groan. "Why am I so irritable? All right, go take a shower and meet us at their house, okay? Lester, come on!"

Grinning, I skipped up the stairs, taking two at a time, and sauntered into the bathroom. I stripped my clothes off and quickly jumped into the tub. The shower lasted for about five minutes. After I got out, I brushed my teeth and pulled on my clothes. Overall, it took me about twenty minutes to get ready. I pulled my hair that I had straightened into the usual bun and took off.

I rapped on the door and Mimi answered it. She gave me a broad smile and gestured for me to enter. "Alison! How are you, my dear?"

"I'm great!" I returned the smile. "And you?"

"Great, great," she nodded. "Lunch is not yet ready but please make yourself comfortable." She frowned and checked her watch. "Austin's still out. What am I ever going to do with that boy?"

I chuckled. "I'm sure he'll be here."

"He better."

Mothers were always the scariest.

"Do you need me to help with anything?" I asked.

"Not at all," she said. "Everything's cooking and the table is set. Thank you, dear."

To waste time, I climbed up the stairs and explored around. The walls were decorated with family portraits and beautiful paintings that I admired. Most of the pictures were of Mimi, Austin, and who I presumed was Alex. There were no pictures of Austin and Alex's father. Mother told me that Mimi was divorced and I felt that surge of curiosity vibrate. Also, Austin looked nothing like Alex. Yes, the faces obviously had a resemblance but the physical features were quite different. Alex had a curly mop of dark hair and his eyes were a deep shade of blue. I speculated Alex inherited his father's looks while Austin pretty much resembled Mimi with his blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes. The pictures included the three laughing and smiling and having the time of their lives. Mimi looked so tired now and Austin was this straight-faced mystery.

He was a tough nut to crack.

I walked down the hallway and entered Austin's bedroom. The smell of cinnamon and smoke lingered in the air. The stack of books on his desk caught my attention. He liked to read. Humming, I went through his books, interested in some and making a mental note to check the novels out. Time seemed to slowly drag on and I was beginning to feel famished. I picked up a few CD's and sorted through them. I only recognized the classic rock bands but not the current ones.

"Comfortable?" a deep voice suddenly asked.

Startled, the CD's flew out of my hands and I struggled to catch them but to no avail. They landed on the carpet with a thud. I looked up and saw Austin leaning against the doorframe, his hands folded. "I promise I wasn't doing anything!" Austin rolled his eyes. I picked up the CD's and put them back in their places. "I only went through your stack of books and CD's, honest."

"Whatever. Lunch is ready," he said. I nodded and followed him downstairs.

* * *

The food was great. Mimi was such a good cook that I had about three servings of, well, _everything_. My parents and Mimi indulged in adult talk, I stuffed my face with large amounts of food, and Austin stayed silent. I looked up from my plate and saw his sour face. His hand massaged his neck and I pursed my lips. I wondered if he was doing anything about his bruises and wounds.

"Excuse me," he muttered, standing up and leaving the room.

"I must ask, Mimi," Dad said. "Why'd you two decide to move to Florida?"

"Well," she sighed, giving them a small smile. "We had quite a few problems in New York. Moving seemed to be the only answer."

"I hope the problems weren't severe," Mom interjected.

"Did Austin like his old school?" I blurted. I didn't know what his life was like in New York. I only knew that he was very happy as a child and the opposite now.

"He did," she nodded. She stopped and wondered, her manicured-nails drumming against the wooden table. She sighed and gave us a brief smile. "He got expelled, though."

Oh.

Austin got expelled from his old school? The intimidating demeanor he held was not a shock but I _was_ surprised.

"Expelled? Why?" I asked and I cursed myself for my curiosity. Mimi didn't seem to mind, although it looked like a sensitive topic.

"He vandalized the principle's car and got into several fights," Mimi murmured, brushing a loose curl out of her face. "I figured it'd be nice for a new start."

I nodded but didn't say anything else. Then, Austin walked in and sat back down, without saying a word. We all helped with the dishes and then Mimi brought out some chocolate cheesecake.

"Austin," she said, her eyebrows furrowed. "We ran out of red wine. Please run to the store and get me two bottles. Here's the money. Take Ally with you."

Austin scowled and opened his mouth but the look his mother gave him shut him up. I grinned and followed Austin out the door. We got to the car and I saw Austin rubbing at his neck again, his face contorted in pain.

"Do you want me to drive?" I asked.

He stared at me.

"You know, 'cause your neck..."

"I'm fine."

I pursed my lips and got into the car, ambivalent. The ride to the store was short and quiet. I decided not to say anything. Austin parked the car and got out and I was hot on his heels. I didn't really think Austin was doing anything about his wounds and bruises. He was just waiting for them to heal. Frowning, I looked around the store and searched the aisles until I found what I had been looking for.

If Austin wasn't going to help himself, then I was.

I grabbed some cream and paid at the counter. I knew he wouldn't let me buy the product if he saw it. Austin wasn't dumb.

Sighing, I looked around and went back to searching the aisles for any sign of Austin. I figured he already paid and was outside so I left the store but found the car untouched with Austin out of sight. That's when I began panicking. I whirled around, only to run into somebody. I looked up and my eyes widened. A tall and buff man stood before me. He looked to be in his early thirties. What made me panic more was that the guy had several piercings in places I didn't even think you could get piercings on. He held a bottle of vodka and when he saw me, he flashed me a coy smile, displaying his silver replacements for his teeth.

"And you are?" he slurred.

My nerves were buzzing with fear. Where was Austin?

I backed away a little. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to b-bump into you." I swallowed hard when I saw him take a huge gulp of the booze.

"Why so scared?" he asked, flashing me a smile. "I'm not going to hurt you. Tell me, what's a pretty girl like you doing out here by herself?"

"I-I'm just going to go now."

"You want a lift?"

"N-no! No, that's not necessary!" I stammered, backing away. The man made a move to approach me but I kept taking steps backwards until I felt my back collide with a sturdy wall.

It wasn't a wall, though.

In an instant, I felt a hand snake around my waist and I yelped. _I was going to die, I was going to die, I was going to die._ I was spun around and tightly pressed against a warm body.

"Austin," the stranger slurred. "Woah, what are you doing here, man?"

"Just buying a few things, Bob," Austin replied. When I heard his voice, my heart stopped thudding and I stopped trembling. I hung on to Austin's shirt in relief and closed my eyes. "Seems like you had a lot to drink."

"Say, you know that girl?" he asked.

Austin stayed quiet for a second. "Yeah," he coldly answered. "She's my girlfriend."

My eyes shot open and I squirmed. "W-what?" I felt Austin's hand tighten around my waist and I squealed.

"You could do much better, man," the stranger said.

That was enough for me to break out of Austin's grip. Clenching my fists, I whirled around. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean? I will not hesitate to kick your butt, you incompetent ass! I swear to God, I will—"

"Okay, Bob," Austin interjected. "I'll see you around."

Bob shrugged and walked away, losing his balance every two seconds. Fuming, I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. A second later, I felt as if something added to the weight of my body. I dropped my hands and looked up. Austin's arm was hanging off my head, his head bent down in frustration.

"You're unbelievable," he muttered.

"But-but did you hear what he said? He crossed the line!" I flailed my arms around, agitated.

"Come on," he sighed. "Let's go."

We got into car and Austin began driving. I pondered for a minute. "How come you know that guy? Bob?"

"He works at a bar," Austin answered.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

Austin tilted his head to look at me. "For what?"

"For saving me," I shrugged. "I was pretty scared, you know. I was also panicking."

He nodded and averted his attention back to the road. When we finally reached his house, Austin parked the car in the driveway, turned the car off, but didn't make a move to get out. I stared at him, my eyes curiously squinting at him. "Hey, are you—"

"Thank you," he cut me off.

I startled, my shoulders rising in surprise. I gave him a quizzical look. "For-for what?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "For saving my drunken ass, if you want me to put it that way."

"Oh," I said, smiling at him. "Well, then, you're welcome."

He nodded and got out of the car. I did, too, and we ended up having chocolate cheesecake with the rest. The sun also began to set.

"Excuse me," I said, getting up. I climbed up the stairs and entered the bathroom, gently closing the door behind me. Turning on the water, I washed my face and hands and dried myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and pondered for a while.

"What's taking you so long?" a voice interrupted my thoughts. "Get out."

Rolling my eyes, I opened the door and Austin pushed past me. It was amazing how his moods shifted from one to another so quickly. Austin grabbed his toothbrush and glared at me. "Do you mind?"

I rolled my eyes again and left. Yawning, I stretched and entered Austin's bedroom. I grabbed one of his books and flipped it open, my parent's laughter audible from downstairs. A few minutes later, Austin entered the room and sighed.

"Haven't you had enough for a day?" he asked.

"No."

"Well, I have."

"Too bad."

Cursing, Austin sat down on the edge of the bed and I caught him rubbing at his neck again. _Idiot_, I muttered. I pulled out the cream from my jacket's wide pocket and unscrewed the cap.

"Here," I said, gesturing to the cream.

Austin looked at it and then back at me. "I don't want that."

"But you're in pain!"

"No, I'm not," he snapped. "And frankly, I don't care."

Groaning in frustration, I squirted a good amount of the cream onto my hand and shuffled closer to Austin. I extended my hand forward and gently began to rub the cream on his neck. Instantly, Austin's hand shot up and grabbed mine and I froze.

_What_.

"What are...what are you doing?" he asked, staring at me.

I realized that that might have looked weird. My face grew red.

"That's not necessary!" I cried, gesturing to his hand that held mine.

"Neither is _this_," he glared at me and pointed to the cream.

"You're such an idiot, you know that? I'm just helping you! You've been rubbing your neck all day. Admit it! It hurts! Now let go of my hand, please!"

He stayed quiet and let go of my hand, staring at me with an expressionless face. I continued smothering cream onto his neck. He bent his head downwards a little and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "You're unbelievable."

"I know," I smiled at him. "And you're quite the mystery."


	9. nine

"Oh crap!" I yelled, rolling off the bed and landing on the floor with a thud. Groaning, I hastily got up and began to fumble around my room, trying to accomplish everything I usually did in the mornings. If I hadn't overslept, my morning wouldn't have been so hectic.

But I did oversleep.

I quickly pulled on clothes I blindingly grabbed from the closet and brushed my teeth. Not even bothering to comb my hair, I put it up in a usual bun. I never really did care for my hair.

"Bye, Charlie!" I screamed, grabbing my bag. I slung it over my shoulder and ran out of the house and I continued to do so till I found myself leaning over the school wall and panting heavily. I was pretty sure Mrs. Walker had cursed at me during my run. Beads of sweat were already forming on my forehead and I wiped them off with the back of my hand, walking up the steps.

I had missed first period.

Groaning again, I raced to my second class, which had, unfortunately, already begun. I opened the class door and cursed it for the squeaking it caused. I stepped into the classroom and heads whirled to look at me.

I blushed and cleared my throat. "Sorry I'm late!"

The teacher did not look amused. Unfortunately for me, it was one of my grumpiest teachers. Ms. Fields absolutely hated me but I didn't take it seriously because she basically hated everyone.

"Alison Dawson," she said, her voice cold. "You're late."

_No kidding. _

"I-I know," I said. "I'm sorry."

She gestured for me to sit down and I basically rushed to my seat. Trish glanced at me and sent me a flat look.

"You look horrid."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you have a tissue?"

"Yeah. Jesus, you're sweating so much."

I took the tissue and began to wipe off the sweat off of my face and neck. I scrunched up my nose. "I'll sweat as much as I want, thank you very much."

"You're not going to lecture me again, are you?" she asked, a sour look on her face.

"Lucky for you, no," I said. "I'll probably do it later."

"Yeah, don't do that," Trish answered. "I am not about to have you scream in my face and lecture me about these issues. I've experienced that one too many times."

I opened my mouth to retort but Ms. Fields' icy voice cut me off. I blushed again and shifted in my seat. She glared at Trish and I with such a ferocious look on her face. "Rosa, Dawson, do you have anything do you want to say? Don't let us interrupt you."

"We have nothing to say, Ms. Fields," Trish calmly answered.

"You don't? Good. I hope you also don't have plans after school because you have detention," she gave us a sweet smile and then continued to lecture her class about, well, whatever she was talking about.

I rubbed my temples and sighed.

* * *

"Oh, my God," I cried. "Detention? This is my first time getting detention! I don't know what to do! What if this damages my perfect attendance record? You know how serious this! My perfect attendance record needs to stay perfect! What am I going to do?"

Dez and Trish sat silently, each with a flat look.

"Are you...are you fucking kidding me?" Trish snapped, her arms flailing around. "You...you got detention for talking in class! Calm down, you idiot. You'll live."

"They're not sending you to some juvenile facility, you know," Dez said and for once, Trish agreed.

I crossed my arms and glared at them. Before I could open my mouth to say something, I spotted Austin sitting at a table in a corner. He had a book in his hands, his eyes focused on the pages. While Trish and Dez argued, I took the chance to get up and walk over to his table.

I plopped down from across him and smiled. "Hi."

He lowered his book and glanced at me, and then continued reading. "What do you want, Beatles girl?"

"Oh, I'm fine! Thanks for asking!"

Austin sighed and set his book down. "_Hi_. Now, what do you want?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you here?"

"To keep you company! Whatcha reading there?"

He rolled his eyes and ignored me, averting his attention back to his book. I stayed quiet for a minute and fiddled with my fingers.

"I got detention."

Now _that_ caught his attention.

He gave me an incredulous look. "What'd you get detention for? Did you drop a pencil or something?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"You're a good girl, that's what."

"I am _not_ a good girl!" _Lie_.

"Oh yeah? Then what did you get detention for?" he asked, his eyebrow quirking upward in amusement.

"I was talking in class..." I replied with a frown.

"Oh, you _rebel_," Austin teased, leaning forward.

"Why you—" I flicked a grape at him. "There is no need for that!"

He raised his hands up in defense.

I flicked another grape at him.

"Fucking hell!"

* * *

When the bell rang to signal the day's end, I was pretty much panicking. I mean I had detention. This was my first time—_ever_. Ms. Fields was pretty unfair in my opinion. I don't know why she was so grouchy and snobby and always looked like she wanted to burn the school down. Sighing, I pulled out my phone and dialed my mother's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom," I spoke.

"Alison? Is everything all right?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," I sighed again. "But I do have _detention_."

"Detention?" Confusion was evident in her voice. "Alison Dawson, the goody-two shoes, has _detention_? I cannot believe my ears."

I wrinkled my nose. "Why does everybody keep saying that? _Yes_, I have detention!"

"All right, then," she simply said. "I'll see you later."

We hung up and I rocked back and forth on the heels of my shoes, pondering while a crowd of students filed out of the hallway. I looked down on the pink slip and walked to the assigned classroom for today's session of hell.

When I got there, some students were already talking and laughing. The teacher didn't seem to care as she flipped through a magazine and Trish was already fast asleep. That meant I was stuck alone for another two hours because when Trish is asleep, no one can wake her up. If someone did try to wake her up, then that would be the end for that person.

I slipped into an empty seat and took out my notebook. I began doodling, not even bothering to start my homework.

"Man, _feminism_ is _stupid_," an unfamiliar voice spoke.

My head snapped upwards and my pen dropped from my hand. I whirled around in my seat and I coldly stared at the boy.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

The boy stared at me with equal hatred. "I said feminism is stupid. Although, I don't see how that has anything to do with you."

"Feminism is _stupid_? Do you even know what feminism even is? Do you know what it is all about?" I asked, my eyes narrowing into slits.

"Woah, calm down."

"I will not calm down! Feminism is the fight for equal rights for women! It is the fight for equal rights and opportunities between the sexes - it is the fight for gender equality and _that_ includes men! How dare you say it's stupid?"

"Feminists are just man-haters!"

I gawked at him. "That's where you've gotten your information wrong! Feminists _don't_ hate men! We don't appreciate sexists! We hate being thought of as inferior to men. We are not inferior! We are and can be just as independent. Women have had to go through so much to get to where we are today and we still have a long way to go. We do not appreciate being belittled and judged and expected to live our lives the way _you_ think is right. Get your facts straight or I'll be very pissed off next time!"

The boy's eyes widened and he muttered some obscenities, rolled his eyes, and changed his place. When he moved, I was able to see that Austin was staring at me with an amused look, his chin propped on his clenched fist. I closed my notebook, grabbed my bag, and walked over to him.

He leaned backwards against his chair and smirked. "Quite the feminist you are. That was a nice speech to listen to."

I sat down next to him and sent him a flat look. "Thank you. I didn't know you had detention."

"Well, I did get into a bloody fight," he retorted. "I have detention for a full week."

"Sucks to be you, then."

"How's detention working out for you, you rebel?" he patronized.

I glared at him.

"Admit it," he said, leaning forward a little. "You're a good girl."

"So what if I am?" I said through gritted teeth. "I can still give you a black eye to match your other one."

"You threaten a lot, you know that?" he snapped.

I folded my arms across my chest. "Only to people like you."

"Have you ever even done anything that's not exactly considered 'good'?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Well, I did break into your house to steal something..."

"I bet that was your first time doing something like that."

I glared at him again. "I'll break the rules whenever I want to!"

He crossed his arms and smirked. "Fine, then. Skip detention."

I dropped my hands. "What?"

"Skip detention," he annunciated slowly.

"Why would I do that? I could get in trouble!"

"My point exactly."

"How come you're not frowning and snapping at me? This is quite a surprise."

We stayed silent, looking at each other. I fidgeted in my seat and bit down on my lower lip. Skipping detention could lead to many consequences and I wasn't sure I was up for the job. What would I do after? Mom thought I was in detention and if I go home, she'd probably be angry that I deliberately skipped something that had to do with school.

But the challenging look Austin kept giving me ignited fury within me and I slapped my hands on the desk with some force.

"I'll do it."

"Will you?"

"I will."

"Let me see you do it, then."

"Oh no, you're coming with me. I'm not doing this alone."

Austin gave me a look and then looked at the students around him. He looked back at me again. "Fine."

The teacher had abandoned the magazine and was fast asleep, her head dipped backwards and her mouth wide open. Austin stood up and I followed. It looked like he was used to doing such things. Austin calmly opened the door and walked out and panicking, I raced out before the teacher could wake up. I closed the door behind us.

I gulped. "Now what?"

Ignoring me, he turned around and began walking towards the exit. The whole thing sounded stupid. I mean there were cameras all over the school. Surely, someone would see us and surely, someone would know that we skipped and we'd get in trouble. I fiddled with my fingers and continued following Austin to his car.

"Where are we going?" I asked, putting on the seatbelt.

"I don't know."

"I'm hungry. Can we stop at a store and get some food? I can't be home for another two hours. But I have to ask, you have detention for a week because you got into a fight and now you're skipping detention. Wouldn't that be bad?"

"Beatles girl, we've already walked out of the fucking classroom and sooner or later, someone's going to realize that you and I aren't where we're supposed to be."

"Okay, fine," I grunted, folding my arms across my chest. "Food. I need food."

* * *

It seemed like a bad idea when Austin told me where we were going. I wasn't exactly up for it. Actually, I wasn't up for skipping detention, which proved how weird my day was going. But, I kind of liked it. And I didn't care. After we got food from a local store, Austin drove us to this dilapidated building, far away from our neighborhood. What really made me uncomfortable was how old the building looked. Its structure looked weak and I figured it would collapse as we climbed up the rickety stairs.

(I was always dramatic.)

But once we got to the roof and we sat down on the edge and just ate in silence, I figured it wasn't half bad. In fact, it wasn't bad at all.

"I really like this," I said, biting into my sandwich. "It's peaceful. I really like the view from up here."

"I know."

Austin took out a cigarette, lit it, and inhaled, blowing out a white puff of smoke. I wrinkled my nose at the smell but decided against on lecturing him.

"So, how'd you find it?" I asked. "The building, I mean."

He stayed quiet for a second. "First day I arrived."

I pondered for some time and craned my neck to look at him. Was it when I saw him leave his house around midnight? "Did you find this building around midnight?"

He frowned. "How do you know?"

"I saw you leave your house. I couldn't sleep so I stayed out on the balcony."

He nodded and continued to silently smoke.

"Do you...do you like Florida more? Or New York?" I asked, feeling the need to break the ice.

He played with the cigarette and continued to look at the huddle of pine trees ahead of us. "Everything's shitty."

"Oh, you can't be serious!" I cried. "Not everything is the way you view it. You just say that."

"Oh, and how do you know?" he sneered.

"You say you hate everything but you—_you_—know that that's not true. You like heavy metal music. You like nature. You like to play guitar. You probably like New York more!" I looked at him and he did the same. I sighed and swung my legs. "You're so hard to talk to, you know that? It's like you don't want to communicate with anyone. Why's that?"

"People are shitty. This interrogation thing—knock it off, will you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I can't say I disagree. But, you'll find varieties of people. You've already have and you still will. Some people you'll meet will make you want to pull your hair off. However, you'll also find people who you'll want to stay by your side. You can't disagree with that."

"I can disagree with a lot of things."

"But not this."

Minutes passed and we lay in silence, watching cars zoom by. I smiled to myself. I liked it. I felt a surge of happiness in me. I felt calm, to be exact.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked, looking at Austin.

He looked at me. "What is?"

"Nature – all around us. Right?"

"Yeah."

He wasn't a man of many words but he sure was a man of many emotions and thoughts he didn't display and that I couldn't decipher.


	10. ten

I was right.

As soon I got to school the next day, Austin and I were called down to the principle's office. It came as quite a shock to the class when my name was heard. I mean how the hell did "goody-two shoes" Ally Dawson get in trouble? Trish was gawking at me when I stood up and quietly left the class. All right, so I was blushing a little, but still. Austin wasn't in my class first period. When I got to the office, he was already there. He was calmly seated on a chair, tapping his foot. My nerves were jittering and my heart was racing. Swallowing hard, I made my way and sat next to Austin while we waited for the principle to arrive.

Soon, we were staring at a red-faced Mr. Petrillo. Needless to say, he wasn't happy.

"I cannot believe that you two deliberately skipped detention. I mean I don't understand this! Skipping detention is only going to get you in more trouble! Especially you, Mr. Moon. September hasn't even ended and you've already cut classes and got into fight with a fellow kid." Mr. Petrillo stopped and took a deep breath. His icy eyes averted to me and I internally squealed, shifting in my seat. "You have disappointed me the most, Alison. As far as I know, you have a perfect attendance record. Your grades are astounding and you never cease to amaze the teachers. Your attitude is also splendid but you skipped detention and I no longer know what to think of you. I never expected you to do such a thing."

"She skipped detention; she didn't commit a felony," Austin snapped.

"I don't expect anything from you, Mr. Moon," Mr. Petrillo calmly said, clasping his hands behind his back. "I never really did and I don't think I will. You've done nothing but wreck havoc in this school. You left a really bad impression and as far as I know, you weren't that great back in New York. Need I remind you that you got expelled? I don't suppose you'd like the same thing to happen here. Am I right?"

I noticed Austin's jaw clenching, his hands balled up in fists. Mr. Petrillo smirked at this and I felt a surge of anger within me. Principles weren't supposed to treat students like they're the scum of the Earth.

I cleared my throat. "It wasn't – It wasn't his fault, Mr. Petrillo. You can't entirely blame Austin for this. I agreed to participate in skipping detention. Frankly, I take blame for all of this."

"Ms. Dawson, I am aware that both of you have agreed to this. I believe that if you hadn't hung around _him_, you wouldn't have committed such a thing. He's bad influence and I advise you not to stick around."

Now it was my turn to clench my fists. Taking a deep breath, I unclenched and stared at the principle.

"Well, I don't believe that," I said. Mr. Petrillo raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.

"Shut up," Austin hissed, low enough only for me to hear. I looked at him and he glared at me. "You're making this worse for yourself."

I shrugged.

"Oh, you don't? Should I be surprised when I hear that you've decided to cut classes? Or that you've vandalized school property?" he sneered.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "With all due respect, I don't think you should be romanticizing this whole matter as if it were very serious. Yes, I skipped detention. I've already admitted that. I'd like to know what my punishment is now so that I could go back to class."

Mr. Petrillo stared at me and I knew that he was not in the least bit happy with me. Frankly, I didn't care. I looked down at my lap as he sat down and interlaced his fingers.

"Mr. Moon," he spoke. "Do you have anything to add?"

"No."

"Very well," he said, looking down at some papers on his desk. He looked back up a second later and annunciated his words carefully. "As punishment, you two will be cleaning classes and bathrooms. I do not want any arguments. I hope you two will learn your lessons and I do hope this won't happen again, especially from you Ms. Dawson. I expect much better. As for you Mr. Moon, I don't expect anything at all and I don't think this will change."

I frowned and clenched my fists. "What is that supposed to—"

Before I could finish my sentence, I felt Austin's hand curl around my wrist, squeezing it so that I yelped. I pursed my lips and stayed quiet.

"You're dismissed."

When we left the office, I began walking towards my class, Austin slowly trailing behind me. We walked in complete and utter silence. My lips pursed, I thought of how unfair Mr. Petrillo was. It wasn't even about the punishment. Why did principles like to degrade students?

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" Austin spoke.

My shoulders sagged and I whirled around. "What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything!"

He stopped walking and stood in front of me. "Were you honestly about to start a debate between you and that bastard of a principle? It's better if you stay quiet next time."

"Why you little—"

He rolled his eyes. "You could have gotten in more trouble, you know that? People see you as this good girl and I am not surprised. And then you were about to argue with the fucking principle."

"I wanted to," I said, folding my arms. "He was being unfair."

"We're going to be cleaning—"

"No," I interjected. "He was degrading you. As if you're the scum of the Earth. Now, I don't think you are; school-wise, that is. But, I won't disagree with the fact that sometimes you can be a huge ass."

He stared at me, his eyes roaming mine.

I shrugged and began walking away. "See you after school, then!"

"Fuck!" I heard him say.

All right, sometimes he can _surely_ be the scum of the Earth.

* * *

"I feel quite bad for you, Ally," Trish said. "And that's weird. I never feel bad for anyone."

"Gee, thanks," I flatly said, hoisting my bag up onto my back. "I just want this day to be over."

"Good luck cleaning the bathrooms!" she cheered, giving me a bright smile. I almost wanted to attack her. Sticking out my tongue at her, I whirled around and walked to the janitor's closet, where we were told we were supposed to meet. The door was locked so I leaned against the wall and waited for the janitor and Austin. I hummed to a favorite song of mine and tapped my foot in synchronization.

"Oh, I never expected to see you, Alison," the janitor said, giving me a confused look. "You're the student who has to clean?"

"Yes."

"I am quite astonished."

"I know."

He unlocked the door and it was then that Austin arrived.

"What took you so long?" I asked.

"Nothing that concerns you," he replied. I bet you he was smoking.

"Okay, kids," the janitor said. "The school's empty, except for a few students stuck in detention. Your job is to clean empty classrooms and the bathrooms. Here's the equipment. Have a nice day!"

Sighing, Austin took off his jacket and threw it over the lockers. I fixed my bun and grabbed my share of equipment.

"Ready to work, partner?" I cheerily asked, grinning at Austin.

He glared at me. "Oh, fuck off."

I laughed and followed him into the nearest classroom.

"You wipe the tables and windows, I'll mop the floor," he said, dipping the mop into a mixture. I grabbed a rag and applied the same mixture and quietly began to wipe off the students' desks.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"What the fuck is this shit?" Austin yelled, flinging the door to the men's bathroom open and emerging out, a disgusted look on his face. "Are you fucking serious?"

I barked out in laughter.

He glared at me.

"Oh, it's not that great in the women's bathroom, either," I said.

We walked into another classroom, this one larger. We both ended up mopping and the silence that engulfed us was really annoying.

"Can you hand me your phone?" I asked.

Austin looked up and stared at me as if I were crazy. "What for?"

"Music."

We stared at each other.

"Oh, come on," I said. "I open a conversation and you just reply with sarcastic comments and retorts. If you don't want to talk, let us at least have some music playing while we clean."

That seemed to convince him. After looking at me some more, he eventually pulled out his phone and handed it to me. He had no password and that surprised me. I tapped his music app and pressed shuffle. A song that I admired began playing and I set down his phone, smiling.

"I love this song!"

"I don't care."

"Why you stubborn—" I grabbed the rag and hurled it at him, hitting him in the face. It fell down and he looked like he was about to kill someone.

"What the fuck was that for?" he snapped.

"You're rude, that's what!"

"What the fuck do you want me to do? You know the song; fanfuckingtastic!"

I pointed the mop at him. "I will not hesitate."

Austin inhaled and turned around, getting back to his work. I turned around, too, which was a big mistake. A second later, I felt something warm drizzle down my body and I jumped, gasping. It was the mixture for cleaning. And Austin poured it all over me.

I whirled around, teeth gritted.

Austin's eyebrows were furrowed. "Wait, no, I actually didn't mean to do—"

Without giving him time to finish, I grabbed my water bottle, uncapping the top, and didn't hesitate to pour down the contents over him.

"Are you fucking insane?" he spat.

"What are you complaining about? You threw a whole bucket over my head!"

"I tripped and fell, you idiot!"

"I don't believe you."

He glared at me and I glared at him.

"Why is it that every time I'm around you, I feel like I'm going to fucking stab someone?" he snapped.

"It's a charm I carry around," I answered. "I'm glad it has affected you."

"Fucking hell!"

"You look really stupid, you know that?"

"Jesus!"

* * *

We finished the last of the classrooms in the specified wing of the school and we were both exhausted. Well, I was exhausted and smelt of cleaning mixtures. We returned the equipment to the janitor's closet. The sun was beginning to set and the school was completely abandoned. Students who had detention had left about two hours ago.

Austin and I were sat down on the floor, backs against the lockers. His head was bent backwards, his eyes closed. I scrolled through his playlists, trying to pick a song. I picked a random one and left the app. His home screen was a picture of a man well into his forties. With salt and pepper hair, the man had a thin face, a small nose, and blue eyes. He looked nothing like Austin but I knew it was his father.

I decided to ask anyway.

"Is this your father?" I asked.

Austin shifted in his position and rubbed his eyes, sighing. He looked down at his phone and then at the adjacent lockers. "Yeah."

"Do you guys still talk?"

Austin stayed quiet for a minute and I noticed his eyes swarming with such fleeting emotions. I saw anger, disappointment, and sadness. I think I felt my stomach plummet. Why was Austin upset? Frankly, I had never seen him smile at anything. He always looked so blank and these emotions – they were real. And that was the sad part.

"No, no we don't," he finally replied.

"Well, why not?"

"We just don't. Okay?"

"Okay."

I thought for a minute.

"Do you miss him?"

"I don't know."

I wonder what happened. Sighing, I handed him his phone and ignored my curiosity. It was increasing by the minute. It was as if I was determined to finish the puzzle that was Austin. Frankly, I was not able to find any connecting pieces yet.

"I'm hungry," I said, standing up. "You want to grab something to eat? All this work has drained me of energy."

"Sure," he spoke lowly, standing up. Austin shrugged on his jacket and we left school.

We found ourselves doing the same thing as yesterday. After we got some food, Austin drove to the abandoned building. We climbed up and sat down at the edge again and ate in silence.

I liked it, anyway.

"I feel like I haven't eaten anything in years," I said in between chewing.

"Stop fucking eating all the fries!" he snapped.

"Make me," I said, shoving more fries in my mouth.

And then Austin cupped my cheek.

And it caught me off guard.

And I stopped chewing.

"Here, here!" I squealed, shoving the box over to him. "Take it, I'm sorry! Just – just don't do that!"

I was quite sure Austin could feel the warmth that enveloped my, well, entire face.

Austin let go and shoved his hands into his pockets. "So she was right."

"Wh-what?"

"Your curly-haired friend – the one that always screams at the red-head. She told me how to scare you and how pretty fucking easy it is. She was right." He smirked in amusement and rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to kill her!"

"_Right_."

He proceeded to eat the fries and I smiled. Then, I held out my palm, suspended in the air.

"We did a great job today, partner!" I grinned. "Didn't we?"

"If you honestly think I'm highfiving you, you're wrong," he flatly said.

"Oh, come on," I cried. "Don't leave me hanging!"

"No."

"I will follow you around school tomorrow."

He didn't hesitate to high-five me and I grinned.

Austin rolled his eyes and sighed. "What am I ever going to do with you?"


	11. eleven

"Here's the birthday girl!" Trish squealed and I was immediately enveloped into a tight hug. I grunted when Dez decided to join in on the affection.

I laughed. "Guys, my birthday isn't until next week, remember?"

They pulled away and Trish smiled. "Yeah, we know. But, it's really exciting that you're turning eighteen. Jesus, people would think you're, like, fourteen!"

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be flattered or offended," I said, rolling my eyes but grinning nonetheless. "Why would people think I'm fourteen, anyway?"

"Because you're childish and always giddy," she said. "But anyway – Ally, you're turning eighteen! _Eighteen_! We should do something fun on that day!"

"We don't need to think of that now," I laughed. "It's a week away. How about we make it to class? I have a math test."

September had ended a long time ago. It was pretty amazing how the months can go by so quickly. It was almost well into November and school had already gotten a little tougher. Honestly, September was the easiest and now we had a ton of tests to study for. Christmas vacation was not a long way ahead, though.

Christmas was very weird here in Miami.

Shaking my head, I smiled and walked with Trish and Dez to class. I spotted Austin rummaging through his locker, his eyes furrowed.

"Austin!" Trish yelled. His head craned to look at us. "Guess what? Ally's turning eighteen next week."

He went back to searching in his locker. "Oh, really? People would think she's about twelve-years-old."

Trish snickered and I glared at him. "Why does everybody keep saying that?"

"'Cause you look like one," he answered, pulling out a book. He slammed the locker shut and turned to look at me. His eyebrow raised in amusement. Trish and Dez were already walking down the hallway, bickering about some pointless topic. Their arguments, however, were always amusing.

"So," he said. "You're turning eighteen, huh?"

I grinned. "Are you thinking of getting anything for me?"

"No, not really."

"Figured as much but it was worth a try!"

He rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Beatles girl."

* * *

Come to think of it, turning eighteen was a huge difference for me. I didn't know to feel about it, though. It felt pretty exciting but scary at the same time. Turning eighteen meant finally being a legal adult. Being a legal adult meant making your own decisions and living an independent life. I never really depended on anyone – not even my parents. But, I _was_ a senior and that meant this was the final stage of high school.

College was a whole new thing.

It meant living alone. Maybe not always but I knew it would be like this for me after I graduate. Now _that_ was pretty scary. Being eighteen was going to be a new step in my life. I almost wished I were a twelve-year-old or a fourteen-year-old Trish and Austin saw me as. I didn't think I would mind it. It meant being young. I didn't have to think about this whole new step when I was younger. It didn't feel complicated.

My father kept complaining about how I was growing up too fast and my mother did, too, but she also made sure to state the fact that I had never been in a relationship. I laughed at that. My father did not. And that made me laugh even more.

"Ally, are you okay?" Trish asked, stirring me out of my daydream.

"Huh? What? Yeah. I was just thinking."

"You're always thinking," Dez said. "It's not healthy."

"Thank you, Dr. Phil," Trish snapped, rolling her eyes. I laughed when Dez and Trish began to bicker again.

It took them about five minutes to finish their argument.

The bell rang and Trish rose from her seat, slinging her purse over her shoulder. "Finally!"

I rose up with her and the three of us exited the classroom, maneuvering our way through the crowd of students in the hallway, just as eager to leave school as we were.

"How'd you do on that Biology test?" Trish asked. "We had it yesterday."

"I think I did pretty well," I replied, smiling. "What about you?"

"I definitely failed."

I laughed. "I know you'll do much better next time. We have a Spanish test next week. How about we meet and do what we always do?"

"Sounds good to me," she answered.

"Me too," Dez smiled.

"Great!" I beamed. "I'll catch up with you guys later. I need to get something from my locker."

We departed ways and it didn't take time for me to retrieve my English book from the locker. I shoved it into my bag and rounded the corner only to stop and stare at a furious Austin. He was a good distance from me, his phone pressed to his ear. His hair looked like he had been running his hands through it all day. His bag and jacket lay on the floor and he was shouting obscenities to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Are you fucking serious?" he spat. "You better be fucking with me here." Austin paced back and forth, running a hand through his hair. "Don't fucking tell me what to do, Alex. I've had enough of this bullshit."

Alex.

His brother.

"What the fuck does he even want?" Austin stopped pacing and sighed, rubbing his temples. "Whatever. Fine. Bye."

Before I could do anything, Austin balled up his hand into a fist and swung it in a locker's direction but stopped midway. He let his hand drop and that's when he realized I was there.

His eyes narrowed into slits. "Why am I not surprised that you're fucking here?"

I approached him, my arms folded. "Are you okay?"

"Guess."

"Well, you don't look okay to me."

"What fucking gave it away?"

I cringed. "There's no need for consistent cussing."

He grabbed his bag and jacket.

"Do you need a ride home? Given you're distressed and all..."

"No," he interjected and I startled. "No. I don't need anything from you. Not a damn thing. Frankly, I am in no fucking mood for this bullshit so don't fucking ask me questions and lay off."

"I was just trying to—"

"_Don't_."

Austin turned around and left.

I stood there, blinking, a million questions running through my head. He had never snapped at me the way he had right now and frankly, I was pretty upset.

I mean I _was_ only trying to help.

"Alison?"

I jumped at the sound. I turned around and found Dallas looking at me with a confused look. When I looked at him, he broke out into a smile and I almost died.

"Dallas! Hey!"

Maybe I was a little _too_ enthusiastic.

"How are you?" he asked. "And what are you still doing here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to get a book from my locker," I replied. And then I got shouted at. "What about you?"

"Football practice," he answered. "Was that Austin who was cursing? Did he say anything to you?"

"What? Oh, no! Of course not. There's no need to worry."

"Are you sure? He's not a really good influence, Alison," Dallas said. "He's trouble."

I opened my mouth to say something but I didn't know what to say.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt," he said.

"No, no," I shook my head and shot him a small smile. "Don't worry. We, uh, we don't even talk that much."

"I digress," he laughed. "But anyway, I heard that it's your birthday next week."

"Yeah."

"How does it feel to be almost eighteen?" he asked, smiling.

"Pretty good, I guess."

Dallas smiled wider. "Well, I'll see you around, then. Bye, Alison!"

"Bye!" I waved goodbye to him and watched him disappear around the corner. Sighing, I walked out, got into the car, and drove home.

So I got shouted at it (which left me feeling upset) but Dallas talked to me (which made me very happy.) Frankly, I didn't know how to feel or what to do so I ended up lying on the couch, watching re-runs of an old show I adored. My parents were out with some of my dad's colleagues. I kind of liked being home alone. It was quite a gloomy night and I realized that it had begun to rain. Actually, it was heavily raining by the time I was on the second season. I got up from the couch and stretched. Then, I walked into the kitchen and popped a bag of popcorn into the microwave. Might was well make my Friday entertaining.

"Hey, Charlie," I smiled at the dog. He barked and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Then, there came a knock on the backdoor of the kitchen.

I froze.

My parents weren't supposed to be home until later. Who was out in this god-forsaken weather? I grabbed the nearest weapon: a pan. I gripped the handle tightly and with my other hand, I grabbed the doorknob.

"Who-who is it?" I asked, gulping.

There was brief silence, which didn't calm me down or make the situation any better.

"It's-It's Austin."

My eyes slightly widened but my nerves calmed down and my heart returned to beating at a natural pace. I unlocked the door and opened it, a gust of wind taking me by surprise. Austin stood there, his jacket covering his head. He was drenched in rain. His eyes flitted down to the pan I was holding and then back at me. "So, were you planning on smacking me with that?"

"If you were a stranger, probably," I replied, slightly smiling. I set the pan down and opened the door wider. Austin entered and placed his jacket on the counter.

He sighed and looked at me and I pursed my lips, swinging back and forth on the heels of my shoes.

"So..."

Austin cleared his throat. "I'm here to...well, I'm here to—" He sighed and I laughed. "I'm here to apologize for blowing up on you like that. So, I'm sorry."

"You've never said sorry to anyone, have you?" I laughed again.

"Not really."

"So, what made you want to say sorry?" I asked, grinning.

"Uh, I was...I was in a bad mood," he said. "And you...well, you didn't deserve that. Can this be fucking over already?"

I laughed at how confused and lost he seemed.

I folded my arms. "Apology accepted."

Austin opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when the lights went out, leaving us in pitch darkness. And suddenly, a loud crashing sound erupted from within the kitchen and I jumped.

"_Fuck_," I heard Austin whisper. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit."

"Austin? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What was that sound?" I asked. I couldn't see anything.

"T-the pan..." He was breathing heavily. "The pan...i-it fell."

"You don't...you don't sound okay," I said. "I'm going to go upstairs to get a flashlight—"

"No," Austin interjected and I felt a warm hand curl around my wrist and I was pulled forward. "Please don't." Austin gripped my hand tightly and I could hear his heavy breathing.

That's when it clicked.

Austin was afraid of the dark.

"You're..." I breathed and swallowed. "You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?"

He didn't reply but his grip on my wrist did not falter.

"Come on," I said. "Let's go sit down on the couch."

I began to walk slowly, my free hand being my guide. Austin never let go and I figured he wasn't going to until the lights came back on. We reached the living room and we slowly sat down on the couch. For a minute, I didn't know what to do or what to say. I wouldn't be able to get a flashlight from upstairs. I hoped the electricity wouldn't take much time to come back on. Austin was panicking but I knew I had to do something to calm him down.

"Hey," I spoke lowly. "Hey, it's okay. You'll be okay."

"Do you have your phone?" He spoke fast and hastily.

"No," I said, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect—"

"_You to have a fear of the dark_? Yeah, I know," he breathed.

"I didn't expect the electricity to go off," I corrected. "I didn't know what you were afraid of because you told me you weren't afraid of anything. If I did know about your fear of the dark, I would have had a flashlight and my phone with me at all times." I found myself drawing invisible circles on his hand in attempt to soothe him. Maybe the talking distracted him, too. "It's okay, you know. It's okay to be afraid of something – anything. No matter how many fears you have – it's okay. You...you shouldn't be ashamed or anything. We're all afraid of at least something."

"What are you...what are you afraid of?" he asked.

"I know you may not classify it as a fear – I don't – but I do hate blood," I said. "It scares me."

"I'm sorry."

Somehow, I knew that he was referring to the fight he and Dallas had and how it ended up.

"It's okay," I said, smiling even if he couldn't see it. We stayed quiet and the only sounds I could hear were the pitter-patter of the rain and Austin's breathing. For me, it was calming.

"I can't believe I'm actually about to say this, but please keep talking."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

He exhaled half a laugh. "It means I usually want you to shut up."

"Oh, that's nice," I wrinkled my nose. I smiled, anyway. "Hey, can I play cupid? I'm really bored. Remember Abby? I already told you you guys would make a cute couple. Now, Abby doesn't like me but I do think she likes you. You guys are a good fit. Trust me, I am never wrong at these. I have good abilities. So, what do you say?"

"No."

"Alrighty, then. You're no fun." Rolling my eyes, I began to play with his fingers and wondered when the electricity would come back on. The weather was quite hectic. "So," I sighed. "This afternoon – were you okay? I know it's a dumb question because with all that cursing and pacing, you looked pretty angry to me. Is everything all right?"

Austin sighed and shifted his position. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's okay."

"You told me you and your dad don't talk. Do you and Alex talk?"

"Yeah."

"Is he nice?"

"He has a girlfriend, Beatles girl."

I grew red and my hands flew up in the air, forgetting that one was holding onto Austin's. "What – I didn't mean it like that! Why did you – oh, that's just crazy! It's insane! I'm not interested in him! I've never even met him! Why you—"

I could feel Austin rolling his eyes. "I was kidding, Beatles girl."

I was then able to breathe. I nudged Austin and smirked, still aware that we couldn't see each other. "So, who are you interested in?"

"Oh, shut up."

I opened my mouth to retort but it was then that the electricity had come back on. I smiled and looked at Austin and when I saw how close we were sitting, I jumped back and squealed.

The usual.

It's quite ironic, though. I was holding his hand about two minutes ago and yet I jumped at the proximity. Maybe it's better in the dark?

Austin closed his eyes for a brief moment and inhaled. When he opened them again, he stood up from the couch. "I should go."

"Okay." I followed him to the front door and held onto it while he stepped onto the porch. It was lightly raining now and I could smell the petrichor. It made me happy.

Austin stopped in his tracks and turned around. He looked tired and weary. "Thank you," he nodded. "For whatever this was."

"You're welcome," I said, lightly smiling. "And hey. If the electricity ever goes off again, you know where to come."

He raised his eyebrow in amusement. "What if you're not home?"

"I'm pretty sure you have my number on speed dial," I teased, grinning.

He rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Beatles girl."

I smiled and watched his figure disappear. Today was a weird day. I got shouted at and Dallas talked to me. Then, Austin came to apologize and I saw a side of him I don't think he ever showed to anyone here.

I don't know why that made me happy.


	12. twelve

It was happening.

My birthday was in exactly three days. Luckily, it was on a Friday, and even though I had school, I would still get to spend it with Trish and Dez. Hopefully, we would just go out for lunch. I always liked my birthdays to be simple and calm and those two words were just not in Trish and Dez's vocabulary.

They probably wanted to go all out since I was turning eighteen.

I just hoped for a heartfelt birthday spent eating really good food and cracking some good jokes. But the thought of finally turning eighteen made my stomach churn in both fear and excitement.

"Three more days, Ally," Trish beamed. "Say, would you consider drinking alcohol on Friday?"

I wrinkled my nose. "No thank you. I'm good."

Trish didn't say anything else, knowing that I wouldn't comply no matter what she said.

"Fine," Trish frowned. "Suit yourself."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Come on, let's just get to class."

"Guys, the teacher's absent," Lena said, coming up to us. "It's a free period."

"Fuck yeah!" Trish beamed.

"But, we have to go to the library," Lena continued, fiddling with her hands.

"Oh fuck me," Trish's smile faltered and she frowned, rubbing her temples. Lena and I laughed and we walked to the library. I didn't mind being there. In fact, I loved it. Well, I loved reading, so it wasn't much of a surprise.

I've always loved reading. The whole concept just sort of sucks you into this new world where you're free and you feel calm and content. Plus, I've always found it fascinating that the brain can just analyze the words and grasp the meaning behind them.

When we made it to the library, half our class had ditched. Trish did, too. Dez wasn't in today's class and Lena made her way over to a couple of her friends so I was basically left alone. I spotted Abby at a table with her friends and that included Dallas. I smiled. He was leaning back into his chair, lost in his own world while the others chatted. He looked so adorable.

But then his head snapped up and he caught me looking and I almost ran into the shelves. My heart thudded and I walked further into the library. However, that did not block their table. Sighing, I looked around. All there was left to do was continue reading my book.

(That didn't happen, though.)

I raised my eyebrows. Austin was sitting alone at a table near the wall. His head was resting on the table. He looked really weary and tired with his disheveled hair and the bags under his eyes. I made my way over to him and quietly sat down from across him. His head slowly lifted up and his tired eyes locked with my curious ones. However, his body went stiff when he looked at me, his cheeks reddening. He frowned at me.

"I don't want to talk about it."

I frowned. "About wh—" Then I remembered. Last night. When the electricity went off. I remembered the way his body shook with fear and the way his breaths came out hasty. "Oh."

He leaned back against his chair. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," I said, choosing to ignore his cranky attitude. "Are you okay?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

I sighed. "It still wouldn't hurt to ask about your well-being. I don't know. You look really tired and out of place. Forgive me for caring."

Austin stared at me, his face void of emotions. But if he was expressing some sort of emotion, it was one I could not decipher. I fiddled with my hands.

He sighed. "Can this...can this...can whatever the fuck happened yesterday stay between us?"

"Yeah, don't worry," I replied and he nodded. I grinned. "You know you are very cute when you are scared. I mean I'm not saying you should always be scared but I experienced a different side of you yesterday. For once, I didn't have the urge to kill you during our conversations."

"I wish I could say the same thing about you."

I frowned. "If looks could kill, you would have been dead a long time ago."

He rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, averting his attention to whatever was on the screen. I knelt on the palm of my hand and sighed, my eyes trained on Dallas' table. I don't know when my crush on the guy had developed. I guess it sort of happened. I had many classes with him in the previous years. We never really talked but there was just something about him that I admired a lot. Maybe it was his intellect and determination. Maybe it was his kind and warm brown eyes.

_Maybe_ I was staring too much because Austin followed my gaze and then turned around with a scowl.

"That douchebag?" he laughed. It lacked of humor.

I scowled at him. "Excuse me?"

"You were practically drooling over the prick," he said, setting his phone aside and folding his arms.

"I was not! I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're head-over-heels for that fucking scum."

"Oh, and you're better, how?" I retorted, crossing my arms.

"I'm not."

I stared at him.

"Who do you have a crush on?"

He looked at me with a sour look.

"I bet you have a crush on someone."

"I don't," he said.

"You do."

"I don't so fucking lay off."

"You're so touchy, you know that?"

"And you're a fucking nuisance."

I grinned at him and he buried his head in his hands. I couldn't help but warmly smile at his figure. I knew he was lying when he said there was nothing troubling him. That phone call he had yesterday ticked him off and I wanted to know why.

Maybe I was a nuisance.

Frankly, I didn't care.

I looked away from Austin and my eyes briefly locked with Dallas. It was brief before he quickly looked away but it was enough to make my heart race.

* * *

"Three more days, three more days, three more days," Trish chanted.

I rolled my eyes. "I get it!"

"Three more days!" she screamed, attracting unwanted attention.

I stared at Dez and Trish.

"Three more days!" they screamed.

"Oh, knock it off!" I said, flailing my arms around.

"Bye, Ally," Trish sang. I rolled my eyes again and waved goodbye to the two.

I turned on my heel and smiled when I spotted a familiar mop of blonde hair. Austin stalked towards his car, his hands stuffed into his pockets and his head bent downwards. I skipped over to him and he scowled when he saw me.

(I decided to let that slide.)

"Feeling generous?" I asked, grinning.

"No."

"Oh, come on! I just want a ride home!"

"I'm not going home."

"Where are you off to?" I asked, swinging on the heels of my shoes.

"None of your damn business."

"You're going to the abandoned building, aren't you?"

He snapped his head upwards and looked at me, bewildered, but quickly covered it up with his usual mask: simply blank and void of any emotions. "No."

"Too late!" I cheered. "Can I come with?"

"How the fuck did you even know?" he asked, frowning.

"You seemed troubled," I said, shrugging. "You _are_ troubled. Something's bothering you. I think being up there on the roof calms you down. It's nice. Lots of trees. Always so peaceful."

His eyes roamed mine. I got used to it. I felt like he was questioning me, with a million other questions running through his head. He had so many emotions bottled up. I don't know. I could just feel it.

He was a storm.

Austin's shoulders sagged and he sighed. I gave him a sympathetic smile. "You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Well, why not?" I asked.

He heaved a sigh again and looked at me. "Because I know that you'll find out anyway."

I was taken aback.

"Oh."

"Yeah," he said. "Now, are you coming or not?"

I grinned and skipped ahead to the car. Before I could get into the car, however, I suddenly had the urge to look behind me.

So I did.

And my eyes met Dallas' once again and I felt my heart lodge itself into my throat. Blushing, I flung open the car door and got in.

* * *

"Where are you going now?" I asked, getting out of the car.

"Oh, fuck off. It's enough I spent the afternoon with you."

"You're very charming, you know that?" I sneered.

"Goodbye, Beatles girl."

I rolled my eyes and closed the door and watched as the car sped away. The afternoon was the same as the other times we spent on the roof. We got food and I tried to make conversation while he cursed at me.

It was pretty amusing.

I turned around and hummed but before I could skip up ahead to the front door, I froze in my place. The day was weird.

It was definitely weird.

I never thought I'd see him in our neighborhood. I knew for sure he lived in the classier neighborhoods. His friends lived there, too. So, what on earth was he doing here?

"Hi."

Amazing! Dallas had only said one word – _one_ word – and I was already profusely blushing.

"Hi," I croaked. "Whatcha...whatcha doing here?"

"I was just walking," he said. "Was that Austin with you?"

I nodded and stared at him. He did, too. It was quite awkward and I guess he noticed. Clearing his throat, he walked a few steps forward and gave me a small smile. "I actually wanted to ask you something."

"Okay," I said, maybe a little _too_ enthusiastic. "Shoot. What's up?"

_Shut up, Ally. You're making a fool out of yourself._

I silently berated myself while Dallas tried to find the right words to say. He seemed nervous and that made me even more nervous. What are the odds my crush was talking to me? I pulled out my water bottle and began to take long sips to calm my nerves.

"Well, I wanted to ask you to...well..." he rubbed his neck and my God, was he blushing? He exhaled half a laugh and smiled. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go out with me."

And I choked.

Maybe drinking water was a bad idea because as soon as the words slipped from his mouth, I found myself choking on the water. I coughed and slapped a hand across my mouth, bewildered and embarrassed.

Was I dreaming? Did he just ask me out?

Oh, my God.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worry evident on his face.

I batted a hand at him. "I'm fine, I'm fine...you were saying?"

"Would you like to go out with me?"

I was not dreaming.

"Me? _Me_?"

Dallas laughed. "Yeah."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

He laughed again. "I'm sure, Ally."

"Gee, I'd have to think about it—" I mumbled. "—_Yes_. Yes, I would like to go out with you."

He exhaled and grinned. "That's...that's great! I was worried you'd say no." I couldn't help but smile back. In fact, I was smiling too hard, people would suspect I slept with a coat hanger in my mouth. It was probably creepy. "I was thinking of taking you out on Friday. You know, for your birthday..."

"That's great!" I said.

"Great."

How many times was the word 'great' said? Who the hell cared?

I sure as hell didn't.

I was asked out by my crush.


	13. thirteen

"Oh, my God!" Trish shrilled. "Oh. My. God."

I laughed but couldn't help but smile back. "I know! Can you believe it? At first, I thought I was dreaming. But I wasn't! It was happening!"

"Jesus Christ," Trish said, placing a hand on her temple. "This could be your highlight of the year! Getting asked by your crush. Actually, it can be your highlight of your life. Nothing exciting ever happened and you never did something exciting."

I rolled my eyes. "We're going out tomorrow! God, I feel so happy but I also feel nervous. I'm bound to say something weird and embarrassing. What am I going to wear? I'm not sure I'd like to wear a dress..."

"I'll help you get ready!" she smiled. "Since you guys are going out tomorrow, we're going to take you out today! It was originally planned for tomorrow, but you know..."

"Thanks, Trish," I smiled.

Whenever I thought about tomorrow, my stomach would churn. I was excited, yes, but I was also really nervous. What did a guy like Dallas see in me? To be frank, I was awkward and really clumsy and I never went through a day without humiliating myself. I always seemed to make a fool out of myself in front of Dallas. I don't know. Whenever I saw him, I would completely forget how to speak.

_Remain calm, Ally. _

"Where are we going for my birthday?" I asked, plopping down on the bench. It was lunch break and we decided to sit outside. Today was very sunny but nonetheless a beautiful day. We sat beside a tree and I munched on a couple of fries.

Trish took out a sandwich and unfolded it. "Well, we're taking you to a local carnival."

I suppressed the urge not to drop the handful of fries in my hand. "What? A carnival! Yay! Oh, this is going to be so fun!"

She rolled her eyes. "Exactly why we chose a carnival. You light up at those kinds of things. But yeah, we're going to go on several rides and eat lots of popcorn and cotton candy."

"Yes!" I shrieked, pulling my hands up into the air.

"Blondie," Trish yelled, her gaze averting to a scowling Austin. He approached us, his hands in his pants' pockets. He wasn't wearing his jacket, I noticed, and that displayed his tattoos.

"What do you want?" he asked. He was always annoyed. He looked like he hadn't gotten enough sleep, too. I've been noticing that. His hair was (as usual) disheveled.

"So as you know, Alison's birthday is tomorrow," she began. "Dez and I planned something for that very day but the dork got asked out."

"Kind of hard to believe," I heard him mutter and I didn't hesitate to shoot him a cold glare.

"Asshat."

Trish rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we're taking her to a carnival after school. Wanna join?"

"No."

"I'll pay you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't take bribes. But if you were to pay me to go to _her_ birthday—" He jerked a thumb in my direction. "—it'd be about a thousand bucks."

"I don't blame you," Trish said, nodding.

"I'm still here, you know!" I said, shooting them both glares. "And I appreciate it a lot!"

Austin shrugged and walked away. I turned to Trish. "Why'd you want to invite him?" I was not offended; just curious.

Trish shrugged. "You're the only one that he talks to in this school. Well, you always make the first move, but he can never do anything about it."

Huh.

That was something to think about.

* * *

"My little girl is growing up," Dad sobbed. Mom sympathetically patted him on the shoulder and I warmly smiled at him. Dad covered his face with a hand, the other making gestures while he rambled on.

"She is, isn't she?" Mom sighed. "And she got asked out!"

Dad's sobbing came to a halt and his hand dropped, his face appearing blank. "What?" he flatly asked.

"You can go now," Mom said, winking. I laughed and ran out of the house, Dad's protests the last things I could hear. The car was parked up front and Trish, Dez, and, _get this_, Austin were standing beside it.

I raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Decided you couldn't miss it?"

"Fuck this shit," he muttered, getting into car.

I raised an eyebrow at Trish. "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" she retorted. "We just had the privilege to meet his mom and she came to know about today's plan and, well, forced him to go. Alright, let's go!"

The ride to the carnival was short. Trish and Dez spent it arguing while Austin muttered obscenities. When I saw the carnival's neon sign come into view, however, I squealed in excitement and flung open the car when Trish finished parking the car.

"There's so much to do! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" I yelled, running ahead.

* * *

There really was so much to do.

Two hours passed and I had accomplished trying out almost every ride at the carnival. The sun was starting to set and the weather varied throughout the day. It was pretty chilly now.

"Stop talking, Dez," Trish snapped. "I mean it. You have been yapping in my ear ever since we got here and I am done with you. One more word and I will make sure to murder you."

"You can't do that," Dez retorted. "Look at all these witnesses."

He was right. The place was packed with people.

"For fuck sake!" Trish spat. She stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm going to go get us some snacks. Judging by how many people there are, I'll be gone for a while."

She turned around and left but Dez followed her anyway. I heard her cuss and I laughed.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked. "I presume there are some rides we haven't tried out." I searched around and when I did find something that caught my attention, I grinned. "The Ferris wheel! Oh! Can we go on that?"

Austin shrugged and continued to smoke.

"I'll take that as a yes! Let's go!"

Fortunately, the line at the Ferris wheel wasn't long at all and we were at the front in no time. Most of the people on the ride were couples, I noticed.

"You guys a couple?" the man operating the ride asked.

"I'd rather shoot myself in the fucking eye," I heard Austin mutter under his breath.

My eye twitched and I resisted the urge to strangle him. "Nope."

The man nodded and checked something off of his clipboard. "Alright. Before you could go on, though, I'm going to have to ask you to put out that cigarette, sir. Smoking is prohibited on every ride."

Austin calmly removed the cigarette from his mouth and twisted it on the man's clipboard, putting it out. "There." Then, he placed the limp cigarette in his pocket.

The man frowned and sighed. "On you go, then."

After we were secured in one of the carriages, I raised an eyebrow at Austin. "I'm impressed. You can be an ass but at the same care for the Earth."

He didn't answer. The Ferris wheel began to slowly rotate. I smiled and looked out, admiring the view. The neighborhood was peaceful, not a car in sight. It was getting dark so the streetlights were on. The people below me were now equivalent to ants, all buzzing around. I heard laughter and cheers and screaming. The wind viciously nipped at my skin and I shuddered, wrapping my arms around me for warmth.

I turned to Austin. "So—"

"If you expect me to give you my jacket, you can fuck off."

"Why you miserable, impulsive, rude slime!" I snapped. "I didn't want your jacket but excuse me for trying to strike up a conversation while this thing we're on rotates about a hundred times!"

He rolled his eyes.

I sighed and fiddled with my hands. My date with Dallas was tomorrow and my heart did a leap. I began to think of Dallas and I doing cute things together and, well, being cute. It made me smile. I wondered if Austin had ever felt some sort of emotion other than bitterness. Did he ever have those feelings I had for Dallas?

Surely Austin wasn't always so bitter and blank and mysterious.

"Hey, Austin? Have you ever strongly liked someone? Like were you ever in love?"

_Silence._

He was silent for a few moments and I turned to look at him. He was frowning, his eyes focused on his knees.

"I don't believe in love."

I swallowed.

"Why?"

"It doesn't exist."

"How do you know? Can you honestly assume something you haven't felt before? I mean if you say you don't believe in love, then does that mean you've never experienced it? You...you disregard the idea of having someone for you?"

"I made it pretty clear that I don't believe in such nonsense."

"What about your parents? Surely they must have been in love to get married!"

"And then they divorced," he snapped. "That's just it. Nothing lasts forever. The only types of relationships that work out are the ones you see in damn movies and books."

"Why did your parents divorce?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Because it didn't work out," he said. "And that's it."

"Is that enough to show you that love truly doesn't exist?" I asked, looking at him. God, he was an enigma. "You've never been in love before?"

He inhaled deeply. "No, I haven't."

"Well, I don't believe that," I said. He looked at me. "I believe that someday, you'll be able to experience the beauty of falling in love with someone. You'll find yourself confused and inquisitive. You'll fall in love, one day. Who knows with whom you'll fall in love with and why? It could be the person's eyes or smile or the person's personality or the way they do things." I shrugged. "It's gonna be something."

"Not everything works out, Beatles girl."

"Some things do. Things shouldn't be expected to work out on the first try. There are so many tries in our lives."

The wheel came to a stop. We got out and met with Trish and Dez. Trish and Dez held assortments of junk food and I grinned, suddenly feeling very hungry.

"We're gonna sit on that bench over there," Trish said. "Jesus, this is a lot of food." They walked over and dropped the food. Dez spilled some soda and Trish began to scream at him.

I laughed and before I could walk over, I felt something warm drape over my shoulders. Startled, I looked.

It was Austin's jacket.

I looked at him. "I thought you said—"

"Oh, shut up," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom."

I couldn't help but grin and watched his figure disappear. I could still hear Trish screaming profanities at Dez. I was grateful to have good friends like them. I put on the jacket and slid my hands into the pockets. I felt something pinch my finger. Frowning, I pulled the object out.

It was a folded picture.

I unfolded it and froze. The streetlights and the assortment of colorful lights in the carnival provided enough for me to observe the photo. It was of Austin.

And a girl.

It was of Austin and a girl.

They weren't facing whoever took the picture. Austin's hands cupped her neck, his thumbs skimming her jaw. Her curly, raven-black hair went past her shoulder. Her skin was pale but I wasn't able to see much of her face.

They were staring at each other.

Austin was _happy_. He was _grinning_. And she was grinning back, her eyes wide with happiness. Her hands held onto his.

Either they were _really_ good friends who liked to be close or they were in love.

I decided to go with the latter.

"_Is that enough to show you that love truly doesn't exist?" I asked, looking at him. "You've never been in love before?"_

_He inhaled deeply. "No, I haven't."_

His answers played in my head. He said he didn't believe in love, and that he was never ever in love, but how come this photo told me otherwise? I was confused and curious.

_What happened?_

The Austin in the photo was different from the Austin I was acquainted with.

_What happened to you, Austin?_

"Are you coming or not?" Trish yelled.

I quickly folded the photo and placed it back in the pocket. "Coming!"


	14. fourteen

"It's the birthday girl!" Mom yelled as soon as I stepped into the kitchen. Before I could react, I felt my mom's hands wrap around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Mom," I choked out. "I can't...breathe."

She pulled away and smiled, cupping my face. "Oh, can you blame me? My daughter is eighteen-years-old!" She wiped at her face and sniffled and I felt my heart warm. "You're a grown-up, now. Oh, this is too much for me to handle."

She sat down and grabbed a couple of tissues.

I laughed and sat down next to her. "I'm a grown-up, yes. But don't worry, I still get excited over little things."

Mom smiled and rolled her eyes. "I packed your lunch. I hope you don't mind having birthday pancakes."

"Mind? I don't mind at all!" I said, springing up, my hands flailing around. I checked my watch. "It's my birthday and I have a math quiz in thirty minutes. I think I should get going. Bye!" I bent down and kissed her cheek. I grabbed my bag and raced out the door, my mom's sobs about my date today the last of what I could hear.

Today.

It was today.

I decided to walk to school. I felt too happy. In fact, I was in a really good mood that I actually said hello to Ms. Walker. Of course, she shrugged me off and continued smoking.

_Smoking_. _Austin_.

My mind jumped to the photo I observed yesterday at the carnival. Surely Austin and the mystery girl had chemistry. I mean they looked in love. They _were_ in love. The way he was looking at her...I had never seen him look at another girl that way at school. Or at all. In fact, he didn't really care about any of the girls. When I told him about Abby, he shrugged me off. It didn't seem like he was interested in anyone.

But there was something between him and the girl.

And he told me he didn't believe in love. He told me he was never in love.

_Did he and the girl have a messy break up?_ Was he still in love with her, even though he disregarded the idea of being in love?

Questions raced through my mind and I stopped and shook my head.

It was my birthday today.

I had a date with my crush.

I didn't need to play detective. Maybe Austin just didn't like the concept of being in love. Who was I to change that? He was stubborn and bitter. Maybe that was just him.

It wasn't my business to interfere with his love life.

"Ally!" Dez and Trish yelled.

Here it came.

Another bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, my God, you're eighteen! Happy birthday!" Trish screamed, attracting the attention of some students.

"Our little girl is growing up," Dez sobbed.

I laughed. "Thanks, guys."

Wow.

I was actually eighteen.

Getting to the locker, now, was pretty hard. Trish and Dez wouldn't let go of me so I basically had to _drag_ them with me. It wasn't easy and we did receive lots of unwanted attention – something I laughed at.

"Guys, I'm not going to run away," I laughed. "I need to get my math copybook and review. I have a quiz in a few."

"Fine," Trish groaned, letting go. "God, it just feels surreal. You're like a little kid to us, Ally."

"It's hard to let go," Dez commented, smiling at me.

"We're all eighteen, now," I said. "Everybody eventually grows up." I stopped and swallowed, putting loose strands of my hair behind my ear. I always had it put up in a messy ponytail or bun. "But hey, I'm still that person who gets excited over carnivals."

"You always will be," Trish said.

"Indeed."

We exchanged smiles and goodbyes and then I turned to my locker. I hummed to a song I loved and dialed in my combination, flinging my locker open. These lockers were quite old and rusty and required pressure to gain access.

"Copybook, copybook, copybook..." I muttered to myself, scanning the locker. "Aha!"

I pulled it out and shut my locker, turning around, only to stop and yelp.

Austin raised an eyebrow and I pushed down the curiosity I had about him and the girl. _It's none of your business, Ally. He'll only get angry._

"Do you have the chemistry book with you? I forgot it at home and the teacher's a fucking bastard," he said, folding his arms. He also decided to ditch the jacket, although I knew he always had it with him.

"But I just closed my locker!"

"Then fucking open it again!"

I rolled my eyes and went through the whole process again. I grabbed the book and shut the locker. "Here," I said, handing it over. "Why are you in such a bitter mood? I'm not surprised, but still."

He heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. It had gotten curlier and it was evident he was running his hands through his hair a lot. What had gotten him so nervous and worked up?

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he snapped. "I need to get to class."

I brushed him off and grinned. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"No," he replied, turning around. And then was he on his way.

_Guess not. _

"Hey, Ally."

My head snapped up, my eyes locking with warm, brown ones.

"Dallas! Hey!"

He grinned. "Happy birthday!"

I blushed. "Thank you."

"I just wanted to...you know...make sure that we're still on for tonight."

"Yeah. Sure. Of course we are!"

_Calm the hell down, you idiot. _

"Great," he replied. He can kill a person with such a smile.

* * *

The day seemed to drag on but I was finally sitting in my bedroom with Trish explaining to me why I needed to wear a dress for my date with Dallas.

Which was in an hour.

And I was not nervous at _all_. Nope.

"But I don't want to wear a dress!" I retorted, folding my arms. "Can't I just wear my black pants?"

"Oh, please!" she snapped. "I bet you these haven't been in the washing machine for a while."

I pursed my lips.

"You can wear your sneakers, though," she said. "Seeing as you're not excited on wearing a dress..."

I grinned. "Sweet."

Trish grabbed the curling iron and smirked. "Let's do this, then."

This time, though, time seemed to drag on fast. Trish fixed me up and I guess that was what distracted me. I almost forgot about my jitters. When Trish was done and I was finally ready, I realized Dallas was going to be here any minute.

"Oh, my God," I said. "I'm actually going on a date with Dallas." I paced back and forth and fidgeted with my hands. "I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm excited. Oh, I don't know what to do!"

"For one, you can stop pacing. You're going to fucking create a dent in the floor," she snapped, folding her arms. "And second, you can breathe in and out. First dates always make people feel uneasy. But you need to remind yourself that you're fucking ready and you're going to kick ass."

I grinned. "I'm going to kick ass."

Then, the doorbell rang.

"That's him!" Trish sang. She looked at her watch. "And right on time! Come on, let's go!"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me downstairs and my heart thudded in my chest.

It was happening.

"Oh! Alison, you look beautiful!" Mom gushed, flailing her arms around. "Oh! God, my daughter is growing up!"

"I don't know if I approve of this," Dad said.

"Oh, shut up, Lester," Mom snapped.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, I opened the door. Dallas stood there, a nervous look on his face, flowers in his hand. When he saw me, he smiled.

"You look beautiful, Ally," Dallas said.

I blushed. "Thanks. You're not bad yourself."

He laughed.

Then, I was shoved away by my mom. She beamed at Dallas and began to ramble on, while Dad eyed him carefully.

"Uh, these are for you, Mrs. Dawson," Dallas said, handing her the flowers.

"Oh, that was so sweet of you!" she gushed. "Thank you, dear. They're beautiful."

"Take care of her, alright?" Dad said, squinting at him.

"Yes, sir," Dallas replied, smiling. Dad smiled back and we were on our way. When I heard the front door close, I breathed a sigh of relief, content to be away from my excited mother and inquisitive father.

As I walked beside Dallas, I noticed a new car in Austin and Mimi's driveway. I squinted to have a better look but ended up shrugging in nonchalance. I breathed in the crisp air and smiled.

Dallas opened the car door for me and I thanked him, getting into the car. Dallas started the engine and began to drive and I noticed the smile on his face.

"So, where are you taking us?" I asked.

"Ah, but that will ruin the surprise," he teased. "I just hope I won't disappoint you."

"Don't worry, you won't."

* * *

"Oh, my God, this is beautiful!" I beamed, looking at the wide stretch of the lake.

We were going to have a picnic. When Dallas parked the car and we got out, everything was already set and in order. A red blanket lay on the grass near the lake, a brown basket placed on it. It was odd that it was already set but I wasn't complaining.

The view was beautiful. I was surrounded by nature and I was going to have dinner near a lake _with_ my crush.

"I'm glad you like it," he smiled. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is," I breathed. "I love it!"

We sat down and I couldn't stop smiling. Dallas began to pull out assortments of food that ranged from sandwiches to fruits to cake. It was mouthwatering.

I felt so comfortable with him that my jitters were gone.

I could tell this was going to be a nice evening.

* * *

It was amazing.

The whole time through the date, Dallas and I ate, laughed, and talked. Our choice of topics varied; we talked about music, movies, school, our futures, and the list went on. Everything kept me entertained and engaged that I wished he and I would stay where we were for a long time.

I didn't feel like going home but the date had come to an end. It was safe to say that my first day went completely the way I dreamt it would be.

It was simply beautiful.

I helped Dallas clean up the mess and put away the picnic basket and blanket. When we were done, I stood near the lake and watched as the night peacefully went on.

Moments later, I felt Dallas approach me and stand beside me.

"One can't get enough of this view," he whispered.

"I know," I breathed.

I was so caught up in the view that I _almost_ didn't notice his warm fingers interlace with mine. But they did and I closed my eyes for a brief second, smiling, and trying to savor the moment we were sharing.

It all felt surreal.

But it was reality and I loved it.

"I'm glad you agreed to this date, Ally," he said.

I smiled. "I am, too. Thank you for tonight. It was really nice."

He laughed. "I almost forgot something." He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a navy blue box. "I got you a little gift."

"You shouldn't have!" I exclaimed. He laughed again and handed the box to me. I blushed and opened it.

"Oh, it's beautiful," I breathed, looking at the gold necklace. "God, it's...it really is. Thank you so much."

"May I?"

I blushed as he picked up the necklace. He walked behind me and I felt his fingers gently push my hair to the side.

(At that point, I really wanted to tie my hair.)

(I know, I'm quite an idiot, but can you blame me?)

He carefully put the necklace on, pushing my hair back when he was finished. He didn't come back to stand beside me again, so I turned around and looked up at him. Dallas looked down at me (since he was taller than me) with his hands in his pockets.

There was a lot of smiling involved tonight, if you haven't noticed.

I touched the necklace with my fingers. "It's beautiful."

_You already said that, Ally. _

Dallas stared at me, his eyes roaming mine. They looked black at night. His lips twitched into a smile.

"Yeah," he breathed, his hand brushing my cheek. My heart began to race and my palms began to sweat.

He leaned in a little and I didn't object. He noticed it, too. Dallas grinned and leaned in further until our foreheads touched. We were so close now. I could feel our shaky breaths merging together and we stayed like that for a while.

"Well, this is really nice—"

I felt his warm lips connect with mine in the most gentle and romantic way. My eyes immediately fluttered shut, my body tingling in excitement and happiness as I felt his hands cup my cheek, his thumbs tracing imaginary lines and circles. The kiss was brief and short, but enough to leave me mesmerized. When we pulled away, Dallas leaned his forehead against mine, his nose brushing mine, something I found really cute.

"Now would be the right time to ask you if you want to be my girlfriend, right?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

"So, is that a yes, or did I mess up?" he said and I could feel him smiling.

"It's a yes," I breathed.

"Happy birthday, Ally."

I grinned, my hand gently gripping his wrist, and we stayed like that for a while. My brain had stopped functioning. All I was really able to focus on was that my crush would now be considered my boyfriend – the fact that he and I kissed.

And God, I loved it.

* * *

"I'll see you on Monday?" Dallas asked.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Yeah, definitely."

He leaned over and kissed my temple, his thumb skimming my jaw.

_Don't squeal, Ally._

"Thank you for tonight," I said. "It was really sweet of you."

"Don't thank me," he said. "I loved every minute of it."

We exchanged goodbyes and I got out the car. I waved and watched his car disappear. I looked around. There was no one in sight and Dallas was now out of earshot.

I grinned.

And _then_ I squealed.

"Do you usually do that?" a voice asked.

I whirled around and grinned. "Only on special occasions."

"So, I take it your date went well," Austin said, exhaling a white cloud of smoke.

"Yeah," I said, skipping up to him. "How was your day?"

He shrugged and looked down, placing the cigarette back in his mouth.

"Whose car is this?" I asked, gesturing to the one he was leaning on. I leaned against it, too, and folded my arms.

Austin took out the cigarette, exhaled, and sighed. "My dad's."

My mouth formed a small 'o' and I thought for a second. Lately, Austin seemed to be nervous and worked up. I did recall a phone call he had. Whoever he was talking to did not make him happy.

Could it be because of his father?

"Oh," I finally managed to say.

"Yeah."

Austin out the cigarette and placed it in his pocket. He took out his car keys and unlocked the car – his and not his father's.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to drive around."

"Can I come with?" I asked. I didn't feel like telling my parents, including Trish and Dez, every single detail about the date I had. And the fact that I had my first kiss. And the fact that I was dating somebody now.

That could wait till tomorrow.

"Go home, Beatles girl."

"I don't feel like it," I shrugged. "So can I come with?"

"When have I ever objected?" he sarcastically asked.

I grinned. "That's the spirit."

We got into the car and I made sure to put on the seatbelt.

"I have a story!" I beamed. "Seatbelt, Austin."

He heaved a sigh and put on the seatbelt.

"Thank you," I said. "So can I tell you a story?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'm going to tell it anyway."

"I know."

"Oh? And how?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

"Because I've gotten used to you," he muttered. I grinned and began to tell the story.

I figured he needed some sort of distraction.


	15. fifteen

"Remind me again when you ever liked camping?" I asked, stopping to huff and pull away loose strands of my hair.

Mom leaned against my bedroom doorframe and folded her arms. "I figured I'd give it another shot."

"Oh, please! The last time we went camping was when I was about nine-years-old. One night in a cabin and you made us all drive back home around midnight because the bugs were annoying you."

"Well, if you want to put it that way..."

I rolled my eyes but smiled. "I'm not complaining. I'd like to be surrounded by nature. You guys rented two cabins, right?"

Mom was checking her manicured nails. "Not exactly. Three cabins were rented. One for the three of us, the other for Mimi and her boys, and the last for, well, her husband."

I pursed my lips. "Ex-husband."

It turned out my mother and Mimi had been talking a lot. I mean can you blame them? Before Mimi could settle down in the neighborhood, Mom had already cooked her a casserole. She was always like that – trying to make people happy. I supposed that that made her happy as well. Well anyway, Mimi and my mother decided that this weekend would be spent camping in the woods.

And Mimi's husband was coming along, too.

It made me nervous for some reason. I mean Austin seemed so unnerved about the whole thing. I didn't know why Mimi and her husband had gotten a divorce. Frankly, I wasn't sure I'd like to ask Austin. I did, though, but he didn't really answer. Was it a messy divorce? Or was it just because of irreconcilable differences? Was Austin's breakup messy? Or was it also simply because of the common things the two lacked in their relationship?

I wondered how Mimi was feeling now that her ex-husband was here in Miami.

I was going to find out anyway.

"Are you done packing?" Mom asked, bringing me back to reality.

"Yeah," I replied, placing my hands on my hips. "I've got the essentials: a couple of books, a camera, hairbands because mine tend to rip apart..."

"Ah, how about some underwear and clothes?" she sarcastically asked.

I rolled my eyes and zipped up my bag. "Done."

"Then let's hit the road!"

We met the others outside. I awkwardly followed my parents as they greeted Mimi.

And her husband.

And a strange boy.

"Good morning," Mom cheerily beamed. "Are we all ready to go?"

"Yes," Mimi said, shooting back a small smile. "Ah, Penny and Lester, this...this is my ex-husband Mike. He's here for a visit. Mike, these are our neighbors."

"It's very nice to meet you," the man said, shaking hands with my parents. While they talked, I took my time to observe him. He was a tall man, late into his forties. He had salt-and-pepper hair, with warm, blue eyes, framed by a thin face. The boy next to him was even taller, with curly, black hair, pale skin, and the exact eyes as his father.

Obviously, it was Alex, Austin's brother.

And Austin was nowhere in sight.

"This is Alex, my oldest son," Mimi said.

"It's very nice to meet you, Alex," Dad smiled. "Ah, this is also our daughter. Alison, say hello."

Well, I wasn't really paying attention.

I whipped my head around and looked at them with a questioning look. "What? Oh! Oh, hello! I'm Ally!"

Mike and Alex smiled at me.

I felt pretty embarrassed and awkward but thankfully, Austin came out of the house just then.

"Well, we're all here now," Mimi said. Her face looked tired as she looked at a pretty angry Austin. "I guess we should hit the road. Maybe we could stop and have breakfast."

"Sounds good!" Mom smiled. "So, Lester and I will be driving with you guys and Alex. We don't want to take so many cars – that would be too crowded – so Alison, you will be going with Austin."

Austin turned around and looked at me with a flat look. I raised up my hand. "Austin, please. Try to conceal your enthusiasm, you're embarrassing me."

That didn't really amuse him.

He looked like he wanted to strangle me.

But it did amuse the others.

We departed after that. I threw my bag into the backseat and climbed into the car. Sighing, Austin shut the car door and turned on the ignition.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," he snapped, just like always.

"You say you're fine when you're really not, you know that?"

"I'm going to have to make a quick stop first," Austin said, ignoring me.

"Why?"

"I'm all out of cigarettes."

"How sinful!" I sarcastically exclaimed.

"Oh, fuck off."

* * *

"Pull up, Austin! Just pull up, for God sake!" I yelled. "Amazing! Just amazing!"

I flung the car door open and got out, a frown plastered on my face.

"What the fuck are you screaming about?" Austin snapped.

I flailed my arms around in anger and took a few steps forward. "Are you kidding me? Look around you! Does anything seem familiar to you? No! Because you managed to get us lost."

"I'm in no mood for your bullshit," Austin spat.

"Why are _you_ angry? You shouldn't be the one who's angry! Need I remind you that we don't know where we are? We're in the middle of nowhere! And then the car ran out of gas. Not to mention that you're a horrible driver!"

"I advise you to stop talking." He had a menacing look on his face but I wasn't about to shut up.

"You're reckless and careless," I said, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "I mean, don't you care about your safety? You don't wear a seatbelt and you drive above the speed limit! Is this the way you usually drive? You can hurt yourself, Austin! Do you really want that? What is with you? Are you _that_ stupid? You—"

Austin had taken menacing steps so that he was in front of me. His hands curled into fists, slamming against the hood of the car so I was trapped.

It was enough to shut me up – enough to make me realize how stupid I was acting.

He was dangerously close. I could see his mouth twitching, his eyes swarming with so much pent-up anger. I swallowed, guilt wracking my body.

"God, I'm...I didn't mean to—"

"_Fuck_ you," he spat. "Fuck this bullshit. My mom forced me to come on this fucking trip, and that _bastard_ is fucking here, and now I have to deal with _your_ fucking bullshit. No. Fuck this and fuck _you_. Don't just fucking assume like you know everything about me. Because you don't. You don't know a damn thing. You're just a fucking naive girl who doesn't know shit. So think about that the next time you decide to open your fucking mouth and spout bullshit."

My body was still, my eyes widened, and I was frozen in my place. Austin lingered for a few seconds, his angry eyes roaming my guilty ones. I swallowed and he backed away. He began to walk away and I knew he was going to look for gas.

I was an idiot.

And I really did make him angry. This was probably the first time he ever blew up on me and I blew up on him. Groaning, I ran a hand down my face and sat down on the grass. There was a small pond with frogs that were nowhere in sight.

"Why do you have to be such an idiot, Ally?" I asked myself. "God, he hates my guts."

I quietly berated myself for my insensitivity and I waited for Austin to come back. He was gone for a long while.

I ended up falling asleep.

Something was prodding at my cheek and it was very annoying, but it did wake me up from my slumber. I grudgingly opened my eyes and sat up, waiting for my eyes to adjust to my surroundings.

Austin tossed a chocolate bar onto my lap. "The car's ready."

I nodded and tried to find something to say but to no avail. This went on for a while. It was weird. It was one of those rare moments where I didn't know what to say to Austin – a mystery that I wanted answers to.

"I'm sorry," he spoke.

I whipped my head to look at him. "What? _You're_ sorry? No!" I shuffled on my knees so that I was sitting in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at me. "No! You...you're not the one who's supposed to be apologizing! What I said was insensitive and ignorant. I didn't mean it...I was just angry. I guess that's no excuse but I'm really sorry, Austin. You probably hate my guts."

He stayed silent.

"See...this is the part where you assure me that you don't hate my guts," I said, flashing him a grin.

He rolled his eyes and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I guess we're both at fault here," he mumbled. "I didn't...well...I'm sorry for cursing at you."

"I don't really expect an apology from you."

"Whatever," he shrugged. "The car's ready. Let's go."

So, we were back on the road, without any disturbances or impediments. The ride was silent and I didn't bother to strike up a conversation. We had done enough talking.

"There you are!" Mom exclaimed once we reached the cabins. "What took you guys so long?"

"Just some minor setbacks," I replied, pursing my lips. Mimi and Mom looked at one another, shrugged, and continued setting up the table for lunch.

Sighing, I left to our cabin and plopped down on the bed with a grunt.

* * *

The sun had already set and the sky was pitch black now. I sat by the fire and distracted myself by fiddling with my fingers. Austin and I didn't talk to one another for the rest of the day. Granted, we weren't angry at one another anymore, but it was still pretty...tense.

I looked up from my lap and stole a glance at him. He sat opposite of me, legs pulled back to his chest, his arms dangling from his knees. He was staring at the crackling fire.

I heard one of the cabin doors open, laughter following it. The others were back inside, chattering and watching TV.

"Alison?" Mimi's voice spoke. I quickly stood up and turned to greet her. She smiled at me. "I know this may seem a lot, but can you and Austin head down to a local market and buy some wine?"

I opened my mouth to say something but stared at Austin. His eyes locked with mine and he stood up.

"Okay," he said, voice void of any emotion.

"Thank you," Mimi smiled. "Here's some money. Don't be long, okay?"

I followed Austin to the car and we got in. Before turning on the ignition, Austin sighed and leaned his head backwards. "Why do elders have to drink so much goddamn wine?" he mumbled.

I stifled a laugh but grinned, opening the car window. He was right. Austin drove around for a while, trying to look for a market to buy some booze. Eventually, we did find one, and it was this small store located in a quiet neighborhood.

"I'll be back," he muttered, getting out of the car.

I nodded and sighed, drumming my fingers against the dashboard. It was a _really_ quiet neighborhood. The only sound audible was that of a few cars passing by.

However, a buzz of a phone or something made me jump. It was Austin's phone. I grabbed it and checked the lock screen. It was a message from his mother. I unlocked the phone with ease, remembering that he had no password.

_**Mom**__  
Austin, please get some snacks and juice, along with the wine. _

At that moment, Austin flung the car door open and glared at me. "What are you doing with my phone?"

I sighed. "Oh, calm down. It was a message from your mom. She wants you to get juice and some snacks."

Austin groaned and handed me the bag that contained the wine bottles. "Jesus fucking Christ." He headed back inside the store.

I set the bag down carefully and was about to lock his phone again when something caught my eye. My breath hitched. It was that of an unknown number. The message below it was more of what got me interested.

_**Unknown Number**__  
Austin, please. We have to talk. _

I looked up and saw that Austin was still inside. Without thinking, I tapped the chat. The messenger had been sending numerous texts, none that Austin replied to. I wondered why. I scrolled up and began to read.

_Austin, I changed my number. –C _

C?

_-How's Miami?_

_-God, Austin, please answer my texts. You don't answer my calls, either, so at least answer me here. Please. I miss you so much. _

_-Seems like you won't answer me at all. Well anyway, I just...I just wanted to let you know how fucking sorry I am. God, I'm such an idiot. I'm the biggest fucking idiot ever. I miss you so much. I never meant to do it. I didn't mean to. I don't know why I did it in the first place. _

_-I miss you so goddamn much. _

_-I still love you, you know. I know that you don't, but I do. God, I do. _

_-I never meant to hurt you. I didn't stop loving you for one second. You mean so much to me and I know that what I did was so fucking horrible of me to do. It was a mistake. I wish I could go back and fix it. I don't know what I was thinking back then. I'm _trying_ to fix it. I want us to be able to talk again. I don't...you may not want to get back together, but can we at least talk and see how it works from there? I'd give anything to know that you wouldn't mind being friends. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I miss you everyday and it hurts me to think that I've lost you. Please, if you get the chance, please answer me. I love you. _

I heard the sounds of a door opening and I scrambled to get out of the app and lock the phone. My heart raced but I managed to put the phone back in its place. Austin opened the car door and got in, throwing the bags in the backseat. He inserted the keys and looked at me with a frown. I swallowed hard. My mouth felt dry for some reason and I don't know from what. Was it from C or was it trying to put the phone back?

Who was C? And what the hell did she do? Somehow, I knew that this person was the girl that was in the photo Austin had.

"What's up with you? You look horrified," he said.

I shook my head and stared at the store. "Nothing. I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

Austin stared at me, shrugged, and turned on the ignition.

"C," I whispered. I tilted my head to look at Austin, who was focusing on driving. He was frowning. He looked like the usual.

Tired.

And I knew he was broken.

* * *

"Thank you, dear!" Mimi beamed, taking the bags from me. I smiled and sat back down near the fire.

"Hey," a voice said. I looked up and saw Alex approaching the wooden benches. Except these wooden benches did not have backs so they were basically well-crafted logs you could sit on.

They weren't that comfy. My butt hurt.

"Hello," I said, shooting him a warm smile. He sat down next to me and took a small sip from his beer.

"It's not that good," he said, frowning at the can.

"First time trying beer?" I asked.

"Nah," he goofily smiled. "But I'm not much of a drinker."

I exhaled half a laugh. "So, how do you like Miami so far?"

"It's nice," he said. "I do like New York's weather more, though. I don't particularly enjoy the heat. I do like change."

"I can sympathize," I said, nodding. "Except I've grown accustomed to living here. I was born here."

Alex smiled.

I shifted in my seat. Austin did say that he and Alex talked. They didn't cut off their connection. Between Austin and his father, it seemed he did. But with Alex; no. Could it mean that Austin confined in Alex? Did Alex know anything about Austin's past?

"So, you and my little brother are pretty close."

I whipped my head. "What? Oh. Well, I wouldn't say _close_. It doesn't seem like he wants friends."

"Would you consider yourselves friends?" Alex asked, setting down his beer can.

"I do consider Austin as a friend of mine, but I don't know much about him. I'm trying to, though," I replied. "As for Austin, he considers me a nuisance."

Alex laughed. "Don't take it personally, he's really stubborn. But he does talk to you, so that's got to count for something."

"How do you know we talk? We've sort of ignored each other today."

Alex shrugged. "From the way you spoke to him in the morning – about you and Austin in one car – it seemed like you two have talked before. Am I wrong?"

"No, no, I do talk a lot," I answered. "He doesn't like to talk much, though."

Alex sighed and looked down. "I know."

_Ask him, Ally. _

"Do you..." I began. I stopped and tried to find the correct words to say. I didn't want to sound like some stalker. Given at what I have done, I probably was. But still. "Do you know anything about Austin's past? I mean...I get this feeling like he's been through a lot. I feel like he has changed, as a person. He's...quiet, secluded, and mysterious."

"You're not wrong," Alex said, nodding. "He has changed and...he has been through a lot. He never really talked to me about what went on with him. He didn't talk to anybody."

"Do you know a little about what happened?"

"Well," he began, sighing. "Part of why he is the way he is had to do with his friends. Well, it had to do with his girlfriend and someone else. I don't know. All I know is that a lot of shit happened and Austin just changed. He didn't talk to anyone. Not me or our mom. If anyone tried to pry something out of him or help him, he'd blow up and push everyone further away from him. I tried talking to him – a lot – but he never cooperated. That was only part of the problem. He was basically dead back in New York." He stopped and sighed again. "He still is."

"Girlfriend," I repeated. "They...they broke up, didn't they? I...I saw a photo of them together. I just don't know what happened. I'd like to, though."

"I'd like to know, too," he answered. "But I don't have enough information."

All he knew – and what I knew now – was that it involved his ex-girlfriend and someone else. What the hell happened?

"What is...what is her name?" I asked. I felt excited for some reason.

Alex took a sip from his beer and frowned for one second. "It's Catherine. Her name is Catherine."

Catherine.

"Oh."

"Alison," Alex said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't...don't give up on him. Don't give up on my little brother. I know he could be hard to handle but he's not a bad person. He's just troubled."

"I know," I said. "I know."

"Jesus Christ!" I heard Austin yell in the background.

Alex and I laughed.

"I'm gonna go get some sleep," Alex smiled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Alex left and a few seconds later, Austin sat down on one of the logs.

"Aren't you tired?" I asked.

"I am," he replied. "That's why I'm here."

Austin swung his legs and lay down on the log, his hands clasped behind his head.

"Wait, you're going to sleep outside?" I asked, standing up.

"Yeah," he said. "What's the point of camping if you're going to do everything you normally do at home?"

I grinned at that. I quickly scurried inside and grabbed two blankets. He was right. I went back outside and handed him a blanket. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You're right," I said, smiling. "But that doesn't mean we have to freeze to death."

"It's Miami, that's highly unlikely," he retorted but covered himself with the blanket. "Thanks."

I lay down on my log and stared up at the sky. Tiny stars were scattered all across the vast sky. It was beautiful.

"It's nice out here," I said. Austin didn't answer. I craned my neck to look at him, thinking he was asleep, but he was also staring at the sky. "Are you okay?"

He looked at me. "You ask me that a lot."

I smiled. "Nothing wrong with checking up on people."

"I'm fine."

_No, you're not. _

I pursed my lips. "You're also a good liar."

He rolled his eyes. "Goodnight, Beatles girl."

I grinned. "Goodnight."

I got comfy on the log and closed my eyes. I heard Austin shift in his seat.

"Beatles girl?"

I kept my eyes closed. "Mhm?"

Austin sighed. "Happy birthday," he mumbled.

I smiled.

_You'll be okay, Austin. _


	16. sixteen

"Okay, which direction are you heading in?" Mom asked.

I cupped my hand over my temple to shield my eyes from the sun. It wasn't even December yet, and although it was Miami, I could have gone for a cloudy day today. I was going hiking. Well, I was going to walk around the forest for a while and capture pictures of Mother Nature. But yeah, you could call it hiking.

"I'm going to start from that side," I said, pointing to the left. My camera dangled from my neck.

"Are you sure you'll be all right on your own?" she asked, frowning at me with worry evident on her face.

"Yes, I will be, Mom," I replied, giving her a brief smile. "Don't worry. It's just a small walk and capturing some photos. Besides, I'm not much of an active person."

"Oh, we know that," Dad said, nodding. I gave him a flat look and he shrugged.

"Keep your phone with you," Mom said, giving me a stern look. "Be sure it's not silent. Don't be late, okay?"

I nodded. They walked back to the cabin and I glanced at Austin. He was in the same position as yesterday; legs to the chest and arms dangling off the knees. Of course, he had his usual mask on.

I smiled at him. "You want to go hiking with me?"

"No."

"You'll regret it," I teased, grinning. He rolled his eyes.

Shrugging, I skipped up ahead into the woods and began capturing photos of the trees and shrubbery. It was really nice and quite peaceful. Normally, I wouldn't sing in front of people, but I realized I was alone in a wide forest, so I began to sing.

(Quite awfully.)

I captured more photos and smiled to myself.

The day was going well.

* * *

I was lost.

I don't know what happened and how it really happened but I was lost. Literally. I was lost. In a forest. With nowhere to go. I gave up walking back and walking further because you know what that did? It confused me even more.

"Oh, God," I cried. "Oh, man."

I stopped midway when I realized I had my phone with me. I scrambled to pull it out and when I did, I gave out a loud cry.

"No!" I yelped, looking at the blank screen. My phone had died.

And I probably was going to die, too.

Pouting in distress, I walked further, usually stopping to take breaks because my feet began to hurt. Was this what usually happened to people who had recently grew up? Was this what now-adults had to endure? Was this a test? Unfortunately, these questions only distracted me from walking, and I ended up falling forward, landing on the soil with a thud and an unsatisfied grunt. I felt my ankle vibrate with pain and I scrambled to see what had happened.

It had gotten stuck between a mound of rocks and vines. I tried to wiggle my foot out of the pile but to no avail. I repeated the action but all I received was pain shooting up my ankle.

This wasn't good.

My foot was stuck and I could feel it constantly vibrating with unnecessary pain.

And I was _stuck_.

In the middle of the _woods_.

With a _dead_ phone.

And absolutely _no_ resources.

Frankly, it was safe to say that I was going to die.

I let that sink in for a moment. I let it process through my head.

_I was going to die. _

"I'm...I'm going to die," I repeated. "I'm going to die. Oh, my God, I'm going to die! I am never going to see Trish and Dez ever again. I turned eighteen but I won't be able to graduate! I won't be able to go on a second date with Dallas. I won't be able to live in a cute apartment all by myself. I won't be able to get a job or go to college – or graduate from college! I'm not going to be able to see my family and friends and freaking boyfriend. Hm, it's weird, though. He _is_ my boyfriend. Well, it _has_ been a day, but he did ask me to be his girlfriend. But does that matter? I won't be able to see him again. I'm going to be stuck here for days until my body can't handle it anymore. I'll die from hunger and dehydration. I'm going to die with a possibly sprained ankle. I'm going to die miserably. This is my fate. I need to accept it. I need to—"

"Will you shut the fuck up already?" a voice asked, cutting me off.

I squealed and looked up. "I'm not doing to die!"

Austin gave me a flat look and bent down so that he was balanced on his feet and on my level. "You're a fucking idiot."

I glared at him. "I got lost, okay? And then I got stuck..."

Austin rolled his eyes and sighed and looked at the mound of rocks and vines. Silently, he began to pull apart the rocks, although that took some time and strength. I frowned at myself and my inability to had done so.

"How'd you find me?" I asked, watching him. He was frowning.

He sighed again. "Your yapping got me here."

I pursed my lips and blushed. "I was...I was having a moment."

We fell into silence and I helped Austin with removing the rocks, which made me feel a little better. By the time my ankle was free, it was swollen red and it hurt like hell. I cringed and massaged it.

"Does it hurt?" Austin asked, looking at me.

"No," I lied. "No, it was just the pressure of the rocks. That's why it's red. It's...It's fine. I'm not hurt."

He raised an eyebrow and I stood up. Well, I tried to stand up and ended up losing my balance because of the pain that pierced my foot. I knelt against the tree and frowned. "Do you know the way back?"

"You're hurt."

I opened my mouth to say something but averted my attention to his hands. His fingers were bleeding. "I hurt you," I pouted.

He rolled his eyes. "No, you didn't. Stop being an idiot."

I sighed. "Do you know the way back?"

"I do," he said. "It doesn't seem you can walk, though."

"I'm fine," I said, taking a few steps forward. "See?"

I definitely had a sprained ankle.

"Then run."

"What?" I flatly asked.

"If you're fine, then run," he said, folding his arms.

I frowned at him. "What are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing," he said. "You're in pain."

"So what if I'm hurt? I can handle myself!"

"I know you can," Austin said, catching me off guard. I stared at him and he grabbed my wrists. "Now climb. I don't have all day."

Pursing my lips, I climbed onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck.

I grinned. "This is progress! We are becoming good friends!"

"Fuck off."

"I bet you didn't carry your friends back in New York like this. I'm special, aren't I?" I teased.

"No."

"Lying is bad, Austin."

"Oh, for fuck sake!"


	17. seventeen

Our Christmas break was nearing. I was pretty excited for it because a) We wouldn't have school for about three weeks and b) It was going to be Christmas. Christmas was probably my favorite holiday but then again, there was Thanksgiving and that meant my mom would make her pumpkin pie.

(Which I adored.)

Things were going pretty well. I was eighteen for some time now and it didn't feel as scary and, well, I was dating someone who had been my crush for about three years. So yes, things _were_ going pretty well in my life. I smiled at Dallas and watched him do some math equations. It was lunch break and he had asked me to help him. I smiled wider when I saw him furrow his eyebrows and bite down on his lip.

"Need any help with that?" I asked.

Dallas broke out into a grin. "Nope! I figured it out!"

I laughed at his excitement. He looked at me and smiled, shutting his book shut. He shuffled closer to me and wrapped an arm around me, resting his forehead on my shoulder. We'd been dating for about a month now and I still blushed whenever he did things like that.

The bell then rang and he pulled away. He cupped my face in his hands. "You wanna hang out after school?" he asked. I vigorously nodded. He laughed and leaned in, connecting our lips. I melted into it and resisted the urge to whine when he pulled away.

I got up from the bench, a smile never leaving my face, and we departed ways.

Things were _definitely_ going well for me.

* * *

"Settle down, class," the teacher spoke. "Please settle down and be quiet. I have some news to announce – some that you may find quite exciting."

The class fell silent. The teacher sat down and interlaced her fingers together. She stayed quiet for a second, examining the class.

"Okay," she began. "As you all know, this is your last year of high school. After that comes college, which is a big step for you all and I hope you take your last year seriously. Now, a lot of students can get pretty confused and stressed when it comes to picking colleges and then applying to them. So, the school has conducted a trip to New York—" She held up her hand to silence the students, who all began cheering. I was grinning wildly in my seat. "—to help you prep for university. There, you will be visiting several colleges, where you get to learn about what they have to offer. Several of you may not go to college in New York, but this trip may and will help you along the way. I have some papers here that include everything you need to know about the trip and the requirements. Please be sure to have your parents read and sign this."

Trish and I exchanged excited glances, high-fiving each other. We were going to _New York_ – the big Apple. New York was one of the most expensive and beautiful states. And we were going to that very state. I resisted the urge to squeal and instead grinned and waited for the teacher to hand out the papers. This year was by far the most exciting for me. It was crazy. Maybe this year was going to turn out better than I thought.

New York meant a lot of things. It meant beautiful landscapes, amazing restaurants, places to explore...

And it also meant Austin.

He wasn't in my class but I wondered how he felt about the situation. To him, I think New York meant a lot of things, things that I didn't even know about. They were things I wanted to know about. I knew for sure that a hell of a lot happened to him back in New York. New York meant Catherine and Catherine seemed to be part of why Austin was so secluded and angry all the time.

I just wondered if I could change something.

After the teacher handed out the papers, I read them over and didn't pay attention to the lesson she was explaining. I didn't think anyone was due to the excitement this trip had ensured. I grinned and shoved the papers in my bag when the bell rang.

"We're going to New York, fuckers!" Trish screamed in the hallway. I laughed and ran with her to our next class. The day went unbelievingly slow and I think it was because of my urge to tell my parents about the trip. When the last bell rang for the day, Trish and I were still squealing about the news. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. Dallas' chin rested on my shoulder and he kissed my cheek.

"We're going to—" I began.

"New York," Dallas finished. Trish and I squealed again. Dallas laughed and planted another kiss on my cheek. "You still want to hang out?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great," he smiled, grabbing my hand. My knees buckled at the contact. "Trish, you want to join?"

"No. I'd rather not watch you two kiss."

We laughed and departed ways. Dallas never let go of my hand.

While in the parking lot, I turned my head, out of curiosity. I spotted Austin walking out of school. His hair was disheveled, a frown on his face. It was the usual and I wondered if it had anything to do with New York. But then again, it was the way Austin always looked, so there was never any way to be sure. Except ask him, of course. And _that_ wasn't exactly easy. I looked away and got into Dallas' car. I figured I'd talk to Austin later to check up on him. There was no need to think about that now and he wasn't going anywhere anyway.

I smiled as Dallas drove off. I turned on the radio and hummed to the song. Dallas smiled at me and quickly leaned over to kiss me. I laughed and blushed.

I was never going to get tired of that.

* * *

"God, I'm full," Dallas said, stopping the car in front of my house. He smiled at me and leaned over to kiss me.

(Again.)

(But who was complaining? I sure as hell wasn't.)

He pulled away and clasped my hands in his. "So...New York, huh? That's pretty romantic."

I smiled at him. "Ah, already thinking about that?

"I have a few places in mind," he laughed. "I'd like to make that trip memorable."

"It will be," I said, leaning my forehead against his. I kissed him and pulled away but he caught my lips again and I grinned into the kiss. "Are we going to be here all day?"

"I'm not complaining," Dallas mumbled into the kiss. I pulled away to laugh. He grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Call me."

"Okay," I said. I grabbed my bag and got out of the car, shooting Dallas one last smile before watching his car drive away.

I looked at Austin's house. The car wasn't there and I wondered if he was at home. The fact that Mimi was out tending the plants told me otherwise, though. I smiled and waved at her and she did, too. Mike and Alex had gone back to New York.

I stood there for a minute and thought. Where could Austin be? He could be at a bar, at a store, anywhere. He could also be on the roof of the abandoned building, where we usually hung out. Well, Austin didn't exactly like me there with him, but still.

Shrugging, I decided to check the building.

Somehow, I knew he'd be there.

* * *

"I thought I'd find you here," I said, closing the door to the roof. It was old and rusty and made unpleasant noises. Austin sat at the ledge, sipping on a beer.I approached him and swung my legs over the ledge, making myself comfortable. He stayed quiet, his eyes focused on the scenery in front of us.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "I'm fine."

"You looked quite distressed today," I said. "Are you sure?"

"I said I'm fine," he snapped. He always snapped at that.

I pursed my lips and sighed. I looked at him. "How do you...how do you feel about the trip to New York?" I smiled. "Are you happy you're going back to where you grew up?"

"Enthusiastic," he replied, a flat look on his face.

"I could see that," I sarcastically retorted, but smiled. "But seriously, are you?"

"Sure."

"It seems weird, though...that you're happy to go to New York. You know, since you might run into Catherine and all—" I froze and slapped a hand across my mouth, my eyes widening.

Crap.

Ladies and gentlemen, this was another episode of Alison Dawson saying things on impulse without thinking things through! This, my dear friends, was going to get her killed one day. That and her curiosity.

_Crap, crap, crap._

I noticed Austin's body freezing, his eyes widening, swarming with so many emotions. He slowly turned his head to look at me, eyes roaming mine. His breaths were coming out hasty. "What did you...what did you just say?"

I swallowed and got off the ledge. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Austin got off the ledge and I walked around, trying to keep myself busy. If I acted like I didn't say anything, would he fall for that?

_Probably not, since you're the biggest dummy. _

I felt Austin's hand curl around my elbow, spinning me around. He looked at me and his eyes burned holes into my head. He looked angry and nervous and upset and I felt guilty and pretty stupid.

"What did you just fucking say?" he asked calmly.

"What are you talking about? I was talking about how it would be fun to be in New York..."

"Don't play fucking games with me," he snapped. "I heard you." He frowned. "How do you...how did you—how do you know that name?"

"What name?"

"I'm not in the mood for that bullshit," he spat.

I gulped. "Okay...I-remember when we were camping and you and I were asked to go buy some stuff? When you were in the store, your phone buzzed and you received a message from your mom. I checked it and told you and when you left back—see, this is a funny story—I _accidentally_ pressed the chat you and an unknown number were having. Except you didn't exactly reply to the person..."

Austin stared at me and I could tell he was growing angry by the minute. His jaw clenched. "And?"

"I asked your brother about the whole thing and he told me her name," I meekly said. "When we were at the carnival and you handed me your jacket, I sort of saw that photo of you and her—you and Catherine. I figured you two were together...and so it all fit the puzzle when I saw the messages and asked your brother. I don't know what happened. I just know that _something_ happened."

"So let me get this fucking straight," Austin began, taking a menacing step towards me. I replied by taking a step back. I swallowed. He was angry. "You went through my phone and you asked my damn brother about me. Fuck this. This isn't the first time you've invaded my privacy. You've gone through my room and my phone and you always ask me questions. What the fuck are you trying to do?"

With each word he said, he took steps towards me and I retreated backwards until I felt my back collide with the wall. He was close now and I couldn't run. I swallowed my fear and looked at him guiltily. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? You're fucking sorry? When are you going to learn that my life is none of your goddamn business?" he asked, one hand placed on the wall. "Don't you fucking get it? Don't you get the fucking hint each time I shrug you off? Each time I say _no_?"

"I just...I just want to know what happened to you," I said. "I know that what I've done can't be remotely considered _humane_ but really, it's just that I want to know _you_. I want to learn about your flaws and why you're so angry and bitter. You never smile, Austin."

Austin stared at me and none of the anger had diminished. I quickly shut my eyes, both my hands plastered against the wall. "Please don't yell at me!" I squealed. "Wait, no. I deserve to be yelled at. I invaded your privacy and I'm always a nuisance. So scream at me. Yell at me. But can you do it nicely?"

I waited for his icy voice to berate me but all that I felt was a heavy feeling on my shoulder. I opened my eyes. His forehead was resting on my shoulder, his hand off the wall. Austin heaved a sigh. "Why? Why are you so..."

"Interested?" I finished his sentence off. "I don't know. Maybe I do. Maybe it's the fact that you never smile. All you ever do is frown. All you ever feel is anger and sadness. You shrug people off and you never talk to anyone. You're lost in your own world. Maybe it's because I hate seeing you like this – always sad. That's not what I want you to feel. I don't know what happened and frankly, I think I will. You'll probably hate me in the end. I know from now that I'm going to end up doing stupid things that'll help me get to know you. But maybe it's worth it. Maybe you'll end up smiling. I bet your family would like to see that for a change. They haven't seen that in a long while."

He lifted his head up and looked at me and I shrugged, shooting him a brief and small smile. Austin slid down the wall and sat down and I did, too. I sighed and looked ahead of me.

"She cheated on me."

I whipped my head and looked at Austin, a bewildered look on my face. He continued to stare at what was in front of us.

"She cheated on me with a bastard I grew up with. It was simple, really." He exhaled half a laugh that lacked of humor. "I went to her house and found her on top of the fucking douchebag. You know, it's pretty amusing when you find your girlfriend naked with somebody else."

I had to swallow and let what he said sink in. I felt my stomach plummet and my mouth was dry. "What did you...what did you do?"

His jaw clenched. "I punched him and left."

"I'm...I'm really sorry, Austin."

"What are you apologizing for?" he frowned. "I don't need fucking pity."

"It's her loss," I said. "She lost someone amazing."

Austin looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and grinned and he rolled his eyes. I sighed. "You're still...you're still in love with her, aren't you?"

He didn't say anything.

"She feels pretty guilty, you know. She does regret what she did. You could see it in her texts. She still loves you, too."

Austin didn't bother replying after that. We sat in silence and it felt like we did that for hours. The atmosphere wasn't uncomfortable but I did feel pretty upset. Austin was this angry and bitter person who you'd like to hug and say that everything was going to be okay. I looked at him and smiled when I realized something.

Austin opened up to me.

And it felt pretty great.


	18. eighteen

"Merry Christmas!" I shrieked, running into the kitchen.

My dad jumped and spilled some coffee and my mom laughed and enveloped me into a hug. Christmas at the Dawson residence was always chirpy and full of love. Even if we lived in a state where it was usually too hot to go outside on Christmas, we still liked to get into the usual spirit.

We even had a tree set up in our living room.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie," Mom said, smiling at me. "Here, I made some cookies."

I grabbed one and shoved it into my mouth. Then, I started jumping. "Come on! Let's exchange gifts! I can't wait for you to see what I got you guys!"

Grinning, we all left to the living room. The Christmas tree was set up near the large window and small, colorful lights illuminated it. I grabbed the gifts I got for my parents.

"Mom, this is for you," I said, handing her the gift. "And this one is for you, Dad."

We always did it. We would exchange gifts and eat some cookies and watch a couple of old movies. It was a tradition for us.

The sound of a bell went off. Mom got up from the couch. "That's my last batch of cookies!"

Then, the doorbell rang. I sprung up from my seat and raced towards the door, flinging it open when I reached.

"Hey!" I grinned. "Me—"

"Can I enter?" Austin interjected. I opened the door wider and he entered. "Is your mother home?"

"Yeah," I said, closing the door. "She's in the kitchen."

Before I could follow him into the kitchen, the doorbell rang again. I flung it open and greeted Trish and Dez with an eager smile.

"Merry Christmas!" they chorused, entering.

"Merry Christmas!" I grinned.

What I liked about Christmas was that I got to spend it around people who made me happy. My parents, Trish, and Dez were definitely a huge part of my life. Dallas was, too. What saddened me a little was Austin's nonchalance. He didn't seem to care about Christmas. Christmas was all about love and happiness and he was so bitter and angry.

"Here," Trish said, winking. I took the gift from her and Dez gave me one, too.

"Thank you, guys!" I squealed. "Come on! Your gifts are in the living room!"

"What's up, Mr. Dawson?" Dez asked, settling down on the couch.

I smiled and as my dad set up the movie, I exited the living room. Austin came out of the kitchen just then. He walked towards the front door.

"Hey," I called out, folding my arms.

He stopped and turned around, one hand on the doorknob. "What?"

"Lighten up," I said, giving him a brief smile. "It's Christmas."

"Not for everybody," he mumbled, opening the door. He was gone in a second.

Sighing, I entered the kitchen and folded my arms. I gave my mother a brief smile. "What was Austin here for?"

Mom was arranging the snacks onto trays. She gave me a wide smile. "Oh! Mimi invited us over for a Christmas dinner. That is very sweet of her, you know."

I smiled. "Yeah, that really was. We're going, right?"

"Of course!"

I followed my mom into the living room and sat down near Trish. I pulled my knees to my chest and looked out the window.

Boy what I would give just to see Austin smile for once.

* * *

I laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," Dallas replied, giving me a goofy smile. "That happened. My brothers and I always liked to play tricks on one another. And on people. God, my mother would always get so angry. She would get even angrier when she realized that Dad used to help us with the schemes, too."

I smiled. "Do you guys still goof around?"

"Not much," he said. "They're away at college. But they do visit on holidays. They're actually here – you know, since it's Christmas. Are you nervous?"

"A little."

I was going to meet Dallas' family for the first time. Any person would be nervous, right? It was a big step – meeting your partner's family. I mean there was always a chance that they wouldn't like me. That terrified me.

"Oh, my God, you're Alison! Oh! You're absolutely beautiful! Come in, come in!"

_Never mind. _

Dallas and I exchanged grins and entered the house. Dallas resembled his mother strongly. She had light, brown hair that fell in curls. Her eyes were a honey brown and she had a thin, aging face. I smiled. She was still talking and her hands were moving around, making gestures.

Their house was pretty big. It was also decorated for this holiday. I observed a couple of family photos. They were all over the place. His mother muttered something in Spanish and Dallas' eyes widened and he grinned. "I know what that means! I know what that means!"

I couldn't help but laugh. His mother was of Spanish descent and although Dallas didn't know how to speak Spanish, he told me he usually tried to learn a few words to speak with his mother. That made me smile.

His mother was pretty easy to talk to. She was always so chirpy and happy and always full of excitement. I felt comfortable within mere minutes.

"Alison, you're absolutely beautiful," she said. "Dallas is a very lucky guy."

Dallas and I looked at each other and when his mother turned around to tend to something, Dallas quickly leaned over and kissed me.

I couldn't help but grin.

The day was still young and I spent a portion of my time getting to know Dallas' family. They were all such wonderful people. Easy and fun to talk to.

"So, what do you think?" Dallas asked, closing the front door. It was actually quite chilly today.

"I loved them," I smiled.

He smiled back. "Trust me, they loved you, too."

Dallas got closer to me and took my hands in his. He bent his head down and planted a soft kiss on my temple. I felt my body radiate heat from the contact. I closed my eyes and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around me.

"Merry Christmas, Ally," he whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Dallas."

"You guys make me barf!" Tommy, Dallas' brother, screamed.

"Don't listen to the twat! You guys are adorable!" Danny, the other brother, yelled.

"Language, Danny!" their mother yelled back.

Dallas and I pulled away and laughed. We exchanged goodbyes and I was on my way back home, a smile never leaving my lips.

* * *

"How do you open this?" Dad grumbled, trying to unscrew the wine bottle. I laughed.

We just arrived to the Moon residence. The day went beautifully and I was in a very ecstatic mood. We were sitting in the dining room. Well, my mother and Mimi were chattering away in the kitchen and Dad was hopelessly trying to open the bottle. Christmas songs played in the background and a Christmas tree was situated in the corner, its lights blinking at me. It was everything that got me into the spirit.

All that was missing was snow.

And Austin.

Yes, Austin was absent.

Mimi entered the dining room and placed stacks of plates on the table. "Do you need any help, Mimi?" I asked.

She smiled at me. "Thank you, dear, but we have it handled. Austin, come down here! Dinner's almost ready!"

She left back into the kitchen and Dad was still struggling with the bottle. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps descending the stairs. Austin silently entered the room.

Oh and Dad managed to open the bottle.

(Finally.)

Austin sat down from across me at the dining table and didn't say a word.

"Hello, Austin," Dad greeted, giving him a wide smile.

Austin nodded. "Hey. Merry Christmas, Mr. Dawson."

_You turd, you could have also said that to me, too. _

"Merry Christmas," Dad said back.

I folded my arms and leaned back against the chair, squinting my eyes at Austin.

"Hello," I managed to say.

Austin looked up, stared at me for a brief moment, and nodded.

_Smile. Please smile._

Austin turned away and busied himself by getting lost in his own thoughts, thoughts I wanted to be acquainted with. Mimi and my mother came out of the kitchen and the table was set with a little bit of help. We made ourselves comfortable and soon, the room was filled with cheers and chatter and laughter. Dad told some jokes, Mom told some stories, and Mimi and I eagerly listened.

And then there was Austin – silent, brooding, broken, and lost in his own world.

* * *

"Hey," I said, closing the front door. "What are you doing out here?"

Austin was leaning against the porch railing, a cigarette in his mouth. I didn't question further and approached him, standing beside him. I looked at the empty streets. I could even hear laugher and cheers from other houses, all happy.

"You've been silent all day," I said. "I take it you don't like Christmas."

He shrugged.

"Why not?"

Austin sighed and played with the cigarette. "Not everybody gets Christmas, Beatles girl. It's not some holiday where everybody is accustomed to feel happy."

I stayed silent.

Austin turned around and gripped the railing. His head tilted to the side and his eyes met mine. "Are you going to tell me that I should feel grateful?" His voice was bitter.

"No," I replied, giving him a brief smile. "A person could have everything in the world. He or she could have a wonderful family and wonderful friends. They could have a roof above their heads and food on their tables and still feel broken. Your feelings...your feelings are valid, Austin."

Austin stared at me and I think that was the longest he ever had. It was night out but I was able to see the hazel specks in his dark eyes.

"Sorry if I sounded hypocritical," I said. "I need to work on that."

Austin swallowed. "Okay. You should go inside."

He turned away.

"Nah," I said, folding my arms. "I think it's nice out. I bet you need company, too. You can never resist my presence."

"Uh-huh," he flatly replied and I laughed.

Austin put out his cigarette using his shoe and placed the limp stick in his jacket pocket.

I smiled. "You don't say anything but you do care about the Earth."

Austin rolled his eyes. "It could be shitty."

"I can't disagree," I replied. "But it could also be beautiful. You don't need something huge to say that it's...alluring or irresistible. You find beauty in everything, big or small."

Austin stayed quiet.

I wonder how he really felt about New York. It wasn't far now. I smiled. _We were actually going to New York._

"Oh, I almost forgot," I said. Austin looked at me and I pulled out a small box from my pocket. I was also wearing a jacket. It wasn't that hot tonight. "Here."

Austin caught the box with ease and he frowned. "What's this?"

"A gift," I said, smiling. "Open it."

Austin gently opened the box and looked at what I had gotten to him.

"I didn't really know what to get you," I said, tucking loose strands of my hair behind my ear. "I was actually running around the mall trying to see what would appeal to you but I just didn't know. But what I do know is that you like that band and so I decided to get it for you. It's nothing fancy, I know, but...yeah."

I got him a pin and it encased the logo of the band he loved.

"When's your birthday?" I asked. He was still staring at the pin but he looked up. "Maybe then I could get you something fancier."

"It...It passed," he replied. "It was during summer."

"Oh, dang!"

He swallowed. "You don't have to...I...thank you. I-I like it."

I laughed. "God, is this the first time you thank someone?"

And then he did something that caught me off guard. Something that sent me jumping up and down in pure excitement, a smile painting my features.

Austin _smiled_ at me.

"Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! You-You smiled at me! I-I-you smiled! I made you smile! This...this is beautiful!" I squealed. I had gotten hold of his shoulders and I was shaking him, whilst jumping up and down. "I mean yeah it was a small smile but you still smiled! God, why don't you smile often? That's such a beautiful smile. Everybody has a beautiful smile. Smile, you idiot!"

Austin didn't do anything but stare, his brows furrowed and his eyes roaming mine. He looked confused but when he did comprehend the whole fiasco, he rolled his eyes and grabbed my hands, putting them down gently. "You're fucking unbelievable."

I laughed and squealed. "It's a good day." I folded my arms and grinned. "Listen, I'm...I'm going down to the local shelter. We're going to be serving food to the homeless. You're right. Not everybody gets Christmas – maybe not as good as some of us do. But it's nice. Seeing the little kids smiling. You...you want to join?"

Austin put the box in his pocket. "Yeah."

"Great!"

We walked down the porch steps and made our way over to the car.

"Merry Christmas, Austin."

"Merry Christmas, Beatles girl."


	19. nineteen

"Do you have the ticket? The passport? Money? What about your phone?"

I stood still, blinking at the questions being thrown at me from every direction by none other than my parents. Before I could answer one of their questions, I'd find myself being asked another.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Okay, do you have your charger with you? Did you take the camera?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Don't forget to take lots of pictures when you get there!" Mom beamed at me.

"I won't."

"And don't forget to call us often! Call us when you get to New York. Always have your phone with you. Do you hear me?" Dad rambled on.

"Yes, yes," I said, raising my hands up in the air in frustration. "I double-checked and I have everything. Please let me go now."

Mom sighed and smiled at me. "Okay. You better get going."

We hugged for about the hundredth-time and I was out the door. As I walked down the steps, I realized that it was finally happening.

_It was finally happening. _

We were going to _New York_.

I had been anticipating this moment ever since the school announced that we were going on a trip. Mind you, it was an educational trip, but still. One can't contain his or her enthusiasm when it came to something as big as New York. I know I couldn't.

I waved at Mimi and smiled. "Good morning, Mimi!"

She smiled just as brightly and warmly. "Good morning, Alison. Are you excited?"

I vigorously nodded. "Oh yeah."

Since Mimi had to drive to work, she offered to drive Austin and I to school where we would board a bus that would take us to the airport. I smiled and hauled my bag into the trunk of the car, keeping my rucksack with me.

Austin then exited the house and walked towards the car, scowling. I pursed my lips and folded my arms, silently watching him as he put his bags into the trunk. When he was done, he slammed it shut and looked at me.

"Hi," I said.

He heaved a sigh. "Hey."

He then proceeded to climb into the car. Before I could follow, Mimi stopped me. She nervously fiddled with her hands and bit down on her lip. "Alison, I have a favor."

"Sure," I said. "What's up?"

"I think I've said this before but..." She stopped and sighed. "Please...please take care of him. A lot of unpleasant things happened in New York and...and I just want to be assured that he'd be okay. That's why I'm asking you to...you know."

I gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know. I will."

"Thank you."

We climbed into the car and Mimi drove off. I couldn't help but smile. Mimi trusted me and it was kind of nice. It really was nice. I turned my head to glance at Austin. His head was leaning against the window, his eyes shut. I kind of sympathized with him and I couldn't help but wonder how he was feeling. Was he scared? Nervous? Confused? His hands were tightly clenched, knuckles white as bone.

I pursed my lips and swallowed.

_You'll be okay. _

We were nearing school now and it was then that I started to feel uneasy. I frowned. My stomach churned and I swallowed again. I had this bad feeling. My eyes darted around. Maybe it was just the jitters. I hadn't been on a plane in a long time. Maybe it was just _excitement_.

I turned to look at Austin again and this time, he was looking at me, too. He raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

I smiled at him. "I think so. Yeah. I'm fine. Are you?"

Austin shrugged and looked away.

We finally reached our destination and I forgot all about my jitters. There were two busses already parked in front of the school. I broadly grinned at the view. This was it.

"Alright," Mimi said with a sigh. She turned to look at us and grinned. "Have fun, you two. But not _too_ much fun, okay?"

Austin frowned and cursed and Mimi scolded him and I just laughed. We got out of the car and pulled our bags from the trunk. Mimi drove away and Austin stood there, motionless.

"Smile," I said.

He looked at me with a flat face. "Piss off."

"I mean it."

"I do, too."

I shrugged and grinned. "But you know that's never going to happen."

"Unfortunately," he muttered.

I laughed and went to look for Trish and Dez. They were seated at a bench, eager looks on their faces. In fact, every classmate of mine mirrored the exact face. I grinned and plopped down, placing my bag near me.

"New York, fuckers," Trish beamed. "New fucking York."

"That was well-phrased, Trish," Dez commented.

Trish and Dez moved on to bicker and argue and I couldn't help but grin at my best friends. I had Trish, who was fierce and sassy. (She also liked to curse a lot.) And I had Dez, who was humorous and awkward and also happened to be bisexual. I smiled. He came out to us in the summer and I remember that that very day was spent with tons of smiles and laughs.

I felt an arm slide around my waist. I jumped and looked. It was Dallas. He grinned at me and I grinned back, leaning in to kiss him.

"Jesus Christ," Trish bellowed.

Dallas and I pulled away and laughed.

"Hey," he said.

I smiled. "Hey. You excited?"

"Definitely," he breathed, clasping my hands in his. My heart warmed at the gesture. "It's going to be our six-month anniversary soon."

I beamed.

_Six months. Six months. Six freaking months of pure happiness. And many more to come. _

Before I could lean in and kiss Dallas again, the teacher called us to the front of the school. This was it. I had that weird feeling again – the bad feeling. I tried to shake it off as we boarded the busses and soon, we were on our way to the airport. The atmosphere was filled with chatter and cheers. Dallas sat next to me and he held my hand, drawing invisible circles with his thumb. I relaxed and smiled. When we reached the airport, I smiled even wider. We got off the bus and got our bags, the other class following from the other bus.

And from then on, it was chaos. The classes were racing and cheering and the teacher was trying to keep up. We were receiving disapproving glances from other people in the airport. None of us cared, though. So we ran and stopped and got everything ready until we were _actually_ on the plane.

_We were on a plane. _

Unfortunately, I was assigned to sit next to Abby. I made myself comfortable in my seat and played with my book for a while, but never stopping to read. The atmosphere between the two of us was pretty tense. I knew that she was one of Dallas' closest friends but she didn't like me.

(I didn't care.)

The plane soon took off and since I had nothing else to do, I flipped open my book and began to read, quickly becoming engrossed. Abby kept shooting me glances. The plane was filled with relentless chatter. The trip from Florida to New York was actually going to be very short and I couldn't wait to go to the hotel. From then on, I'd be able to explore and admire.

"Oh, for fuck sake!" a voice said. I didn't look up and continued reading my book. Some more cursing and a sigh. "Can you switch seats with me?"

My head snapped upwards and I looked at Austin. He was talking to Abby.

"Uh, me?" Abby questioned.

"Yes."

"Yeah, sure. Okay!" Abby removed the seatbelt and got up, her hand brushing against Austin's. I smiled and looked down at the book. She definitely had her eye on him, which is why I thought Austin would be great with Abby.

Austin plopped down and sighed. I glanced at him. His eyes were closed and he was rubbing his temple.

I grinned. "Tough day at work?"

"That redhead – your friend – talks a lot," Austin muttered.

I laughed and put down the book.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "But he's cool and I love him." His expression didn't change. I folded my arms. "So, how are you holding up?"

He sighed and looked at me. "I don't need you asking me that every fucking day. I'm fine. I'm fucking fine."

I looked down and nodded, clearing my throat. Silence fell between us. Austin busied himself by listening to music and I patiently sat there, lost in my own thoughts. I scanned the plane. Trish was snoozing and Dez was chatting with Lena.

Abby was sitting with Dallas and they looked like they were having a serious conversation. They had serious faces on, making gestures and all. And there it was again. That bad feeling. I ignored it and chewed on my bottom lip, frowning at myself.

_You're being an idiot, Ally. You're already on the plane and nothing bad is going to happen. _

I glanced at Austin. He had ditched the earphones and was watching me.

"You're the one who doesn't seem okay," he spoke, looking at me.

"No," I replied. "I'm fine. It's just jitters. I haven't been on a plane in a long time."

Austin nodded.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," he muttered, avoiding my eyes.

I grinned. "Don't worry about it." I thought for a moment. "So, what are you going to do first when we get to New York?"

"Don't know."

"I don't, either. But I know there are a lot of things to do. I want to buy a couple of t-shirts and souvenirs. I also want to explore the whole city. I don't want to stay in one place, you know? You're lucky you know the grips of the place. Are there abandoned buildings we could explore? How about forests? Parks?"

"You have got my head spinning," he retorted. He interlaced his fingers together and placed them on his stomach. He looked at me.

I sheepishly smiled at him. "Sorry. I'm just really excited."

"I can tell."

I laughed and shrugged. "You'd be, too, if it was going to be your first time in a completely different state. I bet spring is beautiful there, in person that is. I've seen pictures."

"It is," he spoke but in a very low voice.

I thought for a moment and grinned. "I have a story to tell you!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Ok."

"Yay!"

So I began to tell him the story of how I fell out of my tree house when I was little. We stayed like that – chatting – and the book and music were long forgotten.

* * *

"Oh, my God," Trish whispered.

Trish, Dez, and I stood gawking at the view around us. Our mouths were wide open and so were our classmates'. Everybody was in shock. Who wouldn't be? The lobby of the hotel was absolutely beautiful.

(And big.)

It was quite a fancy hotel with its white walls and velvet carpeting. Furniture was situated near the walls and on each side of the receptionist's desk were the elevators.

The teacher walked up to the desk and checked us in. Each pair of student was assigned to a room. Granted, some students got to room with more than one classmate. It really was a big hotel. Luckily, I got Trish as my roommate. Grinning, Trish and I quickly ran for the elevators and traveled up to our assigned floor.

Since it was our first day in New York, we weren't going to immediately visit a college. The teacher did tell us that we were free to go out but that the curfew was eight o'clock.

Everybody was pretty much gawking at the lobby. The rooms? They were even better.

"Oh, this is heaven!" Trish yelled, throwing her bags down and diving for the bed. I grinned, put down my bags, and lied down on the bed, too. She was right. It felt as if the beds were made of feathers.

The rooms were pretty simple yet beautiful. Two beds were separated by a night table. There were two windows with velvet curtains next to each bed. There were also two dressers, a desk, a bookshelf, and one bathroom.

And one hell of a TV.

"Sweet!" Trish yelled, grabbing the remote. "I wonder if there's a jacuzzi somewhere in this paradise."

I laughed and began to unpack my bag. I was able to finish quickly. Then, there was a knock on the door. While Trish watched some reality TV show, I opened the door.

"Did you guys know that there's a jacuzzi in this hotel?" Dez asked, walking in.

"Fuck yes!" Trish yelled.

"Well, what are you doing? The class wants to head down to this restaurant slash cafe to have lunch. Come on!"

Trish and I freshened up and joined the class downstairs. Everybody was there.

Except Austin.

Dallas approached me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Come on, let's go," he said, grinning.

I grinned back.

Not a bad start to my first day in New York.

* * *

"We're going to beat their asses."

I silently listened to the group talking about some upcoming football game they had with our rivalry school. The whole class wasn't sitting together but I ended up hanging out with Dallas and his group of friends. I wasn't going to lie, I felt pretty uncomfortable. Not with Dallas, that is, but with his friends.

I never really talked with them.

We haven't seen much of New York yet but I was pretty excited to explore the city. Smiling, I munched on a couple of fries and took out my phone, completely tuning out the rest of their conversation.

_**Trish  
**__having fun there?_

I shot her a glare and she snickered. Then, she moved on to smack Dez. I could tell there was another argument coming up.

I thought for a minute. I ended up texting Austin to check up on him. He wasn't in the lobby when the class met up. He wasn't in the restaurant slash cafe, either. So, I texted: _Where are you?_

_**Austin**_  
_why should i tell u_

I rolled my eyes and proceeded to continue the conversation.

_Because I am your best friend!_

_**Austin**__  
right _

_You never cease to ruin a moment. I'll still consider myself your best friend. _

_**Austin**__  
oh piss off already_

I laughed and looked up, only to end up freezing. The group watched me. I glanced at them and cleared my throat, putting my phone away. They continued to chatter and I continued to eat my fries and so time dragged on.

Dallas nudged me in the shoulder. I glanced at him and he smiled. "We're heading to the park to play some football. Do you want to join?"

I opened my mouth but closed it and thought. Did I really want to go? No. I gave him a small smile. "Not really. I think I'll walk around a bit and head back to the hotel. Have fun, though."

He leaned in and kissed me and I smiled into the kiss. I got up from my seat and decided to buy a muffin. While I waited, I glanced at the group. They were cleaning up and getting ready to leave. Dallas and Abby were talking in hushed voices. I quickly turned away and swallowed, frowning. There was that bad feeling again. _What is up with you, Ally?_ I was already in New York. I hastily paid and left the restaurant.

Humming, I walked back to the hotel. Deciding against going back to my room, I traveled up to Austin and Dez's assigned room. I laughed. The look on Austin's face when he was notified that Dez was his roommate was priceless. Austin was going to have to spend some nights listening to Dez talk. And talk. And talk.

I knocked on the door.

Austin might not have been in the hotel at all. Not one student was but it was worth a try. I tapped my foot and waited for a couple of seconds. Sure enough, the door swung open, revealing Austin. His hair was tousled and his eyes looked tired.

"Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty!" I beamed.

Austin glared at me. "Don't start with me."

I laughed and entered. Austin closed the door and rubbed his eyes, making his way back to the bed. It looked like he had just fallen asleep.

"Did you have lunch?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"No."

"Well, I bought a muffin when I was at that restaurant slash cafe. Here, take it."

"No, it's okay. I don't need it."

"Oh, shut up and take it," I said. I put the bag next him. "I had a plate of fries anyway."

"Thanks," he mumbled.

I smiled and folded my arms. "They are also serving food down in the dining room. Want me to get you anything?"

Austin looked at me. "Why are you doing this?"

His question caught me off guard. My smile faltered and my hands dropped. "What do you mean?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. Thanks."

I smiled again. "You didn't go anywhere, did you?"

"Something like that," Austin muttered, running a hand through his curly hair.

I grinned and stood up. "Well, I have to go phone my parents. Then I think I'll go take a walk. Tell me if you want to join."

"Okay."

I smiled and left the room. No objections or anything from him. I liked that.


	20. twenty

"You know, I liked that university," I said. "It was pretty nice. It's big, too."

Trish shrugged. "I'm not even going to study in this state, so I don't really care. All I'm happy about is that the hotel's serving breakfast. I'm starving!"

I laughed. Dez, Trish, and I then proceeded to walk to the dining hall. Several of our classmates were there, too, all ready to eat. Spring in New York was very beautiful. It wasn't hot but it wasn't cold, either. The first couple of days were absolutely great and it made me smile to think that we still had two weeks left in this state.

We mounted food on our plates and sat down at a table. Dallas came over and smiled at me. I smiled back and quickly kissed him, then averted my gaze towards my food. While Dallas, Trish, and Dez lightly chattered, I munched on a cookie and scanned the hall. It was crowded, mostly with people from my class. Others were just strangers. I swallowed and looked at Austin. He decided to ditch the jacket today. He was sitting by himself at a table, a book in his hands. Judged by the way he was looking at the novel, he looked pretty interested.

I picked up my sandwich and looked at him again. He didn't seem to be enjoying New York at all. I wondered if it were because his ex-girlfriend was in the same state. Austin put down his book and took out his phone. A few seconds later, his blank face changed into something angrier. He frowned and I saw his fist clenching. I pursed my lips and wondered what had happened. Hastily, he got up from his seat and left the hall, the book long forgotten.

"Ally?"

I snapped my head back to the group. "Huh? What?"

I was too lost in my thoughts to realize that Abby had approached our table. She stood, her arms folded across her chest, her red hair flawlessly straightened. The bangs worked on her.

"Earth to Ally!" Trish yelled.

I yelped and dropped my sandwich. "Sorry!"

Dallas laughed and slung an arm over my shoulders. "The group wants to head back down to the park. Do you want to join?"

The first thing I thought was, _Nah, I don't want to_. But Dallas, Abby, Trish, and Dez stared at me expectantly. It made me panic for some reason. I couldn't say no. I kept ditching this whole outing. They really did like playing football in the park. But I guessed I could sit near a tree and read a book.

"Um," I swallowed. "Okay. Okay, I'll join."

"Great," Dallas beamed. Abby went back to her own group of friends. After we finished eating and cleaned up, everybody was ready to go. Before I left the hall, I approached the table Austin was sitting at and grabbed the book he abandoned. I put it in the pocket of my oversized jacket and hurried to catch up with the rest.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad going to the park.

* * *

Jesus, going to the park was absolutely terrible for me. I mean it was fun for the first couple of minutes but watching people throw around a ball got _a little _boring for me. Okay, it was _really_ boring. I didn't really get to read much. I started on the first few pages of Austin's book, which was terrific, but the screams of the little kids and the cheers of the boys and girls from my class kind of stopped me from going any further.

So I spent it sitting and watching the class play. I smiled and clapped, mostly for Dallas, but then I just got up and left.

Humming, I entered my hotel room and freshened up a bit. I pulled back my hair and turned on the television. It distracted for a little while. I put my hands into the pockets of my jacket and that's when I remembered I still had Austin's book. Grinning, I shut off the television and left for Austin's room. I spotted some classmates I had never talked to lounging around.

When I reached my destination, I softly knocked on Austin's door. But there was no answer, even after I continued to knock. Shrugging, I tried the door and it was unlocked. I entered, deciding that I could just leave the book there.

But that's when I smelt something. _Booze_. It smelt of booze.

"Austin?" I called out.

And that's when I heard something. Groaning.

Eyes widening, I raced to the bathroom and hastily knocked. "Austin? Are you in there? What the hell is going on and why does your room already smell of alcohol?"

The door flung open, revealing a frowning Austin. "What? What do you want?"

"You're drunk."

"Glad to see you noticed," he slurred.

I frowned and sighed. "It's not even dinner time and you're drunk."

"I like to get creative," he flatly said. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought your were hurt. Why are you groaning? Do you feel sick?"

"Stop that," he snapped. "Stop...stop asking questions."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, I'll help you get to bed."

"I can handle myself," he spat, frowning at me. "I'm not some goddamn kid and I don't need you to be around me. I can fucking handle it."

Austin took a step forward, more like staggered, but ended up stumbling. I quickly wrapped my arms around his torso to stop him from falling. He steadied himself but I didn't let go.

"Yeah," I calmly said. "I know you can handle yourself. I know that. But you're drunk, for God sake. You're _really_ drunk. I don't want you to stumbling around and hurting yourself. You see, some people can choke on their vomit. Clearly, I don't want you to die."

Austin's body relaxed and he sighed. I carefully turned us around and began to maneuver my way to the bed. However, I managed to get our legs tangled and we ended up stumbling forward, landing on the bed.

"Crap!" I squealed. "I didn't mean to—"

"Oh, shut up," Austin mumbled.

I quickly got off of him and he managed to make himself comfortable on his own. I smiled. He rubbed his eyes.

"God, I'm really fucking drunk."

I laughed. I noticed the several cans of beer scattered across the room. The room stunk. I pulled up the curtains and opened the window. The room needed some fresh air. I smiled again. It was kind of cloudy today yet beautiful nonetheless.

"Why did you get drunk?" I asked, sitting beside him. "You seemed upset this morning. What happened?"

He raked a hand through his hair. Austin looked at me and gave out a bitter laugh. "That bastard wanted to meet me. He wanted us to try to get along." Another bitter laugh. "What a fucking scumbag. She was there, too."

I swallowed. Was he talking about Catherine and the guy she cheated on Austin with?

I swallowed again. "Are you talking about...Catherine?"

Austin's eyes widened a little. But he frowned again, his jaw slackening, his fists clenching. "No."

I pursed my lips and thought for a minute. Could he be talking about his dad? I didn't know who the woman was, though.

"Why are you so angry at your dad, Austin?" I asked. He didn't reply, and I knew that I was right. Austin _did_ meet his dad. I bit my lip. "Well anyway, here's your book. You left it in the hall." I took it out and placed it on the night table.

Austin nodded. "Thank you."

I smiled and before I could say anything else, Austin closed his eyes and I knew that he was slowly falling asleep. I couldn't help but smile at his peaceful figure. He was full of anger but it seemed like when he was sleeping, he was at peace.

I got up and draped a blanket over him. The weather was chilly today and I guessed that the open window might unpleasantly affect him.

Then, I quietly left the room.

* * *

"Stop stealing my food!" Trish screamed at Dez. Dez retaliated and pouted, sinking deeper into his seat. I laughed and continued to chew on my dinner.

(The hotel served great food.)

Dallas was sitting with Abby and the usual group of friends. I didn't mind. But when Dallas and Abby were together, I noticed they would be very serious. It was laughter and cheer with their friends but when they were talking, it made me uncomfortable. They would have these serious faces on, whispering to one another, eyes darting around, as if to check if someone was watching or listening, and their hands would be wildly making gestures.

Did I have the right to feel uncomfortable? It didn't make me feel good. I'd be nervous. Just like I was now as Dallas and Abby whispered to one another. I wasn't even remotely jealous. I was _nervous_. But I berated myself. I was being paranoid – a complete imbecile. I had nothing to worry about.

I returned my plate to the dirty pile and left the hall. I needed some fresh air. Placing my hands into my pockets, I walked into the lobby. The elevator let out the usual sound – a _ding_ – and out came Austin.

I frowned at him. "Aren't you supposed to be drunk as hell?"

"I've sobered up."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Alright, fine, I'm still unsteady," he snapped.

I laughed. "That's more like it. Where are you heading?"

"Walking."

"Can I join?"

He shrugged. "Whatever."

I grinned and we left the hotel. We walked around for a while. It was night now and yet the city was wide awake. It was really beautiful. Austin and I silently walked side by side. We eventually stopped near a railing that stretched far. He gripped the railing and I leaned against it.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He stayed silent. It was a matter of minutes before he decided to say something.

"He cheated on my mother," he softly spoke. My heart immediately warmed; at the fact that he was opening up to me – at the fact that this was first time he ever spoke so softly.

I looked at him.

He licked his lips. "He was always...coming home late. He was always making up excuses when Mom called him. _"I had to stay in for work,"_ or _"Some guys and I are going out for drinks."_ Bullshit." He frowned and gripped the railing tightly. He let go and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even know if he thought he could get away with it. I think he did. Alex followed him one day and turns out, he was fucking a woman from work." He bitterly laughed. "They're fucking married now. How does that bastard think I could try to get along with him?"

"Is that why you were drunk?" I asked.

Austin ran a hand through his hair again.

I sighed and looked down. "I'm so sorry."

"You need to stop apologizing," Austin said but so calmly.

"I...I don't know what else to say," I said, looking at him. He looked at me, too. "You don't deserve any of this – all this pain. I'm sorry. I know that that can't change anything but I'm so sorry."

Austin had every right to be angry. His father cheated on his mother and his girlfriend cheated on him. I don't know what else happened to him. My heart clenched and I did something I didn't think I'd ever do.

I reached up and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his torso. His body went still but I didn't care. I felt his body relax moments later, his hands tentatively touching my back.

"You need to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?" I asked.

"All of this," he spoke. "Always asking me if I'm okay. Always around me doing things like _this_."

"Why?"

He didn't say anything. I pulled away and we watched the view from across the railing silently. I couldn't help but grin, though. I looked at him, the smile never leaving my face.

Austin had already opened up to me twice. It meant that he...that he could trust me – that he _trusted_ me. That made me very happy – really freaking happy.

"Can you stop smiling at me like that? You're fucking creepy like that."

I smacked him and we continued to watch the view.

The smile never left my lips.


	21. twenty-one

"That was a good movie!" I smiled. "It's one of my favorites."

Dallas smiled back and pulled me closer to him. I blushed and rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes for a brief moment. We had visited a university in the morning and decided to spend the noon watching an old movie. I enjoyed every minute of it.

"What do you want to do now?" he softly asked, kissing the top of my head, his fingers running through my hair. It wasn't in its usual bun today. I reached over and gently clasped his hand in mine, running my thumb across his palm.

"I don't know," I answered. "We can always watch another movie."

"Or," Dallas began. I looked up at him and he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. "we can dance."

"Wait what?" I asked, grinning. Dallas sprung up from the sofa and grabbed both of my hands, helping me up. The blanket we were cuddled up into fell onto the floor. Dallas took out his phone and played a song – old and soft. Grinning, Dallas interlaced our fingers, his other hand wrapping itself around my back. I smiled back and placed my hand on his shoulder.

And so we danced.

I was pretty surprised at myself. I had never danced with a boy before but I was pretty light on my feet. I actually wasn't bad. Dallas was a great dancer. He brought us closer and my breath hitched. I rested my head on his chest and breathed in his cologne. We stayed like that for a while – probably for two songs – before we pulled away. He smiled down at me and cupped my face, leaning down to kiss me. It was like every person I knew was taller than me. But I didn't care. I smiled into the kiss and lightly grasped his forearms.

"Oh, get a room, you fucking twats!" Trish snapped, casually making her way to the sofa. She plopped down and lazily flipped through the channels. We pulled away and snickered. Dallas kissed me one last time and left the room. He was going out with a couple of his friends.

Grinning (and possibly blushing), I made my way over to the window, pulling the curtains away. I opened the window and gazed at the sky. Today was cloudy and it had rained early in the morning. The streets were still covered with puddles and the sky indicated that it was not over yet. That made me happy. I loved the rain.

"You want to get some food from the dining hall?" Trish asked, turning off the TV.

"Sure!" I grinned.

We exited the room and took the elevator downstairs to the lobby. I only spotted strangers lounging around. Entering the dining hall, Trish and I got some food and sat down next to Dez, who was telling Austin a story about his childhood. It looked like Dez had made the move to sit next to Austin and, well, Austin wasn't enjoying it one bit.

Austin rubbed his temples and closed his eyes for a brief moment. I chuckled and silently ate my food.

"What brings you here?" Dez asked Trish.

Trish scowled. "What do people do in dining halls, you pea brain? Plus, I had to encounter Cupid here kissing her boyfriend." Trish rolled her eyes and angrily chewed on her bread.

"My bad," I said.

Trish rolled her eyes again but put down her food and squinted her eyes at me. "So tell me," she began, clearing her throat. "Did you guys...did you two...you know...do _it_?"

I looked up at her. "Do what?"

Austin, Trish, and Dez stared at me with flat looks, silence enveloping the atmosphere between us. It was almost as if I could hear crickets chirping in the background.

Dez blinked. "Even I understood what Trish meant, Ally."

I frowned and racked my brain for some answers, taking a sip of my water while the three stared at me.

And that was when it clicked.

I spat out my water. "What?" I squealed. "Oh...Oh, my God. How could you—how could you just...Oh, no no no! No! Why would you—"

Trish barked with laugher. "Relax. It's okay. I was just asking, not judging."

While I continued to blubber out incoherent squeals, the three continued to stare at me. It was weird, though. People generally chose to do something and they would end up being shocked and that would lead them to their demise; like me with the water.

It always happened.

Trish and Dez eventually got up and I silently ate my lunch, my face glowing red. I noticed Austin was distracted by his own thoughts. He didn't seem to be happy and I wasn't surprised.

I cleared my throat. "How was your day?"

He looked at me. "It was okay."

I nodded and chewed on a grape. "Do you have anything planned? You know, for today?"

He shrugged.

"Are you going to visit Alex?" I asked.

"I visited him."

"Oh, how'd it go?" I smiled.

"Fine," he mumbled with a grunt. "He says hi."

"Oh, don't be shy, Austin," I sarcastically said, shooting him a grin.

Austin glared at me and I laughed.

"You are so grumpy," I said, throwing a grape at him. He caught it and popped it into his mouth. "We need to work on that. You are full of negativity. We need to replace that negativity with beautiful positivity. Literally, you'll feel a huge shift in your life. Plus, it's—"

"Will you shut up already?"

I gawked at him. Folding my hands, I frowned and wrinkled my nose. "See? That's it! That's your problem! You're so pessimistic. You're always throwing sarcastic retorts. I mean it's even hard for you to say _'thank you'_ but you've managed to say it to me about twice now because, you know, I _am_ your best friend..." I shot him a grin.

"Oh, for fuck sake," he muttered.

I scrambled up. "Get up."

"What?" Austin flatly asked.

"Get up! Come on get up! We're going on a walk and we're going to explore and you're going to say some positive things today! Got it?"

"I'm not doing shit," he seethed.

I glared at him and grabbed his forearm, pulling him upwards with all of my might. He grabbed my hand, looking down on me. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Healing you," I smiled. "Well, it's one of the steps! You won't regret it."

"I won't do it," he spat in a low voice.

I ran my tongue over my teeth and looked at Austin with a flat yet challenging face. "Need I remind you that we live right next to each other? I will make your life a living hell."

"You already make my life a living hell."

I blinked at him. "I won't annoy you as much as I usually do."

We stared at each other for a couple of minutes.

"All right, I'll do it."

"Yay!"

I dragged him out of the dining hall and when we reached the lobby, I let go.

"I need to get something from my room," Austin said.

I squinted at him. "You're not going to, you know, go up and never come back down and so when I go up to check on you, you would have either locked the room or run away, are you?"

"No," he said in frustration. "I've gotten to know you to know that I can't fucking do that."

I grinned and he walked away. I waited for some minutes and that was when Dallas arrived. He smiled and walked up to me, kissing my forehead.

"Hey," he said. "What are you up to?"

"I'm going to take a walk," I smiled back.

He chuckled. "You sure like to take walks all by yourself."

"Oh, I'm not going to be alone!" I replied. "Austin's coming with me."

Dallas pulled away and frowned. "What?"

"Austin's coming with me."

"Oh," Dallas said. "I mean okay...but are you sure about that?"

"Yeah," I said, giving him a soft smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I've seen the guy buy cans and cans of beer," he retorted. "I don't want you to get hurt. Why don't you just spend the rest of the day with me?" He smiled.

"You know I love spending time with you," I said. "You don't have to worry. I don't spend time with dangerous people and Austin isn't a threat to me. So don't worry, okay? I won't be long."

He looked unconvinced, possibly angry. I knew that Austin and Dallas did not get along. I shuddered when the memory of the fight resurfaced.

"Okay," Dallas said. "I'm sorry I got worked up."

He leaned down and kissed me again and I smiled. Dallas then walked away to join Abby, who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. They then got into another serious conversation. Were all of their conversations like that? I swallowed and looked away. I tried to shrug off the burning curiosity. Somehow, I couldn't.

"Are you okay?" someone asked. I jumped and turned around to find Austin standing beside me, hands in pockets, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Yeah, I am."

Austin sighed. "Well, what do we plan on doing now?"

I grinned. "Follow me!"

I skipped out of the hotel, Austin hot on my heels. We walked until we reached the local park. I made Austin stand near some old trees.

"Okay," I said. "Look at the trees. How do they make you feel? What do you think of them?"

"They're nice," he flatly said.

"Progress!" I said. "Okay, look at the fountain now. So?"

"It's nice."

"The cold and rainy weather?"

"Nice."

"Oh, for God sake, Austin!"

* * *

"You know," I said, bringing the cup to my lips. "At least I got a positive word out of you – no matter how bitter and stubborn you were. _Nice_. It isn't too bad if you think about it."

When I ran out of places for Austin to see, we stopped at a coffee shop. Austin decided to stay quiet and looked out of the window.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked, smiling.

"No."

"It was worth a try," I said. He didn't reply and I sighed. It was like nothing appealed to him, but I knew he liked certain things. I just didn't know why he wouldn't admit it. He would look at things with distaste and sometimes, his eyes said otherwise. He was just so good at hiding his emotions. It seemed like the things that made him happy and the things that made him sad didn't balance. His life was filled with so much sorrow and anger.

I bit my lip and thought for a moment. Then, I smiled and took out a pen I had on me and snatched a napkin while Austin continued to get lost in his thoughts. I quickly doodled something; a blob, if you must, and wrote down a quote that might just make his day. Silly, I know, but it was worth a shot.

"Psst," I said, passing the napkin to him. He raised an eyebrow and looked at it.

"What the hell is this supposed to be?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm no artist but this is like a daily reminder for you. Whenever you feel upset or angry, just take this out and look at it. You'll feel okay. You'll eventually be okay, Austin. You're welcome." I grinned and continued to sip on my drink.

Silence fell between us, but just for a little while.

"Hey, Austin?" I began. "Did you really mean it when you said that I make your life a living hell?" He didn't answer. However, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Austin staring at the napkin I passed to him, and I saw his lips twitch into what seemed like a smile. A genuine smile. My heart warmed.

"No," he gently said, surprising me. He locked eyes with me and mine slightly widened. "No, you don't."

My heart warmed even more.


	22. twenty-two

Our six-month anniversary was nearing and unfortunately, I still had no idea what to get Dallas. See, he was always showering me with wonderful gifts. He was really sweet and I wanted to make sure my gift would be memorable. It was hard picking something out for him, though. He basically had everything. I had gone from shop to shop and yet I ended up with nothing.

Six months was quite big, in my opinion. It was nice knowing that my first relationship was going so smoothly. It was perfect. Being in a relationship was really wonderful. You had someone to confide in, to love, to care for. I was very comfortable with Dallas. But I also knew that being in a relationship wasn't some mandatory thing in life. I knew for sure that people didn't need someone to feel _complete_. People could find happiness in so many things in life.

I glanced at Austin as I had my breakfast and I wondered. If he could have a second chance at love, would he take it?

"Austin?"

He looked up from his book. "Yeah?"

"Was Catherine your first love?" I asked, taking in his peaceful features.

Austin's eyes clouded. He sighed and looked back down. "Yeah. Yeah, she was."

I nodded and continued my breakfast. I knew that he didn't like being asked about Catherine. It was a very touchy subject for him. For him, it was complicated. He was confused. Her being his first love made it even more painful, considering what she had done. To me, it looked like he was still caught up – he was still in love. Or at least, he still harbored some feelings for the black-haired beauty. I wondered what he would if he saw her again.

I mean it was weird to think about it but she was in the very same city in the very same state we were in right now. She could be in some coffee shop, looking out the window, thinking of Austin. She could be reading the texts she had sent to Austin, hoping he would answer back. She could be with her friends and Austin would still be on her mind. I knew for sure that Catherine was still in love with Austin and I knew for sure that she was thinking about him. Did she know he was in New York?

"Don't you want to talk to her?" I blurted out. His head snapped up, his cold eyes locking with mine. I was being stupid, though. What she did was absolutely inexcusable. She hurt Austin. It cost him a lot. His life wasn't exactly what you would call peaceful. I just wanted him to be happy.

"No. Please let this go."

"Sorry," I said. "But hey, if you're feeling sad, don't forget to look at that napkin I gave you!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're a real artist."

I laughed. "It's nice, I swear!"

* * *

"Who do you think murdered that woman?" I asked Trish, my eyes glued to the screen. We were watching some thriller. "Trish?" I craned my neck only to find her snoozing. Grinning, I turned off the TV and draped a blanket over her. She did fall asleep quickly. I thought for a moment, contemplating what to do. Eventually, I decided to visit Dallas to check in on him.

When the elevator opened, I walked down the hallway, my eyes scanning the gold numbers inscribed on the hotel rooms. However, before I could round the corner, I heard frantic voices. I halted to a stop and peeked.

My heart sank.

It was happening again.

Dallas and Abby were standing in the middle of the hallway, their voices low and frantic. I plastered myself against the wall, my hands glued to my side. But I found myself straining my ears to listen in on their conversation. I knew it was selfish of me to do so. I had no right invading someone else's privacy. But this was killing me.

The looks, the gestures, the frantic voices. All of it.

"What are we going to do now?" Abby hissed. "This is not going as planned!"

"Well, what more do you expect from me? I know this isn't going well. I tried my best but you know I couldn't do anything too harsh. It would've looked suspicious!" Dallas snapped.

Abby groaned. "We have to keep those two apart. They're ruining everything._ She's_ ruining everything. They're always around each other that something bad is bound to happen and we'll end up losing. Our plan is failing, Dallas."

"What are we supposed to do?" he asked.

"Let's just try to keep them apart. It's not that hard, you know. He's not fond of her."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Trust me, I know."

The hallway was then quiet and I swallowed, my heart thudding against my chest and my mind racing with so many questions. What were they talking about? Why was I nervous? I heard footsteps approaching. Panicking, I barged into the first door that I found unlocked. I quietly shut it and breathed out a sigh of relief, resting my head against the wooden door. When Dallas and Abby were gone, I still refused to walk. I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest. I was in some supply room.

_What was going on? _

What was this plan they kept referring to? Why did it sound so complicated? To me, it didn't have any good intentions. I gulped and wiped a mat of sweat off my forehead. I clenched my fists and breathed out, frowning.

"You are overreacting, Alison."

I stood up and flung the door open, taking the elevator to Austin and Dez's floor. I stared at my battered shoes as I walked down the hallway. When I looked up, I found Austin at his door, keys ready to unlock the room.

Austin frowned at me. "What's up with you?"

I opened my mouth to speak but closed it and shrugged. I approached him and Austin unlocked the door but didn't open it.

"You look like a mess," he said, folding his arms. "Were you hyperventilating or? Are you okay?"

I didn't know what to say.

I opened my mouth but before I could say anything, I heard them again.

My eyes widened.

Oh, God.

I knew that Dallas would stop and talk to me if he saw me but I was still in a state of confusion that I wouldn't know what to say.

"They're here!" I squeaked. "Oh, God. Get in, get in!"

"What the f—"

Before Austin could continue, I had flung the door open and shoved him into the room, quickly following him and slamming the door shut. I swallowed and pressed myself against the door, arms wide. I strained my ears and listened to their footsteps until they were no longer audible.

I exhaled slowly and swallowed. My mouth felt dry.

"Will you fucking explain what's going on?" Austin asked, glaring at me. "Who is _'they'_?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, sliding down the wall and putting myself in the same position as I was in the supply room. "Dallas and Abby."

"Well, why'd you shove me? What is going on?" he asked.

"If I knew, I'd tell you."

Austin stayed silent. Soon, he sat down next me.

"Well, why are you upset?" he questioned and this time with no glares.

I sighed again. "I don't know. I honestly don't know. It's been happening for a while and it has just gotten me confused and nervous."

Austin turned away from me and frowned. He sighed and stood up next, extending his hand towards me. I looked at it questioningly.

"Come on," he sighed. "Let's go for a walk."

I smiled at him, my heart warming, and took his hand. I stood up and Austin checked if Dallas and Abby were anywhere in sight. When we were in the hallway, I found myself rushing to get out of the hotel. I didn't want to bump into Dallas and Abby. So when we were finally outside, I was happy. Austin and I began walking and for a while, it was silent between us.

I smiled.

Austin wasn't pressuring me to answer or to tell him what was going on. Unlike me when it came to his situations and life. _My bad._

"Before we boarded the plane," I began. "I had this bad feeling. First I dismissed it as jitters. I hadn't been on a plane in a long time so I guessed it was the case. But it wasn't. Even after we landed in New York, that bad feeling was there. I don't know why I feel this way but it's bad. I don't know. There's Dallas and Abby. God, when they're together, they're always serious. Their conversations...it's like they don't want anyone to hear about it. I see the way their eyes dart around, checking to see if someone is watching. Their body language is weird and I don't know why it's gotten me so worked up."

"You can always ask him about it," Austin suggested.

"God, no," I said. "He'd think I don't trust him or that I don't like his friendship with Abby. He'd think that I probably think there's something going on between them. I'm not jealous. That's the thing. I'm just nervous and worried."

"If you don't ask him, then what's going to happen? You're just going to continue feeling nervous and worried."

I sighed. "I know but...I'm scared. I don't want to fight with Dallas – especially not now. Our anniversary is coming up."

It was now the afternoon, the sky a mixture of colors and the wind chilly. It felt nice.

"You're scared about more than one thing," he said. "You have a choice. You can always ask him what the fuck's going on or you can—"

When I realized Austin stopped talking, his sentence left unfinished and hanging in the air, I tilted my head to check on him. He stopped moving, his eyes slightly widened.

"Austin? Austin, are you ok—"

Before I could finish, he reached out and grabbed my hand and I was spun around, gently pushed against his chest. We were standing in an alleyway.

"What are you doing?" I squealed.

He was close; close enough to know that his heart was beating wildly. Austin's forehead nuzzled itself onto my neck, his face hidden.

"If you wanted a hug, you could have just asked, you know!" I said.

"Play along," he whispered. "Please."

I didn't know what struck Austin to do that. I knew that he wouldn't do that out of the blue. I knew it. I wasn't angry or anything. I just wondered what had made him do that. Ignoring my erratic heart and in order not to look like a fool, I wrapped my arms around him, so it looked like we were hugging. His arms were reluctantly placed on my back. I closed my eyes and swallowed.

When I heard laughter and chatter, I involuntarily opened my eyes. A group of teenagers was passing by. Could that have been Austin's reason?

And then I saw someone.

Someone familiar.

It slowly dawned on me as I took in her physical appearance; a black-haired girl with blue eyes. It could have been anybody but Austin _wouldn't_ have just hugged me because he wanted to. I swallowed and we pulled away when they were gone.

"Was that...was that _her_?" I asked.

Austin ran a hand through his hair, his eyes clouding and jaw slackening.

"You want to go sit down somewhere and talk?" I asked.

* * *

We walked for a while and eventually used the stairs outside of a building to climb the roof. We were sitting on the ground, this time, and not on the ledge. I pulled my knees up to my chest and looked at him. He was feeling many things at the same time.

He looked dead.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Austin nodded.

"I totally get where you're coming from," I said. "Well, in a way. I understand how you panicked when you saw her. It isn't easy. I really do understand. But you know you can tell me anything."

"I have nothing to say," he said, standing up. He walked over to the ledge and gazed at the buildings ahead of us. I followed and stood beside him.

"She's pretty," I said. "Beautiful."

"I'm sorry," Austin started. I looked at him. "for what happened back there."

"Nah, don't worry about it," I said, grinning. "I knew you've been dying to hug me."

He rolled his eyes but smiled. I smiled even wider. I didn't think I was ever going to get over that.

"If...if you had a second chance at love," I began, fiddling with my hands. "would you take it?"

"What's the point?" he asked. "Nothing's going to last."

I sighed. "I know what she did was awful. It really was. I'm really angry with her and she doesn't even know me! But have you ever wanted to ask her _why_? Have you ever thought of texting her or calling her to ask why she ever thought it'd be a good idea to cheat on you?"

Austin swallowed. "I don't want anything to do with her."

I gave him a small smile. "But you still love her."

Austin exhaled half a bitter laugh and looked at me. "I don't know anything anymore."

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him to me for a hug. Austin's body went still, as it usually did, but it relaxed moments after. This time, he wrapped his arms around me, his head resting on top of mine. I smiled, my heart warming. He had hugged me back.

"You never listen, do you?" he whispered softly. "I told you to stop doing this."

"Are you contagious to hugs or something?" I asked.

"No."

"Then I don't see how it's wrong for me to hug you."

He didn't say anything. He didn't pull away. I was starting to feel much better. I realized I had opened up to Austin and it wasn't so hard for him to talk to me, either. He even hugged me back. Whatever Austin and I had and were – it was growing stronger. It was progress. I really did want to help him. I wanted him to be happy.

Before we got back to the hotel, Austin made sure to buy cans of beer. He wanted to get drunk and I couldn't stop him. But I knew I'd be there for him in the morning.


	23. twenty-three

It took me ages to finally find a gift for Dallas but I did it! After long and painful hours of going from shop to shop, I finally settled on buying Dallas a record player. I grinned. He was going to be very happy with this. It wasn't easy buying him gifts when he practically had everything. He was always showering me with wonderful gifts and so I really did want this gift to be something he'd love.

I stepped out of the mall and looked up at the gray sky, light rain coating my face. I blinked and smiled, taking in a deep breath. New York has been quite gloomy these days. I wasn't complaining, though. New York really was beautiful with this weather. Humming, I began walking in the hotel's direction, hoping it wouldn't harshly drizzle before I reached my destination. It was sad knowing that we were going to leave this place soon. We toured great universities – some that I wouldn't mind studying in.

I wanted to make sure that the last days I was going to spend in New York were wonderful. Our anniversary was so close now. Whenever I thought about it, my stomach did leaps and my heart pounded in my chest. Six months was a lot.

I tried my best to convince myself that the whole ordeal with Dallas and Abby was just silly. They were friends. I wasn't jealous, just a bit nervous. But I was okay. I realized I was being paranoid. There was literally nothing to worry about and that was what I kept repeating to myself. I was convinced and I was finally worry-free. The bad feeling I kept getting, though, was still there. But I always pushed it away and brushed it off. It was stupid, really.

By the time I got to my room, it was heavily raining. Luckily, I made it in time. I entered the room and shrugged off my jacket, draping it over a chair to let it dry. I hid Dallas' present in the closet and plopped down next to Trish on the couch.

"What the fuck is up with the weather?" she complained. "I'm bored but there's nothing to do when it's fucking raining!"

"Why do you hate rain?" I asked, grinning. "I love it!"

She rolled her eyes. "Good for you. There's nothing on TV and I don't know what else I could do."

"You can always read."

"Don't make me punch you in the face."

I laughed and held up my hands in defense. "Sorry."

"So, did you find lover boy a present?" Trish asked, putting her feet up on the table.

I nodded. "Mhm. I got him a record player."

"Well," she said, getting up. "I'm going to bed. Wake me up and I'll kill you."

I laughed and again, leaving the room. I guess I could visit Dallas while Trish slept. Humming, which I did a lot, I took the elevator to Dallas' room. I stopped at his door and softly knocked. Dallas opened the door, revealing his tired figure. "Hey." His eyes were half-open, just on the verge of closing again, his hair was tousled, and his voice was raspy.

"I didn't mean to wake you!" I squealed.

Dallas rolled his eyes, still smiling, and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the room. He shut the door and kissed my forehead. His eyes were drooping. God, he was adorable.

"You're still sleepy, aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes."

I laughed and we lay down on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his chest, my hands gently holding on to his shirt. His hand drew imaginary figures on my back, soothing me. I closed my eyes and smiled.

I fell asleep straight after that.

* * *

My eyes grudgingly opened and I waited for them to adjust. Dallas was still fast asleep, his arms wrapped around me. I blinked, looking around. The room was pitch dark. The curtains were drawn. Did Dallas and I fall asleep till night?

I slowly escaped from Dallas' grasp, making sure my movements were quiet enough not to wake him. He didn't flinch. I draped a blanket over him, a roar of thunder startling me that I almost screamed. Biting down on my tongue, I walked to the window and drew the curtains away. The sky was still a strong shade of gray. It was only in the afternoon and it was still heavily raining. I wrapped my arms around me. I walked into the bathroom, gently closing the door. My hand searched for light switch but even after finding it, the lights wouldn't go on. Frowning, I opened the door and walked out. Were the lights in the whole building off or was it just the bathroom? I tiptoed across the room to the front door. I opened it and poked my head out.

It was the whole building – just as I had suspected it. It was probably the weather.

Before I could close the door, a thought hit me and I froze in my place. My eyes widened when I finally took in the realization.

_The electricity wasn't working._

_It was dark. _

_Austin._

_Austin was afraid of the dark. _

"Oh crap!" I whispered. I gently shut the door and raced down the hallway. Austin and Dez's room was not on Dallas' floor. The elevators wouldn't work, which was obvious, so I had to take the stairs. So I did. I found myself bolting up. My thighs burned and my legs felt like they were about to drop. _Now I know why I was failing gym class._

When I finally reached the floor I suspected was where Austin and Dez's room was, I didn't stop running until I was finally at their door. I hoped it was the correct floor. My mind had been racing; I wouldn't be surprised if this was the wrong floor. I knocked on the door but to no avail. Frowning, I flung open the door and stumbled in, panting.

"Austin? Are you there?" I asked in between breaths. I bent down a little, my hands placed on my knees. "I...I'm sorry it took me long. I...I was at Dallas'...and I just woke up...electricity was off...came here as fast as possible. I'm dying, I swear. Austin?"

I could tell it was him. The curtains were drawn and it was still day time. Austin was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the bed. His knees were pulled up, his head bent down, his arms hanging off his knees.

I closed the door and sat down next to him. I nudged him with my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"You fucking care," he whispered in a voice so bitter and low. "You fucking care, don't you?"

"What...what are you talking about?" I asked, racking my brain for some answers. I stared at him. "Of...of course I care about you."

I never really said that – or thought about that. It felt weird saying it. But it was true. I did care about Austin.

"Why?" he asked. He swallowed and I could see his body lightly trembling.

"Why do you hate it?" I asked, ignoring his question. He looked at me. "Why do you hate the concept of someone caring about you? What's so wrong about it? I mean your mother and brother care about you and, like it or not, your dad does, too. You know it, too. You know they care about you. Why is it hard to accept the fact that _I_ care about _you_?"

"It's fucking different."

"But _why_?"

"Just forget it," he said. A roar of thunder struck and I could see Austin's hands clenching into fists so tightly his knuckles turned pale.

"It's okay," I said, resting my head on his shoulder. He sighed, his body shifting when another roar of thunder struck. "Tell me something. Anything – like a confession or a childhood story or whatever you want. You know you can trust me and you know I'll listen."

His chest heaved up and down. I didn't pry. He was either thinking of something to tell me or just straight up ignoring me. But I decided if he didn't tell me something, _I'll_ tell him.

"I asked her out in tenth grade," he said in a low voice. "I grew up with her but we never really talked much. I began to like her in ninth grade. She was dating some kid. At that time, I thought it was just a harmless crush. Then tenth grade rolled around and I realized it wasn't some small crush. We hung out throughout the school year and I asked her when tenth grade was nearing its end."

I smiled. "That's nice. Where'd you guys go on your first date?" I grinned and nudged him with my hand.

"I took her dancing," he said. "She was fond of dancing. She told, before I asked her out, that she had been taking dancing lessons for a couple of years now, so that's what we did."

I smiled. "That was very sweet."

He shrugged. "What about you? Where did he take you?"

"We had a picnic," I said. "It was night and there was a lake and it was really beautiful. Say, I got him a record player for our anniversary. Do you think he'd like it?"

"Yeah."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then smash it over his head," he replied. I nudged him again and rolled my eyes but smiled. They sure hated each other.

Light then illuminated the room. I sat up straight and looked around, smiling. I heard Austin sigh. He rubbed his forehead and stood up, extending his hand over to me. I took it and got up, smiling at him in response.

"Thanks," I said. "I think I'm gonna go take a walk now that the rain has let up. You want me to get anything for you?"

"No," he replied.

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you later, then."

I walked over to the door and opened it but before I could step out, I felt Austin's fingers gently curl around my wrist. I turned around.

"Thank you," he whispered, locking eyes with me. He had really nice eyes.

"No need to thank me," I said, smiling.

Austin swallowed and nodded, his fingers letting go of my wrist. I felt the warmth simmer immediately. I smiled at him one last time and took the elevator to my floor. I entered the room. Trish and Dallas were seated on the couch. Trish was watching TV and Dallas seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey," I said, smiling.

"Hey," he said, springing up from his seat. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, where were you?"

Trish got up and left the room, grumbling about the weather.

"I was with Austin," I replied.

Dallas frowned. "Why?"

"Why not?"

Dallas heaved a sigh. "Why are you always with him?"

"Why are you always with Abby?" I shot back before I could process the words. I wasn't angry; they just tumbled out before I could do anything.

Dallas looked taken aback. "She's my friend."

"He's my friend, too."

"But he's dangerous."

"How so?" I grinned. "All we ever do is talk, argue, and take walks." My grin disappeared and I thought for a moment. I remembered Austin's advice.

"_You can always ask him about. If you don't ask him, then what's going to happen? You're just going to continue feeling nervous and worried."_

He was right.

"You're not the only one with concerns," I said. Dallas looked at me and fiddled with his fingers. "I overheard you and Abby talking about some plan the other day. It's just that...I've seen you two so serious. I don't know. I mean what plan were you guys talking about?"

Dallas smiled and cupped my face. "You don't need to be worried about Abby and I. The plan? It was about Marcus and Diane. Marcus is the captain of the football team and Diane of the cheerleaders'. But the two are getting close and it's interfering with practice sessions and so on. We would never be able to win the next big game if the two continue to ignore their other priorities."

"Oh," I said, blushing. "Oh that makes sense. God I feel stupid. I'm sorry. I really am—"

Dallas cut me off by pressing his lips against mine. I blushed harder and melted into the kiss. He pulled away and smiled. "It's okay. You have the right to worry. I'm sorry, too."

I smiled. Guess we're both a little paranoid.

* * *

The familiar chime of the bells rang and I closed the door to the coffee shop. It was pretty packed. I got my order and chose a seat near the window. I busied myself for a couple of minutes by reading a few pages of a book I bought and taking small sips of my hot chocolate. I couldn't really focus much. I pushed the book aside and wrapped my hands around the mug. Today was quite a day. I was happy that Dallas and I finally cleared the air between us. What irked me was that he thought Austin was dangerous.

He wasn't.

He was just confused and bitter.

I looked around the coffee shop. People were chatting and laughing. I looked back down at my drink but after a few seconds, I froze in my place, my eyes widening. My head snapped up and I stared at her. I was so hasty I almost dropped the mug.

It _was_ her.

The long black hair, the thin face, the piercing blue eyes.

I swallowed.

It was Catherine.

Scrambling up to my feet, I took light and slow steps towards her table. She was alone. But what was I doing? Was I actually going to talk to her? If I did, what the hell was I going to talk to her about? Did she know Austin was in New York?

_There was only one way to find out. _

I took a deep breath and approached her table. She was immersed in the view outside, her pale fingers wrapped around a mug.

I cleared my throat.

Her head turned, her blue eyes locking with mine. She looked surprised first but gave me a small smile. "Yes?"

It was a smile that didn't really reach her eyes. I guess both her and Austin were upset.

"I'm Ally. You're...you're Catherine, right?"

She slightly frowned, confusion taking over her features. "Yeah. How may I help you?"

_Crap, I had to rehearse this. _

"I...well, I don't know how to say it," I said, sitting down. "Um, you don't know me, but I know you. Um, well, I know...I know..." I stopped and inhaled. "...I know Austin."

Catherine froze, her eyes widening and her face paling. She shakily let go of the mug, her mouth opening but nothing coming out. Her chest was heaving up and down hastily and her eyes were swarming with so many emotions.

"I'm not some stalker," I said. "I...um...I'm his neighbor in Florida. We're here on a class trip."

"I-I didn't know. He hasn't been answering any of my calls of texts." She ran a hand through her hair, still in shock.

"I know," I said and she looked at me. _Stop talking, Ally. _

"How is he? How is Austin?" she asked.

"Well, I guess he's fine," I answered. "Uh, he's quite bitter and stubborn but...yeah."

_I really should have rehearsed this. _

"Is he...is he in a relationship?" she asked, biting down on her lower lip.

"No."

She put a hand on her forehead and sighed. "So...so I'm guessing you know about us."

I nodded.

Silence fell between us.

"Why?" I suddenly asked.

She looked up at me. "Why what?"

I pursed my lips. "Why did you...why did you do that?"

She seemed to understand my words. She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't know...God, I don't know. I'm stupid. I was so stupid. I had such an amazing person in my life and I fucked it up. I miss him. I miss him so goddamn much."

"He...he misses you, too," I said, hoping that would calm her down a little.

She bitterly laughed. "No. No, he doesn't. I hurt him."

"Do you regret it?" I softly asked.

"Yes," Catherine replied, tears streaming down her cheeks. She grabbed a tissue and wiped them off, her hands clenching. "I hate myself for what I did. I know I should have never done it. But I did and I just don't understand why. Austin was the sweetest boyfriend anyone could have. He was loyal and caring and he gave me everything I wanted. What do I give him in return? Heartbreak. And I fuck everything up, losing someone I love so much."

"But you've been trying to fix it, haven't you?"

She vigorously nodded, closing her eyes for a brief moment. "I want to fix it. I want to be able to talk to Austin. I just want to be able to explain to him. I want things to be civil, if not more."

You could see that she really felt guilty and that she wanted to make amends with Austin.

"Ally," Catherine started, looking at me. Her eyes locked with mine and she swallowed. "Are you...are you close with Austin?"

"I guess so. We've grown close. He may not think so, though. That stubborn turd." I _may_ have muttered the last part.

Catherine exhaled. "Can you...can you take me to him? Is there any chance you could take me over to see him? It doesn't have to be today. _Please_, Ally."

I shifted in my seat and thought. She wanted to fix things and although Austin told me he wanted nothing to do with her, maybe talking things out could clear the air between them. Maybe then he'd feel like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe he could move on. Who knows, though? Maybe they'd work things out and get back together, giving their relationship another chance. I knew that he wasn't over her. I knew that he harbored feelings for the girl in front of me.

All I wanted was the best for Austin. I wanted him to wake up and look forward to the day. I didn't want him to continue living so bitter. I wanted to see him smile. That was all I wanted. But I didn't know what I was doing so I guess I had a lot of things to look forward to. Was I doing the right thing? We'll see then.

I swallowed and looked back at Catherine. "Yeah. Yeah, I can take you to Austin."


	24. twenty-four

Trish was eying me carefully.

She folded her arms and squinted her eyes at me. "What's up with you? Why do you look nervous?"

I was biting at my fingernails. "I'm not nervous. I'm just tired. I mean we did tour two universities today."

Trish slowly nodded. "Well, I'll be in the room sleeping if you need me."

I looked around the lobby. Classmates were lounging around, making their way to the dining hall, or going up to their rooms. We had just come back from one of the universities we visited today. I was pretty tired but Trish was right.

I _was_ nervous.

Today was it. Catherine was going to stop by the hotel later and I was going to take her to Austin's. Did I do the right thing? I didn't even know. He told me he wanted nothing to do with her so why the hell did I agree to take her to him? I guess that I wanted Austin to find closure. He clearly hasn't moved on.

A tap on my shoulder made me jump and I whirled around.

It was _Alex_.

"Alex!" I said, smiling. He beamed at me. "Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "What about you? You look pretty spooked."

"Oh no," I said, batting a hand at him. "I'm just tired. So what are you doing here?"

"I came here to visit Austin," Alex replied with a sigh. "The last time I saw him he called our father an asshole."

"Yup, that's definitely Austin," I said, shifting from one foot to the other. Alex nodded in agreement and sighed again, folding his arms across his chest. "Austin did not return with us. We just came back from visiting colleges. I think he left for a walk."

"He's not answering any of my calls or texts," Alex said. "Jesus, he could be stubborn. Anyway, you want to grab a coffee with me?"

"Sure," I said, smiling.

Alex and I left the hotel and walked to the nearest coffee shop. We got our orders and sat down near a huge window. Today was a sunny day but with a cool breeze. It was really nice and refreshing.

"So," I began, wrapping my fingers around the mug. "What's new? How's college?"

Alex took a sip from his coffee and swallowed. "Same old. College is pretty tough. I'm packed with assignments and projects. It's pretty hard when you're also trying to fix the relationship between your brother and his father."

"Austin is not cooperating, is he?" I jumped in, giving him a sympathetic smile.

"He wants nothing to do with him," Alex continued, shaking his head. "He wants him completely out of his life but I know that Austin still loves him. He just can't forgive our father for what he did." Alex pursed his lips. "Do you...do you know what he did?"

I nodded. "Austin told me. I'm sorry about that."

"No need to apologize," Alex said, giving me a short smile. "It happened and it took me a while to accept it. I guess Austin is still bitter. That boy is bitter about many things."

"I just want him to be happy."

"We all do. My mother constantly worries about him. She's afraid he'll do something that'll hurt him. He's prone to getting into fights and getting drunk – all that could hurt him and that have. It's just that...he wasn't like that before everything went downhill." He stopped and smiled. "I assume you know about what happened with Catherine."

I nodded and sighed. "She cheated on him."

"So that's what happened," Alex muttered. "I figured. Austin wouldn't tell me anything when he was sober. All I knew was that it involved some guy and her." Alex shook his head and looked down at his coffee. "It was the first I'd ever seen him like that. Austin drank but he didn't drink until the alcohol consumed his entire body. That night he came back and he was badly drunk. He couldn't even walk straight. When he woke up the next morning, he had completely changed." Alex stopped and gave out a bitter laugh. "From then on he was this bitter and angry kid. Nobody could talk to him."

I wondered if seeing Catherine would help a little.

"But he can trust you."

"W-what?" _Yeah, I know. _

Alex grinned. "You know it, too. Austin can trust you. He can talk to you. When you continued to pester him, he eventually caved in. He gave in to your advances. He has opened up to you and I know he would never admit it, but he does enjoy your company. I guess when you guys are together, he's at peace."

I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. Maybe." A thought struck me. "Austin got expelled from his school...can you tell me about that?"

Alex nodded. "It happened after Catherine cheated on him and our dad cheated on our mom. I did tell you that he completely changed. Always angry. He got into several fights into school, many of which were with the guy Catherine cheated on Austin with. That guy and Austin didn't get along at all. It's obvious, though. It wasn't a surprise when Austin would get suspended from school. He'd come back with bruises and wounds and he'd be bleeding. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He skipped classes and when he vandalized the principle's car, that was the final straw. He was expelled. My mother was always worried and given what my dad did to her, she had had enough of New York. Far too many bad things happened in one go. So she wanted to relocate."

I sighed and pushed my mug away. The coffee went cold.

"He'll be okay one day," Alex said. He gave me a smile. "I know it."

I nodded. "I know it, too."

"Thanks," Alex started. "for not giving up on him. I bet you guys have had your bad moments together."

I nodded again and smiled. "But we've also had good moments together."

* * *

When I returned to the hotel, I was a wreck. Catherine was going to be here any minute. I paced up and down my room, Trish and Dez blinking at me. I held my phone in my hands. She was going to text me when she would arrive.

Sure enough, after pacing around for a couple of minutes, my phone buzzed and I scrambled to check it.

She was here.

"I'll be back!" I yelled but Trish and Dez were already bickering. I flung open the door and raced down the hallway to the elevator and took it downstairs. When I arrived, I scanned the lobby for a mop of dark hair. She was sitting on the couch.

"Ally," Catherine began, standing up. She was a mess. Her hair was tousled. It was obvious that she was nervous. "Thanks for helping me out."

I swallowed. "It's...it's nothing. I think we should go upstairs now."

Catherine nodded and followed me to the elevator. We got in and I pressed on Austin's floor. The atmosphere was tense and awkward and I, too, was a mess. I hoped to God this wouldn't ruin the friendship I had with Austin. The elevator doors opened and I felt as if this were my doom. We stepped out and I heard Catherine take in a sharp breath. I noticed that both of us were stuck in a nervous state. We took slow steps down the hallway but eventually, we found ourselves standing in front of Austin's door.

"Is this it?" Catherine whispered.

I nodded. "It is. Are you...are you ready?" _Because I'm not. _

Catherine drew in a breath, pursed her lips, and vigorously nodded. "I am. I'm ready."

I clenched my hand into a fist and rapped on the door. My stomach clenched. My heart was wildly hammering in my chest. My mind was racing and berating me for what I had done. Was this wrong? Was this right? I didn't even know. I heard shuffling in the room. The footsteps were getting closer. I was going to die. The door gently opened. Austin first locked eyes with me and then his gaze averted towards Catherine. His body went still, his eyes slightly widening. I heard him take in a sharp breath. His face was a mixture of horror, confusion, and shock.

I bit down on my bottom lip and interlaced my cold fingers together.

Catherine's chest was heaving up and down. "A-Austin..."

"What are you doing here?" Austin asked, almost choking on his words. He swallowed hard. He spoke in a low voice.

"I just...I just want to talk to you," Catherine said. Her hands were trembling. "Please. I just want to talk to you. This is probably the only chance I'll ever get."

Austin stared at her. He wasn't angry. He was just in shock. When he talked about her with me, he always seemed angry. But now that she was in front of him, he was far from furious. He was just upset, his face asking her why she had ever ruined what they had. Maybe it was because he really did love her.

Austin swallowed again and held the door wider for her, avoiding her gaze. Catherine gave me one last glance and entered the room, disappearing. I wet my lips and looked up at Austin. I expected him to be staring at me with so much anger but all he did was stare at me in confusion. His face was weak and somber. It held another emotion – one I couldn't comprehend. I felt like hugging him right then and there.

I gave him a nod and quickly walked back to the elevator. I felt upset and confused. Did I hurt Austin? Did I ruin his life? I wouldn't be surprised if I did. Sighing, I took the elevator and walked back to my room. Trish and Dez weren't there. I plopped down on the bed, my arms spread wide. I looked up at the ceiling with a dull face.

I fell asleep shortly after.

* * *

I woke up to someone softly knocking on my door. I scrambled upwards and rubbed my eyes. It was night now. I had surely fallen asleep for quite some time. Stretching, I walked to the door and opened it. Austin stood there with an expressionless face.

"Don't kill me!" I immediately squealed.

"I'm not going to kill you," he spoke in low voice. "If I were to kill you, I would have done that a long time ago."

I pursed my lips and opened the door wider for him. He entered and I closed the door behind me. Austin sat down on the edge of the bed and I followed, fiddling with my fingers. I sat down and smoothed down my pants, sighing.

"I know I shouldn't have done such a thing," I started. "I...I saw her in a coffee shop I was in and I just...I just went up to her and talked. I don't know if I thought things through thoroughly before I took any action. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

I turned my head to look at him. "I kind of do. I mean I agreed to help your ex-girlfriend, even when you told me you wanted nothing to do with her. Well, I guess you kind of got used to my tactics...but yeah. I'm surprised you're not here to scream at me."

He sighed. "We've done a lot of that before and we just end up talking again."

I smiled. "So, what did you...what did you guys do? Did you work things out? How do you feel?" He looked at me and I almost jumped at how close our faces were. I was comfortable with him, though.

"She left just now."

"Jesus, you guys have been talking for quite some time."

Austin nodded. "She explained and apologized and just talked. We talked."

"Are you guys back together?" I asked.

"No," Austin said, licking his lips. "We just agreed to be civil. Start over. We'll see how it goes from there."

"Well, I'm happy about that," I said, smiling at him.

Austin shrugged.

"You never really told me directly," I said. "Are you still in love with her?"

He stayed quiet. I nudged him with my elbow and grinned. "Come on, you can tell me. I won't judge." I nudged him again and winked.

"Oh, fuck off."

_Nudge. _

"Will you stop fucking poking me?" he snapped.

_Nudge._

_Nudge. _

Austin grabbed my elbow and looked at me with hard eyes. "If you don't quit doing that, I'll do something that you _will_ end up regretting not stopping."

I gave him a smug look. "If you kill me, I won't be able to regret anything."

"I had something else in mind," he whispered, leaning in so close that our noses briefly brushed. His breath tickled me. My eyes widened in sheer horror.

"No! Don't do that! I'm sorry!" I said, flailing my arms around and falling off the bed.

Austin clasped his hands and rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking idiot."

"Why you—" I started, getting off the floor. I grabbed a pillow and smacked him. "Don't tease me like that!"

"I can't help it," he sarcastically muttered. I rolled my eyes and sat back down next to him.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, remembering something. "I have another story to tell you! I promise it's short. Can I tell it?"

"Here we go again," he muttered. His head dropped, his forehead resting on my shoulder. My heart warmed and smiled and I began to tell the story.

He sure was something.


	25. twenty-five

I woke up with dread.

When I first opened my eyes to greet the new day, I felt dread take over my body, as if I weren't looking forward to it. It was like I was anticipating something – something bad – to happen.

I sighed and shut my eyes, my fingers digging into my pants. This was becoming too much. It was driving me crazy. What was there to worry about? Absolutely nothing! I was healthy and I was in New York. I had wonderful friends and an amazing boyfriend. So, why was it that I kept feeling paranoid and nervous?

But maybe that was it.

Today was Dallas and I's six-month anniversary. It was actually the exact day. And maybe it was nervous jitters. Mind you, I was excited, but for someone was new to dating, it was normal to feel nervous, right?

I hoped so.

I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. That was it. I had nothing to worry about. I was going to be okay. I was going to have a wonderful day with Dallas. That was all. The more I kept reassuring myself, the more I became convinced. I was eventually content in the end.

I stood up and grabbed Dallas' present, smiling to myself. Trish was still sleeping. I hoped Dallas wasn't. Gently opening the door, I stepped out. The hallway was quite silent. I closed the door behind me and made my way to the elevator, pressing the floor button. My heart drummed and my body tingled.

"Six months," I mumbled to myself. "Huh."

When the elevator doors opened, I stepped out and took a deep breath. I took slow steps towards Dallas' room until I found myself standing at his door.

I smiled. This was it. I reached up and rapped on the door. A moment later, the door opened, and before I could say something, a pair of arms snaked around my waist and scooped me up.

I laughed and Dallas put me down. He leaned down and kissed me, his fingers caressing my cheeks. I always warmed at his touch. My body tingled in excitement.

"Happy six-month anniversary," he breathed, our noses brushing.

I grinned. "Happy six-month anniversary!" I pulled away and gestured to the bag in my hand. "I got you something."

Dallas warmly smiled and gently took it from my hands. He took out the box and unwrapped it, peering into the box. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open.

I tucked a stray hair behind my ear and fiddled with my fingers. "You...you don't like it?"

His head snapped up. "I _love_ it. God, I love it." He put down the box and kissed me again.

That was a relief.

"I also got you something," he whispered in between kisses. Dallas walked over to the closet and pulled out a bag. He walked back to me and smiled, handing me the bag. I blushed and pulled out its contents.

"Oh, my God," I breathed. I went through the vinyl's – all of which belonged to some of my favorite bands. "Oh, my God!"

I put down the bag and pulled Dallas in for a hug. I squealed in delight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Dallas laughed and traced imaginary figures on my bag. That never failed to soothe me. I smiled. He pulled away and grabbed my face. "I'm going to go out and see that all of what I have planned is set, okay? I want this day to be perfect."

"Okay," I beamed. "I also have something planned. I want to show you something tonight."

"Great," Dallas breathed. He kissed my face and I laughed.

This day really was going to be perfect.

* * *

"Guys."

"You are the biggest idiot I have ever met!" Trish snapped.

Dez glared at her hotly. "And you are hot-headed and tempered and rude!"

"Guys."

Trish clenched her fists. "It's your presence that activates this side of me."

"_Guys_."

"What did I do? I never do anything but you always end up screaming at me and I'm sick of it!"

"GUYS!"

Trish and Dez snapped their heads towards at me. "What?" they screamed in unison.

"It'd be nice if you saved your bickering for later," I said. "I'm trying to find something nice to wear for tonight but you're not helping!"

Trish sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "Just pick any dress that's appealing to you. That's all you need to buy. I know for sure you're not going to wear heels."

True.

Trish and Dez quickly went back to arguing and I sighed in defeat. I turned back to the rack and sorted through the dresses. I didn't want anything elegant or too fancy. I wanted something simple. I was _far_ from elegant and fancy. Plus, if I did choose to wear heels, Dallas and I would end up spending our anniversary in a hospital.

"Alison?" a familiar voice asked. It sure as hell didn't belong to Trish or Dez, whom I could still hear bickering.

I turned around and locked eyes with Catherine. Austin stood beside her. He shifted uncomfortably, his hands in his pockets.

I smiled. "Hello!"

Catherine smiled back, showcasing her straight, white teeth. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I replied. I pointed a thumb at the dresses. "Just looking for something to wear."

Catherine beamed. "Oh! Do you have a date?"

"I do," I said, nodding. "Uh, it's...it's my boyfriend and I's six-month anniversary."

"Oh, that's lovely!" she exclaimed. "Do you need any help picking out something to wear?"

"Well, that's why I brought along Trish and Dez along—" I began, pointing at the furious Dez and the even-more-furious Trish. "—but they're sort of busy."

Catherine laughed. "I'll help you, don't worry."

I smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"So, do you have anything specific in mind?" she asked.

"Uh, well, I'm hoping for something simple."

She nodded and began to sort through the dresses. When she didn't find anything, she raced to the other racks across the room and I laughed. I turned my head and glanced at Austin.

"You okay?" I asked.

He locked eyes with me and nodded. "I am."

"Good," I said, smiling.

"I found something!" Catherine shrieked, attracting some unwanted attention. She raced over to us, waving the dress in the air. She was beaming and I couldn't help but laugh.

I looked over at Austin and I found him staring at her, his eyes swarming.

She was a lucky girl.

"Here!" Catherine smiled. "Oh, you just have to try it! It's simple yet beautiful. Come on! Go on. The dressing room is over there. We're right behind you!"

I turned around and walked to the dressing rooms. After picking a vacant room, I gently closed the door and stripped my clothes off. Without even sparing the dress a focused glance, I put it on.

"Woah," I whispered, checking myself in the mirror. Catherine was right. The dress _was_ simple. It was black with straps and didn't cling to my body. It just sort of flowed about and stopped before my knees.

I smiled.

"Alison, are you ready?" Catherine's voice asked.

"Yeah, just a second!" I replied, my eyes never leaving the mirror. I sighed and smiled again. This was sort of different. I never really wore dresses. I always stuck with pants. I liked this dress, though. It looked good on me.

I opened the door and stepped out. Immediately, Dez and Trish's arguing came to a halt and they stared at me. A wide smile made its way onto Trish's face. Dez shot me a warm smile and crossed his arms.

Catherine beamed. "You look absolutely amazing, Alison! The dress is a perfect fit and it..._you_ look beautiful! Oh, let me go see if they have some accessories!"

Catherine scurried away and I laughed again. She was quite cheerful. I guess she had a new perspective on life. She was trying to make things work. That was nice.

I glanced at Austin while Trish and Dez argued. He was sitting, his eyes locked with mine. His face held an expressionless look.

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Is the dress that horrible?"

"No," he spoke in a low and soft voice, shaking his head in disagreement. "You look great."

I smiled wider. "Thanks."

"Okay, so they didn't have anything," Catherine said, flailing her arms around. "We can always look around, though!"

"No, no," I said, smiling. "It's okay. I'm going to buy this dress. Thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it a lot!"

Catherine smiled back. "No problem. I hope you and your boyfriend have a wonderful and romantic night!"

My stomach clenched in dread. I bit down on my lower lip and shoved away all bad thoughts. I shouldn't be nervous. I was happy with Dallas and tonight was going to be wonderful. It really was going to.

"Thank you," I smiled, nodding. "I hope we do, too."

* * *

"You're okay, Ally," I said to myself. "You are okay and you will be okay! You're going to have a fantastic night with Dallas. You're going to be very happy."

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. When I came back from shopping, I took a shower and freshened up. I took in a deep breath and sprayed more perfume so that it could last longer. Trish decided to fix my hair up but in a simple manner. She grabbed some strands and tied them in the back, letting the rest fall down. I decided to ditch the makeup but Trish insisted on some lipstick. I smiled widely, my stomach dancing in excitement. My heart did leaps and my mind raced.

"Let's do this."

I exited the bathroom and Trish looked up from the television.

"You look wonderful," she said, beaming at me. "Have an amazing night, Ally."

"Thank you," I said. "I'm kind of nervous."

Trish rolled her eyes. "Don't be. Dallas is a sweet and loving guy and you guys have been together for quite some time now. Before you know it, you two are going to be be married. Now go."

"I wouldn't take it that far—" I interjected.

"Go!" Trish screamed.

Laughing, I walked out of the door and gently closed the door behind me. I squealed and composed myself. Before I knew it, I was skipping down the hallway. I skipped all the way to the lobby and out of the hotel. A cold breeze hit me and I smiled.

Tonight was going to be beautiful.

Dallas told me to meet him on the terrace of a specific building. He said he had a surprise for me. I grinned and walked faster, my anticipation growing impatient. So I walked and walked and I was finally able to breathe when I took in the building Dallas told me about. It loomed over me, its bright lights illuminating the streets. I could hear laughter and chatter and from the way it looked, I guessed it was pretty fancy.

I walked in and informed the receptionist about whom I was meeting. He smiled and told me the floor Dallas was waiting on. I smiled back gratefully and took the elevator, tapping my foot impatiently. Time seemed to drag on. My stomach continued to do leaps and cartwheels and my heart began to hammer in my chest that I was sure the lady next to me could hear it. I closed my eyes and smiled. When the elevator doors opened, my eyes snapped open and I stepped out onto the terrace.

I took in the round tables covered by white cloths and the band of musicians playing a beautiful symphony and how the sky was a mix of blue, purple, and pink.

I was in absolute awe.

Grinning, I rounded the corner, knowing that Dallas would be there.

But he wasn't alone.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized Abby was with him. I didn't know why I stopped but something was pulling me back, telling me to wait.

"Abby, I don't know if I could do this anymore," Dallas said. "She doesn't deserve any of this. What we're doing...it's fucking cruel. I can't go through with this."

_They...they must be talking about Diane. _

"Oh, for fuck sake!" Abby seethed, crossing her arms. "Are you catching feelings for _Dawson_ now?" I froze in my place, my body going numb. "Do I need to remind you about the plan? Do I need to remind you why we're doing this? This is all about proving one damn thing and it's that you can have any fucking girl you want. You have every girl wrapped around your finger and then Austin came along and Dawson was instantly attracted to him like a magnet. You're ruining the whole fucking plan when it's actually working. Dawson is head-over-heels in love with you. It's pathetic but it's good. What's not good is that you're backing out _now_. I've seen Austin and Dawson together – _outside_ of school. They're always together. He's growing fond of her and that's what's ruining the plan. So just lead her on for a couple of months, get into her pants, and you're fucking done."

My body was cold and numb. I couldn't function properly – I couldn't _move_. My legs felt paralyzed and I felt as though my heart was lodged into my throat, choking me. I was trembling, my hands shaking even when I tried to clench them into tight fists. My heart dropped and hot tears stung my eyes. It was like those moments where you're told that one of your parents was sent to the hospital or your friend got into an accident and you end up going numb, asking yourself, _Why did this happen to me? _You'd feel like your world just came tumbling down in a spiral of heartache and sadness and no matter how much I hated it, tears were running down my face. I was about to drop. Bile rose in my throat and I slapped a hand across my mouth.

Abby stopped talking, her eyes locking with mine. It was as though my finding out about the plan didn't affect her. A sly smirk etched itself onto her face. Dallas' body stiffened and craned his neck, frowning. He turned around and those eyes I fell for locked with mine. The frown left his face. His eyes widened in fear and horror.

"Ally, I can explain—"

I vigorously shook my head and backed away from him. I bumped into a table and some of the utensils fell off. But I couldn't seem to care. Normally, I would have picked them up. But I was in shock and I hated myself in that very moment. Dallas took steps towards me while Abby continued to smirk at me. It was too much for me.

So I took off running, not bothering to wait for the elevator. Dallas was right behind me so I ran faster, stumbling down the stairs while tears continued running down my cheeks. My vision became blurry and I furiously wiped at my eyes. I felt a lot of things that night. I felt anger, disappointment, and betrayal. I was hurt and I was stupid. I was stupid to think that a guy like Dallas could go for someone like me. I was _stupid_.

A hand curled around mine, spinning me around. Dallas was panting.

"Please, Ally. I can explain. I—"

I yanked my hand from his and backed away, shaking my head. "Screw you. Screw _you_."

I took off running and this time, he didn't follow. I ran down the stairs. My legs burned but I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I ran out of the lobby and people shot me worried glances. Who wouldn't? I was a mess. I came in with a smile etched onto my face and five minutes later, I was running out with tears streaming down my cheeks with a broken heart.

I continued running.

I didn't know where to go. I ended up running to the hotel. I didn't want to be around people. I didn't want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be alone. How could I be so stupid?

I stumbled into the lobby of the hotel. People shot me looks but I ignored everyone. I was out of breath and the elevator was crowded with people. I was not taking it. I never intended to.

"Ally? Oh, my God, Ally? Why are you crying?" Dez asked.

"Ally—" Trish's worried voice interjected. Her hand curled around mine but I pulled away from her grasp, running towards the stairs. More tears continued to flow and I clenched my fists. I had to grab on to the railing to keep me in balance. I could hear Trish and Dez behind and all I did was run faster. How could I face them? Six months of complete and utter lies. All he did was lie to me and all I did was fall for him harder. I made sure to show people how happy I was with him and for what? I felt humiliated and embarrassed.

I thought it was real.

A sob escaped my mouth and I slapped a hand across my mouth. I took more and more steps until I ran into something sturdy. It almost knocked me off my feet and down the stairs but an arm wrapped itself around my waist, pulling me back.

"Jesus, why are you running—" Austin began but stopped, his eyes widening. He took in a sharp breath. " Are you crying? Why...why are you crying?"

I escaped from his grasp and continued to run. I heard Austin call out. I could hear him running behind me. I could hear Trish and Dez's faint voices. But all I could focus on was what Abby had said. I was hoping it was a nightmare. I was hoping it was just something I could break out of. But it was real.

I stumbled into my room and slammed the door behind me. I was being a fool but I didn't care. I slid down the door and wiped my face.

"Stop crying," I whispered to myself. "Just stop crying."

The doorknob twisted but I pressed myself harder against it. A part of me didn't want to lock the door.

"Ally," Austin's voice called out.

I froze and my eyes widened, my heart clenching. _My name. He called me by my actual name._ But I didn't reply. I pressed myself against the door even harder and ignored him. He knocked and called out and tried to open the door but to no avail. Eventually, I heard his footsteps disappear.

A sob escaped my lips. _It was just a joke._

"Ally, open the door," Trish said. "_Please_. What happened?"

"At least tell us why you're crying," Dez piped in. "We're worried about you. Open the door. We just want to talk. We're here for you."

I was still trembling but I managed to get up. The door opened behind me and I shut my eyes tightly, holding up a hand to my mouth.

"Ally," came Trish's worried voice. "Who do we have to kill?"

I couldn't keep it in anymore. Sobs continued to escape from my lips and I turned around. I was a mess. Trish and Dez ran over to me and hugged me.

I was an idiot. I was such an idiot. I was a fool – a blinded fool. I spent those six months pouring out the love I felt for him and all he did was lie and fool around. All he wanted was to get into my pants. All he wanted was to feed his ego because he knew it was being threatened. I was only used. I was a joke. Everything was a joke. It became harder for me to accept. I _couldn't_ accept it. Was this how love felt like?

"It's going to be okay," Dez whispered. "I promise."

Was it really?


	26. twenty-six

I spent the next couple of days cooped up in the hotel room. I had no intentions of going out because I knew that word tended to travel fast. I was sure that everyone knew of what happened between me and Dallas – that our relationship was just a joke.

God, I felt humiliated. Those six months I spent with him felt real to me. I was happy – God, I was so happy – to be with him and I didn't hide that. I didn't even dare to hide it. I made sure to show how wonderful Dallas was. He spent those six months leading me on, hoping to get into my pants, so that he can prove a point and drop me. Now, everybody was probably laughing at me. How pathetic. I was just blinded.

"Ally?" Trish's worried voice cut me off.

I blinked and looked at her. They had just come in.

"We brought you breakfast," Dez said, giving me a small smile. "I hope you like scrambled eggs and fruit salad." He handed me bag and I took it gratefully.

"Thanks," I mumbled, looking back down. "I appreciate it."

They sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me, trying to find words to say. I had told them all about what happened the night I found out about it. Trish was angry. She was furious. Dez was, too.

"If it makes you feel better," Dez began, reaching out to hold my hand. "I managed to steal one of the asshole's credit cards. I cut it in half."

I gave him a small smile. "I guess that makes me feel a little bit better."

I guess it didn't. My smile faltered and I blinked back hot tears. Trish sensed this and sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around me. My head rested on her shoulder and I reached up and wiped the tears away. I didn't want to cry. I didn't need to cry. He didn't deserve any of it. But when I usually thought about what he did and how he played me, I couldn't help but break.

"He's a bastard," Trish said. "He's a fucking asshole and I'll make sure he knows this. You didn't deserve any of this, Ally. He didn't deserve you. We're not sugarcoating any of this. We grew up together and we know that you're a wonderful human being."

Dez scooted closer to me. "I know that what you felt for him was real but he didn't deserve your love and kindness. You were an amazing person to him and he turned out to be an egotistical bastard. He's not worthy of anything and I hope he knows this. You are the kindest person I've ever met. You give and you love and care. You're always smiling and laughing and just by that you can make someone feel much better. You're clumsy and awkward but that's what makes you funny, too."

"It was his loss," Trish said, crossing her arms. She shot Dez a smile and nodded. "He lost someone and I hope he lives to regret it."

I managed to shoot them a smile. "Thanks. Thank you." They hugged me and I hugged them back gratefully. I was very lucky to have supportive friends.

There was a knock on the door. Trish stood up from the bed.

"Please check who it is first," I said.

Nodding, Trish made her way to the door and checked through the peephole. She turned towards me. "It's Catherine and Austin."

Sighing, I rubbed my forehead, my stomach clenching. I didn't want to face either of them. I didn't want pity. I just wanted to be left alone for a while. I wondered if they knew.

"Don't worry," Dez whispered. "Catherine asked about your date and we just informed her that you guys decided to break it off. We didn't...we didn't say anything else. I'm just not sure about Austin."

I nodded back and mouthed, "Thank you."

Trish opened the door and Catherine entered. Austin emerged a second later. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorway. His eyes caught mine and I quickly looked away.

"Hey," Catherine said, giving me a small smile. "Austin and I were just wondering if you guys would like to go out with us. We're going to have lunch."

Trish and Dez glanced at each other and then at me.

"You guys go," I whispered. "I'm just not feeling it."

"No," Dez whispered back. "We'll stay with you. We'll order some food and watch some good movies—"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "No. Please. I just...I just want to be left alone. You guys go. Please."

Dez looked at me with hesitance but eventually nodded and stood up. Trish shot me one last glance, giving me a smile.

Catherine shifted uncomfortable. "Do you...do you want to join, Alison?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm tired. But thank you for the invitation."

_Please go now. _

Trish and Dez exited the room. Catherine nodded and turned, walking away. She stopped at the doorway and put a hand on Austin's arm. He looked at her and it was as though they were communicating but without speaking. I looked down on my lap, my hands gripping the bag of food. I looked back up and Catherine was gone. But Austin was still standing at the doorway, his hands still in his pockets. His hair was curlier and his eyes looked tired, as if he'd been thinking a lot. I swallowed.

"Are you—" Austin began but he stopped and swallowed, licking his lips. "—are you—" But he couldn't form words. He stared at me and licked his lips again. I didn't make a move to ask. I didn't want to. Austin looked down and moments later, he turned away, his hand on his doorknob. He craned his neck but he quickly turned back, shaking his head, and left, the door closing behind him.

Silence enveloped the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I took out the food Trish and Dez brought me and quietly ate. When I was done, I cleaned up and took a shower. I did everything to distract me. I didn't want to think about _it_. But I did. I thought about it when I ate, when I cleaned, when I showered, when I watched some television. It was engraved into my brain, leaving a permanent memory I longed to get rid of.

It became too much for me. The room was suffocating me and I needed to get out of here. It had been hours since Trish and Dez left. I got up and slipped on a jacket. Leaving the hotel seemed to be the hardest part for me. I didn't want to bump into anyone – especially not Dallas and the wicked witch of the West. So, I kept my head down and walked with a fast pace. Before I knew it, I was out of the hotel. I had the sudden urge to run back to my room and sleep. But, I had to get out of there. One more minute in there and I would have blown up.

I put my hands into the pockets of the jacket and walked until the hotel was out of sight and I could breathe again. I wanted to be away from that building – away from everyone. I remembered Austin and I climbing a building here in New York. Before I knew it, I was ascending the stairs to the roof of that very building.

I breathed out a sigh of relief once I reached. I exhaled and walked over to the ledge, sitting down. A cold breeze hit me and I shivered. I kept my hands in pockets and let my mind race.

Why did this happen to me?

It was true. Looks can be deceiving. I fell for Dallas – I fell for everything he was constructed of. To me, he was this sweet and intelligent guy. He was incredibly nice to me and I was such an idiot. Who could blame me, though? I had liked the guy for as long as I could remember. But was that who Dallas really was? He was pathetic. He was a sore loser who couldn't stand the thought of having his ego threatened. I was even more pathetic and I hated myself for letting him deceive me like that. All those kisses we shared; they meant nothing to him but to me, they meant everything. They felt real to me. Key word: felt. Unfortunately, they weren't.

I clenched my teeth as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Don't cry," I whispered. "Don't cry."

My phone buzzed. I sniffed and took it out. It was from Trish and Dez.

_**Trish**__  
ally where r u? _

_**Trish**__  
please answer we're worried about u_

_**Dez**__  
Ally please tell us you're okay. Call us or text us. Where are you?_

I texted them back, reassuring them that I was fine and that I was just walking around. I put my phone back in my pocket. That seemed to do the trick. My phone remained silent. Not for long, however. A couple of minutes later, my phone buzzed again and I took it out, heaving a sigh.

My breath hitched when I saw who texted me.

_**Austin  
**__where are you?_

I held the phone in my hands, contemplating whether or not I should answer. With shaky fingers, I texted him back: _I'm fine. _It didn't take him long to text me back.

_**Austin  
**__but that wasn't my question. where are you?_

I swallowed and began typing. _Why do you need to know?_

_**Austin**__  
please just tell me where you are._

Biting down on my lip, I found myself texting him the location. When I was finished, I tucked my phone into my pocket and got off the ledge, standing up. I gripped the edge tightly and I shut my eyes. My head was pounding. I felt weary and tired. I didn't even know what to tell my parents. If my dad found out about what Dallas had done to me, he would kill him. Well, not literally.

_That_ was the bad feeling. My mind – all of me – sensed that something was wrong. It was Dallas that kept giving me that feeling of dread. But I didn't dare confront it. I convinced myself I was just being paranoid because I loved being with Dallas. I refused to believe he could be doing something wrong.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like I was being choked.

"Ally?"

I froze, my heart hammering in my chest. My eyes slightly widened. This was the second time Austin called me by actual name. It felt weird. What drove him to do so? What drove him to call me by my actual name?

I turned around. Austin stared at me with confusing eyes. I swallowed. I clenched my hands and bit back tears. But I couldn't. They fell and I hated it. Austin's jaw slackened and he walked up to me, his eyes swarming. Before I could say anything, he grabbed me and pulled me towards him. My hands immediately clung to his shirt. His arms wrapped around me, one around my shoulders, the other in my hair.

We stayed like that for a while. I felt comfortable and warm. I felt safe and okay. Eventually, my grip on his shirt loosened and we pulled away.

"Do you...do you want to sit down and talk?" he asked.

I bit my lip and nodded. We sat down on the ground and I pulled my knees to my chest. I looked at Austin.

"Don't you...don't you know what happened?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No."

"I thought gossip tended to travel around fast," I muttered.

"I choose to stay away from that," he said. "What happened?"

I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes tightly. Did I want to talk about it again? I felt bottled up. I was suffocating.

"Listen," Austin began. His voice was soft. "I'm not going to pressure you to tell me what happened. You're...you're not obliged. But...but you were always there to listen to my problems." He stopped and swallowed. "And...and I want to be here to listen to yours. I'm...I'm here."

I stared at him with wide eyes and I shot him a small smile. I felt my heart warming. I looked away and sighed, biting down on lip.

"He...the relationship," I began. My jaw slackened and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. "It was a joke. The whole relationship was a joke."

"What do you...what do you mean?" he asked.

I looked at him. "You know that bad feeling I kept getting? It wasn't me being paranoid. I was right about it. Abby and Dallas were always around each other, talking in hushed voices. I asked him about it. He explained and it turned out to be a lie. The plan they kept talking about...it was about me. It was just a joke. When I went to meet him at a restaurant, he was with Abby and they were talking. Abby said that all Dallas needed to do was lead me on for some months, get into my pants, and then it would be over. It was just about his self-esteem. You...you were mentioned. Dallas...he was threatened by you. He wanted to prove that he could score any one he wants. When you came to our school, I was...I hung around you. Dallas and Abby didn't like it, I guess. I don't know." I stopped and sniffed. "I was just a joke. _I'm_ just a joke."

Austin stayed silent. I noticed how his eyes slightly widened and how his jaw clenched and how was his hands balled up into tight fists.

"I guess we both got screwed over by our first loves or whatever the fuck you call them," he said.

He was right.

"Hey," Austin softly spoke. I looked at him and he swallowed, reaching over to wipe away a few tears that fell. His hand lingered for a few seconds, his thumb wiping away the loose tears. "You're...you're not a joke. He's a fucking asshole. But it gets better."

I gave him a small smile. "Catherine really is making you happy, huh?"

He looked at me and swallowed, nodding. "Yeah. You won't be stuck in this situation forever."

A thought struck me.

"Why'd you and Dallas fight?" I asked. "You know...a couple of months ago..."

Austin sighed and looked ahead. "He made a comment about how I had probably already fucked all of the girls at our school and how my mother was probably disappointed. The next thing I know, we were fighting."

I winced and sighed. "I'm sorry about that."

"Maybe I should have told you about how much of an asshole he is before you two continued to date."

"No," I said, looking at him. "It's not your fault."

We sat in silence for a while.

"Thank you," I said, turning to look at him again. He locked eyes with me. "Thank you for listening."

He gave me a small smile. "You'll be okay."

I returned the smile. "You will, too."


	27. twenty-seven

Our trip in New York was nearing its end. I remember being so happy to be in such a beautiful state. I couldn't even contain my excitement. Then things happened and I found myself longing to be in my bedroom. I barely left the hotel room. It had been a couple days but I was sure it was more. I just couldn't find confidence to face them – whoever it may be. I knew that somehow I was going to have to get out of this room and I was going to see Dallas and Abby and their group of friends that were probably in on the plan.

But I didn't want to.

It was so hard for me. I felt like an idiot because I couldn't find the strength to get out of the hotel room. If I did choose to leave, I would find myself bowing my head down so no one would notice me. That wasn't me. I wanted to fling the door open and walk out of this hotel with a straight and confident face on. For God sake, I couldn't even get my own food from the dining hall. I knew that they would be there. I didn't want to deal with the whispers and the glances and the laughter.

Sighing, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I took a deep breath and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked dead and I knew that wasn't me. I was disappointed in myself for many reasons. I was disappointed that I let Dallas deceive me, I was disappointed that I didn't stand up for myself for the way Dallas and Abby treated me, and I was disappointed for choosing to cower behind closed walls. I didn't want Dallas to do this to someone else. I didn't want him to hurt another girl – make her go through some of her best months and only to end in her worst. I'll be damned if I let that happen. I chose to look at the bright side of what he did to me, though. I got to see how much of a coward and an asshole he really was.

"You're better than this, Ally," I said. "You really are."

I then heard the door knock.

Grabbing a towel, I wiped the water off my face and exited the bathroom. I walked over to the door and checked through the peephole.

It was Austin.

I opened the door.

Austin held a bag in his hands. He cleared his throat and pursed his lips. "Your friends told me to give you this. It's food."

I slowly nodded and took it from his hands. "Thank you." I managed to shoot him a small smile. "Do you want to come in or something?" I smirked. "Or are you going to see Catherine?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not for hours." He stepped into the room and sighed, putting his hands into his pockets. I placed the food on the table and turned back to Austin. He looked at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm coping," I answered, smiling. "How about you?"

He nodded. "Fine."

I gestured towards the couches. I sat down on the armchair and he slouched on the couch.

"Can I ask you something?" I said after a couple of moments of silence.

Austin nodded.

"When you...when you found out Catherine was cheating on you," I began, fiddling with my fingers. "how'd you deal with it?"

He swallowed. "I didn't." He shrugged. "I just spent it drinking. I drank a lot." His face grew stern. "But don't do that. It's not...healthy."

For the first time, which felt like in forever, I found myself laughing. I remembered the first time I saw Austin drunk.

Austin inhaled. "It doesn't solve anything."

"Drinking?"

He nodded.

"I know," I answered. "I guess people just wish to forget about their problems. I figured you never really got over it but I guess things are going pretty well between you guys. I'm happy for you."

He shifted in his seat. "How are you dealing with it?"

"To be honest with you, I guess I'm not," I replied. "I'm just waiting to go back home. I don't know how to deal with it. How do you get over something so big as this?" I shrugged and smiled. "But you're right. I won't be stuck in this situation forever."

He nodded.

"Now, come on," I said, getting up. I grabbed the bag of food and plopped down on the couch next to Austin. "You're going to help me eat this. Unless you have to go. I'm not going to force you to stay. I think it's bad when people force other people to do things they don't want to do or are not comfortable doing..."

"Beatles girl."

I turned to look at him. "Hmm?"

He gave me a straight look. "Stop fucking talking."

I grinned. "I'll let that comment slide but are we back to _Beatles girl_?"

Austin shrugged. "Calling you by your first name is too serious."

"I don't know. It came to me as a shock when you called me by my name. It was nice, though. How come I don't have a nickname for you? Let me see. What would fit you? I think I'll start calling you...Captain Grouch."

"You are fucking annoying."

I laughed and picked up a strawberry and turned to look at him again. I smiled. "I know. But I also know you care about me, too."

"And when did I say that?" he sneered, his smile sarcastic.

"You don't have to say anything," I said, munching on the strawberry. I nodded at him. "I just know."

Austin frowned, his eyes roaming mine.

"You do that a lot," I said.

"Do what?" he snapped.

I rolled my eyes and picked up another strawberry. "Your eyes. They dart around a lot – slowly, though. They just sort of move around, as if you're in deep thought or something."

He sighed.

"You also sigh a lot."

"Jesus _fucking_ Christ._"_

I shrugged, smiling.

* * *

Getting out of the hotel seemed to be the hardest part of my day but I managed to succeed. I walked with fast paces and kept my head down. I practically bolted out of the place. It was progress that I was able to get out of the room. I had yet to accomplish walking out of there with confidence.

Still, I didn't want to be noticed.

I decided that I no longer wanted to cower in my room. Our trip wasn't over yet and I did not intend to spend it suffocating inside. I was finally able to breathe. As much as I loved Trish and Dez, the pity they obviously felt and showed was too much for me. It just made me feel stupid. When I thought about Dallas and what he did to me, all I could think about was how pathetic I acted. It stuck with me – that I thought he and I had something real. It was humiliating.

Shaking my head, I walked, New York's cold breeze hitting me. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, slowly inhaling and exhaling. I didn't want the pity anymore. I didn't want the sadness. I didn't want to feel like a fool. I wished this were just a look into the future. I wished it were the start of the year and I would have already known what Dallas' intentions were. I would have dropped him, saving me the heartache. I knew it was impossible. Life was generally full of struggles and I just wondered how I'd be able to survive.

On the bright side, we were a few months away from graduating. I wouldn't have to see Dallas or Abby. It was quite pathetic for two eighteen-year-olds to do such a thing. It was cruel and immature. I hoped they would change.

I entered a clothing shop and rummaged through aisles. Halfway through, I came across a black dress. To be exact, it was the same one I wore for my 'date' with Dallas for our 'anniversary'.

"What a waste," I mumbled to myself. Cringing, I put it back and picked up a sweater.

"Ally?"

I froze and stopped rummaging, my breaths coming out hastily. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I could feel my heart pounding, itching to get out. _No_. I dropped the clothes and quickly walked away, not bothering to turn around to meet him. I didn't want to. In that moment, I hated _him_. I hated everything about him.

"Ally, wait!"

_No._

_I was not going to let you do this to me. _

I walked fast until I was out of the shop. I bit back tears, my hands clenching into tight fists. I heard him behind me, calling out my name. His hand wrapped itself around my arm before I could break out into a run. I was stopped but I didn't turn around.

"Ally," Dallas began. "Ally, please look at me."

"Get away from me," I said, biting back tears. I didn't want to show him I cared. I didn't want to cry in front of him. It took every bit of strength I had in me to blink away the tears. I turned around, my eyes locking with his warm, brown ones.

"I just want to talk," he said. I could see guilt and sadness. I was angry. I was sad.

"What's there to talk about?" I choked on my words.

"A lot, Ally," he said. "I have a lot to say. I'm...I'm going mad here. I know what we did was cruel but just hear me out."

"Why?" I snapped, staring at him. "Why did you do it? What made you think that it was okay to do this? I hope to God you didn't do this before."

Dallas swallowed. He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I...I was stupid. We were stupid."

I shook my head. "You're right. What you two did was cruel. And you _are_ stupid. Congratulations. Your plan may haven't succeeded but you two were planning on watching me break, weren't you? So, congratulations."

"Ally—"

But I wasn't done. "How _could_ you? I spent those months thinking about you and how lucky I was to be with someone as wonderful as you are. I spent them talking about you because I just so happy to be with you. I didn't lie about anything. But all you said and did – they were just complete lies. It was a facade and all because of what? Your ego. Your self-esteem. You had every girl wrapped around your finger and you saw how I was drawn to Austin and not you. Do you not _hear_ how pathetic this sounds? Did you not _see_ how pathetic the plan was?"

"God, yes—"

I felt anger vibrate in my body. "You know what? You and Austin are complete opposites. I saw you as a kind, humorous, and intelligent human being. And Austin? God, he could be rude and impulsive and cold. But I know that he would never do this to anyone. I know that he would never put a girl through what you and Abby put _me_ through. You and Abby were trying to get me away from him. You kept telling me how dangerous he is when _you're_ the dangerous one here. He's...he's much better than you make him out to be. But you know what?" I stopped to breathe and swallowed. "I wish you the best in life."

He stared at me, bewildered and guilty. He was defeated. Dallas looked down, nodded, and walked away. I turned around and walked in the opposite direction, my chest heaving up and down. I brought a hand to my mouth, hot tears stinging my eyes.

A part of me was proud. I called him out. _I called him out. _But I wasn't happy. I didn't feel happy. Shaking my head, I started walking in the hotel's direction. I longed to be back in my hotel room. Better yet, I longed to be back in my own bedroom.

I passed a couple standing near a coffee shop. They were holding hands and she was telling him something. He looked at her with a smile on his face. I didn't think he was listening. I think he was admiring her beauty. Maybe he was thinking about how lucky he was. Then he said something and she laughed. I couldn't help but smile. I hoped they treated each other the way they were supposed to. I knew they did.

I must have been standing there for ages, admiring them. I probably looked like a stalker of some sort.

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around myself and walked to the hotel. When I reached the lobby, the familiar feeling of being suffocated returned. My head hurt but before I could retreat back to my room, I spotted Catherine sitting on one of sofas.

I hesitated but approached her anyway. She looked up and met my eyes. She gave me a small yet warm smile. "Hey, Alison!"

I sat down on the sofa across. "Hey, Catherine."

"How are you?" she asked. She knew. She _definitely_ knew.

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

"That's good," she said. She shifted uncomfortably. "I'm...I'm really sorry."

I gave her a small smile. "Hey, it happened and it's over. But thanks." I wanted to change the subject. "So, are you waiting for Austin?"

She nodded. "Yeah. We're going to the park. Do you want to join?"

"Oh, no," I said. "Not at all. You guys enjoy yourselves."

"Thanks, Ally," she said, smiling. "Thank you for everything."

I smiled back.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom," she said, chuckling. She got up and disappeared.

I spent the next few minutes on the sofa, replaying the scene of Dallas and I today. I shook my head and looked up and that was when Austin walked through the lobby doors. I frowned. I thought he was in his room.

He looked anything but happy. He was frazzled. His hair stuck out and I knew that he had spent a good portion of his time running his hands through it.

I got up and approached him. He stared at me.

"Hey," I said. "Catherine was waiting for you. She's just using the bathroom."

He nodded and began to walk away but I got a hold of his hand. He turned around and I frowned. "Are you okay? You look exhausted."

He sighed. "I'm fine. I'm fucking fine." He gently pulled his hand away from me and I pursed my lips.

"If...if you say so," I said. "Well, I got to go now."

He nodded, turned around, and disappeared. I took the elevator and walked back to my room. I plopped down on my bed and ran a hand through my hair, sighing.

_Sometimes, you're so hard to talk to, Austin. _

Heaving yet another sigh, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

"Ally?"

I felt something prod my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and found Trish and Dez looming over me. I blinked away the sleep and sat up.

"How long was I out?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

Dez checked his watch. "About two hours."

"We were just wondering if we could get you something to eat for dinner from the dining hall," Trish said. "Any requests?"

I pursed my lips and got up. "I think I'll eat with you guys...in the dining hall."

Trish and Dez glanced at one another and then back at me. They smiled. Dez patted me on the shoulder.

"We'll be waiting there, then," Trish said.

I nodded and they left. Stretching, I walked into the bathroom and freshened up a bit. I pulled my hair up into a bun and looked into the mirror.

Two hours ago I had a confrontation with Dallas. I called him out and it felt good. God, it felt good and I was proud. I wasn't going to cower in my room anymore. I wasn't going to keep having Trish and Dez bring me food to the room. I couldn't do that anymore.

"Let's do this, then," I said.

I exited the room and made my way over to the stairs. It was better than being stuck with someone in an elevator. There was a chance it could be Dallas.

My stomach grumbled and my heart hammered. I was doing this. I was going to be surrounded by people I knew and people who knew what happened. I was going to do it and I was going to survive.

I walked down the stairs and stopped at floors. When I stopped at one of the floors, however, a voice stopped me, sending a chill up my spine.

"Decided to come out of hibernation?" Abby asked. I could sense the amusement in her voice.

I clenched my teeth and whirled around. "What's your deal, Abby?"

She was leaning against the wall, a smirk etched onto her lips. "I don't follow."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," I coldly said.

She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you were still hung up on Dallas. I thought you moved onto Austin."

My eyes slightly widened and I frowned. "What are you even talking about?"

She smirked wider. "It's quite clear that you're fond of him, Ally. What surprised us is that you managed to move on so fast. You lost Dallas but you still have Austin. Do you honestly think you have another shot at love? With _Austin_?"

"There's nothing going on between us!" I exclaimed.

She let out a laugh. "Of course there isn't. I mean you wish there was something. He clearly doesn't. Did you even see the way he brushed you off today?"

I swallowed. "Abby, I don't—"

"Out of all the boys you could have chosen to move on to, you chose Austin," she said. Her face looked like she was trying to stop herself from laughing. My body was cold. "You chose someone who's out of your league. It's hard having a crush isn't it?" She crossed her arms. "Dallas couldn't even like you the way you thought he did. Do you honestly think Austin could do that? Do you think he could like _you_? _Pathetic_."

I felt myself growing red – from anger and from embarrassment.

Abby stood beside me, an innocent smile on her face. I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I blinked them back so hard my vision went black for a moment. The elevator arrived. An elderly lady stepped out. She smiled at the both of us and walked down the hallway.

Abby stepped in. "Are you going to take the elevators?" Her voice was sickly sweet.

I didn't reply and the elevator doors closed. I stood there for a while, not being able to think straight. She didn't help my mood at all and I contemplated going back to my room.

"No," I said, shaking my head. I wasn't going to let her drive me into hiding. I wasn't going to let anyone.

I turned around and walked down the stairs. I had to take deep breaths when I reached the lobby. My heart continued to hammer and Abby's words rang around in my head like a melody. It was like she was trying to convince me that I was just pathetic and worthless.

When the dining hall came into view, I slowed my steps and stopped. My stomach danced and I felt sick. I felt all that all because of a stupid room. Sighing, I clenched my fists and stepped in, keeping my gaze focused on my shoes. I quickly walked to the buffet table and grabbed a plate, slowly piling food onto it. I could hear whispers from behind me but I took in a sharp breath and ignored them. When I was done, I walked to Trish and Dez's table and sat down.

"You're doing fine," Dez whispered and Trish sent me reassuring smile.

I nodded but I wasn't sure. I picked up a fry but I couldn't eat. Being in the dining hall with all of my classmates felt dangerous. I couldn't look at them but they were burning holes into my head. I knew _he_ was there, too. Both of them were.

I lifted my head and glanced at them. Abby was eyeing me carefully with a smirk. Dallas looked guilty. The others stared at me with unidentifiable looks. They whispered and stared and some had the audacity to point. The room suddenly became hot and I could hear my own heartbeat. It was drumming wildly. I felt like a prey being cornered by predators. They were taunting me. Some were looking at me in pity and I hated it. Pity sucked. It reminded you of your situation and how bad it is.

I thought I could do it but I couldn't. I had the sudden urge to run back to my room. That's what I needed to do. I needed to be away from the whispers and the stares and the pity.

"I can't do this," I whispered, shaking my head. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

I got up from my seat. I wanted to go. I wanted to get away from them. But my legs were glued to the ground. My body was trembling. I swallowed and took one step forward and then it was another step until I found myself walking out of the dining hall, away from that room.

I wanted to get out of here but something was pulling me back. I swallowed. The elevator doors opened and Austin walked out.

I stared at him and his eyes locked with mine. They stayed like that. He began to take strides towards me. His hair was tousled. Something about the way he walked made me stop. It was like he was walking over to me and only me. His face held a straight and stern look.

I found myself breathing heavily.

He was close now. I opened my mouth to say something, to see why he looked so out of place, but he beat me to it.

"Don't ask me if I'm okay," he breathed and took one last step towards me and before I could register what was happening, his hands cupped my face and his lips connected with mine.

My knees immediately buckled and my eyes closed. My body was still trembling but it tingled. It vibrated in shock and excitement. My brain just wouldn't function. I didn't know what I was feeling. I felt a lot of things. I just didn't know why.

His lips were soft and I melted into the kiss. They felt like home and it was as if I had been away for a while. My heart pounded and my mind raced and I felt warmth spread throughout my body. Everything seemed like a blur but I didn't care about anything. His lips moved gently and sweetly. I felt my face grow warm. I had so many questions but it didn't seem to matter and all I could do was kiss him back as if I'd been waiting for this.

Everything Dallas and I had turned out to be a joke. Those long talks and the kisses we shared turned out to be a lie. Everything was fake.

It was different with Austin. I never expected him to kiss me and I never expected myself to kiss back but I did. _What are you doing to me, Austin?_ I felt alive. The kiss was exhilarating. It felt real.

God, it was real.


	28. twenty-eight

I couldn't quite explain how I felt.

It was this combination of shock, confusion, and frustration. It was sure to drive someone crazy and I know that I was so close to blowing up. Do you ever feel like you just no longer know what was happening around you? I sure did. You just sit back and try to look for answers, only to end up failing.

It was a never-ending cycle of stress.

"Ally?"

I blinked. I had been lost in my own thoughts, my eyes opened. I turned to look at Trish. "Mhm?"

Trish folded her arms. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed. "Fine. Why do you ask?"

She sighed and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I stared at her, biting down on my lip. "Because you've been acting weird. Don't get me wrong, I know that you're upset, but I know that the way you have been acting has been different. You look...off. Did something happen?"

I shook my head. "No."

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that. You can't lie to me, Alison Dawson!"

Dez folded his arms. "Trish is right, Ally. You look really spooked."

I swallowed and looked away. Sighing, I stood up and began to fiddle with my fingers. "You're right," I said. "Something did happen."

Trish's eyes widened. "I knew it! What did the fucker do? What did he fucking do? I'm going to kick his ass!"

I frowned. "What are you talking about?"

She frowned back, looking confused. "Dallas."

"What? No, he had nothing to do with anything," I explained.

"So, why have you been so...weird?" Dez asked. "Your eyes are always wide and you're pale...paler than usual. You always look deep in thought."

I sighed. "Well, it wasn't Dallas."

"So, what happened?" Trish asked, eyeing me. "You know you can tell us anything, Ally."

"Exactly," Dez said, reaching for his water bottle.

It was _him_.

It was everything about _him_.

He made me feel the way I felt. I wanted to tear him apart because I was feeling so many other emotions besides confusion, shock, and frustration. I don't know what I wanted to do with him.

"He kissed me."

Trish and Dez stared at me with confusion for a couple of moments.

Trish cleared her throat. "Who kissed you?"

I swallowed. My heart was unusually beating fast. "It was...it was Austin."

As soon as the words escaped my lips, Dez began to choke on his water and Trish shrieked, her face struck with shock.

"What...what the fuck?" she exclaimed. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

"Woah," Trish mumbled, her eyes wide.

Dez looked at me. "You and...Austin. You and Austin?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"As in, _you and Austin_?"

I frowned. "No. No, no. There's...there's nothing going on between us. God, Austin and I are just friends. I don't...I don't know what drove him to kiss me." I bit my lip. "Or what drove me to kiss him back."

But that wasn't the entire truth. He was driving me crazy.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to faint," Trish said, placing a hand on her forehead. She took a deep breath. "How did it happen?"

"Right after I left the dining hall," I replied, looking down at my hands. "He came out of the elevator and kissed me."

"How do you feel about it?" Dez asked.

I shrugged. "I don't feel anything." I felt a lot of things. They glanced at each other and then at me. I sighed. "Please don't say anything. Don't bring it up. Please."

"But you need to talk to him!" Trish said, making gestures.

"I know," I said. "But don't interfere. I'll talk to him when I can."

Before they could say anything else, there came a knock on the door. Dez opened it and Lena entered.

"Guys," she said. "The busses have arrived. We can't be late to the airport."

"Okay," Trish said, grabbing her bags. She sighed and glanced around the room. "Goodbye, New York."

I felt happy that we were finally leaving the state. It was beautiful but I ended up spending half of it completely out of my mind. I spent it thinking about the brown-haired boy with warm eyes and a cold heart. Then, I spent it thinking about the troubled, blonde-haired boy who kissed me and I no longer knew what to do.

The way he kissed me.

The way it made me feel.

I was angry with him. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about the way he kissed me and how it made me feel. I wasn't supposed to be replaying that moment over and over in my head like a broken record. It wasn't supposed to happen. But another part of me just wanted to be by his side because you know, everything was at peace when we were around each other.

I sighed and looked at the room. "Goodbye, New York. It has been a pleasure."

I kept my head down when we left the room and I still kept it down when we reached the lobby. Students were bustling around while the teacher was writing things down on a clipboard. She looked at us and then back down.

I scanned the lobby and ignored the stares some of them were giving me. Leaving New York made me happy. But what made me happier was that I had two weeks off because of Easter vacation. I get to spend two weeks away from all of these people who had nothing better to do than to stare at me and whisper to one another.

I looked away from my Abby's group and my eyes averted to the elevators. They opened and before I could look away, Austin emerged. My breath hitched. He looked anything but calm. It wasn't his face or the way he walked. What he was portraying looked like the usual: bitter and estranged. But I had come to know him. His hair was tousled and his eyes were weary.

His head lifted up and his eyes immediately locked with mine. I froze, my body going still. His eyes widened. I _wanted_ to look away but I couldn't. I couldn't help but stare at him. My heart was beating loudly I was scared people could hear. All my mind could do was replay that moment we shared and all I wanted for it was to be gone from my memory.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to have the courage to walk up to him, to talk to him, to _ask_ him. But I couldn't. I didn't have the courage. That and Catherine walked up to him and hugged him.

I swallowed and quickly looked away. I tried to act cool. That was what all people usually did. But I was okay, wasn't it? I smiled to myself. She made him happy. They weren't even dating but she made him happy. That was what Austin needed: happiness.

But I wasn't happy.

"All right, grab your things and get on the bus!" the teacher yelled.

Dallas' eyes met mine and I gave him a blank, straight look. There were no more tears. Just emptiness.

"Come on," Trish said. "It's time to go."

"Indeed it is."

I longed for the safety and privacy of my own room. I longed for answers.

* * *

"I hate to say this," Trish began, looking around. "but I've missed Florida."

I nodded.

She turned to look at me. "Are you okay, Ally?"

"I'm fine," I replied, giving her a smile.

She smiled back. "Are you sure your mom is going to pick you up?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She'll be here any minute."

Time passed and Trish ended up leaving before me. I closed my eyes and tapped my foot impatiently, happily embracing the cold breeze that lightly fanned me. I was glad my mother was picking me up. It wouldn't have been a problem for my mom to let Mimi pick me up but it would have been a problem to me if that had happened.

A honk startled me and my eyes flew open. I immediately smiled when I saw my mother's face. She grinned at me and waved. I waved back and trotted towards her. I threw my bag into the back seat and sat in the front. My mother quickly leaned over and showered me with kisses.

I smiled at her. "Hey, Mom. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she beamed, her eyes focused on the road. "But tell me! How was New York?"

I took in a sharp breath and fiddled with my fingers, trying to push out the eager memories. "It was fine. It's a beautiful state. We should take a trip and visit it."

Mom smiled. "I like the sound of that...maybe in the summer. But come on, I need details!"

I pursed my lips. "Well, the universities were great. I'm really interested. The hotel was very luxurious. I really did like it. Uh, what else is there? The food was good and I did take a lot of walks. It was fun."

"I'm glad you had fun," she said, glancing at me. "Oh! I almost forgot! How was your six-month anniversary with Dallas? Before you know it, it'll be 12 months with that sweet boy!"

My breath hitched and I looked out the window, my hand curling into a fist.

"Alison?" Mom worriedly asked. "Alison, are you okay? Sweetie?"

I turned to look at her and swallowed. "Dallas and I...we weren't compatible. We decided to break it off."

Mom's face contorted into a sad expression. "Oh, Alison. Honey, I'm so sorry."

I shrugged. "I'm okay. I promise."

She nodded and didn't say another word. I also didn't make a move to speak. Soon enough, Mom was parking the car in our driveway. My stomach did leaps. I was finally home. I was safe.

Sighing, I got out of the car and grabbed my bags from the backseat.

"Oh, there's Mimi's car," Mom said. "She just pulled up. Let's go say hello."

I froze, my breath hitching.

My mom's waving and shrieking attracted Mimi. With a smile, Mimi waved back and ushered for us to walk over. I closed my eyes and ignored the throbbing pain in my head. I closed the car doors and left my bags, following my mother to Mimi's car.

"Alison!" Mimi beamed. "Oh, how are you dear?"

"I'm fine, Mimi," I replied. "How are—" Before I could finish, the car door opened and Austin got out. He closed the door and turned around, his eyes meeting mine. I swallowed and quickly looked away. "—you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, dear," she replied. "Did you guys have fun in New York?"

"Something like that," Austin muttered, grabbing his bags from the trunk.

I pursed my lips, giving her a small smile and a brief nod. "It was...it was really fun."

"Anything new happened?" Mimi asked, smiling back.

I swallowed, ignoring the leaps my stomach did and the pace of my heart. "No, not really."

I stared at my shoes while Mimi and my mother chattered away. I couldn't even look him in the eye, let alone look at _him_. After we kissed, I stayed in my hotel room for God knew how long. I couldn't find the courage to go out. I didn't know how to deal with Dallas and Abby and now Austin. The kiss we shared was a mistake. I regret it. I regret it so much because it was...awkward between us. We couldn't even look at one another. I really did want everything to be normal again. I wanted to walk up to Austin and ask him questions and tease him and he would just brush me off and curse. That was what I longed for. After what happened, could our friendship still remain intact?

I lifted my head up and glanced at him. His head turned and his eyes locked with mine and I almost jumped. I swallowed and I had the urge to look away and walk back to the house. That was all I really needed to do but I couldn't. My knees were glued to the ground and I could no longer move. There was just one burning question I was dying to ask – just one.

_Why?_

I really did want to talk to him. I think talking to him and being around him was part of how my days usually went. I was always around Trish and Dez and now it was Austin. We have known each other for a long time now and it killed me to think that I couldn't even say one thing. It was different now. I didn't think it could return back to how we used to be. I think I would always remember us kissing.

I swallowed. It was unusual of me to feel that way – to have my palms sweating, my mind racing, my heart pacing, and my stomach dancing. It was all for a kiss I shared with him.

The kisses I shared with Dallas now meant nothing. They were meaningless and a complete lie. It was a facade. But that one kiss with Austin, that _one_ kiss, meant a lot of things. I've said this before but just the thought of kissing someone whom I had always shared a platonic relationship with got me confused and frustrated was bizarre. It really was.

I took in everything about him.

His curly hair, his sad eyes, his bitter face...I wanted nothing more than to hug him. What the hell was he doing to me?

I swallowed again and excused myself. I felt pressured and choked up. Everything was happening too fast. Everything threw itself onto me and left no room for me to breathe. I was still so bitter over Dallas and now I was at a point where I might lose someone I had really enjoyed getting to know. I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I went up the pathway that led to my house. I wanted to turn back around and get a glimpse of him. I stopped at the door and craned my neck but he was gone. I felt a hollow emptiness within me. I wasted no time in going up to my room. Dad was still at the work.

I sighed and unpacked. All I needed to do was take a shower and sleep. Could sleep solve my answers? No. But it would take my mind off of things. That's what I needed to do: to stop thinking because it was driving me crazy.

I hopped into the shower and when I was done, I slipped into my pajamas. I bit my lip and stared at the balcony doors. Mine were adjacent to Austin's. I walked over and grabbed the curtains, quickly glancing outside. His doors were shut and his curtains were drawn. He was now a whole new mystery. I shook off the curiosity, the frustration, the longing, and the disappointment and drew my curtains together.

I guess I was now a mystery, too.


	29. twenty-nine

I was always pleasantly surprised when I opened my eyes and found that I was in my own bedroom. It was a safe haven. I had to keep reminding myself that I was finally back home – back in Florida. I guess I sort of grew used to opening my eyes to find the fancy ceiling of my hotel room. But that was in the past. I have been in Florida for a couple of days now. I realized that spending time on your own wasn't such a bad thing. I needed some time to reflect on whatever happened to me. I rejected Trish and Dez's offers to go out and stayed in my room, a Beatles record always playing and university applications laid out in front of me. More things to worry about.

Trish and Dez were pretty sure that they were going to be studying here in Florida. If not in Miami, it was going to be in another city. I was pretty frustrated about that. A part of me wanted to escape the heat and move somewhere else. I grew up in Miami. I knew it like the back of my hand. Frankly, I had seen enough of it. I wanted a new environment – new opportunities. But the other part didn't want to abandon my parents, Trish, and Dez.

I cupped my face and let out a long sigh. My eyes were trained on the countless of applications in front of me. Some of the papers did consist of colleges in New York. I liked some of the ones we visited and it had me thinking. Some other applications were of colleges in other states in the US and some in Europe.

This wasn't an easy decision.

I bit down on my lower lip – a bad habit I picked up – and scanned the papers. Trish and Dez did have some colleges in mind.

I wondered where Austin was going.

I bit down harder on my lip as images of Austin flooded my already-full mind. Whenever I thought of him, my heart clenched and my stomach plummeted. It was a familiar feeling that I didn't want to confront. We haven't talked in a while and it was killing me. I decided that I should talk to him.

I got up from my bed and wiped a mat of sweat off of my forehead. I walked over to the balcony doors and peered through the curtain. My stomach sank in disappointment. His doors were shut and his curtains were also drawn. I haven't seen him for a while. I wasn't going to lie. I usually looked out of my window to check if he was outside or something. He never was.

Sighing, I let go of my curtains and folded my arms. I took in a sharp breath as the memory of he and I kissing resurfaced. My body grew hot and I bit down on my lip. I remembered the way his hands grabbed my face and the way his lips felt like pressed on mine. I found myself smiling.

"Alison?"

I whipped my head to look at my mom, my hands dropping. She stood at the doorway, a light smile on her face. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, mirroring her smile. "Yeah."

"I was just wondering if you wanted to eat or drink something," she said, tucking a loose strand of her curly hair behind her hair. "Can I get you anything? I figured you were tired and exhausted from all those applications."

I smiled. "Tea would be nice."

She nodded and walked over, cupping my chin. She smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I love you, you know that?"

"Of course," I said, grinning. "I love you, too. I love you and dad so much."

Mom flashed me a wide smile and then lightly patted my cheek. "We know. Now go take a shower. You're starting to smell. I'll start with the tea."

I laughed and nodded. She left and closed the door behind her.

She was right.

I was starting to smell. Cringing, I stripped off my clothes. They hung on to my skin because of the heat. I quickly hopped into the shower, letting the cold water run down my body. It soothed me. When I was done, I pulled on some light clothes and sat down on the bed. I devoured the fruit salad and drank the tea my mom made and continued looking over the applications. It exhausted me.

"This can wait till tomorrow," I muttered, gathering the papers. I shoved them into my drawer and set the tray on the desk. My room felt like a sauna. I drew away the curtains and opened the balcony doors, a light and cold breeze fanning me. I sighed in content and sprawled onto the bed. I pushed away the eager thoughts that wanted to taunt me and curled up into a ball. Soon enough, I fell asleep.

* * *

"Alison?"

I stirred a little but kept my eyes shut. I was still not full of energy.

"Alison."

"What?" I mumbled.

It was my mother. "You have a visitor."

"Tell them to go away," I muttered, curling back into a ball.

I could feel my mother rolling her eyes. "But you like this person. Now, come on. Get up!"

I slowly opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust. My mother got off of the floor and left the room. Sighing, I stood up and stretched, yawning. Wrinkling my nose, I turned around, ready to go downstairs.

But I didn't. I couldn't.

My visitor was standing right at my doorway.

I froze, my eyes widening. Austin stood still, his arms folded across his chest. His face held a blank look.

I swallowed and pursed my lips. "Hey."

Austin nodded at me.

I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. "How...how have you been?"

He looked down for a moment and then back at me. I held the gaze our eyes formed. It has been so long. A part of me felt happy to see him. Another felt proud that I finally talked to him. The other was nervous.

"Fine," he replied. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

His question caught me off guard. My breath hitched and I froze. My eyes couldn't look away, though.

He cared. He cared, didn't he?

I remembered the day I made it clear that he cared about me. It was in my hotel room. Then, later on, he kissed me. I had to take deep breaths to stop myself from blushing. My heart pounded.

"Oh, I'm fine, too!" I teased.

Austin didn't smile. God, I missed his smile.

"Don't change the subject," he said. "Why have you..." He stopped and licked his lips. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I...I wasn't avoiding you, Austin," I answered, swallowing. It was a lie. I was avoiding him. I was avoiding everyone. "I...I'm just confused. I needed some time to think. A lot has happened...a lot."

Austin looked down, as if he understood what I meant. But he knew that I was lying. He knew that I was distancing myself from him.

I folded my hands and looked down at my socks. "You've been avoiding me, too."

"I just came here to...I just came to check up on you. Your friends keep asking me about you. They're worried. I think you should talk to them—"

"Why'd you kiss me?" I blurted out, cutting Austin off. My eyes locked with his and I noticed his body going still. He stared at me, his eyes slightly widened. They roamed mine and I felt my knees buckle. "I...I want to know why you kissed me." I folded my arms.

"Do you?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I do. Tell me."

Austin swallowed, yet his face returned to its blank usual. He shoved his hands into his pants' pockets and pursed his lips. "I overheard you and that girl Abby talking. What she said to you...they...they angered me. I didn't like them. So I kissed you."

I felt my stomach sink in disappointment. He didn't kiss me because he liked me. The kiss wasn't real to him. He didn't kiss me because he wanted to. He kissed me because he was compelled to. He felt sorry for me. It was a pity kiss. I wanted his reason to be much more than that.

_"Out of all the boys you could have chosen to move on to, you chose Austin. You chose someone who's out of your league. It's hard having a crush, isn't it? Dallas couldn't even like you the way you thought he did. Do you honestly think Austin could do that? Do you think he could like _you_? __Pathetic__."_

Abby's words rang in my head. I got even more disappointment by the minute.

"Oh," I said, hoping my voice didn't waver. But it did. "So...so you felt pity for me. I...you didn't have to do that. You didn't have to kiss me because you felt sorry for me. Abby...she just says things." I swallowed. My throat felt dry.

A damn pity kiss.

Austin stared at me. His hands left his pockets and after a few moments of silence, he nodded and turned around, leaving the room. But I couldn't handle that. He answered my questions but I had one more left. Before I knew it, my feet were carrying me outside of my room and I called out to Austin. He stopped at the top of the stairs and craned his neck.

"What?" he said.

"I have a question," I breathed, my heart pounding. "Why did Abby's words anger you? Why didn't you like them?"

I didn't get any response back.

"I have to go" was all he said. But I couldn't. I just couldn't let him go. We haven't talked in days. I knew that if he left, those days could turn into weeks. I didn't want that.

"Austin," I called out again, stopping him. "I...I miss you."

His jaw clenched and he licked his lips. "I miss you, too," he spoke softly and in a low voice. My heart clenched. Then, he turned his head away. "By the way, I don't pity anyone."

He turned his head away and left. I was left standing still, my breaths hasty, my heart wildly drumming, and my body tingling.

His words rang in my head for the rest of the day.

_I don't pity anyone._

* * *

I was right.

After Austin left my house that one day nothing happened after that. Silence fell between us, even though we didn't see each other. His balcony doors remained shut. Mine were always open. His words continued to ring in my head. I couldn't get them out. It was even more frustrating now. I continued to turn down Trish and Dez's offers to go out. I tried to push Austin away from my mind and focus on college but I could never get far without an image of him popping into my head. It was aggravating.

I needed to talk to him.

I needed him to talk to me and tell me everything. I needed answers. Sure, I asked him about the kiss and he answered but it felt like I still had so many more burning questions eager to be put out.

"Focus, Ally," I whispered, a brochure of a university in front of me.

But I couldn't.

Sighing, I pushed the brochure away and rubbed my face.

Then, there came a knock on the door.

I whipped my head and thought for a moment. Maybe that was Austin. My heart began to speed up and I stood up.

"Come in," I carefully said.

The door gently opened and Trish stood by the doorway. She looked at me and flashed me a light smile. So it wasn't Austin. But I wasn't disappointed.

"Hey," I said, smiling at her. I folded my arms and leaned against my desk.

She entered and gently closed the door. "How've you been?"

"I'm okay," I answered. "What about you? And Dez?"

"We're fine," she replied, sitting down on the bed. "So, have you talked to Austin lately?"

Her question took me by surprise.

"A couple of days ago," I said. "Why?"

"Just asking," she said. "You've been distant lately."

I tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and shot her a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about that. I've just been busy with colleges and stuff."

"Right," she replied. She cleared her throat. "Did you hear that Catherine's in Florida?"

I swallowed. "No, I didn't. How so?"

She shrugged. "She's here visiting relatives. And Austin, obviously. We had lunch with her yesterday. Austin couldn't come. Said he was busy. But they went out a lot these past couple of days. They were always together."

"That's nice," I said, nodding.

Trish fiddled with her fingers and cleared her throat. "They're together now, Ally." She flashed me a sympathetic smile, as if I were fragile. "They're...they're dating."

As soon as the words escaped Trish's lips, I took in a sharp intake of breath. I think my smile faltered and I frowned. I felt my fingers go numb and my stomach sank in disappointment and sadness. But I quickly covered it up and forced a smile, folding my arms. I turned around and looked out the window.

"Oh," I said. "Well, that's good. That's really good. I'm happy for them."

"Ally," Trish began softly. "Ally, you don't have to lie to yourself or me. Stop denying it. Confront the idea. You like Austin. Ally, you like Austin."

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and bent my head. Life has a way of taking people by surprise. I swallowed and opened my eyes.

"So what if I do?" I softly mumbled. "Yes. Okay. You're right. God, you're right. But what's the point? What's the point in liking someone when you know that it's useless? When you know that they like someone else?"

"Oh, Ally," Trish said. She approached me and put a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head and smiled but refused to look at Trish. "I'm fine, Trish. I am." I shrugged. "I should get back to those applications. I'll see you later. We can hang out."

"Okay," Trish said. She let go of my shoulder and with reluctance, left the room.

Silence enveloped the room and I stared out the window. I forgot about those applications. They seemed so unnecessary to me. I bit down on my lip and I thought about them.

About Catherine and Austin.

Together.

So close and in love.

And it broke my heart.


	30. thirty

"Alison?" Mom poked her head through my slightly opened door and smiled. "Are you free?"

I looked up from the applications and put them down, nodding. "Yeah. Why?"

She checked her watch and then looked at me. "Well, I need you to run down to the supermarket and get me some things. I need to prepare dinner and I'm thinking of whipping up a dish for tomorrow."

I frowned. "What's so special about tomorrow?"

Her eyes widened and she slapped a hand across her forehead. "Oh! I almost forgot! Mimi invited us over for a barbecue tomorrow. Isn't that sweet? Why don't you invite Trish and Dez, too? I heard that a girl around your age is also coming as well. I believe she's—"

"—Austin's girlfriend, Catherine," I finished off my mother's sentence. I gave her a curt nod, pursed my lips, and looked at my hands. It gave me pangs in my heart to know that he was dating someone now. But I shouldn't complain. I would be selfish. I always expected Austin and Catherine to get back together. Didn't I? I always teased him about it and I always knew that a part of him was still in love with her.

It hurt me. It really did. But if it meant that Austin was finally going to be happy then I was happy. All I wanted was for him to smile. I missed his smile.

I hope she'd treat him well.

"Alison? Are you okay?" Mom asked. With a worried expression, she walked over and kneeled down, putting her hands over mine. "Why do you look so sad?"

I swallowed and shook my head, forcing a smile. "I'm okay. Don't worry."

She pursed her lips, unconvinced. "Is this about Austin?"

I didn't reply.

"Alison, I am your mother," she softly said, cupping my chin. "You know you can tell me anything. But if you don't feel comfortable then you're not obliged to. I just want you to know that your dad and I are always here."

This time my smile wasn't forced. It was genuine. I was grateful for my parents and Trish and Dez. Even if I wasn't able to be with Austin the way I wanted to, I was grateful for him, too.

"Thanks, Mom," I said. "Let me put on some shoes and I'll head to the market."

She nodded and left the room. I sighed and pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes. Austin and Catherine were bound to be in love the way they were before. I pictured them together, doing cute things any happy couple would do. I pictured them on picnics. I pictured Catherine talking about something with that cheery voice of hers, and her eyes would be wide with excitement, and Austin wouldn't be listening to her. He'd have a smile on his face and he'd be lost in her voice or maybe her eyes. Just like that couple I saw in New York. I pictured them lying down together, her head on his chest, his arms around her.

I snapped out of it, inhaling a gulp of air. It felt like I couldn't breathe. Why was it suddenly so hot? Shaking my head, I got up and put on a pair of old sneakers. I descended the stairs, took the list my mother made, and took off walking to the nearest supermarket.

It was a cool day and I was happy for that. It had been quite hot for the past couple of days. It _was_ Florida. I could hear the chatter and laughter of my neighbors lounging out on the porch or in their backyards. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. So I was going to a barbecue tomorrow. Austin was obviously going to be there. Catherine, too. Thank God for Trish and Dez. I made a mental reminder to tell them.

With a sigh of relief, I made my way into the supermarket and began to walk through aisles, grabbing things and placing them in the red basket I picked up.

"Eggs, flour, butter..." I muttered, checking the list in my hand.

"Ally?" a voice called out.

I looked up from my list and turned around, stopping dead in my tracks.

"Abby," I said after a few minutes of awkward silence. I slightly frowned. "Hi."

She tucked a curl behind her hair and looked down at her shoes for just a moment. She fiddled with her fingers. Was she nervous? Was _Abby_ nervous? She looked back up and sighed. "I...I didn't expect to see you here. I was...I was thinking of going to your house."

"Oh," I replied. "Why?"

"I wanted to apologize," she stammered. My eyes slightly widened in surprise and she bit down on her lip. "I've had time to think. I thought things over and I realized how cruel and selfish I have been acting. Believe me, it really unpleasantly affected me to know how much of a bad person I was—_am_. I don't know." She stopped and let out a small, bitter laugh. "But I'm trying to fix that. I'm trying to change. I wanted to start this out by apologizing to you because I don't think I've ever hurt someone the way I hurt you. So, I'm sorry. I really am."

"You're not a bad person, Abby," I said. "What you did was cruel and uncalled for but I do believe that people can change for the better."

She nodded. "Thanks. I know that this isn't enough but it's a start." She gave me a confident and genuine smile.

I smiled back. I don't think I could ever forget what happened but I could forgive. If Abby was really intent on changing her old ways then where was I to stop her and make her feel bad? What she did was a big mistake but a mistake nonetheless. It was something she could use as a lesson to guide her.

"So," she began, giving me a teasing smile. "Are you and Austin together?"

My eyes widened. "What?" I sputtered. "No! Why...why would you think that? That's just...woo, that's just insane!"

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "We all know he kissed you. Why aren't you guys together yet?"

"It's not like that," I softly replied. "He...he actually got back together with his ex-girlfriend. There's nothing going on between us. Really."

Abby frowned. "Well shit. That sucks ass."

"Why?"

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Because it's quite obvious you guys like each other."

"No, no, no!"

She cut me off and laughed. "Well anyway, I'm still rooting for your guys."

"Well, you're going to be disappointed in the end," I said, shrugging.

"It'll happen!" she yelled, backing away. She grinned and pointed a finger at me. "It's going to happen!"

I frantically looked at the strangers giving her disapproving looks. Abby turned around and disappeared.

"I swear to God it's going to happen!" I heard her yell.

Somehow, I found myself rolling my eyes but smiling nonetheless. So, Abby really was on a new path. She really did seem like a different person. She was so live and cheery today.

_Good for you, Abby. _

I quickly got all what my mom needed, paid, and took off walking back home. The conversation I had with Abby wasn't bad at all. Though thinking about what they did to me made me cringe, I was happy for Abby.

"Mom, I'm back," I yelled, closing the front door with my foot. I walked into the living room, only to stop and lock eyes with a familiar pair of blue ones. "Catherine, hey!"

She beamed at me and walked over, enveloping me into a hug. "Hey!"

"How are you?" I asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's perfect," she replied, still beaming at me. Her teeth were very straight. "How are you?"

"Oh, me? I'm okay," I answered. "Fine. Just lounging around. I'm just working on college applications. Uh, just let me hand these to my mother and I'll be with you in a second."

I scurried into the kitchen and dropped the paper bags onto the counter. Mom looked up from the cookbook, her glasses sliding down her nose. She pulled them up and smiled. "So, that's Catherine."

"Yeah," I said.

"She's quite beautiful," Mom said, beginning to unpack the groceries.

"I know."

I turned away and walked back into the living room. Catherine was sitting back down, now, so I sat across her and fiddled with my fingers.

"So, what brings you to my humble abode?" I asked, giving her a smile.

She chuckled. "I'm here to ask you a question. See tonight Austin and I are going out for dinner and I was wondering if you'd like to join us!" I opened my mouth to say something, obviously to decline, but she beat me to it. "Also, one of my friends will be joining us, too. He's from New York but he moved to Florida when he was a kid. I haven't seen him in a long time and he said he'd join us for dinner. I'm hoping that you will, too."

"Oh, I don't know..."

"Please? I just want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. You're the reason Austin and I are...well, we're starting off slow, but you're still the reason why he and I are talking now. My friend's name is Keith and he's a really nice guy. You can call it a date or you can call it an outing with an acquaintance. The point is I really want you to accept."

I bit down on my lip and thought. So I would technically be 'double-dating' with Austin and Catherine with a stranger as my 'date'. I was leaning towards the latter of what Catherine suggested. I didn't want to jump into a relationship with someone I didn't even meet yet. Besides, did I really want to go out with someone else? All I could think about was Austin and it sucked. I decided that I wasn't going to beat myself up for not being with him anymore, though. I wasn't. Yes, I _liked_ him, but that was where it had to end. Sure, I'd fantasize here and there, but I wasn't going to be angry.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll join you guys."

"Great!" Catherine beamed, standing up. I stood up, too. "Since you live right next to Austin, we decided that we're going to pick you and Keith up."

"Got it," I said.

With one last smile, she _floated_ out of the room. I realized that nighttime wasn't long now. Sighing, I trudged up the stairs and hopped into the shower.

I hoped the dinner would go well.

* * *

"Alison!" Mom yelled from downstairs. I pictured her standing near the stairs, her hands on her hips. "Your friends are here!"

"I'm coming," I yelled back. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. Should I keep it down? I was always bothered when my hair was down. "Screw this." I put up my hair into a messy bun and smiled. "Much better."

For an outfit, I strayed from wearing a dress or anything fancy. I wasn't going to impress anyone and even if I wanted to impress someone, I wouldn't change anything about myself that makes me comfortable. So I stuck with loose jeans and a shirt I hadn't worn in a long time.

"Let's do this, then," I said. I walked out of the room and descended the stairs. Catherine was waiting for me at the door. I waved goodbye to my mom and left the house with Catherine. She was wearing a floral dress that floated around when a breeze fanned her. She looked stunning.

I stopped in my tracks when I spotted Austin. He was leaning against the car, a cigarette in his mouth. When he saw us, his eyes locked with mine. I took another few steps and stopped at the car. Austin pulled out his cigarette and opened the door of the back of the car. He placed his crushed cigarette into his pocket and walked to the other side of the car.

"I don't understand why you do that, Austin," Catherine said, rolling her eyes. But she smiled. "I'll sit in the front, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

I hopped into the backseat and closed the door. Austin started the engine and took off at an average speed. I knelt against the palm of my hand and stared out the window. I listened in on Catherine and Austin's simple and frequent chatter. Eventually, Austin turned on the radio and I tapped my foot to the beat of the song.

Soon enough, Austin pulled up at a house in an unfamiliar neighborhood. I took in a sharp breath as we waited for Keith. When I saw the front door open, I scooted to the other side. Moments later, the door opened and in hopped Keith.

_What am I supposed to say? Do I make small talk or not talk at all?_

"Hey, Keith," Catherine said.

"Hey!" he cheered, smiling. He then turned towards me and I froze. "Hello."

"Hello," I managed to utter out. "I'm Alison."

He extended his hand towards me and I took it, gently shaking it. "I'm Keith."

Keith had long and curly brown hair that fell across his forehead. I was able to see that his eyes were a beautiful shade of green and brown. It was as if he held the forests within him.

We didn't talk for the rest of the ride. No one did. The only sounds I could hear were a soft song and the air conditioner. I felt very awkward but we eventually made it to a restaurant I wasn't really familiar with. It looked fancy and I looked anything but. I didn't care, though.

We got out of the car. Keith and I exchanged glances and he smiled at me, shrugging. I mirrored his smile. We entered the restaurant and took our place at a booth in the back. A jazz song played and I smiled. People around us talked and laughed. I could hear glasses clinking and utensils scraping against plates.

Keith and I sat next to each other, Austin and Catherine across. For a few moments, everything between us was quiet. But just for a few moments.

"So," Catherine began, looking at Keith and I. "Introduce yourselves!"

I pursed my lips and looked at Keith awkwardly. He seemed just as uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat and thought of what to say. We exchanged awkward glances and shrugged.

"When I was young, I was really convinced that I had the power of flight," he began. "So, I put that to use. It didn't end well, though."

I found myself laughing.

"When _I_ was young, I fell out of my tree house," I said, shrugging. "And I fell into a trashcan once. Literally."

"So you're clumsy, too?" he asked, his eyes widening. "God, I have literally spent my entire life tripping over absolutely nothing."

I laughed again. "I can relate."

And that was how it continued to play along. Keith and I found endless topics to talk about. During our meals, we talked, and after our meals, we _still_ talked. It was really refreshing. It was a conversation that didn't include pity and universities and failed relationships. By the end, I was very comfortable with him.

"So, let me tell you what happened next. See—" He stopped, his eyes widening.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked.

"This is a really good song," he sternly said, his eyes locking with mine. I could feel Austin and Catherine's eyes on us. "We must dance."

"We must?"

He took my hands and looked at me with a stern face. "We must."

"Then let us dance!" I said, using the same stern voice.

He dragged me out of the booth and we ran to the dance floor. His hands held onto mine. We stood in the middle, couples and friends rocking out to the old, upbeat song. I shot him an inquisitive look, not knowing what to do. He gave me a wide grin and shrugged.

"Now we just dance!" he yelled.

I looked around me. This was no song to slow dance to. Everybody was wildly moving around, their feet twisting and turning, their hands flailing around.

_What the heck? I must dance!_

So I did.

Keith grabbed my hand again and twirled me. My feet tapped and wouldn't stop. I found myself having a good time. I found myself exchanging smiles and laughter with Keith. When I looked at him, I didn't see a romantic attraction. I saw adventure and happiness. I liked it that way.

I didn't think I would ever dance like this in public. I always hated having the attention on me. But nobody seemed to care. They were lost in their own worlds, dancing as if there was no tomorrow. It felt exhilarating. Austin and Catherine soon joined but Austin didn't look content. Keith and I stopped for a second and smiled at them. Catherine gave us thumbs up. Keith and I gave her ones back. I looked at Austin and my heart panged. His curly hair stuck out and he wrinkled his nose, his eyes darting around. When he looked at me, I almost jumped. But I didn't. His eyes slightly widened and his face softened. I gave him a small smile and nodded. He nodded back at me and soon, Keith and I were shrieking and dancing again. At some point, Keith got a hold of my hands and we spun around in endless circles. I tilted my head backwards and laughed. When we departed, I was a little dizzy and I swayed around a little, waiting for my eyes to focus on.

But we didn't stop. I could sense that all of our feet hurt but we just didn't stop. We continued to dance and laugh. I felt alive.

I wished the night would never end.

* * *

"God, that was amazing," I said.

Keith grinned. "Sure was. You've never done this before?"

I shook my head. "I don't particularly enjoy dancing in public – or _singing_ in public – or _speaking_ in public. But tonight was different. I've never danced like that around people. I mean yeah with my friends it's always like this. Around people? Nope. God, but tonight was just...exhilarating."

Keith chuckled. "Yeah, it was fun. I love to dance. I don't mean professionally. I mean wildly. When you don't care about anything and when you just live in the moment...dancing fits that mood perfectly."

"I should do it more often, then," I smiled. We were standing outside, taking a breather.

"You're quite an interesting person, Ally," Keith said, giving me a genuine smile.

"You're not bad yourself," I teased, nudging him.

Keith laughed. "You're easy to like, you know."

"You are, too," I said, folding my arms. "First I thought that both of us didn't really enjoy being on this weird...date thing."

"I know, right?" he said. "I mean the thought of _me_ on a date with a _girl_ seemed bizarre to me but—oh crap." His eyes went wide and his face held a frantic look.

"Wait," I began. "You're...you're—"

"Gay?" Keith finished off, grinning. "Indeed."

"Then why the hell did you agree to go on this date?" I exclaimed, gently slapping his chest.

He shrugged. "I tried to find ways to get out of it but Catherine's pestering changed my mind. She doesn't know that I'm gay. See, I've actually dropped hints before but she never really catches on, you know?"

I laughed, slapping a hand across my mouth.

"But I don't regret agreeing to this outing," he said, smiling. "We had tons of fun."

"We did," I said. "Do you mind me asking if you've ever come out to anyone else?"

"Only my Grandma," he said. "She took it pretty well."

I grinned. "That's good! But what about your parents? I understand that coming out to your parents can be pretty hard, though!"

Keith's face softened. "They died a long time ago."

My face fell and my heart ached. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry—"

"You don't have to apologize," he laughed. "They died in a fire when I was younger. It was in New York. So I was told that I would be living with my grandmother, who lives here."

I slowly nodded and gave him a small smile. "I just...I just didn't mean to bring up such a touchy subject."

"It's not really hard for me to talk about them," he said. "They were amazing parents. I'm only going to remember them by their unconditional love and kindness they showed me when they were...here." He shrugged. "I'm also pretty sure they're okay with me being gay."

I smiled. "That's a good perspective."

He smiled back. "Life is full of struggles for each person. I was devastated when they were gone. But we have to eventually pick ourselves up and move on. We only get one life. We just have to live it to the fullest or we'll regret it. It gets better. It does. It did for me."

"You're right," I said, nodding. His words influenced me. "You're absolutely right."

He grinned. "Of course I am. So, Alison, both of us must live our lives as if there's no tomorrow!"

"And how shall we do that?" I asked, grinning.

Keith held my hands and leaned in, our noses touching. "We dance."

* * *

"Tonight was fun, wasn't it?" Catherine asked once we were seated back in the booth.

"It really was," Keith said. "I am pretty sure Ally and I here drained all of our energy."

"You two really did hit if off," she said. She gave us a sly smile. "Didn't you?"

Austin drummed his fingers against the wooden table, his head dipped backwards. Keith and I exchanged glances and I resisted the urge to laugh.

"Well, we did," he said. "But not in that way."

"_Definitely_ not in that way," I jumped in, grinning.

She frowned. "Really? Why?"

Keith laughed. "Catherine, you still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

Keith stared at me. "Should I break the news to her or?"

"By all means," I answered, winking. I grinned at him.

Keith nodded and interlaced his fingers, turning to look at Catherine. Eventually, he put one hand on hers. "I have something to tell. Actually, I've always _tried_ to tell you but you never really got the hint. Anyway. Catherine, my dear, I am gay." He finished his sentence, enunciating each word clearly, slowly, and perfectly.

Catherine blinked at Keith and retreated backwards. She pondered for a moment. "But...but...but you don't _look_ gay!"

Keith gave her a straight face. "Sorry. I forgot to pour glitter all over my body and I forgot my Gay flag at home."

Catherine and I howled with laughter.

She wiped the tears that escaped her eyes from laughing too hard. "Oh, God. I'm sorry. That was quite ignorant of me. God, I really am. But you liked Alison, didn't you?"

"Loved her," he said. I grinned and nodded.

While Catherine and Keith chattered, I couldn't help but glance at Austin. He had been quiet the entire night. I noticed the look of relief on his face and I bit down on my lip, wondering.

"Keith, we're having a barbecue at Austin's house tomorrow!" Catherine said. "Why don't you tag along?"

"If it's all right with Austin and his family," Keith said.

"Tell him, Austin!" Catherine beamed. When she didn't get an answer, her face fell and she looked at Austin, who was lost in his own world. "Austin? Austin? Austin!"

He whipped his head to look at her. "What?"

I couldn't help but smile at his tired figure. He danced too much tonight.

"Can Keith tag along for tomorrow's barbecue?" Catherine asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah," Austin nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Keith smiled.

"I can introduce you to my best friend! His name is Dez! Oh, you guys would totally make a cute couple! Dez is very adorable. I promise you." I felt eager to go to the barbecue. Tonight sort of changed me. Abby apologized and Keith taught me that things would eventually be okay.

Keith laughed and I found more things to talk about Dez. He listened with eagerness and Catherine smiled.

I think Austin was smiling at me, too.


	31. thirty-one

My time was mostly consumed by endless university applications. It was unfortunate to say that I was not set on a specific college I wanted to attend. It was frustrating. I think this was the most frustrating part for a senior. Because I was spending my days going over applications, my room turned out to be a mess in the end.

So, I shoved the applications away and began to tidy up my room. It helped pass the time. In just a few hours, my parents and I would be having lunch at Mimi's. I was not going to let anything ruin this particular day. I smiled when I remembered last night's events. It was wild and fun and I felt alive. It was as though all of the problems I was facing were gone and it was just me dancing.

I made it clear to myself that I was going to Mimi's to have good food and involve myself in conversations that will end up making me feel relaxed. Keith was going to be there – Trish and Dez, too. I grinned. I was definitely going to introduce Keith to Dez.

Shaking my head, I hummed along to a Beatles song and fumbled around the room. I put everything back in their places, made my bed, and organized my closet. I had a habit of throwing my clothes instead of folding them and placing them neatly. I always was an organized person but sometimes I did feel quite lazy. When I was done, I released a sigh of content and looked around the room, my hands on my hips. Smiling, I blew a loose strand of my hair away from my face and opened my balcony doors to let in some fresh air. I couldn't help but stare at Austin's closed doors. Yesterday, he was very quiet and reserved. It was the usual, honestly.

I pursed my lips as images of last night resurfaced. I remembered Keith and I dancing, which was probably the coolest thing I have ever done. I also remembered Catherine dragging Austin to the dance floor. He was definitely not content with that. But he danced with her, anyway. I remembered the smile on her lips. I remembered the way her hair bounced around when he twirled her.

I found myself picturing them together again. I imagined them going on road trips. He'd be driving and she'd be right next to him, telling him a story or laughing at something he said or singing lyrics to her favorite song. They'd stop and have a picnic and when they were done eating, they'd dance. Then they'd stop again and he'd look into her brown eyes, his hands lost in her brown hair and a smile on his lips.

I froze, my eyes widening.

It occurred to me that Catherine didn't have brown eyes or brown hair.

I did.

"Jesus, Ally," I muttered, bringing a hand to my burning face. "You've got it bad."

I walked into the bathroom and hopped into the shower. I finished quickly and put on comfortable clothes. I dried my hair and put it up in its usual bun. Sighing, I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror.

"Get your crap together, Ally," I said. "You're...you are independent and you can do this. You don't need anyone to feel complete. You _are_ complete on your own. You are just a young adult with _feelings_. You can do this."

"Alison! Come on! We have to go!" Mom yelled.

"Coming!" I yelled back. I stared at myself one more time in the mirror. "Damn you, feelings."

I exited the bathroom and descended the stairs. Mom and Dad were waiting with Trish and Dez.

"Hey," I said, smiling at them.

They smiled back at me and right after, we were on our way to Mimi's house.

(Which basically took a few steps.)

Mimi greeted us with a huge smile and warm welcome. She ushered us in.

"I'm very glad you guys made it," she beamed. "It's very nice to meet you, Trish and Dez!"

"It's very nice to meet you, too," Trish smiled.

Dez nodded. "You have a lovely home, Ms. Moon!"

"How sweet of you," she said. "You guys can hang out in the backyard while I prepare lunch." She checked her watch and looked at us again. "Catherine will be here soon with a friend of hers. I think his name was – oh darn, I forgot."

"It's Keith," I piped in.

Mimi nodded. "Yes! That's it! Trish and Dez, you guys can go to the backyard now. There's some lemonade if you're thirsty! Ally, may I ask for a favor?"

"Of course," I answered.

"Austin is still asleep," Mimi explained. "Could you wake him up for me? I tried waking him up three times but he always dozed off again."

I laughed. "I guess he danced too much last night."

She grinned and shrugged. Soon, she and my parents were engaged in a conversation in the kitchen. I licked my lips and climbed the stairs. I walked down the hallway, passing photos of Alex and Austin in their younger years. I stopped at his door and closed for a brief moment.

"If you can stop pounding, that would be nice," I bitterly muttered, referring to my heart. "_Damn you._"

I lifted my fist and softly knocked on the door, only to be greeted by silence. I tried again but to no avail. Defeated, I gently opened the door to his room. I was instantly greeted by a gust of cold air. The air conditioner was on. His room was pretty neat. Austin's guitar lay on his black swivel chair and Austin...well, he was fast asleep, his cover draped over his body. I approached him and knelt down. He was sleeping on his stomach, his cheek squished by his pillow. I could hear his faint snoring and his breaths. I couldn't help but smile at his peaceful figure.

I sat there for a couple of moments, watching him peacefully sleep. If only he were at peace when he was awake. Sighing, I sat beside him on the bed and gently poked his shoulder.

"Austin," I breathed. "Get up."

He stirred but didn't open his eyes.

I poked him again. "Come on, get up. Lunch is almost ready."

His eyes slowly opened and he blinked. Austin sat up and rubbed his eyes. They locked with mine when he was aware of his surroundings.

"Hey," I breathed, giving him a small smile.

He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Hey. How are you?"

I thought for a brief moment.

I shrugged. "I'm okay. And you?"

Austin only nodded.

I swallowed. "Well, you should get dressed. Keith and Catherine will be here soon." I noticed his tired features. I frowned. "What time did you go to bed?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Five, six, I don't know."

My eyes widened. "That's...you were up late, then! Couldn't sleep?"

"Something like that," he mumbled.

I pursed my lips. "What kept you up so late?"

Austin looked at me through squinted eyes. "I was just thinking. I don't know. I should get dressed."

"Right, yeah," I said, getting up. "Well, we're waiting for you!"

I quietly left his room and closed the door behind me. Sighing, I descended the stairs and walked out to the backyard. Keith and Catherine had already arrived. They sat with Trish and Dez. Smiling, I approached them and sat down.

"Hey, Alison," Keith greeted, beaming at me. I smiled back. He used his hand to cover the side of his face. With his other hand, he pointed a finger at Dez, unbeknownst to everyone, and winked at me. I grinned.

"We should definitely go shopping one day," Trish said to Catherine.

Catherine vigorously nodded. "Oh, yes!"

I chatted with Keith and Dez for a while. Minutes passed and Austin finally decided to come out of hibernation. He stalked towards us and sat down, mumbling a bland greeting. Austin looked at Catherine. She smiled at him, a smile that did reach her eyes, and leaned in, gently pressing her lips against his. When they pulled away, their noses brushed and she smiled wider.

I squirmed in my seat and shifted uncomfortably, tearing my gaze away from them. Something twisted in my gut and I looked at my hands, biting my lip. _You're okay, Ally. You're...you're okay. Right?_

While everybody engaged in small talk, I played with the napkin on the table. I folded it, unfolded it, folded it again, and twisted it around. It distracted me.

"Lunch is ready!" Mimi finally yelled.

* * *

"Alison?"

I turned around and found Keith standing behind me, a worried expression on his face. After lunch, I decided to lounge around on the porch by myself. My head was swarming with thoughts.

"Hey," I greeted Keith, giving him a light smile. "What's up?"

He shrugged and stood next to me, his hands gripping the railing. "Not much, really. What about you? You disappeared after lunch. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I answered. "I'm just thinking. I'll be back with you guys in a few."

Keith pursed his lips. "Is this about Austin?"

I stared at him, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged. "I just...I saw the look on your face when she kissed him. You looked really upset. I could be wrong, though."

Sighing, I looked away and swallowed. "I really hate feeling like this. It makes me feel...selfish. I mean she and him are dating. I can't expect them to be platonically civil around one other. They're _dating_, for God sake. I just...I really want to feel normal when they do that. I don't want to cringe or flinch away. I don't want my heart to beat so fast or my mouth to feel dry. I'm...I'm supposed to be okay with all of this. I shouldn't beat myself up for their relationship."

"You're not selfish, Alison," Keith softly said. He put a hand on my shoulder. "These feelings...they're normal. They're normal for someone who's in a situation like yours. Don't stress yourself over this."

I bit my lip.

"We all go through that," he said.

I shrugged. "I'm going to have to accept it one way or another. Catherine has always made him happy. When he found out about what she did, it broke him. And now they're together. If Austin can finally be happy again, then I'm going to be happy, too. I really am."

Keith gave me a sympathetic look. "You won't be in this situation forever, Alison. Life can surprise you."

I smiled. "Thanks for the pep talk, Keith. But enough about me...what'd you think of Dez?"

Keith lit up and he blushed. "I liked him...the guy's cute."

I squealed. "The ship will sail!"

He rolled his eyes but smiled. "Are you going to join us or what? Come to think of it Austin's gone, too."

"I'm right behind you," I said. "I just need a couple of minutes."

He nodded and left. Sighing, I took a deep breath and relaxed. I had to face reality. Turning away, I walked back into the house but stopped at the stairs. If Austin wasn't in the backyard then he was probably in his room. I slowly made my way up the stairs, contemplating whether or not I should check up on him. But soon enough, I was standing at his door with my fist in the air. It stayed suspended as I thought things through.

"Just do it, for God sake," I berated myself.

I knocked on the door and heard a muffle inside. I gently opened the door and poked my head through. Austin was sitting on his bed, his head bent downward, lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey," I said.

He looked up and locked eyes with me. "Hey."

"Are you okay? Why aren't you downstairs with the others?" I asked. I entered and gently closed the door behind me.

"I'm fine," he replied. Like the usual.

I folded my arms and sat next to him, keeping my gaze fixed on my lap.

"We haven't talked in a while, huh?" I ended up looking at him.

Austin nodded.

I pursed my lips and swallowed. "I'm happy for you, you know."

He stared at me and his eyes roamed mine like they usually did. "What do you mean?" His voice was bland, void of any emotion.

I shrugged. "About you and Catherine. I really do hope you're happy."

He looked away.

"How'd it happen?" I asked, swallowing. _You're fine, Ally._

"We were out together and we ended up kissing," he replied. His voice remained the same. He shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess we're just moving slow. It's nothing serious."

"Oh," I said. "Well, I'm happy, anyway." I thought for a moment, trying to find something else to say to him. I looked away and at the posters on his wall. "Abby talked to me yesterday."

"What'd she say?" he asked.

"She saw me in the supermarket," I said. "She...she apologized. She really was apologetic and it was quite obvious that she felt guilty."

"Did you forgive her?"

I nodded. "I didn't exactly say it, though. She's...she's on a new path in life. I forgave her but I won't forget what they did to me." I looked at him.

Austin nodded and looked away, slightly frowning.

"You know I care about you, right?"

Austin looked at me. He looked at me for a long while and then he nodded again, giving me a small yet genuine smile. "I know you do."

He smiled again. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I remembered when he was there to console me after I knew that everything with Dallas was a lie. I remembered all the hugs and memories we shared. I was grateful to have him as my friend.

I swallowed and grinned. "You don't show it but you care about me too."

The smile didn't leave his lips and his face softened. "I know."

I struggled to breathe.

I really did have it bad.


	32. thirty-two

"Alison?"

I shut my eyes tighter. I could feel the sun's harsh light on my face. Stirring, I covered my face with a hand and shifted in my bed. I frowned. The bed felt odd today. It was cold, suspiciously sharp and pointy.

"Alison, it's time to wake up."

"No," I mumbled. "Please close the curtains."

A few chuckles were passed around.

"Alison," a familiar voice said. "Wake up or I'm going to kiss you."

I chuckled. "Kiss me? That's funny—_what_?" I shrieked and my eyes flung open. The voice belonged to Keith. I quickly sat up and looked around me.

I was not in my bedroom.

I was in my backyard.

And around me were familiar faces. Squinting, I stared at Keith, Trish, Dez, and, surprisingly, Catherine. Austin was nowhere to be found. I quickly pushed that slight feeling of disappointment.

"What the hell am I doing in my backyard?" I exclaimed.

Dez snickered. "Keith and I carried you here. You wouldn't wake up!"

I wrinkled my nose. "You guys are horrible friends."

"Hey," Trish retorted, grinning. "how else would you wake someone up?"

"Nicely!" I retorted back. Keith laughed and helped me up.

I rolled my eyes and smiled, averting my gaze to Catherine. "Hey, Catherine."

"H-hey," she said, giving me a small smile. She looked back down. I frowned, but only slightly. She seemed off today. This was a couple of days after the barbecue. She seemed happy that day. I wondered why she looked so upset today. I noticed her swallowing, her eyes briefly closing. She nervously fiddled with her fingers.

"Well, I'm going to go change," I announced. I walked into the house and greeted my mother, who was preparing snacks. I climbed the stairs and entered my room, quickly getting out of my pajamas. I changed into light and comfortable clothes and ran my fingers through my hair, combing it. When I was satisfied, I put it up in a bun and freshened up in the bathroom.

_I'll get them back for this. _

When I was finished, I left the bathroom and walked over to the balcony doors. I left them open during the night to let some fresh air in. I grabbed the doorknobs and was about to close the doors when I saw him.

He was sitting on the railing, on hand lazily strewn across his lap, the other holding a cigarette. My breath hitched and I watched him for a brief moment as he inhaled the nicotine and drew out white clouds of smoke. I stood there for a couple of moments, contemplating whether or not I should talk to him. Should I?

I let go of the doorknobs and stepped out onto the balcony.

"Hey," I called out. He turned his head and locked eyes with me. I gave him a small smile.

He turned his head back around. "Hey."

I gently gripped the railing and pursed my lips. "Why aren't you with the others? They're in my backyard."

He flicked off the ash from his cigarette and took another puff. "Didn't feel like it."

"Oh," I said, folding my arms. "Well, if you do change your mind, we're here. Catherine's here, too. And if you want to talk to someone, you know I'm always here to listen."

_But why would he want to talk to you? He has Catherine._

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes for a second, pushing away those taunting thoughts.

_"You don't show it but you care about me too."_

_ "I know."_

My stomach danced and I swallowed, remembering that soft smile on his lips. Today, he and Catherine seemed so bitter. I wasn't surprised that Austin was. But what about Catherine?

Austin turned his head back around to face me. He gave me a curt nod. "Thanks."

He didn't turn around. We stood there and stared at each other. I gave him a smile.

"I should get back," I said, unfolding my arms. He nodded at me. "Please don't fall off the balcony." I gave him a grin. "Hold onto the railing. And smile. It looks good on you."

With one last glance, I turned back around and left. I calmly descended the stairs and smiled to myself, my stomach dancing. I walked out to the backyard and sat down with the others. Keith, Trish, and Dez were involved in a serious conversation about a band. Catherine, on the other hand, was lost in her own world. She fiddled nervously with her hands, her eyes fixated on her lap. Her eyes were a little droopy and she looked like she had aged by quite a lot. Her hair was lazily put up into a ponytail.

She looked dead.

I gently nudged her with my finger and she looked up. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged and gave me a small smile. But after a few moments, the smile faltered and she looked back down, shaking her head. "No."

I pursed my lips and stood up. "Catherine and I will be back. We're just going to get some snacks."

Keith, Trish, and Dez didn't even look at us. They still continued to babble on, which I was grateful for. Confused, Catherine looked at me. I ushered for her to come with me and she did. When we were inside, I closed the screen door and leaned against the counter, folding my arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She sighed and sat down on a chair. "I...I don't know what to say."

"What's gotten you so upset?"

Catherine looked at me through sad eyes. "It's Austin."

I bit down on my lip. Was that why he was also upset? "What...what happened?"

"Everything's so different now," she said. "We agreed to take things slow in our relationship. I was...I was grateful for that. I didn't care if it was slow or fast. I just...I just love being with him. I thought things would go back to how they were. But he's dead, Alison. He's _dead_."

I frowned. "How do you mean?"

Tears welled up in her crystal-blue eyes. "Everything has changed. He's so different now. He doesn't have that shine in his eyes. He rarely smiles. He doesn't even talk. He's always quiet, always thinking. It's like I don't even know him. He _looks_ dead, Alison. His face shows it. He doesn't go to bed until late in the morning. What keeps him up? Why is he so...why is he so depressed? I tried talking to him about it. I tried everything but all he did was brush me off. He continued doing that, no matter how much I pried and how hard I tried. But he would shrug and say that nothing's wrong and he'd go smoke or turn away from me. It's driving me crazy. I'm losing him. Everybody's losing him. I don't want that to happen. I lost him once and I don't intend on losing him again."

She stopped and wiped away the tears that fell down her cheeks. My stomach clenched and I swallowed. My mouth felt dry. I couldn't get an image of him out of my head.

"I love him," she said. "I really do. I don't want to lose him. I don't know what's gotten him so depressed. But I feel like we're drifting apart. I...I thought that I was the source of his problems. I talked to him about it. But he said it wasn't. He wouldn't answer when I asked him. We kept on fighting. We kept on arguing. Everything seemed so hopeless. He'd tell me that there was nothing wrong but I wouldn't believe him. He looks so frustrated and stressed. I...I miss him so much."

I swallowed again and unfolded my arms.

"During one of our fights I told him that it was best to take a small break," she said. "God, why did I say that? How could I have said that? I was just so angry...that he wouldn't talk to me or even _look_ at me. "

"Catherine, it's okay," I said. "I guess Austin is just going through some things right now. If he said it's not about you then it probably isn't. It could be anything. Don't...don't stress yourself over it. It'll get better."

"I don't know," she said. "I don't know." She shook her head and wiped her tears away, standing up. "I think I'm going to go." She turned around but stopped and craned her neck. "If you see him, please tell him that I love him." She turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I tentatively followed her and stood at the door, watching as her tired figure walked away from my house until she disappeared.

So they were on a little break now. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for Austin. You could see how upset Catherine felt and how frustrated Austin was – for whatever reason. I just wanted them both to be happy. Sighing, I made a move to close the door but an unfamiliar car pulled up in our driveway. Frowning, I squinted my eyes and waited for the driver to get out. When he did, my heart stopped beating.

It was Dallas.

The memories immediately returned – the deceit, the lies, the pain. But then I remembered Abby's sincere apology and I wondered what Dallas was here for. Instead of slamming the door, I stepped out onto the porch and folded my arms. His brown eyes locked with mine and he pursed his lips, reluctantly climbing onto the porch.

"Hey," he said.

I nodded. "What are you...what are you doing here?"

"I..." He stopped and swallowed. "I wanted to apologize. What I did...it has been gnawing at me constantly. I just...I knew that I had to apologize or else I'd never be able to move on." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Ally. I am _so_ sorry. I know that _'sorry'_ doesn't cut it but please believe me when I say that I feel disgusted at what I did and that I feel horrible for hurting you. You're...you're sweet and kind-hearted and a beautiful human being and you didn't deserve any of what we did to you. I promise I'm not sugarcoating this. I...I would totally understand you if you decided not to forgive me. But I just wanted to apologize."

"I forgive people, Dallas," I mumbled. "But I won't forget. I _don't_ forget."

He nodded. "I understand. I really do understand. But thanks for letting me say this. It's...been driving me crazy."

I nodded back at him and managed to give him a small, a very small, smile.

"Abby told me that she apologized, too," he said.

"She did," I said. "And now you did, too."

Dallas nodded and gave me a smile. "Goodbye, Ally. I'll...I'll see you at school."

I gave him a curt nod and watched him get into the car until he disappeared. I felt content that they apologized; that they realized what they did was pretty horrible of them to do. I was glad. I guess both of them were on a new path in life. I hope they succeed and I hope they end up being content.

It still stung, though.

Sighing, I went back into the house. Keith, Trish, and Dez met up with me and told me they wanted to go out for lunch. I agreed. I needed to get out a little, sort myself out. We hopped into the car. Keith drove. On our way to the restaurant, Dez turned on the radio and raised the volume, blasting a rock song. They rocked out to the song and I laughed, tapping my foot to the beat of the song.

But all I could think about was Austin and Catherine and my damn feelings. They were on a break. Austin was...he was practically dead. Catherine was upset and loved him. And then there was me with those...with those feelings. But I knew that I wasn't going to beat myself up just because he didn't mirror those feelings. I didn't want what I felt to come in between what Austin and I already had. And what we had was beautiful on its own.

I removed the loose strands of hair away from my face and stared out the open window. I still wondered what it would be like to...what it would be like to be with him. It was like a part of me wouldn't mind being with him. But the other part knew that I would never be able to make him happy the way Catherine could. I felt my gut twist.

"We're here!" Trish exclaimed. We got out of the car and entered the fast-food restaurant. We took our places at a booth and ordered food.

He never left my mind.

* * *

"Alison, are you sure you don't want a ride home?" Keith asked, his eyebrows knitted in worry.

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm in the mood for a walk. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Okay," he said. "But if you need a ride home you have me on speed dial. I mean I assume you have me on speed dial..."

I laughed. "Thanks, Keith."

He grinned and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a warm and comfy hug. I smiled and hugged back. When we pulled away, he climbed into the car and started the engine. Trish and Dez waved and with a honk, Keith drove away.

Wrapping my arms around me, I turned away and began to walk. Strangers passed by me, chatting and laughing and having a good night. The moon was up and bright, shining down on us. I smiled and inhaled and continued my way to the park. It was isolated. I laid down on the grass and spread my arms, my eyes focused on the sky. It was pitch black with twinkling stars scattered all over. I was instantly captivated. The only sounds I could hear were the engines of cars that frequently passed by.

I always liked to be alone. Mind you, I loved spending time with friends and family but sometimes, it was lovely to spend it on your own – especially if it meant being surrounded by nature and silence. I smiled and curled my hands around the grass. I should come here during the night. I really should. It gave me the ability to relax and let go. My problems seemed to vanish, just like they did when I was dancing with Keith.

I closed my eyes and smiled wider.

I stayed there for about an hour and realized that I didn't really want to go. But I had to. I sat up and picked up some loose flowers, gathering them in my hands. I continued to do. I think I was trying to find distractions that'll let me stay in this isolated park for a longer while. Sighing, I gently scattered the flowers across the grass and stood up, not bothering to brush off anything that stuck to my clothes. When I looked straight ahead, my breath hitched and I froze.

He was standing a few steps away from me, his hands in his pockets, his hair disheveled, his face so tired and weary. I wanted to hug him.

"Hey," I breathed. "What are you doing here?"

"I was walking and I saw you," he replied. "What about you?"

I gave him a light smile and shrugged. "I felt like being here." Austin gave me a curt nod and I wrapped my arms around me, shielding me from the cool breeze. "Do you want to take a walk?"

He shrugged and we began walking further into the park. We silently walked side by side and I interlaced my fingers behind my back. "So," I began, looking at him. "What's up?"

He shrugged again.

I nudged him with my elbow and grinned. "Hey, at least say something. I don't want to be the only one who's talking. Tell me something. Anything."

He looked at me. "You drive me crazy."

I froze, my body going numb. My eyes widened and I swallowed. My stomach plummeted. "I...I what?"

He stopped walking and turned to look at me. "Do you know how fucking hard it is to get you out of my head?"

My heart pounded and my body tingled. "I don't understand—"

"I knew this was going to happen," he breathed, staring at me. "I fucking knew it. All those times when I told you not to help me out, when I told you to stop being so fucking caring and kind and so close, it was all because I knew if you continued to do those fucking things, I'd end up thinking about you every fucking minute."

"What are you—"

"But you didn't listen. I didn't expect you to and I knew that I was going to end up with you stuck in my head. And it fucking happened."

I stared at him, struggling to breath. I tried to convince myself that this was a dream but I couldn't. I fought for breath.

"A pity kiss?" he softly asked. I could feel the frustration in his voice. "That's what you thought it was? I didn't fucking kiss you because I felt _bad_. I kissed you because I _wanted_ to. That girl's words angered me. She kept making it out to be that I'm this fucking unique person and you're fucking not. But it's a fucking lie. I kissed you because I wanted to prove that you are fucking worth it." He stopped and released a bitter laugh. "That you're worth fucking everything."

My knees buckled. His words rang in my head. I could feel my body tingling.

"You...you what?" I breathed.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I...I don't know anymore, Ally."

I felt a pang in my heart when he said my name. Everything seemed unreal. It felt like a dream. I have spent days thinking of him. I could still remember how it affected me to know that he was with Catherine. I could still feel the way he made me feel.

And now he was in front of me.

And he was telling me that he couldn't get me out of his head and that he kissed me because he wanted to.

_Feelings_.

He had them too.

My head swarmed with thoughts and I felt my body grow warm. I couldn't blink.

_Catherine_.

"She loves you!" I blurted out. My breaths were coming out hastily. "You can't...you can't possibly feel that way! You and Catherine...you and her got together. You can't feel—"

"But I _fucking_ do," he said. "I fucking do."

"She...she told me that you guys were fighting but...but she told me she loves you and that she doesn't want to lose you. She...brings you happiness, doesn't she? I mean why else would you guys get together?"

He sighed. "I thought that whatever I felt wasn't real for you. I thought I was just fucking warming up to you. I don't know what the fuck happened. She ended up kissing me and for _fuck_ sake you were still on my mind."

All I could think about was the fact that he...that he liked me_,_ and that Catherine was crying to me earlier saying that she didn't want to lose him. Wasn't this what I wanted? To have a chance with him? I kept _my_ feelings bottled up and he told me about _his_ feelings. I should be happy. God, I should be happy.

But I wasn't.

"_...I'm losing him. Everybody's losing him. I don't want that to happen. I lost him once and I don't intend on losing him again."_

I felt myself break. I remembered the way Austin would look at Catherine. I remembered him not replying to me when I asked him if he was still in love with Catherine. I remembered the look he had when he saw Catherine again in New York. I remembered them always going out together. I remembered Catherine's smiles. I remembered Catherine hugging Austin on our last day in New York. I remembered Catherine kissing Austin and how I had to look away.

_Catherine Catherine Catherine. _

I tried to find the words to tell him about my feelings. I tried so hard but I couldn't form anything coherent. I felt like I was about to explode. My mind and my body kept urging me to tell him, to _just_ tell him, but something was holding me back.

"I'm...I'm going to go," he softly said. I wanted to yell at him not to but I couldn't. I looked at him; I looked at his eyes. What was holding me back? Why couldn't I tell him? Austin walked past me but my hand shot out and grabbed his. I felt my body pulsate with so many emotions. I was holding his hand. How long has it been since I have hugged him?

Austin didn't turn around and I quickly tried to find the right words to say. I opened my mouth. The ground felt like it was on fire.

Nothing came out.

Austin gently pulled his hand from mine and walked away. The warmth I felt simmered away.

_Call out to him. Tell him how you feel. This was what you wanted, right? Do it then. _

But I was being held back and he was gone. I stood there, frozen, in the middle of a park. My heart drummed and my eyes wouldn't close. All I could focus on was that he felt something for me. He felt something for _me_.

It made my heart smile and break at the same time.


	33. thirty-three

"I'm worried, Lester," my mother mumbled, eyeing me carefully.

Dad was staring at me too. "I know, honey. Why does she look like a ghost?"

"I don't know," she replied. "She came home last night and looked exactly the way she looks right now."

"She looks stunned."

Mom gave me a worried expression. "Alison, are you okay? Did something happen? Please tell us."

I blinked and shook my head, swallowing. "Nothing happened. I am fine. _Perfectly_ fine. I think I'm going to go take a shower."

I got up from the dining table and climbed the stairs. When I got to my room, I gently closed the door and leaned against it, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I didn't really want to take a shower. I took one in the morning. I just wanted some time to think. I opened my eyes again and entered the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and stared at myself in the mirror. I chewed on my bottom lip and pushed my hair away from my face. I needed to talk about my feelings. Talking out loud always seemed to help me. So, I straightened my posture and put on a stern face.

"You are an _idiot_," I flat out said. I stopped and vigorously shook my head. "No, you are the _biggest_ idiot. You...why did you not say anything? What was holding you back? What were you so afraid of? I mean you spent days thinking about him and a part of you knew that he would never mirror your feelings and then he comes along and he tells you about his feelings and you stand there like a _statue_ and not say anything! You let him slip away! I am so angry at you right now!" I stopped to catch my breath. I gripped the sink tightly. "But you can't be afraid anymore. What were you afraid of anyway? That...that you might ruin Austin and Catherine's relationship?" I looked at myself and my shoulders sagged. "That one day you'll be...you'll be left alone again?" I stopped and remembered his words. It was a vivid memory. I wished that I could relive that moment again and tell him how I felt too. But it wasn't too late to do so. "Stop. You're thinking too much and thinking too much never does any good. You know what you're going to do? You're going to walk—no, you're going to _march_ up to his room and if he's sleeping, you're going to pounce on him and tell him how you feel. If he's not sleeping, you're _still_ going to pounce on him and tell him how you feel. You can do this. No more thinking, no more living in doubt."

I fixed my hair into a bun and took a deep breath. I exited the bathroom and stepped out onto the balcony. His doors always remained shut. I glared at them, hoping that he would sense this, and come out onto the balcony. But I knew it wouldn't happen.

"Okay, Ally," I whispered. "You can do this."

Before I could walk back into my bedroom, I spotted a familiar car parked in the driveway of Mimi's house. My heart went cold as I continued to look at it. My eyes slightly widened.

It was Catherine's car.

What if she was here to talk to him about their fights and arguments? What if she was here to try and work things out? What if everything that happened yesterday was just a dream?

I glared at the sky. "_Really_?"

I knew I couldn't tell him how I felt if she was there. I gripped the railing and closed my eyes for a brief moment.

And then I heard yelling.

My eyes flung open and I jumped back a little. I stared at his balcony doors.

There was so much yelling.

I could hear things breaking.

I could hear so many things breaking.

My heart began to pound. _What was going on in there? Was he in trouble? _

"Oh, God," I whispered.

Before I could slowly comprehend what was going on, my feet were carrying me down the stairs. I took two steps at a time, almost falling. I had to hold onto the railing in order not to hurt myself. I couldn't swallow. A lump formed in my throat. I was out of the door now and I wouldn't stop running until I was standing on their porch. The door was left ajar. I could hear crying and screaming and things breaking. _Was Austin in trouble? Was Mimi in trouble?_

I barged into the door. The crying was coming from the living room. I walked in, my breaths coming out quickly. When I saw Mimi, I felt relief wash over me. But only for a second. She was sobbing on the couch. Catherine was beside her, her arms wrapped around Mimi's trembling body. Catherine was profusely sweating, her hands shaking.

"W-what's going on?" I asked, my voice wavering. My hands began to tremble. My knees felt weak. "Mimi, what's going?"

"He won't stop," she stammered, looking at me. Her face was flushed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "We tried everything but he won't stop. Please calm him down, Ally."

That tiny feeling of relief had been long gone. Mimi was sobbing, Catherine looked so frustrated, and Austin was upstairs yelling. I whirled around and ran up the stairs, stumbling over a few steps. My heart was itching to leap out of my chest. His bedroom door was slightly opened. The yelling was clear now. He was breaking things.

My feet carried me down the hallway and I ran into the room, the door slamming against the wall.

"Oh, my God," I whispered.

His room was a mess. _He_ was a mess. Shards of glass were scattered across the floor. I looked at Austin and my heart broke. His hair was out of place and his face was covered in sweat. He reached for another object and flung it across the room, screaming profanities.

"That fucking bastard had to go," he yelled. "That fucking piece of shit had to _go_."

I flinched away when a frame collided with the wall. The glass shattered and fell to the ground. I began to sweat and my body felt really warm.

"Austin," I choked. "Look at me."

But he wouldn't stop. He had small cuts on his hands, blood lightly oozing out. I could see the bruises that were forming on his knuckles. My breath hitched. He had punched something. Austin grabbed the photo of him and his father on a boat and raised it high in the air. My eyes widened and I ran to him, stopping in front of him. I got a hold of his wrist and shut my eyes.

"Don't do it," I cried. "Don't do it."

Austin's yelling came to a halt and I felt his body relax, his shoulders sagging. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was looking down at me, his face softening yet so weakly. I got a good look of his face. I noticed the dry tears and the light shade of purple that started to form under his eyes. His hand slowly dropped but I didn't let go. He stood still, immobile. I led him towards the bed and we sat down.

"He's gone," he choked.

I blinked away the tears, comprehending what he meant.

"He's gone."

I let go of his wrist, my stomach clenching. I interlaced our fingers together and gently pushed his head onto my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, swallowing. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" he asked. His voice was raspy.

"For everything," I replied, tightening my grip on his hand. I didn't really want to let go. I could hear his breaths, fast and hasty. His hands were shaking and I loosened my grip, noticing that he was in pain from the cuts and bruises. I gently ran my thumb in circles, hoping to soothe him.

"You'll...you'll be okay," I whispered. "I promise."

He didn't reply and I closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them again, Catherine was standing at the door, her figure so fatigued. Her eyes drifted to our entangled hands and I looked away. Austin lifted his head up and glanced at Catherine then back at me.

"You should go," he whispered, gently pulling his hand away from mine.

I felt my heart sink.

"Okay," I stammered, swallowing. "I...just...if you need anything, you...you know I'm here. I'm always here."

He nodded. His face held a pained expression and I stood up. I gave Catherine a curt nod and walked out of the room. I stopped at the stairs and craned my neck, just a little, to get a glimpse of them.

She was sitting right next him, her hand on his arm, her lips softly moving.

I quickly looked away and slowly descended the stairs, defeated. I wanted nothing more than to be with him again.

"Alison?" a soft voice spoke.

Mimi stood near the living room's archway. She wiped her tears away. Pursing my lips, I walked over to her and pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Moon," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She didn't say anything. I pulled away and stared at her.

"Thank you for being here," she said. "He wouldn't have calmed down if it weren't for you."

My eyes widened but I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. We exchanged nods and I left their house.

It seemed like all hope was lost.

* * *

"Alison, you've been sitting near the window for two days now," my mother softly spoke. "They'll be back."

"I know," I muttered in a low voice.

She sighed. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Water?"

I shook my head. "I'm good, thanks."

She quietly left the room, closing the door behind her. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared out the window, hoping to see their car pull up in their driveway. My mother was right. It _has_ been two days – two days after I left a broken Austin. I shut my eyes tightly. They left for New York to organize and attend his father's funeral.

A damn car accident.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my face. Over the course of these two days, I texted and called Austin till my fingers couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't reply to anything. I wasn't angry or upset with him, though. I just felt the need to be by his side and help him go through this.

Trish stood beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Ally, it'll be okay," she said. Dez sat next to me on the desk and nodded in agreement.

I sighed and buried my face deeper. The sounds of birds and faraway laughter was then suddenly masked by the sound of a car pulling up. I dropped my knees and stared out the window, my eyes widened and my heart beating fast.

They were back.

"It's them," I said, getting up. "They're back. I should go see them. What should I say—"

Trish gently pulled me away. "—Ally, I think it's best if you...if you give them time to mourn."

My face fell and my heart sank but I knew she was right. They just came back from attending Mike's funeral. I couldn't just walk up to them and ask them, _'How are you?'_. If I did walk up to them, what would I even say? I sighed and stepped out onto the balcony. I held onto the railing and saw Mimi get out. She looked so emotionally and physically tired. Alex then stepped out, surprising me. He helped Mimi get the bags out and wrapped a comforting arm around her. Austin was the last to get out. I pursed my lips. He was dead in any way possible.

I closed my eyes and went back inside. Trish and Dez tried to talk to me, tried to distract me, but he never really left my mind. When they left late at night, I stepped out onto the balcony again. His doors were still shut and I could see the lights on in his room.

_Please come out. _

But the lights just went off.

* * *

The two days turned into four. I constantly checked my phone to see if he replied or called. I checked his balcony doors every now and then and I usually stared out the window to see if he was outside.

But everything remained the same.

I stared at the university applications. I picked up the pen and wrote my name in one of the blank spaces but dropped it and shoved it away. It seemed pointless now. My mind was awake and running. I dropped my head onto the table and heaved a sigh. Austin was going through so much right now – all the family was. Losing a parent was the most devastating thing a person could go through. But I wanted Austin to know that I was there for him. I told him that and to me, I think he knew that, too. I didn't blame him for not replying to me. His situations went from his dad cheating on his mom to his father gone. I felt my heart shatter.

I blinked away hot tears. "You're still an idiot, Ally."

I made myself promise to be there for him. I took a deep breath, ignoring the throbbing, dull pain in my head. Everything was going to be okay. Everything would eventually be okay. He was going to be okay.

"Yeah," I whispered to myself. "He'll be okay. Everything will be okay."

I just needed to keep that perspective. Keith was an influence. He lost both his parents but he told me how he ended up surviving, even after hope seemed to be lost.

My thoughts were cut off when my phone rang. I jumped and grabbed it, checking who the caller was. I frowned. It was an unfamiliar number. My eyes widened at a thought. Maybe it was Austin calling from another phone because his had died or was broken.

I accepted the call and brought the phone to my ear. I could hear people talking in the background.

"Hello?" someone asked.

I frowned. "Alex?"

"Alison?"

"Yeah, it's me," I said. My stomach twisted. Something didn't feel right. "I'm...I'm so sorry."

I could hear him heave a sigh. "Y-yeah." His voice wavered and I felt fear crawl up my spine. Maybe it was just stress and sadness. It had to be it and nothing else. "Alison, something...something happened."

My heart sped up. "Alex...Alex, what's going on?"

"I'm at the hospital," he choked. He was crying. "It's Austin."

My heart stopped beating and my hands began to tremble. I brought a hand to my mouth and asked what hospital they were in. It took me time to form that question. Bile rise in my throat when I hung up. I pocketed my phone and rose up from my chair, grabbing a jacket. I wasted no time in getting out of the house. I got into the car and started the engine,

"Damn it," I whispered. "Damn it."

I reached the hospital in a few minutes, grateful that there was no traffic. I parked the car and ran inside, stumbling in and almost falling. I managed to balance myself and walked to the front desk.

"Austin Moon," I hastily said. The lady looked up at me. "What room is he in?"

"I'm sorry but I need to know in what way you are related to the boy," the lady said, pursing her lips.

What was I to Austin?

"I'm...I'm his close friend," I answered. "What room is he in?"

"I'm sorry but only the family can see him right now."

"Please!" I cried. "Please, I have to see him. I just need to know that he's okay. That's all I'm asking for. Please."

She gave me a sympathetic look. "I understand but I just can't. I'm sorry. You're more than welcome to wait until he gets out."

I felt defeated. I backed away from the desk and felt tears well up in my eyes. The lady gave me a sad expression and looked away.

"Alison!"

I whirled my head to see Alex walking over to me. His face was flushed with dry tears on his cheeks. When he was close, he pulled me in for a hug and I immediately hugged back.

I needed that.

"What's he in for?" I asked, pulling away. "Please don't tell me an accident."

Alex swallowed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Alcohol poisoning."

I cringed and placed the palm of my hands against my eyes.

_Alcohol poisoning._

"Is he okay?" I choked.

Alex shrugged. "They're monitoring him now." He grabbed my arm and looked at the lady at the front desk. "She's with us."

We walked to the elevator and traveled to the assigned floor. When the doors opened, I could see doctors rushing in and out of rooms. I could hear crying and frantic talking. It made me sick.

"Come on," Alex softly said. He led me to a bench where his mother and Catherine were seated. Mimi was sobbing uncontrollably and Catherine was staring at the wall. She didn't blink or move. She was numb.

"Alison." Mimi said, getting up to hug me. I hugged back harder and I could feel the hot tears escaping, no matter how hard I tried to stay strong. My heart shattered and broke for Mimi. She has gone through a lot. She found out about her husband cheating, had to divorce him, had to deal with a bitter and broken Austin, had to move locations, had to bury her ex-husband, and now had to see her son in a hospital.

"I'm so sorry," I said, pulling away. "He'll make it. He's going to make it."

Mimi nodded and sat back down. She buried her face in her hands and I wiped my tears away. I sat down next to Alex. Catherine was still looking at the wall, her face so rigid and broken. She looked frazzled, so _off_. Sighing, I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"He didn't stop drinking after he got the news," Alex softly spoke. "His room is littered with booze, Alison. No matter how much I told him that it would do no good, he continued to drink. He didn't stop."

"How...how'd you find him?" I asked.

Alex closed his eyes. "He was unconscious. I thought he was napping and I was trying to wake him up for dinner but he wouldn't budge. His body was cold. His fingers had a blue tint to them. I saw the bottles of booze next to him and I immediately knew that the bastard had to be sent to the hospital."

"He's going to be okay," I said and nodded to myself. "He will."

The four of us spent the next few hours in our places. No one said a word. My head pounded. Trish and Dez also came to the hospital and spent an hour with us. I ended up falling asleep but Alex woke me up to tell me that I could go home.

"No. I'm going to stay. I just have to."

I fell asleep again and didn't wake up till the morning. I rubbed my eyes and cringed. My butt felt sore from sitting on a plastic chair. Doctors still walked in and out of rooms.

"Are you hungry?" Alex asked.

I shook my head. "No."

He gave me a small smile. "The alcohol in Austin's system is gone now. He's okay."

I felt relief wash over my body and I brought a hand to my mouth. I couldn't help but smile.

He made it.

"Thank God," I said. "That's wonderful news." I looked at Mimi, who was fast asleep. I think she was delivered the news. She looked peaceful in her sleep. "Where's Catherine?"

"She went to get food," Alex replied. He gave me a wider smile. "You can...you can go in and see him. He's in a deep sleep but...it's still worth it to see the fucker, right?"

I got up from my seat. "Thanks." Sighing in content, I gently opened the door and entered. The air conditioner was on. My eyes quickly focused on Austin, who was lying on a bed near the window, a white sheet covering his body. I fiddled with my fingers and approached him. He was sleeping peacefully. I could still see the purple under his eyes and the bruises on his knuckles and yet he looked so calm and relaxed in his sleep.

I bit down hard on my lip and clenched my fists. A few tears escaped. I wiped them away and slowly, _carefully_, wrapped my hand around his. I interlaced our fingers together and closed my eyes.

"You're an idiot," I whispered, shaking my head. "You are such an idiot." I opened my eyes and smiled. "I am, too."

With my free hand, I tentatively reached over and caressed his cheek. His body was warm. I ran my thumb over the bags under his eyes and then I traced it over his bottom lip.

"I have something to tell you," I whispered. "Even if you are asleep, I'm going to say it anyway. I figured I would need to tell you again when you are awake, but it can't wait. I just...I'm so sorry for not saying anything that night when you...you know. Something was holding me back – something _stupid_. Even before you told me how you felt, I was in that same situation as yours. I still am, you know." I smiled. "I do have...well, you know...I feel the same way. Believe me, I do. God, I do."

He stirred a little but didn't open his eyes. I smiled down at him but before I could continue that speech that I was obviously going to have to say again, the door opened and Catherine stood at the doorway. She stopped and stared at me and I gently let go of Austin. She pulled her dark hair away from her face and gave me a small smile. I smiled back. Catherine approached Austin and sat down next to him.

I figured it was time for me to go.

But before I did, I stopped at the bed next to Austin's. A boy, who looked no more than seven, was sleeping. It was really hard to accept the fact that you can find young people in hospitals. It was really hard to accept the fact that people just end up _going_ to hospitals. I smiled down at the little boy. As if sensing something, the boy opened his eyes and blinked at me.

Then he gave me a cheeky smile. He was missing a tooth.

I grinned, reached over and booped his nose. Then I decided it was time for me to leave. I stopped at the door and craned my neck. Catherine was speaking to Austin. I turned back around and closed the door. I felt confident. Even if I did just confess my feelings to someone who was not even awake, I felt confident nonetheless. I said goodbye to Mimi and Alex. My phone was flooded with calls and texts from my parents. They were definitely going to pester me about that but I didn't care. I left the hospital with a smile of relief on my face.

I realized that I could no longer live my life in fear and doubt.


	34. thirty-four

I sprang out of my bed when I first opened my eyes the next day. The minute I was familiar with my surroundings, excitement and happiness instantly washed over me. I was relieved.

Austin was going to be released from the hospital today.

I quickly hopped out of the shower and pulled on some clothes. To think Austin might be in his room right now made me happy. He was probably asleep or maybe he was awake. All I knew was that I was going to see him today and I was going to talk to him. I had a lot to say anyway.

I smiled to myself and stared at my reflection. "You can't back out now. You won't."

Just thinking about the fact that Austin was in the hospital because his body couldn't take it anymore made me flinch. He was in critical condition. Mimi and Alex almost lost him. _I_ almost lost him. And it hurt like hell to think about that. I knew that Austin wasn't the happiest person alive now. I knew that. It was obvious. But I needed to talk to him.

(And maybe yell at him.)

I walked out of the bathroom and ran down the stairs.

"Oh, Alison! I made breakfast!" Mom said, smiling. She was holding a plate of pancakes. "Why don't you sit down and I'll—"

"No time, Mom! I've got somewhere to be!" I spoke quickly. I kissed Mom on the cheek then ran out of the door. I stumbled down the steps but managed to stay steady. When I was sure I was well balanced, I ran over to Mimi's house and stopped at the door. I took in a deep breath.

"Okay," I said, swallowing. I softly rapped on the door and tapped my foot, my heart beginning to drum.

Mimi opened the door, an apron tied around her waist. She gave me a light smile. "Good morning, Alison."

"Good morning," I said, returning the smile. "How are you, Mimi?"

"I'm doing okay," she replied. "Coping."

I nodded. "I'm glad." She almost lost her son but she did also lose her ex-husband. I understood that he didn't really mean much to her after what he did to her and the family. But, you could clearly see that the three of them cared about Mike, regardless of his careless actions. Austin always made it out to seem like he hated the man's guts. Well, in a way, he did. But, he cared about him, too.

"I suppose you're also here to see Austin," Mimi cheekily said. She grinned at me and I blushed.

"Well, I...I also wanted to check up on him," I said. "He was released, wasn't he?"

Mimi nodded. "Earlier this morning. He came home and got an hour of sleep. When he woke up, he said he was going out for a walk."

"Oh," I said, hoping I didn't give out that I was disappointed. "So he's not here. Do you happen to know where he might be?"

"No," she answered, pursing her lips. "But don't worry. Try calling him. If that doesn't work, I'll tell him you stopped by. He'll be happy about that." She winked.

My eyes widened and my heart sped up. I nervously laughed. "Thanks, Mimi."

After exchanging goodbyes, I decided that I could go for a walk, too. I took out my phone and dialed Austin's number, pressing the phone tightly to my ear. The line just rang and he didn't answer. I tried again but to no avail. Sighing, I walked further on, phone still in my hand. _Where could he be? _Not long after, my phone began to blare. Startled, it fell from my hand, and it took me about ten seconds of juggling to finally grab it. With excitement rushing in my body, I gripped the phone tightly and looked at the caller.

But it wasn't Austin. It was Keith.

I answered. "Hello?"

"Alison! Hey!" he spoke. "How are you? I heard about Austin's dad and, well, Austin. Is he okay?"

"He was released from the hospital," I replied. "I went over to their house but Mimi told me he was out on a walk. She looked calm so I bet he's okay. I just need to see him."

"Well, if you do see him, tell him we're all happy that he's okay," Keith said. "I'm with Trish and Dez right now. Oh, I forgot to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I asked Dez out," Keith whispered into the phone.

My eyes lit up and I grinned. "When?"

"Yesterday," Keith replied. I could sense him grinning.

"Oh, that's great!" I squealed. "That's wonderful!" I grinned and decided to tease a little. "There's absolutely no need to thank me!"

I could sense him rolling his eyes now. "Oh, shut up. I'll see you later, yeah? Call me if you need anything!"

"Yeah." I smiled into the phone then hung up. The frustration started to kick in again. Where was Austin and why wasn't he answering his phone? Frowning, I dialed Alex's number.

"Alison?"

I smiled. "Hey, Alex."

"Hey. How's it going?"

I skipped a few steps. "I'm fine. I stopped by at your house."

"Yeah. Mom told me."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he spoke. "Looking for Austin, eh?"

I blushed. "Well, yeah. The guy almost gave me a heart attack and I want to see him...see if he's all right and...stuff."

"Well, knowing Austin, he probably found a place to himself," Alex said. "Do you know about a place he usually goes to? If you do then there's a chance he's probably there right now."

"Hm," I answered. "That makes sense. Thanks, Alex."

"Listen, if you do find him and he's drinking booze, give him a smack, will you?"

I softly chuckled. "Will do."

We hung up and I placed my phone in the pocket. Austin hadn't returned any of my calls. I was pretty sure he wouldn't reply to any of my texts either if I had sent any. Sighing, I interlaced my fingers behind my back and continued my walk. I didn't have to worry about this now. I was going to see Austin one way or another and I was going to talk to him. I guess I was just too..._excited_. I smiled, my heart pounding in excitement.

And then I saw her, her hand wrapped around the strap of her purse, her head bent down.

I stopped in my tracks. "Catherine?"

Startled, she stopped and looked up. When she saw me, she froze. Shaking her head, she cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably. "Hey." I wondered why she seemed so nervous.

"Austin got released from the hospital today," I said.

She nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Did you visit him? His mother told me he was out on a walk. Do you happen to know where he might be?"

"I...I didn't visit him," I said. "I saw him yesterday and that was it."

"Did you at least talk to him? Is he all right?"

She looked frazzled and I was asking too many questions.

"Alison, I...I saw him yesterday and that was the last time I talked to him," she said. "That was it."

I frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she answered. "If you're looking for answers concerning Austin, I'm the wrong person to ask."

"What do you—" I began but stopped. Catherine immediately looked down and her grip on the strap tightened. Her face held a guilty look. I froze, my eyes widening.

"You _didn't_," I breathed, looking at her.

Catherine bit down on her lip.

"Catherine, please tell me that I'm wrong," I said.

But she didn't say anything.

"You...you _cheated_ on him again?" I exclaimed.

She managed to look at me and I noticed her taking in a deep breath. "It just happened, okay? I...Austin wasn't the same person anymore. He was so...quiet and so hard to talk to. All he ever gave me were one-worded answers. He always wanted to be alone. He never told me that but you can clearly see it on his face. We agreed to start our relationship slow but it was obvious it wasn't going anywhere."

"But that's no excuse to cheat on someone!" I cried, frustrated. "Wait a minute, when did it happen? It happened during the _beginning_ of your slow relationship? It _happened_ before you guys started arguing and fighting?"

She nodded and looked down. "He wouldn't change both ways."

"Catherine, don't you realize how unhappy Austin's life is? His _father_ cheated on his mother and he found out you were cheating on him, too. You...you were always on his mind. He was hurt, for God sake. And you get a second chance with someone so amazing and you cheat on him again? How can you say you love someone and go behind their backs and do such a thing?"

She folded her arms. I could see tears welling up in her eyes. "You were always on his mind when we even started the damn slow relationship."

"When did you notice that?" I asked.

"I guess a part of me always knew," she replied. "I wasn't angry or anything. I didn't try to make you jealous. I just somehow knew and I convinced myself that I was just being delusional. You guys just seemed like good friends."

"But that's...that's not an excuse to cheat on someone," I breathed. "You...you cheated on him, Catherine. When you guys started fighting and you came to me telling me you didn't want to lose him...did you intend on keeping what you did a secret?"

"I don't know what drove me to do what I did," she said. "I don't. It killed me to know that I cheated on him. I wanted to make things right but it was just frustrating between us. I didn't want to lose him. He makes me happy—"

"You say he makes you happy and yet you decided to cheat on him, anyway."

"Alison, the guy wasn't even in love with me during our relationship!"

"There's a reason why you guys started slow; to see where things go!" I spoke. I brought a hand up to my forehead. "It ended badly between you guys. What if he was going through something else, Catherine? What if it was something else? What would you say to that? Austin told me that...that he thought whatever he felt for me was just unreal. He was...he was sure that he really did still have feelings for you."

"Well, he didn't."

"So, he was conflicted and you slept with someone else because things between you guys weren't the same." Not the kind of relationship, if you could even call it that, I wanted.

"I told him about what happened in the hospital. It was a mistake, Alison—"

"_No_," I interjected, shaking my head. "_No_. Cheating is not a mistake. It's a choice."

She stayed quiet for a minute, a pained expression painting her delicate features. I knew that our conversation was over. "Goodbye, Alison," she softly said. With a curt nod, she turned around and disappeared. I knew that that was the last time I'd ever see her.

I looked down and sighed, rubbing my face in frustration. I wondered how Austin felt. I had the sudden urge to talk to him right away. _Where could he be? _Alex said that Austin was probably at a place he found for himself. _Think, Ally. _Personally, I didn't know if Austin did visit a specific location when he wanted to be all alone. But I did know a place he and I always visited.

My eyes widened. _The building._ _The roof of the building that we always sat on. _I could be wrong but I wanted to take the chance and see for myself. I whirled around and walked a few steps. Dad had the car with him so I couldn't use it to get to the building. It wasn't exactly near where we lived. So, I had two options: a) I could run and b) I could take a taxi.

"_Taxi_!" I called out once I saw a car come into view. The driver parked and I got into the backseat. I gave him the location and fiddled with my fingers, the car speeding off. With each second that passed, the building got closer and I could feel my heart accelerating. Just a few more minutes and I would be face to face with Austin. I would be telling Austin what I've wanted to say for a while. It was going to happen. I was nervous and excited and ecstatic and my head pounded. _I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this. _

"Lady!" the irritated voice of the driver cut me off. The car had stopped and he was glaring at me.

"Huh? What?"

He rolled his eyes. "We're here."

I stared out the window, my eyes widening. He was right. We were here. The dilapidated structure of the building suddenly felt like home to me.

"We are!" I exclaimed. I quickly fished out a couple of bucks and paid the driver. Flinging the car door open, I scrambled out. The car drove away and I took in a deep breath. I looked up at what I could see from the roof but didn't find Austin. Pushing away that feeling of defeat and disappointment, I quickly made my way inside and carefully climbed the rickety steps. The stairs made uncomfortable creaks but I pushed on.

The door got closer.

I was standing at it now.

I grabbed the doorknob and pushed open the door. I stepped out and my eyes immediately landed on his figure.

My breath hitched.

He was sitting on the ledge, his knees pushed back. He craned his neck, his eyes locking with mine. I noticed his body going still and his eyes widening. I stood there, watching him for a brief while. He swung his legs over and stood up, his gaze returning. He took a few steps.

I felt a rush of adrenaline. I felt words crawling up my throat, itching to get out.

"You idiot!" I yelled, running over to him. When I was close, when I was so close, I flung my arms around him and pulled him towards me for a hug. I tightened my arms around him and I felt his hands immediately rest on my back. "You're such a goddamn idiot." My heart warmed when I felt him wrap his arms around me and he buried his head into my shoulder.

"I know," he whispered.

I didn't want to pull away and let go but I knew I had to. I wanted to pour out all what I had to say while looking at him. So, I stepped back and looked at him.

"I have a lot of things to say to you," I said. "I'm sorry, Austin. I'm so sorry about everything. I'm sorry about your father." A pause. "I ran into Catherine and she told me what happened and Jesus, I just don't understand why she did what she did but I'm not here to talk about her and you and her. I'm here to talk about what I feel...I'm here to talk about my feelings and I want you to talk to me too—"

"Beatles girl—"

"—No! No, don't talk and just listen for now." Austin pursed his lips and I took in a breath. "That night, that night when you told me about how you felt and I didn't say anything...that night when I stood there like an idiot, frozen and incoherent...I should have said something. I really should have said something but I couldn't! Things just held me back. I kept thinking about you and Catherine and your relationship and then I was just hit with the thought that maybe I don't want to get heartbroken again. I grew up to learn that you can find happiness in so many ways other than being in a relationship. I believe that...and I had a crush on Dallas and after the thing with him...I just sort of...well, you know." I stopped and shook my head. "God, do you know how much I thought about you after _you_ kissed me? Do you? You weren't the only one who had an occupied mind. These past weeks have been so frustrating. You kissed me and you left me wondering and you left me feeling _feelings_ and then we wouldn't talk about it and then there was Catherine and more frustration and then there was that beautiful speech you made and then there was even more frustration. What you said to me that night just...they just...I loved it. I loved every word you said. See, I'm not exactly good at this speech thing. It's not the heartfelt one I wanted it to be but I just wanted to tell you that I—" I stopped, swallowed, and grinned. "—that _I_ like you. I really do. I...I feel the same way."

His face softened and I smiled, tucking my hair behind my ear. I reached over and touched his hand. He didn't flinch and I interlaced our fingers together.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"You always ask me that," he breathed.

"It's because I care about you," I said. Keeping our hands entangled, I sat down, Austin following.

Austin swallowed and looked ahead. "I miss the bastard."

"I know," I softly said. "I'm sorry. But you don't have to go through with this alone. I would understand if you decide to sort this out on your own...but if you ever need me, I'm here. How many times have I said that already?" I turned away from him and frowned in confusion.

I heard him softly chuckle and I whirled my head to look at him. "You...you laughed. Well, you chuckled, but you laughed! Isn't this first time? It is the first time, isn't it? God, I can still remember the first time you smiled at me. It was such a beautiful moment. And today I made you chuckle!" My eyes widened and I grinned. "Isn't it weird? The first time we met you slammed the door in my face and then here we are holding hands. God, this is...this is weird but I love it."

Austin shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You sure are something." He fiddled with my fingers and I blushed. He looked so calm and relaxed but I knew that he was going through so much more, trying to deal with what he had to go through.

I swallowed and looked at him with determination and confidence. "Austin."

He looked at me. "Beatles girl."

"I'm going to kiss you now," I said.

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Are you?"

"Yes."

With my free hand, I cupped his cheek and caressed it. I could feel my face go warm and he relaxed into my touch. _I was doing this. I was actually doing this. _Smiling, I leaned in, our noses brushing and our foreheads touching. I grinned.

"This is so exciting!" I gushed and closed the distance between us.

He smiled into the kiss. I felt him warm into it, _melt_ into it, and he kissed back instantly. We were so close. Our legs touched. His hands cupped my neck, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. His breath tickled my face and I wrapped a hand around his arm. The kiss was soft and sweet and I didn't realize how much I wanted it and how much I'd end up loving it. My body shuddered in excitement and happiness and my fingertips burned. My lips tingled.

When we pulled away, our foreheads rested on one another and we tried to catch our breaths. I couldn't think straight. I looked at him and couldn't help but chuckle, blushing. Only one hand was cupping my face now and he ran his thumb over my cheek like he always did and I felt myself relax. We looked at each other. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering. When he pulled away, my face burned. Austin wrapped an arm around me and pulled me towards him. With his free hand, he held mine.

I realized that between us, he didn't have to ask me to be his girlfriend and I didn't have to ask him to be my boyfriend. We didn't need to question what was between us - if we were a couple or not. I mean here we were, on a rooftop of an old building, _completely_ silent and I just knew that he was mine and I was his.


	35. thirty-five

"Stop smiling, Ally," I said, looking at my reflection.

But I couldn't.

I massaged my face and shrugged, spinning around on my heels. I grabbed my bag, gave Charlie a few pats on the head, and left my room. Spring break was over and school was open again. I realized that there wasn't much left till graduation. I had my head set on a few universities that were not here in Florida. I wondered where Austin was going.

"Good morning, Alison," Mom greeted, her hand around a mug of coffee. "Ready for school?"

"Yeah."

"Can't stop smiling, huh?" she teased, referring to Austin.

"Nope!"

She grinned. "Noticed. Go on to school now."

"Bye," I laughed, kissing her cheek. I flung open the door and walked down the steps, my eyes averting to Mimi's house. The neighborhood was always so quiet in the morning. I took out my phone and checked for any messages or missed calls.

"Hey."

I jumped and looked up. When I saw him leaning against the brick wall, I smiled. "Hey, how are you?"

Austin gave me a nod and approached me. "I'm okay."

I nodded back and we walked side by side to school. I told him about some childhood memories and cracked a few jokes here and there to pass the time. He nodded and listened and would occasionally turn to look at me, giving me a small smile. My mind kept drifting back to the rooftop moment we shared. It made my heart flutter and knees buckle.

Who knew, right?

"We're here," I said when the school came into view. We entered through the gates and stopped. I scanned the crowds of eager students. It was like the first day of school but it was also different. The students were eager, greeting each other again, gossiping and laughing and planning for summer vacation. It was different for Austin and I, though. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Because we spent about two weeks in New York and another two weeks off for Spring break, I think I forgot how to write my own name.

I felt Austin's fingers touch mine and I froze. He interlaced our fingers together and I turned my head to look at him, smiling. I held onto his hand even tighter. He looked at me too and smiled down at me.

The bell then rang. Austin and I didn't have the same class. We walked up the path and stairs and entered the crowded hallway. Our hands remained entangled.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Austin suddenly asked.

I gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I'm taking you out on a date," he nonchalantly said, smiling. "Where do you want to go?"

I grinned. "Anywhere." I thought for a minute. "Maybe we can have a simple dinner on _the_ rooftop of the building. Then, we can just lie down and talk and I might be able to crack a few jokes! What do you have in mind?"

"I don't mind," he answered, the smile still on his lips. "I should get to class now." He leaned in and kissed me, his lips lingering. I blushed and bit down on my lip when he pulled away.

"About damn time!" Trish cheered when Austin was gone.

Dez laughed. "I got it on camera."

I rolled my eyes and grinned. "What about you, Dez? Huh? You and Keith have a date, don't you?"

Dez's eyes widened and he blushed. "_Maybe_..."

Trish and I laughed and Dez rolled his eyes. Trish turned back to me and smiled. "We told you things would be okay."

"Group hug!" I gushed, pulling them in for a hug, regardless of their protests. "I love you guys."

"We love you, too," Trish said. She checked her watch. "And we need to get to class! If I get detention, I will cry."

I laughed and followed behind them. My eyes landed on Abby, who smiled and winked at me. I smiled back and quickly caught up with Trish and Dez.

* * *

"Oh! Austin's here! Bye!" I cheered, heading for the door.

"Just wait a minute!" I heard Dad call out.

With my hand on the doorknob, I turned my head to look at him. He looked at me through squinted eyes, his arms folded.

"Yes, Dad?" I laughed nervously.

He grinned. "Have fun." Then his face went stern. "But not too much fun."

"Dad!" I exclaimed, blushing, the same time my mom yelled, "Lester!"

He shrugged and looked at us innocently. "What?"

I rolled my eyes but smiled and left the house. Austin and I were dressed casually, like any other day. Grinning, I approached his car and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"Hello!" I cheered. We got into the vehicle and Austin started the engine. I put on my seatbelt. "So, where are we going?"

"Like you said," he replied, smiling. I vigorously nodded in excitement and rolled up the window.

We stopped by a fast food restaurant and ordered. Austin and I got into another one of those fights on who would get to choose a radio station. Eventually, we agreed on a song and soon enough, Austin was speeding away towards the abandoned building.

"You're eating the fries again, aren't you?" he asked.

I froze, eyes widening and fries sticking out of my mouth. "I don't know _what_ you're talking about."

When we reached our destination, Austin parked the car and we rushed out with the food. We climbed the stairs and pushed through the rusty door. I coughed from the debris and dust and breathed in the fresh air. The sky was dark now with bright stars dispersed across.

"It's beautiful at night," I breathed.

Austin nodded from beside me. "It is." He looked at me and gestured to the food, smiling. "Time to eat."

I grinned and we sat at the ledge, food on our laps. I rocked my feet back and forth and pushed more fries into my mouth. I looked at Austin and laughed. He raised an eyebrow at me. Grinning, I reached over and wiped off the ketchup off the corner of his lip with my pinky. Both his eyebrows rose and he reached over and lightly prodded my cheek. I laughed again and nudged him with my elbow. We made small talk and I did manage to squeeze in some jokes.

"Here," he said, handing me gum when we were done eating and cleaning up.

I smirked. "Gum? What for?"

He rolled his eyes but smiled. I drank water, sloshed it around, swallowed, and popped the gum into my mouth. I thought for a moment.

"Austin," I spoke. "can you play a song on your phone? Preferably a soft song."

He pulled out his phone and scanned through his music, eventually picking out a mellow song. He placed the phone on the ledge. I grinned and took hold of his hand.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"We're going to dance!" I exclaimed. "And no complaints!"

We got off of the ledge and took a few steps away from it, our fingers still interlaced. Smiling, I put a hand around his neck and his face softened. My heart fluttered. Austin's free hand rested on my back. We looked at each other and moved around, dancing, while the song softly played in the background. He twirled me a few times and I laughed. When we came to a stop, he rested his forehead on mine and we stayed like that for a while.

"So," I spoke. "what are we going to do next?"

He shrugged. "We'll see."

He brushed his nose against mine and I blushed. We picked up the trash and threw them in the dumpster near the building. We got into the car and Austin drove away. I didn't know where we were going but I knew that I was in an ecstatic mood. I rolled down the window again and stuck my head out. Only a few cars passed by.

"This is amazing!" I exclaimed. "I am out with a badass _on_ a school night so that makes _me_ a badass, too!"

When I stuck my head back inside, Austin was smiling.

It took us only a few minutes to get to our new destination. It was simply a clearing, with houses side by side behind us. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. Austin parked and we climbed onto the hood of the car. We sat in silence, knees touching. I put my hands in my lap and stared up at the sky, smiling. I turned my head to look at Austin. He was staring at the sky, too, but when he sensed that I was looking, he turned to look at me, too. I smiled wider and leaned in, gently pressing my lips against his. His hands cupped my face, like they always did. When we pulled away, he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. We reclined backwards against the hood of the car and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"We're graduating soon," I mumbled.

He locked eyes with me. "We don't have to worry about that now." He traced his thumb across my lower lip.

I nodded, my face softening. "You're right."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead and I intertwined our fingers together, smiling to myself.

What a wonderful night and what a wonderful human being.


	36. thirty-six

"How was your date with Austin?" Trish asked, closing her locker. She turned around and leaned back, arms folded and a smile on her face. "It went well, I presume."

I vigorously nodded. "It did. It was really great!"

She raised an amused eyebrow. "So, what'd you guys do? Did he take you to a restaurant?"

"Nope," I answered with a grin. "We got food and ate on a rooftop of some building that will most probably collapse. Then, we danced and just hung out."

"Well, it sounds like you guys had fun," Dez said.

I smiled. "Yeah."

"We're happy for you," Dez said. His hands gripped the straps of his bag. He gave me a genuine smile.

"Thanks," I grinned. "I'm happy for you and Keith, too."

Dez blushed but grinned back at me. Laughing, we departed ways and I headed towards my class. I took my usual seat and prepared for today's lesson.

"_Psst_."

Frowning in confusion, I looked up from my notes and locked eyes with green ones. It was a girl that I never really talked to. She never really acknowledged me, either. Her name was Leslie.

"Yes?"

She grinned and scooted closer. "Tell me everything."

I stared at her, still confused. "What are you talking about?"

Leslie rolled her eyes. "You _know_."

I blinked.

She let out a small groan and smacked my arm. "You and Austin! Tell me _all_ about your relationship."

"I...I don't really know what to say," I answered and shrugged. "Uh, what do you want to know?"

She thought for a moment and then raised an eyebrow. She looked at me with a smug look and leaned closer. Leslie ushered for me to lean in and I did. "What's he like in bed?"

I leaned backwards and blinked. "He's good at cuddling."

Leslie looked like she wanted to kill me. "No, silly! I meant, is _he_ good in _bed_?"

I swallowed and tapped my fingers nervously on the desk. "I...um...I'm not really obliged to answer that."

She folded her arms and chuckled. "You guys haven't done _it_ yet?"

My eyes widened. "Leslie, that's really none of your business."

She rolled her eyes and mumbled a 'whatever'. She turned away from me and was instantly engaged in another conversation. I wrinkled my nose and averted my attention back to my notes.

"I know, right?" I heard Leslie whisper. She giggled. "I don't understand how Austin hasn't broken up with her yet."

My eye twitched in annoyance. What was that supposed to mean? Was she trying to imply that I wasn't good enough for Austin? I twirled the pen between my fingers and ran my tongue over my teeth, choosing to ignore Leslie's childish comments. Unfortunately, her words continue to ring in my head all day. I was not questioning myself being Austin's girlfriend but what Leslie said really did tick me off. She really _was_ implying that I wasn't good enough for someone like Austin.

_Someone like Austin._

It was true that Austin and I were different in many ways but that didn't stop us from liking each other. Her words stuck with me and I wished I had said something to her to prove her wrong.

"Ally! Lunch at yours?" Dez asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, definitely!"

"I got my car with me," Dez said. "I'll drive us to your house but can we make a quick stop?"

Trish and I glanced at him and I nodded. "Sure, of course! Where, though?"

Dez wrinkled his nose and smiled. "Keith's house. I mean if it's all right with you...one more guest can't hurt, right?"

I smacked his arm. "Of course he can come you idiot!"

"Then let's go!" Dez cheered.

"I'm starving," Trish said, following Dez.

I scanned the crowd of people for a specific face and when I found him walking down the hallway, I grinned and skipped up to him. Leslie's words played in my head again but I shoved them away.

I smiled at Austin. "Hey."

"Hey," he said with a small smile. "What are you doing now?"

"Trish, Dez, and Keith are having lunch at mine," I said. "Do you want to join?"

He cupped my chin. "No, it's okay. I'll stop by at night, though."

"Okay!" I nodded. I leaned up and quickly kissed him. "I'll see you later, then!" I turned around and caught up with Trish and Dez at the car. We got in and Dez drove away to Keith's house.

* * *

"How come I'm hearing about this _now_?" Keith asked. I grinned and shrugged, closing the front door behind me. "You and Austin are together and I _just_ got introduced to this?" He grabbed my shoulders and vigorously shook me.

"Oops?"

Keith stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed. "Come on, let's have lunch. I'm starving."

We walked into the kitchen. Mom stood near the stove, hands behind her back. She gave us a wide smile and greeted us.

"You guys can sit in the backyard," she said. "Food's almost ready."

Trish, Dez, and Keith made their way outside but before I could follow them, Mom's voice stopped me.

"Alison, I have something for you."

I looked at her in confusion. "What is it?"

"A letter," she answered, swallowing. "It arrived this morning."

I stood there and thought for a moment. I took the letter from my mom's hands and stared at the envelope. My eyes widened and my heart stopped beating.

"Oh, my God," I breathed. I looked up at my mom. "It's...it's a letter from the university I applied to."

_In New York._

"Open it!" my mom exclaimed, making wild gestures with her hands.

"I can't," I said. "I'm scared. What if I didn't get in?"

"There's only one way to find out," she said. "Open the letter. Do you want me to do it for you?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I can do this. It's just a letter...that basically determines my future." I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again, I went for the letter, tearing it open. With a wild heart, I unfolded the white paper, my eyes landing on the words printed.

_**Dear Alison Dawson,**_

_**Congratulations! It is with our great pleasure to inform you that you have been accepted...**_

"Yes!" I shrieked, dropping the letter. "I got in!" The rest of the letter didn't seem to matter to me. "Oh, my God, I got in!" My mom brought her hands to her mouth and she grinned. I danced my way to her and enveloped her into a tight hug.

My mom hugged back tighter. "Oh, my little girl. Your father and I never once doubted you. When your dad gets home, he's going to be so happy."

"I'm going to call him now!" I exclaimed, pulling out my phone. I quickly dialed Dad's number with shaky fingers. When I heard his cheery voice on the other line, I didn't hesitate to shriek again and tell him the good news. He expressed his happiness in yells, too.

"Guys!" I yelled when my dad and I hung up. Trish, Dez, and Keith looked up at me with quizzical looks. I flung the letter onto the table. "I got in."

Trish, Dez, and Keith looked down at the paper and when they looked back up, they sprang up from their seats and pulled me in for a group hug, congratulating me as well.

What a good day.

* * *

"We haven't talked about it yet, Charlie," I said. I rolled around in my bed and wrinkled my nose. "He told me we didn't have to worry about it yesterday but I got my letter and I don't know what universities he applied to."

Charlie barked and nudged me with his nose. I reached over and gave him a few pats. "It's just...I know I'll miss him a lot. But it could work. It really could."

Before I could continue my small chat with my dog, I heard a few taps on the balcony doors. Frowning, I carefully walked over to them and reluctantly pulled the curtains away. When I saw Austin, relief washed over me and I opened the door.

"You know you could have just used the front doors—" I froze, my breath hitching.

He had a busted lip.

"What the hell happened to you?" I exclaimed, cupping his face and bringing mine closer to examine his wound. "Who did this? Or did you walk into a wall or something because that has happened to me a lot of times..."

He heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "I got into a fight with someone."

"It doesn't look like it lasted long but when? _Why_?"

Austin stepped in and I closed the doors behind me. He sat down on my bed, his jaw slackening. I sat down next to him. "Well?"

"Some guy from school," he answered. "He made a comment about my damn father's death so I lost it and—" He stopped and sighed. "—I punched him. I don't know how he fucking found out."

I pursed my lips and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry about that."

He shrugged. I reached over and softly ran my thumb over his low lip. He winced. Sighing, I got up and walked downstairs to the kitchen to get him an ice pack, making sure my mom didn't notice. When I got to my room, I found Austin staring at the university envelope. He wasn't reading the letter, though. Biting my lip, I entered and sat back down.

"We don't need to talk about that now," I said. I gently took it from his hands and replaced it with the ice pack. I grabbed a tissue and carefully wiped off some blood.

"Thanks," he mumbled, placing the pack to his lips.

I smiled and nodded. I hated seeing him in pain.

"You got in, didn't you?" he said after a few moments of silence. "To that university in New York?"

"Yeah," I replied, fiddling with my fingers.

He smiled. "I'm happy for you."

My stomach danced and I smiled wider. "You are?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Thanks," I said. "I'd kiss you but...you know." I gestured to the ice pack and shrugged. He shook his head and chuckled.

"New York, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Despite my first visit being quite crappy yet not-so-crappy since you kissed me, I still liked the state and what it had to offer." My smile faltered. "What about you? Did you...you know?"

"I haven't received any letters yet," he said. "Soon."

I nodded and decided against pressing further. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

He nodded. I got up and grabbed my laptop and a random, classic movie. I set up everything and joined Austin in bed. He wrapped an arm around me and held my hand, playing with my fingers. My heart warmed at the gesture, no matter how many times he had done that. However, my mind couldn't focus on the movie. Leslie's words played in my head again and I frowned. I really should have said something.

"What's wrong?" Austin asked. He shifted in his seat to look at me.

"Nothing," I answered, giving him a smile.

He rolled his eyes. "You're upset about something. Tell me."

"It's...it's nothing serious," I said. "Some girl in my class made a comment today."

He raised an eyebrow. "What'd she say?"

I sighed and folded my arms. "She was talking to her friends. Earlier, she was asking me personal questions about our relationship. I chose not to answer. When she was talking with her friends, she asked why you haven't broken up with me yet. So basically she was implying that I'm not good enough for you."

Austin's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but I beat him to it. "No. Don't say anything." I smiled. "You don't need to reassure me of anything because I already know that there's nothing wrong with me and that you really do feel the same way." I shrugged.

He smiled and rested his forehead on mine. "Good."

"Do you want to sleep over tonight?" I asked.

"If it's okay with you."

I got up from the bed, opened the door, and stuck my head out. "Mom! I'm going to bed!"

"Okay!" I heard her yell from downstairs.

Grinning, I closed the door and locked it. When I turned around, Austin had his arms folded, an amused smile on his face.

"Just in case," I said, shrugging. He rolled his eyes and laughed. I turned off the lights and joined him again. He pulled me closer and we watched the movie together but we e ended up falling asleep halfway through and I still couldn't get the smile off my face.


	37. thirty-seven

"Ally, are you okay?"

I turned to look at Trish and nodded, swallowing. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Trish raised an eyebrow and gave me an uncertain look. "Really? You don't look fine to me."

"How so?"

"Well," she began, leaning backwards and folding her arms. "you're sweating and you keep nervously shifting in your seat."

Sighing, I brought a hand to my forehead and wiped the sweat off. She was right. I _was_ nervous. I clenched my hands and closed my eyes for a brief moment. "It's...it's Austin."

"What happened?"

"He's not in school today," I said. "I knocked on their door but no one was home. The door was locked. No one was answering. Mimi's car was gone. He's not answering any of his texts or calls—"

"Ally, it's okay," Trish interjected, putting a hand on my arm. "Austin probably felt sick or something."

"But why isn't he answering his phone?" I frantically asked. I ran a hand through my hair and fiddled with my fingers. "I'm just worried about him."

"Why? There's nothing to worry about! Austin's finally happy, right?" She spared me an encouraging smile.

I shook my head in disagreement. "He's...he's happy around me. I mean I guess. It's just that when he smiles, I know it's genuine but I can clearly see pain behind it."

"What are you saying?" Trish asked.

My head pounded. "Austin...Austin is happy to be with me but I don't think Austin is happy in general. He's still the quiet and reserved guy he was when I first got to know him. He spares me smiles and he...he really cares about me. I'm just worried."

"What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know," I said with a sigh. "His father, maybe?"

I took out my phone again and dialed his number, my eyes darting around the classroom to see if the teacher was in yet. He was not and Austin didn't reply. Frustrated, I checked my texts, only to see that he hasn't replied to any of them. I felt dread fill my body, the kind of dread I felt when I was informed that Austin was in the hospital. I squirmed in my seat and took deep breaths. He was okay. Austin was okay. Trish was probably right. Maybe he was sick and he was just sleeping.

But why didn't call or text me?

"God, I hope you're okay," I whispered.

The teacher walked into the classroom and soon enough, he was explaining a lesson to the class but I couldn't concentrate, no matter how hard I tried to. My eyes locked with Leslie and I wrinkled my nose when I remembered the last conversation we had.

She smirked. "Why so nervous? Sad that your boyfriend isn't at school today?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, giving her a flat look.

She leaned in closer. "What if he's having the _time_ of his life now? You know, being away from you and being with someone else..."

I looked at her, unfazed. "Piss off, Leslie."

She rolled her eyes and turned away from me and I did so, too. I buried my head in my hands and sighed, drowning out the teacher's words and focusing on an image of him.

_I seriously hope you're okay. _

"_Alison_!"

I jumped in my seat, my head snapping upwards. I locked eyes with stern ones.

"Crap," I muttered, my face flushing.

"This is a surprise," the professor said. "I've heard a lot about you this year."

(I barely did anything, I swear.)

A few snickers went around and I blushed harder.

"Getting detention, skipping detention, and now not paying attention in class?" he sneered, folding his arms.

_Please stop talking to me. _

"Detention after school," he firmly said. "And you _won't_ skip this one."

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to say something but his gaze stopped me. I quickly nodded and sighed in frustration when he turned back around. Leslie shot me a smirk and I rolled my eyes, folding my arms and sinking deeper into my seat.

"_Great_," I flatly muttered.

When the bell rang and it was time for lunch, I raced out of the classroom. I struggled to grab my phone from my bag. As I fumbled, I hoped that Austin would have at least replied to one of my texts or called me back. When I finally found my phone, I turned it on but my heart sank in disappointment.

Nothing.

Alex was back in New York and I did not have Mimi's number. Sighing, I texted him again: _Are you okay? _

But he wouldn't reply at all.

Soon enough, I found myself in detention. The teacher sat in his chair, fingers interlaced, an amused smirk on his face. The only sound I could hear was the fan rotating around. Not many people were in detention. Out of the small group, I could only recognize Dallas. I shifted in my seat and played with my fingers, remembering the way Austin did. It never ceased to make me blush and my heart to warm.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I looked at Dallas and gave him a curt nod, turning back around. The teacher wouldn't stop watching us and I was itching to check my phone. My eyes locked on the clock above the board.

_An hour left. _

I clenched my hands and inhaled deeply.

The teacher stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom." He pointed a stern finger at us. "No one move."

I swallowed, relief washing over me. He walked to the door, opened it, and was finally out. I grabbed my bag and took out my phone.

My breath hitched when I saw that Austin had texted back to my last message.

However, my eyes widened and something twisted in my gut as I read his text. It just amazed me how one word could really have an effect on you. I gripped the phone tighter, my breaths coming out hasty. I could feel Dallas' eyes on me but I could only keep them focused on Austin's text.

_No. _

He wasn't okay.

Without hesitating, I shoved the phone in my bag and hastily stood up, the chair scraping against the floor and making an unpleasant sound. I could feel all of their eyes on me but I didn't care.

I had to get out of here before the teacher came back.

So I did.

Before I knew it, I was running out of the school, my legs carrying me fast. The bag jumped with each fast stride I took. I didn't have a car and everyone was gone. I didn't have time for anything. I didn't even have time to think. I was running home now. I was running to Austin. I tried to push away every bad possibility about why Austin wasn't okay. Around me, he seemed happy, but I knew he wasn't fully happy. I knew that. I really did and I was worried.

When I got to Austin's house I was heavily panting. I felt nauseous from the entire running I did. I swallowed and walked up the path that led to their front door. I had a bad feeling in my stomach and I hated that.

"He's okay," I whispered. "He's okay. He has to be."

I knocked on the door but to no answer. I couldn't be patient in a situation like this. I noticed Mimi's car was still gone and I hoped Austin hadn't taken it. I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it and to my relief, it was unlocked.

"Austin?" I called out, closing the door behind me. I dropped my bag onto the floor and climbed the stairs. My eyes locked on his closed door and I took faster strides but it felt like the door kept getting farther away from me. When I was finally at his door, I took a deep breath and opened it. The first thing I noticed was that there was a familiar stench.

My eyes widened.

_Alcohol_.

Austin was sitting on his desk chair and I noticed the can of beer next to him. I didn't know where the others were. With a wild heart, I approached him.

"Austin?"

He didn't move or stir but he was conscious. I folded my arms and got closer. His knuckles were bleeding and I noticed new bruises forming. In front of him lay a picture of him and his dad. Austin looked to be sixteen or seventeen. My heart plummeted. The glass was shattered.

His hand reached for the beer but I grabbed it before he could.

"_No_," I cried in frustration. "You can't do this. You can't go back to this. You can't. I won't let you."

His hand retaliated and I threw the can away. I reached for his hand and gently clasped it, careful of his wounds.

"I know...I know you miss him."

Austin closed his eyes. "It's not just that." There was a slight slur to his words and I pushed the thoughts of him in the hospital away.

"Then what is it?" I asked. "What's going on? Why do you...why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you keep hurting yourself?"

I grabbed a few tissues and gently wiped off the blood from his knuckles. He watched me in silence and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I don't understand why you're still with me when all I do is fuck up," he said.

I looked up at him in anger. "_Don't_ say that."

"Well, it's true!" he snapped, getting up. I folded my arms and pursed my lips. He ran a hand through his hair. "It's fucking true and you know it."

"Austin, tell me what's going on."

"It's fucking everything! All I did was treat that bastard with fucking hatred and he's _gone_ now. He kept trying to make things better and I kept pushing him away, spitting in his face. How was I supposed to fucking pity him after what he did to my mother? I was supposed to hate him and I said that to him, I told him I hated him, but I know it's not fucking true." His words were broken and he spoke in a raspy voice. "Alex told me he fell into a state of depression – a state of fucking depression. It's all my fucking fault. He's gone and it's my fucking fault."

My eyes widened and I scrambled towards him. My legs were about to collapse. "_No_. No, don't you dare say that. His death is not your fault. It's not yours. It was a car accident. It had nothing to do with you."

He ran another hand through his hair. "And I'm a fucking disappointment to my mother."

"That's not true!" I cried.

"It is," he said. "It _fucking_ is." He grabbed a pack of cigarettes. "She has an eighteen-year-old kid who likes to drink alcohol and fuck up. She has an eighteen-year-old kid who got expelled from his damn school from fucking up. She has a kid who landed his ass in hospital because of alcohol poisoning. She has a kid who smokes every fucking day." He flung the pack across the room. "How is that not a disappointment? How are you fucking still with me? Why?"

I closed my eyes and breathed. "You're much more than what you think you are, Austin. I don't know how to prove it to you. I've known you for such a long time and I've gotten to know you in so many ways and it is exactly why I started liking you and _why_ I like you. You say...you say you're a disappointment but you're not. You show everyone the bitter side of you because you've been through so much but that's not what you're made up of. You do have a soft side and _I've_ seen it. Stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens to you."

Before I could even open my eyes, I felt his arms wrap themselves around me and I was pushed against his chest. I sighed and buried my head in his chest. His hand moved to my hair and I felt myself being pushed closer, though it was impossible.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't apologize," I said. "You'll be okay. You hear me? You'll be okay."

"Damn it, the only reason I'm sane is because of you," he breathed.


	38. thirty-eight

"So, do you wanna go camping this weekend?" Trish asked.

I looked at her as we walked up the path to school. "I thought you hated camping." I gave her a grin.

Trish shrugged. "Finals are close and I think camping's a good distraction. I don't want to worry about math and Chemistry until later. Anyway, are you up for it or not?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I am. Are Keith and Dez coming, too?"

She nodded.

"Great!" I beamed.

"Invite your boyfriend," she said. "Keith and Dez will be stuck in one tent, you and Austin in the other, and that leaves me out to be all by myself. Wonderful!" She gave me a flat look. "I hope you all get eaten by bugs."

I laughed again. "God, I love you."

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "I love you, too. _Sometimes_." I raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. "I gotta get to class. See ya later!"

I smiled and we departed paths. Class wouldn't start until for at least another ten minutes, which gave me some time to look for Austin. It didn't take me long to find him. He was at his locker, going through it. There was a guy in my class behind Austin, a smirk on his face. Frowning, I stopped in my tracks and watched. The guy folded his arms and his mouth moved, but I couldn't hear or make out what he was saying. The hallway was crowded with people and loud chatter. But whatever the guy was saying, it didn't make Austin happy. I think Austin was trying to ignore him as hard as possible but it got to him. I saw Austin's jaw slacken, fist clenching. He slammed the locker shut, creating an unpleasant sound. I jumped backwards, my eyes widening. Austin spun around and grabbed the guy's collar, spinning him around again and shoving him hard against the locker. I saw how the guy's face contorted into something near regret.

I thought they were going to pummel each other but all Austin did was say a few words, ones I couldn't decipher. I swallowed, my heart rate decreasing back to normal. Austin's hands were still clutched onto the guy's collar. He pulled him away from the locker and shoved him back again, twice as hard. The guy nodded and Austin let go. He scurried away and Austin's shoulders sagged as he looked down. He grabbed his bag and turned around, freezing when he saw me.

I opened my mouth to say something but couldn't.

"I'm going home," he muttered, walking past me.

I turned around. "Austin, wait."

But he didn't.

He kept on walking until he disappeared from my view and I leaned against the lockers, closing my eyes for a brief moment. When I opened them again, I walked to class and tried my best not to slack off this time. The teacher who put me in detention wasn't happy to see me this morning. I managed to convince him that I had to leave for a family emergency, which was partially true. It was an emergency and Austin was...well, he was my home.

I felt it again.

I felt the eagerness to finish school and run back home to see how he was doing. I didn't want to find him like I did yesterday. I didn't want his knuckles to be newly bruised and bloodied and I didn't want to see him drinking alcohol again. I didn't want to see him lying in a hospital bed again. I just wanted to see him okay. I wanted him to smile without any pain behind it.

For the rest of the day, my mind was occupied with Austin. It was just like yesterday. Only this time I texted him and he replied that he was fine, which brought me some relief. However, it didn't stop me from wanting to see him so badly. Luckily, when school finished, Trish and Dez dropped me off at home and I didn't have to run. I didn't see Mimi's car again today, either. I walked up the path and tried the doorknob, which was left unlocked.

I got a sense of deja vu.

"Please be okay," I whispered, entering. I closed the door behind me and frowned at the darkness. There were no lights on. I tried the switch but to no avail.

My eyes widened.

There was no electricity.

There was still light out but that didn't stop me from running up the stairs, stumbling over a few, falling maybe one or two times, just to get to his door. I flung it open in a hurry and stumbled in, panting.

"I'm here!" I screeched. Austin was lying on his bed, a hand slung over his eyes. The curtains were closed, leaving not one speck of light to enter. I pounced on him and his eyes flew open.

"_Jesus Christ_, you scared me," he mumbled. "Why are you on top of me?" He frowned and looked around. "Why is it...why is it dark in this room?" His voice sounded strained.

"The electricity is off," I said. I brought my face close to his and grinned. "But I'm here. Hey there."

He rolled his eyes and cupped one side of my cheek. "Hey."

"Are you okay?" I asked. "Well, that was a stupid question, but still..."

He sighed. "Not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, not bothering to move from my place. "What happened with you and that guy today?"

"I don't really want to talk about that," he said, rubbing his face. "He just made a damn comment that...that really fucking threw me off."

"What did he say?"

He shook his head. "I...he was just being an asshole."

"Well, if I can ignore people who like to make cruel comments," I began, referring to Leslie. I wrinkled my nose. "so can you." I smiled. "It's hard but it would be a waste of time to deal with people like that." I got off of him and made myself comfortable on the bed. He sat up, his hand reaching for an unopened can of beer.

"Drink that and I will not hesitate to throw you off the balcony," I flatly said. His extended fingers curled back into his palm and his hand retaliated backwards. I sighed. "Sorry. I...I could have worded that better."

He shrugged and lit up a cigarette instead, which wasn't any better.

"I...I know you're upset," I said. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again. There are so many others ways to deal with sadness." I wrapped my arms around myself. "You'll get better. I'll make sure of it. You're going to be okay. You're...you're not a disappointment. You're a wonderful person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. You're going to feel better, I promise."

He frowned, unconvinced. "How?"

"You can always see a therapist," I suggested, looking at him.

His jaw clenched and his face darkened. "No."

"Why not?"

"They don't fucking know anything," he said. "They won't help at all."

"Well, how do you know that?" I asked. "How? I'm not...I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do. You're just so upset and hurt all the time and I just want you to be happy. At least give it a thought?"

He exhaled a white cloud of smoke and nodded.

"If...if you decide against seeing a therapist, I'm going to be here with you anyway," I breathed. "We'll get through this together."

He looked at me, his face softening.

I smiled. "Now put out that cigarette and make out with me."

* * *

Austin decided to start seeing a therapist.

I fully supported and encouraged him and Mimi did, too. He remained quiet for the rest of the week and I could tell he was nervous and afraid, even if he didn't really want to admit it. His appointment was right after school on Friday.

It was _today_.

Mimi drove and Austin and I sat in the back. I placed a hand on his and he didn't let go. When Mimi parked the car at our destination, I looked at him and smiled. He looked back at me softly with tired and nervous eyes.

"Hey," I breathed, lightly nudging him. "You'll be okay. You can do this. You've got it. You are one hell of a courageous—" He placed a hand over my mouth and gave me a soft smile. I grinned and shrugged. We got out of the car and entered the building, taking the elevator to the assigned floor. Our hands remained interlaced. When we reached, we walked down the hallway and stood outside a white door with chairs beside it.

Mimi smiled. "We're here."

He nodded.

"I'm proud of you, Austin," she said. It took him by surprise. He froze, his eyes slightly widening. They softened and many emotions danced across his features. I recognized shock and guilt. "I really am."

_You're not a disappointment. _

He nodded and swallowed. I gave him a smile and he turned around, knocking on the door. A young lady opened it and he was gone. Mimi and I sat down on the chairs and we stayed like that for the next two hours. I knew Austin had a lot to talk about and I hoped that he would feel much better when he got everything off of his chest. To pass the time, I observed some of the strangers around us, watched the clock tick, and occasionally threw in some weird expressions.

My stomach grumbled.

"Is there a vending machine around here?" I asked Mimi.

She nodded. "I believe so."

I smiled. "Okay, I'll be back. Would you like anything?"

"No thank you, sweetie." She mirrored my smile. I got up from the plastic chair, which were not comfortable at all, and walked down the narrow hallway. I took a few turns and actually did end up finding a vending machine.

My eyes lit up and I grinned, racing over to it. I examined what it had to offer, which was a lot, and ended up getting a chocolate bar. I held it in my hands and walked back to where I first was, my eyes focused on opening the bar. When I looked up, I stopped in my place, my eyes landing on Mimi and Austin. Mimi took a piece of paper from Austin and pocketed it, giving him a wide smile. She opened her mouth to say something but Austin...Austin wrapped his arms around Mimi and hugged her. I saw her eyes go wide. She was frozen but just for a brief moment. Austin hadn't expressed affection towards his family in a long time. Mimi's eyes shut and she hugged back tighter. My heart warmed and I smiled.

I realized something, too.

He was trying.

He was trying to make things better. I could see it in the way he hugged his mom, the way his hands held onto her.

He was trying to be happy.

When they pulled away, Austin's eyes landed on mine. I approached him and grinned. "Hey."

"Hey," he greeted.

"I'm going to go talk to your therapist," Mimi said. "I'll be back." She disappeared inside.

"How was it?" I asked.

He shrugged. "It was...it was okay."

I knew that he wouldn't miraculously be generally happy now. It was only his first session but I think it was a good start for him.

"I'm glad," I said, nodding. "Was she good help? How do you feel right now? Do you feel at peace? Did she help you feel at peace?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

_He was going to be okay. _

Giving me a small and gentle smile, he reached out and cupped my face, resting his forehead on mine, and whispered, "But with you, I'm always at peace."


	39. thirty-nine

The camping trip ended up happening the week after and Austin agreed to join us. We woke up early in the morning on Saturday and drove out to the woods. We spent the next hour setting up our little camp. Everything was just what Trish expected to happen: Keith and Dez were in one tent, Austin and I in the other, and Trish in the last one. She didn't seem to mind, though.

Austin and I sat in our tent, fixing it up a little. I shoved my bag to the far end and pursed my lips. I looked towards him and silently watched him fold the spare clothes he got.

I smiled. "Hey, you...you got your medication with you, right?"

He looked at me and nodded.

"You _took_ your medication today, too, right?" I asked. I just wanted to make sure.

He nodded again.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "The medication helps."

"Good," I said. "This is only the start of your journey!" I clapped my hands together in delight. "You are doing so well and I am so proud of you. Your mom is, too."

He gave me a small smile. "Thanks for the enthusiasm."

I grinned. "No problem."

It was very important to encourage and support people when it came to seeing a therapist. I wanted to make sure that Austin knew that what he was doing was one of the bravest things in the world.

"Say," I began. "you don't mind me sleeping in the tent with you? I mean it's small and I want you to have a good sleep. I think Trish wouldn't mind me sleeping in her tent. If you want—"

"No," he interjected, reaching over to hold my hand. "The only way...the only way I'd have a good sleep is if you were next to me."

I blushed and batted a hand at him. "Well, if you _insist_..."

I leaned in to kiss him and when my nose brushed his, his eyes closed. Just as we were about kiss, though, Keith's voice interrupted us.

"Hey! Who wants to dance?" Keith shrieked.

I opened my eyes and grinned, pulling away from him. "Do you want to dance?"

"I'll join in a bit."

I nodded and smiled at him, moving on to get out of the tent. Keith was going through a stack of CD's he had gotten with him. He picked one and placed the disc into an old radio he had also brought along for our short trip.

"That's what I'm talking about," Keith cheered. He turned around and gave me a sly smile. "Shall we?"

I took his hand. "We shall."

It was just like the last time Keith and I danced, except today, I wasn't frustrated. I didn't have any problems that dancing was able to solve. I danced and I was completely content. Keith and I sang to the song, moving our feet along. We twisted and turned, soil billowing past our feet from how fast we were dancing. Trish and Dez joined in, too. Soon enough, Keith and Dez were dancing together, which was the cutest thing I had ever seen. Trish and I ended up doing the tango together and we couldn't help but laugh at each other.

Austin never joined. When I went back to the tent to check up on him, he was asleep. Grinning, I scooted closer to him and watched him for a little while. He was lightly snoring but he did look more relaxed, which made me happy. As if sensing I was there, his hand reached over and moved around for a bit in the air. I extended mine over and he held onto it, going back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, which was our last day of camping, Austin and I decided to go for a walk in the woods after breakfast. It brought back a lot of memories, actually. It reminded me of all the times I tried to get closer to Austin, to learn more about him.

I laughed as a memory struck me.

He looked at me inquisitively. "What?"

"I just remembered the time I got lost in the woods, falling and getting stuck and all..." I said. "I was...I was talking to myself, very convinced that I was going to die...and then you came along and helped me. My ankle was sprained and you carried me back. God, good times, good times."

He blinked. "But you were in pain."

I shrugged. "And clumsy, too." I grinned at him. "Remember that time when I fell into a trashcan?"

"Yeah, I remember _that_," he said, nodding.

I laughed. "Oh! What about that time when you stole a picture of me and I ended up in your bathtub? I think that's when we began to talk more!"

He shook his head and lightly smiled. "Yeah."

"We found a lake!" Dez screeched. Austin and I turned our heads to look at an eager Dez. He ushered for us to follow him and we did. He was right. There was a lake that stretched far. I widened my eyes in awe at the glistening water and the tall trees around it.

"This is beautiful!" I exclaimed.

Keith and Dez cheered and charged for the water. Trish was dragged in, too, regardless of her protests. Once she hit the water, though, she grinned and they began to splash water at each other.

"Shall we?" I asked, looking at Austin. I kicked off my sneakers.

"Well—" But before Austin could say anything, I grabbed his hand and raced towards the lake. I shrieked in delight when I stepped into the cold water.

I grinned. "Today is all about having fun!"

Austin raised his finger and opened his mouth to say something but I splashed some water on him, and he responded by closing his eyes and pursing his lips. I howled with laughter. He opened his eyes and wiped some of the water off of his face, removing wet hair from his forehead. I smirked but it was washed off of my face, and I mean _literally_, when he decided to fight back. I laughed and ran my fingers through my wet hair. Keith, Trish, and Dez joined us and it turned into a water fight.

In a lake.

Amidst laughing, I flung myself at Austin and he caught me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and grinned. "Hello."

"I'm going to drop you into the lake," he said.

I looked at him with stern eyes. "You _wouldn't_."

But he did.

I held onto him and with a shriek, we tumbled through the water. I let go of him and sat up, spitting out some water. I pulled my hair back and laughed. He sat across me and smiled, shrugging.

"I'll get you for that one."

We continued to play around in the water and I realized that Austin wasn't forcing himself to be in his position. He wasn't forcing himself to be happy. He was calm and relaxed and he seemed comfortable to be around people. Even though he still had a long way to go, this was progress. You could see he was trying and that was what mattered.

It made me happy.

When we went back to camp, it was time to go. Austin and I entered our tent and began packing up our things. I shoved some books and the clothes I got with me into my bag and zipped it up. I had changed into a new shirt since mine clung to my skin and was starting to annoy me.

But that's when I realized something.

"Holy crap," I said, whirling my head to look at Austin. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you take your medication today? I forgot to remind you!"

He frowned. "I forgot."

I bit my lip. "It totally slipped from my mind."

"It's okay," he softly replied. "You don't need to blame yourself for it. I forgot...and I'm the one who's supposed to remember."

"Well," I began, fiddling with my hands. "it's best if you take your medication according to schedule. I think you should put up a daily reminder to take your medication. If you end up stopping, I read that you can go through some withdrawals and they are awful! I don't want you to go into those states. They _really_ are awful and you don't deserve that. I'll also keep a reminder to myself..."

Austin stared at me and blinked as I rambled on. When I finished my rant, I realized that he was still staring at me.

I stopped and pursed my lips. "What?"

"Nothing," Austin said with a shrug and a light smile. "You're just really beautiful."

* * *

**reminder: don't forget to take your medication! **


	40. forty

I carefully watched the clock tick by. Austin had a therapy session today and I didn't hesitate to accompany him. A smile broke out on my lips. He had been seeing his therapist for nearly two months now and I saw progress. However, my smile faltered when I realized that we were so close to graduating and Austin and I haven't even talked about our future. For me, I was set. I was going to be attending the university in New York. The last time Austin and I talked about this matter, he told me that he hadn't received a letter. Surely nearly two months later, he had to at least received _one_.

I lowly hummed and scanned the waiting area. I saw many unfamiliar faces. Some looked nervous and others looked relieved. It was very quiet. I looked at Austin's therapist's office and then took out my phone. I began to text Trish.

"Maybe I could get something to eat," I muttered to myself. His sessions were always right after school on Friday and I always insisted on driving him, no matter how many times he protested and told me that I should go home. Keeping my eyes glued to the screen, I stood up and took a few steps, only to bump into something sturdy. I looked up from my phone, locking eyes with dark ones.

"Sorry!" I exclaimed. The guy looked to be my age.

He stared at me, his eyes slightly widening. "It's okay." He raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Are you waiting for your turn?"

"No, I'm waiting for—"

He grinned. "You're very pretty, you know that?"

I opened my mouth to reply but he cut me off again. "Are you in a relationship? Are you seeing someone?"

I frowned. "Yes. I _am_ seeing someone. In fact, I'm waiting for him to finish."

"Ah," he said, exhaling an amused sigh. "Is he an alcoholic or something? Addicted to drugs? Is he violent? Is he a bad person?"

I frowned deeper. "What is wrong with you? Do you think all people who see a therapist are like that? My boyfriend is a wonderful human being and I'd appreciate it—"

"The boyfriend doesn't have to know," the guy said.

I raised an eyebrow. "Know what?"

The guy shrugged. "About _us_."

I blinked at him, his words repeating in my head. I pursed my lips in anger and clenched my hands into tight fists. "Excuse me? You're getting on my nerves now so I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone."

The guy leaned in closer and gave me a sly smirk. "Or else what?"

"Or else _I'll_ have to fucking deal with you and trust me, you wouldn't want that to happen."

But those weren't my words.

The guy fixed his posture and raised an eyebrow at Austin, who was standing behind me.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the fucking boyfriend."

The guy's eyes widened and he slowly retreated backwards, raising his hands up in surrender. When he made sure Austin wasn't making a move, he turned around and ran out.

"Yeah, you better run!" I exclaimed, raising a fist in the air. I wrinkled my nose and turned around to face Austin. I gave him a grin. "Hello."

"Did he do anything?" he asked.

"Other than be an asshole?" I rhetorically asked. "Nope." I folded my arms and lifted my chin in the air. "I could have handled him, you know."

He raised an amused smile. "Oh?"

"Yeah!"

"I know."

"Good," I said, nodding. We started walking towards the elevator, climbing into it when it arrived. "How was it today?"

"It was fine," he answered. "We talked about people in my life."

I nodded in approval. "Did she ask you about your relationship with them?"

"Yeah."

We walked towards the car and got in.

"I told her about you," Austin said.

I looked at him and grinned. "I hope it was good."

He stared back and nodded, reaching over to cup my cheek. He leaned in and our noses brushed, his eyes exploring mine. "I told her how happy I was to have you in my life."

"Well—"

He cut me off and gently pressed his lips against mine, muffling out my words. My eyes closed and I kissed back, my fingers curling around his shirt. I pushed him closer and his free hand shot out in surprise. We pulled away for breath and I grinned again.

"Do you want to grab lunch?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, nodding. "What about pizza?"

"What about Chinese?"

"But _pizza_."

"_Chinese_."

I looked at him through squinted eyes. "We've got a problem here."

* * *

We ended up ordering both.

It was almost midnight and I could still taste everything I shoved into my mouth today. Shivering, I hopped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I dried out my hair with another towel and brushed my teeth. Tonight was one of those nights where I couldn't fall asleep. Humming, I exited the bathroom and pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Might as well try to get some sleep," I muttered. Finals were nearing now. I turned off the lights and jumped into bed.

But no matter how hard I closed my eyes I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned and all I could do in the end was hopelessly stare at my ceiling.

However, a loud buzz in my room startled me and I slightly jumped, my heart accelerating.

It was just my phone.

When my heart rate went back to its normal pace, I grabbed my phone and squinted my eyes at the bright screen. It was a message from Austin. Frowning, I read.

_**Austin  
**__are you still awake_

I texted back immediately: _Yeah. Can't sleep. Are you okay? _

_**Austin**__  
can you come over? front door's unlocked._

Shrugging, I pocketed my phone and slipped on my sneakers. I gently opened the door and carefully made my way downstairs. I harshly pursed my lips and slowly opened my front door, pausing each time it creaked. When I was finally outside, I made my way over to Austin's. It was hard silently making my way in, although I didn't see why Mimi would be mad if she knew I was with Austin.

When I was at his door, I was able to breathe properly. The door was left ajar. I gently pushed through and closed it behind me. Austin sat on the floor, his back against the bed, facing the balcony doors. Only the lamp was on.

"Hey," I whispered, approaching him. I sat down, keeping my eyes trained on him. He didn't look okay.

"Hey."

His bed was still perfectly made. He hadn't gone to bed yet.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I can't go to bed," he breathed. He pulled his knees back to his chest and grabbed a cigarette. I reached over and put a hand on his arm.

"Tell me what's wrong," I said. I gently took the cigarette away from him and set it on the ground. "Hey, look at me." He did. He looked so tired. "Tell me."

He shook his head. "Today...during my therapy session...I talked about my dad."

I nodded.

He wove his fingers through his disheveled hair. "It's just...when he was...when he was alive...I didn't give him a second thought. I hated him. I thought I did. I didn't miss him. And now he's gone and I don't know why the fuck I keep thinking about him."

"Regardless of what he did, you still miss him, Austin," I said. "And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with missing someone."

"He fucking died knowing that I hated his guts," he breathed.

"I don't think that's true," I said. "I think your dad knew that you still loved him. If he didn't, he knows now."

He turned away from me and nodded. "I'm okay."

"It's okay not to be," I said. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?"

He nodded.

"Then let's try to get some sleep," I said, removing my head. I patted his knee. "Goodnight. I love you."

I felt my eyes widen and my blood run cold. Austin's body went still, his head lifting up from his hands. My stomach twisted and I swallowed.

"You love me."

I blinked and looked at him. "I said...I said I _strongly like_ you. Listen carefully next time! Goodnight!"

I quickly turned away from him and got ready to get up but his hand curled around my elbow, stopping me. I turned to look at him.

"You love me," he said.

I pursed my lips. "Okay, yes! Yes, I said I love you. Yes, I mean it. I love you. I'm _sorry_. It just came tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop it. Don't worry. I understand if you don't. I mean this is very important and it usually takes time. Wait no. I shouldn't be sorry for loving someone. But still, I didn't—"

With his eyes widened, Austin leaned in and kissed me, cutting me off. My eyes fluttered closed and I melted into the kiss, my cheeks reddening. His fingers got tangled in my hair and his thumb gently skimmed my jaw. I could feel my heart drumming in my chest. I put a hand on his chest. His heart was, too. My hands cupped his neck and he pulled me closer. He wrapped his hands around my waist and I found myself sitting in front of him. He pulled away, his forehead on mine. His face softened and his eyes roamed mine.

"I love you, too," he whispered, pushing away my hair from my face.

I got up and sat down on his bed. He stayed on the floor.

"Come here," I softly said. He turned his head and looked at me for a brief second before getting up and sitting back down on the bed. I gently grabbed his hands and put them around my waist. I wrapped mine around his neck and kissed him again. He sighed into the kiss and pulled me closer. We didn't pull away for a long time. When we did, we were breathing heavily. He kissed my forehead, my nose, my cheek, and my neck.

I pulled away and laughed, moving on to clamp a hand over my mouth.

"Sorry, that tickled," I said, shrugging.

He shook his head and chuckled. "You sure are something."

I grinned and we connected lips again, still holding onto each other. I gently moved backwards, pulling him down with me, our lips still connected. He left a trail of kisses down my neck and I wrapped my legs around his waist, smiling. The night we spent together was full of love and passion, something I didn't think I'd ever forget.


	41. forty-one

"We're graduating today!" I exclaimed, running into the kitchen. I made wild gestures with my hands. "We are graduating today! Can you believe it?"

I took Keith by the hands and spun him around. Keith, Trish, and Dez laughed and Austin gave me a light smile.

"This...this is just too hard to believe," I said, slamming my hands onto the counter. "I still can't believe it. It feels like a dream."

"Well, it isn't," Trish said, shrugging. She grinned. "We're graduating. No more high school. It's...it's over."

I blinked. "Woah. We're going to university."

"We're going to university," Dez repeated. "_Jesus_."

I turned to Keith. "It's nice that our class and your class are graduating today."

"It is," he said, nodding. "I'm going to miss my school's prom, though."

I gave him a wide grin. "So you can be with Dez! That is literally the cutest thing ever!"

Keith rolled his eyes. "You're too enthusiastic, you know that?"

I shrugged. "I can't help it!"

Trish checked her watch. "Well, I think it's time all of us got ready. Today's the day we graduate! Fixing up curly hair is never easy so I better get going." She huffed and smiled. "I'll see you guys at school."

She was right.

It wasn't long now before we would graduate. The cap and gown were upstairs waiting for me. The dress I bought for my prom was from a thrift shop. It was comfortable and inexpensive, a combination of what I really liked. When Keith, Trish, and Dez left to get ready, I turned to Austin. He pulled out a very tiny bottle of what looked to be whiskey and poured its contents into the mug of coffee he was drinking. Austin then put the small bottle back into his jacket's pocket. He carefully moved his cup around and took long sips.

I gave him a flat look.

"Now I'm ready to graduate," he muttered.

I continued to give him a flat look.

He shrugged. "It was a tiny bottle. It won't do anything."

"But how many have you had to drink?" I asked, folding my arms. "I don't want you staggering when you walk to get your diploma."

He batted a hand at me. "I'll be fine."

Sighing, I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Nervous?"

He shrugged. "It just feels weird."

My stomach twisted when I realized Austin still hadn't told me anything about where he was going to be studying. My mind raced with questions and possible answers. Was it in Europe or was he going to stay in the U.S.? Were we even going to be far apart? I knew, though, that even if we did end up being far away from one another, we could still make it work. I wasn't going to give up. I knew he wasn't going to, either.

_Ask him, Ally. _

"Lester, stop sobbing, for Pete sake!" I heard Mom yell. "Now, get up and start getting ready!"

"Our little girl is graduating!" Dad sobbed. "She's graduating! Isn't she just ten-years-old?"

I chuckled. "It's hard for him, isn't it?"

Austin nodded. "It's hard for any parent."

"Let us save the crying for later!" I cheered, spinning him around by the shoulders. "We should be getting ready now! We're _graduating_!"

He gave me a very light smile and put his hands over mine. "You really are too enthusiastic."

"Go!" I exclaimed. "Go get ready!"

And so he left and I ran up the stairs. I reeked of excitement. Shutting my bedroom door, I stripped out of my clothes and hopped into the shower. I hummed and sang, the smile never leaving my lips. All that excitement made me lose track of time. Before I knew it, I was staring at myself in the mirror. I was dressed in my prom outfit, my hair put up in a neat bun, held by two braids. I took in a sharp breath. My mom, standing behind me, put her hands on my shoulders and gave me a wide smile.

"You look beautiful," she said.

I smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

She handed me my cap and gown and patted my shoulders. "Time to graduate, kid."

I swallowed and nodded. I closed my eyes, tightly clutching the cold gown. When I opened them, the gown was no longer in my hands and I was not in my room. I was standing amongst eager students, all chattering and cheering. I looked down and realized I was _in_ my gown, that I was at school, and that I was about to graduate.

Trish and Dez shrieked and ran up to me. Grinning, I joined in on the cheering. Everyone around me was ecstatic and excited. Parents held onto their cameras and tried hard not to sob. My dad didn't really succeed but the important thing was that he tried. My mom patted his shoulder sympathetically, handing him a tissue.

I looked at my surroundings; the white chairs, the microphone, the huge banner that hung from the main building of our school. It all felt surreal. A part of couldn't even believe it. A hand brushed against mine, startling me. I looked up, my eyes locking on Austin's calm face. His fingers intertwined with mine and I smiled. He looked adorable in his gown and cap.

Soon enough, everybody was seated on the white chairs. Parents sat on one side and students on the other. The principle stood near the microphone, his hands behind his back and a huge smile on his face. I could hear people taking pictures. I could sense every person's excitement. I squirmed in my seat. My hands felt clammy.

It was happening.

Trish smiled at me and gave me a knowing nod. Dez turned around from his seat and gave us thumbs up.

"Let's graduate," I whispered.

After giving a heartfelt speech, the principle began to call out names. Each student walked up and received a diploma. They shook hands with the principle and turned to smile for the cameras. My heart was beating so fast. My body felt numb.

"Alison Dawson."

"Here we go," I whispered, standing up.

This was it.

* * *

"We are so proud of you," Mom exclaimed, hugging me tightly. "Oh, my little girl."

I hugged back tighter. "Thanks, Mom." I hugged my dad, who still couldn't believe his daughter had graduated. "Thanks, Dad."

Everybody around me was hugging. Parents were smiling and crying. Pictures were taken. Caps were strewn across the grass. I was no longer in high school. It ended. This was a new beginning for everyone.

I hugged Trish and Dez. I hugged Austin.

"We did it," I said. "We did it."

A part of me was relieved and content. The other was heartbroken. It was time to say goodbye. The sun was beginning to set and prom was next. I couldn't help but look at the school. It was cliché, really, but I didn't care. I was never going to see it again. Everything happened here. When I looked at Trish and Dez, something twisted in my gut. We were not going to be studying together. I was not going to wake up and have breakfast with them. It was going to be phone calls and messages. I knew I was occasionally going to see them but it saddened me. It really did.

God, I _graduated_.

Now, it was time to party.

"Goodbye," I breathed, smiling.

Trish grinned. "It's time to party!"

Before I knew it, the sun had set and the sky was dark. We were no longer in school. We were no longer in our caps and gowns. Everybody was showcasing their beautiful dresses and tuxedoes. The lights were dim in the wide room we were in. It was in a hotel downtown. Students were dancing to the music, cheering and screaming. Keith rushed into the room, a grin on his lips. He indeed skipped his prom and came to ours. Dez was the happiest person Earth.

"Here comes Keith!" I cheered, nudging Dez with my elbow. "Now go kiss him!"

He did.

"Did anyone catch that on camera?" I asked. "Please tell me someone did! Can you do it again? Can you kiss again? God, they're adorable together! I'm a wonderful matchmaker."

"Stop talking, Ally," Trish flatly said.

I pursed my lips and sank deep in my seat. She rolled her eyes and grinned. Keith and Trish walked to the dance floor and went crazy. _Everybody_ went crazy. This wasn't a normal party. This was senior prom. Half of the students were already drunk. Nobody cared. Everybody just wanted to have fun.

"Care to dance?" Trish asked, looking at me.

"Hell yeah!" I looped my arm with Trish's and we skipped to the dance floor. With all thoughts pushed away, I danced. Trish and I laughed and twirled, the music really getting to us. Keith and I ended up dancing, too. It was like any other time. He spun me around and I felt alive and content.

The music kept changing and we kept prancing around.

Eventually, I skipped over to Austin, who was leaning against a wall. Smirking, I grabbed his hand and he stumbled forward.

"We're going to dance," I said with determination. He set his punch on a nearby table and I dragged him to the dance floor. He looked nervous and lost but he ended up dancing with me anyway. He eased into it and smiled.

When a slow song came on, everybody stopped their wild moves and grabbed their partners. Austin shrugged and placed a hand on my back. With a smile, he grabbed my hand and I flung the other one around his neck. He bent his head down and our noses brushed.

"You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, you know that?" he whispered. I grinned and our lips brushed. I really did love being in his arms.

When the song changed back to another upbeat one, everybody went back to the wild moves. Austin wanted to take a breather outside and Keith and I danced again. However, my feet hurt and got the best of me. I left the room, the closed the doors draining out the loud music. The hallway was quiet. I passed a couple making out and stepped outside. Austin was silently watching the sky. I approached him and leaned against the railing.

"You okay?" I asked.

He smiled. "Yeah. It was just hard to breathe in there."

I laughed. "I can't blame you." My smile faltered when I realized that we graduated and I still knew nothing about Austin's plans. A part of me didn't really want to ask him. I didn't really want to confront the idea that we might be far away. I knew that I was eventually going to know and it might as well be now. "Austin."

He looked at me. "Mhm?"

"We haven't...we haven't talked about...well, we haven't talked about—" I struggled for the right words.

"University?" he finished.

I pursed my lips nodded. "You got your acceptance letter a long time ago, didn't you? You can tell me anything, you know. I'll support you no matter what."

"I did get an acceptance letter a long time ago."

"Is it...it in Europe? Are you going to be studying in England? Are you going to stick to studying here in the U.S.?" I quickly asked, fiddling with my fingers.

"New York," he said, looking at me with expectant eyes.

I struggled for air. "What?"

"I'm going to be studying in New York."

"Oh, my God," I breathed.

He smiled. "It's not the same university but it's not far away, either."

"Oh, my God."

"That...that's not all."

"Oh, my God."

He chuckled and gently cupped my face.

"You're...you're going to be studying...in New York," I said. "We're...we're going to...we're going to be close to one another. Oh, my God." I grinned and flung my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

When we pulled away, his face softened. "I have something to say."

I turned to look at him. I couldn't stop myself from grinning. "Yeah?"

He let go of my face and held my hands. "Well, uh, since we're going to be studying in the same state...I was...I was thinking that maybe we can...well, maybe we can..." I stared at him with eager eyes. "...maybe we can live together."

My knees buckled and it felt all the air in my body had been sucked out. I didn't give it a second thought. I jumped and wrapped my arms around him, squealing.

He chuckled. "I take that as a yes?"

"Yes!" We pulled away and I shook my head. "Yes. Yes. _God_, yes."

He gently grabbed my face and we kissed. We had to pull away so that I could squeal and cheer. We joined the party again and I couldn't help but tell Trish, Dez, and Keith. They shouted in joy and happiness. I danced again, regardless of how many times my feet protested.

Prom went on for several hours but it eventually came to an end. I learned that everything would eventually come to an end, even if you didn't want it. We were standing outside now. All the cheering and shouting turned into crying. It was over. We graduated and prom was over. Students cried and hugged their friends. It was time to go now. Abby walked up to me to wish me goodbye.

"Goodbye, Ally!" she exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged back and smiled at her.

I was surprised when Dallas walked up to me.

He gave me a small smile. "Have fun out there."

I nodded at him and mirrored his smile. "Thanks. You too."

I was probably never going to see these people again. I didn't talk to half of them but I was going to miss them. I knew that I would think about them from time to time. I'd wonder about what they were up to and if they were doing well. I hoped they would be doing well. I think I'd always remember them.

I pursed my lips and blinked to stay awake. "It's over."

We all waved goodbye to one another, even though some of us didn't even communicate in high school. Students began to leave. I could still hear faint crying. Trish, Dez, and Keith hugged me, even though we were going to see each other again. It was summer, after all.

Austin took my hand and led me to the car. We leaned against it and stayed silent for a while.

"Here's to the future," I mumbled.

"We still have a long way to go," he whispered, playing with my fingers.

I looked at him and smiled. "But we'll make it."

"I know."

"Say," I began. "can we get food? I'm starving."

"Sure."

"Can we get pizza?" I asked.

"What _is_ it with you and pizza?"

I shrugged.

He shook his head. "What am I ever going to do with you?"

I grinned. "You love me, anyway."

He smiled. "I know."

* * *

"All right, that was the last of it," Dad said, closing the trunk of the car. He pursed his lips and swallowed. "You're all...set to go."

I smiled and hugged him. "Dad, you're coming to the airport with us."

"I know," he sobbed. When we pulled away, Mom and Dad got into the car. Mimi got into her own car that held Austin's luggage. Austin and I would be in my parent's car while Trish, Keith, and Dez would accompany Mimi.

"Well," I said with a sigh. "let's do this!"

I took one last glance at my childhood home and climbed into the vehicle. I swallowed and blinked back tears. For two months, Austin and I searched for an apartment we could afford. We eventually found a perfect one and now, well, it was time to go. The cars started and we were driving to the airport now. I wanted to go but at the same time I didn't. I was going to miss my parents and my best friends but I was also excited to start university and approach opportunities and be with Austin.

I smiled and stared out the window, lost in my own thoughts. It wasn't until someone gently prodded me that I snapped out of my dreamy haze. I turned to look at Austin in confusion.

"Yeah?"

His face softened. "We're here."

He was right.

I got out of the car and took in a sharp breath. We were at the airport. My parents helped me with the luggage and Mimi joined us soon. I bit down on my lip and wrapped my arms around Trish.

"God, I'm going to miss you guys," I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. Trish hugged me back tightly. Dez and Keith joined in after and I didn't think we ever wanted to let go.

"You call us when you reach, you hear?" Keith said when we pulled away.

I nodded and hugged my parents. We were all a sobbing mess. Austin was the only one with a calm face but I knew he was disheartened, too. He hugged his Mom. Tears flowed down Mimi's pink cheeks.

"I love you, Mom," Austin whispered. She shut her eyes tighter and a sob escaped her lips. When they pulled away, Austin grabbed his luggage.

Mimi walked over to me and cupped my face, smiling. "I wish you two the best."

"Thank you," I breathed, wrapping my arms around her small and tired figure. "Thank you."

"Now go," she said. "Go before you miss your flight!"

I stood next to Austin. With final waves of goodbye and smiles through blurry eyes, Austin and I turned around and walked into the airport. He wiped away my tears and I wrapped an arm around him, dragging my luggage with the other.

"This feels like a dream," I whispered. "It all feels bizarre and weird but we're doing it. We're making it."

"I know," Austin breathed. "I didn't think this would be happening. I didn't think I'd have a good future." He swallowed. "But _this_ is something...and I'm glad I have you by my side, _Beatles girl_." He gave me an amused smile.

His face softened and I smiled up at him. I took in a deep breath and nodded. "Let's do this, then." Austin and I held hands. "Here's to the future."

* * *

**after posting this, i decided to edit it out and just add 'beatles girl'. im an idiot for forgetting but yeah!**


	42. author's note

**hey! the last chapter was the final chapter of the story! after a century, this story has finally ended! it's unfortunate to say that i've decided that i will not be writing an epilogue to show the protagonists' future. i've decided that maybe it's best if i leave you guys wondering about it! you guys get to ponder about their future. my part here is done! now, i would like to clear up some questions:**

_**1\. i do not have twitter!**_

_**2\. yes, a&amp;a did make love.**_

_**3\. i will not be writing any more fanfictions!**_

_**4\. i think some people misunderstood me! i did not mean that i was going to delete this story right after it was finished! i meant that maybe in a few years, i'd do so. please understand that it's not about this story not being 'popular' and all. if it came out that way, which i think it did, it's wrong! i don't write for the 'popularity'. i write because it's simply something i do. when your passion is writing and you love it, why should you care about the amount of reviews you receive? that shouldn't stop you from doing what you love! but, that doesn't mean that i don't appreciate your kind and wonderful support! my decision was for another totally different reason but i have come to the conclusion that i'll be leaving this story up!**_

**that was all! thank you all for sticking with this story and thank you so much for the wonderful support you've given me after all this time. your opinions meant a lot to me so thank you again for the unconditional love and support you've shown me. i do not have any other projects in mind and i don't believe i will be writing any more fanctions. i will seldom be on here now that the story is over. i will be on for a few days, of course! if i don't respond to any of your messages, please know that i appreciate any kind of positive message you have to say.**

**now that that's over, thank you for sticking with this story! im glad my words managed to make you happy. i wish you all the best!**


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